A Lifeless Dream

Before the doctor could say anything I stormed out of the room. I couldn’t face the truth I couldn’t stand there and let him tell me that she was dead. It was my entire fault Jimmy was right. I did this… I killed her and our baby.

I got out of the hospital and leaned to the wall as my knees got week and sank to the ground. I placed my head between my hands and a sob escaped my mouth. I had lost her forever she wouldn’t come back to me. Stupid Brian you fucking did this.

More sobs escaped my mouth as I started crying. I had lost the only woman I had ever loved I couldn’t stop crying. I know a man shouldn’t cry but I couldn’t help it I lost her and only the thought of that make me want to die myself.

I had been so stupid to make her believe that I didn’t love her that I didn’t want to be with her when all I ever wanted was just that. I wanted to hold her in my arms and keep her safe, I wanted to have a life with her and grow old together now all of that was a lifeless dream.

I felt someone wrap his arms around me and started pulling me of the ground. I turned my gaze to see who it was and saw that it was Zacky. He gave me a sympathetic look as I stood up with his help and we sat down on a bench.

I tried to calm down but it wasn’t working. I leaned back to the bench and started taking deep breaths. Zacky waited for my breathing to come back to normal before he spoke.

“Dude everything is going to be fine don’t worry” he patted my shoulder

“Are you fucking serious? How is everything going to be alright? She’s dead” my voice was getting higher was he for real right now?

“No she is not” my eyes widened

“R-Really?” I shuttered

“Yes” he gave me a reassuring smile “You left before the doctor could talk…the brought her back now we have to wait for her to wake up” he nodded

“Oh God…she’s alive” I said more to myself

“Yeah…now are you going to sit here or go up there and see her?” he questioned

“Let’s go” I said and got up Zacky following behind me

I literally ran to her room but I didn’t enter as I saw the guys sitting outside. I shot them a questioning look.

“What are you doing here?”

“We just got out…we are going to head home and we’ll come back in the morning” Matt said

“You go. I’ll stay with her” they nodded and they said goodbye to me before they left.

With a sigh I opened the door and got into Alicia’s hospital room. She was pale but the most important thing was that she was breathing. That’s what mattered to me right now nothing else.

I caressed her cheek waiting for some reaction but nothing came I guess it’s too soon. So I sat down on the chair that was next to her bed and took her hand in mine. I watched as her chest was slowly moving as she took slow calm breaths. I stayed like that watching her until a nurse came in to check her vitals.

“You know you’re not allowed to stay here” she said to me

“Yeah I know…but please let me stay. I know she needs me right now” I pleaded and she nodded

“You must really love her…” I nodded

“Yeah I do” I said and turned my gaze back to Alicia…the nurse didn’t say anything as she opened the door and exited the room.

I stayed awake all night watching her afraid that she might stop breathing again. I was dreading that thought and I was afraid that what had happened will happen again and then I would lose her once and for all.

Alicia is the woman I love and want to spend my life with and I didn’t even have the chance to tell her. I was so stupid I should have made thinks differently. I messed everything up by getting together with Emma when I knew I loved Alicia.

I didn’t do it on purpose though I was afraid of my own feelings. I thought that I was lying to myself that I loved her and I would end up hurting her and I didn’t want that, little did I know I was lying to myself about not loving her. And the say that women are complicated.

I must have fallen asleep during the night because I felt someone shaking me awake but I was so tired that I couldn’t really move.

“Brian” someone said to my ear

“Alicia” I jumped from the bed to see that it was Lucy

“Good morning” she tried to smile

“‘Morning” I sent her a weak smile

“I brought you some coffee” she said and handed me a cup with hot coffee in it

“Thanks” I said as I took a zip

Lucy sat on the edge of Alicia’s bed and we just stared at her not saying a word. What could we possibly say? I just wished for her to wake up to see her beautiful eyes that I made filled with tears some many times…looking at me with love as she used to before I hurt her.

“Why?” Lucy asked suddenly

“Why what?”

