A Lifeless Dream

She doesn’t remember me? I stared at her in shock not knowing how to answer her question. She doesn’t remember me… How could this happen…

“It’s me Brian Alicia…” I said praying that she will remember who I am

“I don’t know anyone named Brian” she frowned

“I’m going to find a doctor”

Before she could answer I got out and started searching for her doctor. When I found him I explained everything that happened and he followed me to her room. We entered her room and she was laying there confusion still written all over her face.

“Hello Alicia nice to see you awake I’m Dr. Williams can I ask you a couple of questions?” he asked and she nodded

“Sure”

“Can you tell me your name?”

“Alicia James”

"When is your day of birth?"

“September 19th 1983”

“Can you tell me the date?”

“Emm…March 31st 2006?” she said skeptically

“Do you know where you are right now?”

“Yeah I came to Huntington Beach yesterday and I’m assuming I’m in a hospital? I just don’t know how I got here”

“Well Alicia you were in a car accident and I’m afraid that you’re suffering from a memory loss…The date today is July 1st 2006…but I’m sure is something temporary so you don’t have to be afraid your memory will come back eventually” the doctor said before he exited the room.

I stood there not speaking…memory loss and she doesn’t remember from the time we meet until the accident…

“You knew me before the accident?” her voice got me out of my thoughts

“Yes…we were friends really close friends” I couldn’t tell her the entire truth not right now

“Can you come a little closer?” she asked and I moved closer to her

“Your eyes…” she said as she kept staring at my eyes

“What about them?” I asked softly

“I remember your eyes…I think I saw them when I was unconscious” I smiled when she said that

“Oh My God Lissa you’re awake” we turned and saw all the guys coming in the room Lucy being the one that spoke

Alicia looked at them in the same way she did to me when she saw me. I guess I have to tell them but how? Especially to Lucy but there is a chance that she will remember Lucy after all…Lucy is her childhood best friend

“Guys…she doesn’t remember the months that she had been here only the day she came…” I said with a sad smile and all of their jaws dropped

“Lissy you don’t remember me? It’s me Lulu” Lucy said and took a step closer to Alicia

“Lulu?” she said and smiled…Lucy nodded

“How…How did you find me?” Alicia asked

“I didn’t you did…I’m dating one of Brian’s friends and you came with him one day and…yeah” Lucy said

“I’ve missed you so much Lucy” she and Lucy were now wrapped in a hug

“I know I’ve missed you too” they broke the hug and Lucy moved and sat on the edge of the bed

I still sat on the chair next to her bed and right now I really didn’t know what to do. No one was speaking…it was awkward and I was hoping for someone to break the silence. Alicia kept looking around the room and to all the unfamiliar faces but no one spoke so we kept looking at each other before Jimmy decided to be the one to spoke first.

“So I’m Jimmy” he said with his cheerful voice and moved closer to shake her hand

“Nice to meet you Jimmy” she smiled

Finally all the guys introduced themselves and they started having conversation telling Alicia the information she might need. She found out that Matt was dating Lucy and they told her that we’re in a band and staff.

I still wasn’t speaking I felt bad because I knew that was my fault that Alicia didn’t remember her time in Huntington Beach. She probably will want to leave and I would never see her again. Or she will remember and she won’t speak to me never again. None of us told her about the baby and really what could be said…she will ask who the father is and…what was I supposed to say?

The doctor came in and he told us that she could go home tomorrow but that she had to take it easy and that she needed to live with someone else since she had the memory loss. We knew that her house was sold so she had to live with one of us. I wanted her to come and live with me but I knew she will go with Lucy because she was the only person that she did remember.

“You can come and live with me and Matt” Lucy smiled at Alicia and Matt nodded showing that he didn’t have a problem with Alicia living with them

“I want to go and live with Brian” she said and turned to look at me as did the others…my eyes widened not because I didn’t want her with me but because I thought she wouldn’t want to live with me…” If you don’t have a problem with it of course” she continued

“No of course I want you to live with me” I smiled at her and she did the same to me

“Alright then…I will come tomorrow morning with your clothes ok?” Alicia nodded to Lucy

After a while the all left leaving me and Alicia together. I was happy that she wanted to live with me because now I will have a chance with her to explain what had happened and hopefully she won’t hate me.