“Why did you do the things you did if you truly love her?” I frowned

“Because I was stupid and I thought that I didn’t truly love her and I would end up hurting her…but when I heard that she was going to leave something clicked inside of me I don’t know what but in that moment I knew that my feelings were true and I couldn’t leave her. “

“Why didn’t you try to stop her?”

“I did. I got to her house five minutes before she left. I told her that I love her and she thought I was lying…What else could I do? Next thing I know my phone was ringing and some nurse from the hospital told me she was dying…I felt my world shutter around me I was lost…I still am” I shook my head

“Oh Bri…she’s going to be ok.... I know she wills she is a fighter” she said and got up and hugged me.

“I hope she will because really I can’t live without her” I said and hugged her back

“I’m sure she will be ok and then you two can be together…finally” she said when we broke our hug and she smiled.

For the rest of her visit we didn’t said anything else the guys came also to visit and they all sat silent in the hospital room. They all kept staring at her not saying a word but I was sure that in the inside they were praying that she would wake up.

I decided to left for a little while to have a shower and something to eat. I went back to my home had a very quick shower. Once I was in fresh clothes and ate a sandwich real fast before getting back in my car to go to the hospital.

During my ride there I stopped to a flower shop and got her some Lilies her favorite flowers. Within an hour I had had a shower, got dressed, ate and I was back in the hospital with the flowers on my hands.

I went into the room and Lucy smiled when she saw me holding the flowers because she knew that they were her favorite. I gave her the flowers so she could put them on a vase and after she did, she put them on the table next to Alicia.

It was just me in her room when her doctor came in to examine her. I waited patiently as the doctor ran the needed tests to check her current condition.

“Is she doing any better?” I asked afraid of the answer

“The swelling have back down a little but I think it will be a couple of days before she wakes…you just have to be patient.” He said before he opened the door and left.

I sighed and sat back down on the chair that I knew I will be sitting a lot these days…but as long as I was with her I didn’t care. She needed me and I would be there for her I will never leave her alone again.

So I did just that…for the next couple of days I never left her side only to go home and have a shower. The nurses have already realize that I’m not going anywhere and they didn’t told me to live instead they brought me a blanket to cover myself since I refused to sleep anywhere away from Alicia.

The guys brought me food every day and Jimmy always sat a little longer since Alicia was like a sister to him. Yeah I know I was being stupid when I thought that they were dating but anyway. Lucy also came here every day and sat for hours watching her best friend. The rest of the guys also did come but they didn’t stay for long since the room was always grounded by the three of us.

The doctor said that the swelling was going down and in a couple of days she would be able to wake up. I couldn’t wait for her to do so. I missed hearing her voice, hearing her perfect laugh and seeing her beautiful green eyes.

It was now 1st of July and I knew that in six days it was my birthday but I couldn’t care less right now. I didn’t want cakes or parties or presents all I wanted was for Alicia to wake up.

“Hello Mr. Haner” one of the nurses said to me when she entered Alicia’s room

“Hey” I muttered back

“The doctor said that she might wake up someday today or tomorrow…You must be happy about that” She smiled and I sent her a weak smile back

“I am…but I’m also a little nervous you know he had a fight before the accident happened”

“Oh, don’t worry about that I’m sure that as soon as she wakes up everything will be just fine” she said to me

“I hope so”

“Have a nice day Mr. Haner” she said and got out of the room

I took Alicia’s hand in mine and kissed her knuckles. I hope she would wake up today because really I can’t wait any longer. I wanted her to wake up so I could explain everything to her and everything we’ll be alright.

How could I tell her though that she lost our baby? She would hate me about that because it was my entire fault. I shook that thought out of my head…I couldn’t stand the thought of her waiting me.

Suddenly I head a low whimper and I moved my eyes to saw Alicia. She was trying to open her eyes and I couldn’t hide my smile. She is going to wake up.

“Come on baby wake up please” I pleaded her

It was that moment that her eyes flattered open and she looked at me confusion written all over her face. I was sure I was smiling like an idiot right now but I couldn’t hide my happiness. Her green eyes stared at me but she didn’t say a word.

I was still smiling like a foul when she spoke for the first time and my smile instantly flattered…NO….

“Who are you?”