“Can I ask you something” She said

“Of course” I looked at her waiting her question

“A nurse told me that you refused to leave my sight…I know you said that we were friends but I don’t get it what about the rest of the guys they didn’t do the same…why you?” she spoke calmly

“I will explain to you some other time now it’s not the time ok?” she seemed confused with my answer but she left it at that

“Why did you want to live with me…I mean I want you to but I thought that you’ll want to live with Lucy since she is the only one that you remember” I asked this time

“You stayed with me and even now that you know that I’m awake you didn’t leave and another reason is what I told you when I woke up… your eyes” she said and I nodded with a small smile

“Alright…now get some rest you have a big day tomorrow” I said and she closed her eyes getting comfortable in the bed

I sat down on the chair and I leaned my head to the side of the bed next to her my hands folded under my head. After a while I felt her moving and I saw that she was moving the hand that was next to me. She found my hand and she placed hers on top of mine…I realized what she wanted and I took her hand and hold it with my two hands. I gently kissed her knuckles before I leaned my head back to the end of the bed our laced hands resting next to her before I fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning my back hurting like a bitch. I really need to sleep on a bed hopefully I will today this chair is slowly killing me. Alicia was still asleep and a smile came to my face when I saw our laced hands. I got up and removed my hand for hers…I kissed her forehead and exited the room to go and grab a cup of coffee.

When I went back to the hospital room Alicia was awake and I noticed that she was upset and ready to cry. I put the coffee to the table in the room and rushed to her. She noticed me and she started crying.

“Hey what happened?” she didn’t answer she tried to hug me but she couldn’t because she was laying on the bed so I climbed to the bed next to her and wrapped her into a hug as she buried her face to my chest.

“Shh…don’t cry I’m here now” I stoked her hair hoping that she would calm down

“I thought you left” her voice was weak and she raised her head to look at me

“I just went to grab a cup of coffee see?” I pointed to the cup of coffee that was resting to the table near her bed

“Oh” she said “I’m sorry I just got scared” she mumbled embarrassed

“It’s ok…don’t worry” I sent her a smile

After about an hour Lucy came with Alicia’s clothes. She helped her changed…we signed the needed papers for her to leave the hospital and I helped Alicia into my car. She said goodbye to Lucy because she was here with her own car and the rest of the guys didn’t come to give Alicia some space. She said that they would come tomorrow to my house to see her after she had relaxed for a while.

The ride to my home was silent except from the music that was playing to the background. I didn’t know what I was going to say to Alicia if she asked again why I was there every day and didn’t leave her. Probably it was the best idea to tell her the truth even though I know it might crush her.

We arrived to my house and I helped Alicia out of the car. I took her bags and we walked towards the front door. I opened and we entered the house. I show her, her room and gave her a mini tour around the house. I left her to take a shower and I went to the kitchen to make us something to eat.

After a while we came down to the kitchen and sat on one of the stools. I placed a plate in front of her then I sat down opposite from her with a plate of my own and we started eating.

“Sorry I really don’t know how to cook…I only know how to make eggs…I actually made us breakfast onetime” I chuckled

“No sandwich is fine really…” she smiled “Oh I had the honor to taste your eggs?” she said and for a minute I thought that it was like the last time we were together making jokes and laughing.

“Yes you did and you liked them” I said proud of myself

We continued eating in silence but I could see that something was bothering Alicia but I didn’t say anything deciding that I will talk to her later. When she finished eating I took our plates and put them in the sink.

“Are you ok?” I asked concern…she was sitting on the couch and I was sitting next to her the TV was opened but neither one of us was watching.

“Yeah I’m just tired” I knew she lied but I didn’t pressure her

“Ok…You can go take a nap you must be tired…actually I think I will take one too you remember were my room is right?” she nodded “great let’s go to bed and if you need anything come and tell me alright” she nodded again.

I saw her entering her bedroom and with a sigh I entered my bedroom too. I took a quick shower in order to relax my muscles. After I was done with my shower I got dressed in a pair of pajama bottoms not really caring about a shirt right now. I lay down in my bed and closed my eyes ready to go to sleep when there was a knock on my bedroom door.

“Come in” the door opened and I saw Alicia standing in the door awkwardly

“I’m sorry…I just I had a dream and...I…I” she shuttered

“Come here” I said and put the covers aside so she could lay down next to me

She came and lay down next to me turning on her side to look at me tears formed in her green eyes but she tried to keep them in.

“What happened? Was it the dream?” she nodded

“Did I tell you about my mom and David?” my jaw clenched when she said his name it was a good think that she didn’t remember what had happened with him when she came here.

“Yeah” I nodded

“Well I had a nightmare about them and I got scared…” she pulled the covers closer to her body

“It was just a dream nothing to be worried about. I’m here you don’t have to be afraid” I sent her a small smile

“Brian…Can you…emm…Can you hold me?” she asked hesitantly

I didn’t answer to her and without a word I pulled her into my embrace. She rested her head on the crook on my neck and I felt something wet falling on my bare skin. I realized soon enough that she was crying so I rocked her back and forth until she was calmed down…

“I wish I could remember” her voice was low just high enough for me to hear her…

“You will…” I answered my voice same as hers “Now get some sleep ok? Everything will be better when you wake up… I promise”

“Thank you…Goodnight Bri”

“Goodnight Alicia”

I kissed the side of her head and she fell asleep in my arms me following her actions. This feels right….