A Lifeless Dream

I blinked a couple of times before my eyes adjusted to the light that was coming from the window. I tried to move but someone was holding me tight making impossible to do so. I knew that, that someone was Brian…we both fell asleep on the couch last night or morning. We were sleeping on the couch and half of my body was lying on top of him.

I laid my head to his chest and let a sigh escaped from my lips. It was still shocked from what he told me last night but I believed him…I knew that he was telling me the truth. It frustrated me to no end that I couldn’t remember the things he said to me. Four months of my life that I didn’t remember and the things that happened in those short four months seemed to have changed my life…but that’s what I don’t know was it for better or for worse?

I decided that it was time for me to get up and start my day. I had plenty of things that I needed to think about. I was sure for one thing, that I will continue to live with Brian even if I wanted to I couldn’t leave him. After I saw how hard he was taking this situation I couldn’t just get up and leave.

I got up from the couch making sure that I didn’t wake Brian. He was sleeping so peacefully that I couldn’t help but let a small smile form on my lips. I took the blanket that was in the end of the couch and covered him.

I made my way upstairs to my bedroom and grab a change of clothes that I didn’t pack last night. I noticed that I was still in my clothes from yesterday night I was even wearing my shoes. I stole a glance at the clock that was resting on my bedside table and saw that it was 09:00 am. I wasn’t asleep for more than a couple of hours.

I went to the bathroom and slowly undress myself before I got into the shower and started the hot water. I was relaxed the moment the water touched my skin and started humming a song.

When I finished I got dressed, brushed my teeth and hair. I let my hair dry on their natural waves and didn’t bother with any make up. I walked downstairs and saw my suitcase but decided to bother with that later. Brian was still asleep on the couch and I made my way to the kitchen to make some coffee.

Once my coffee was ready I purred some in a cup and made my way to the backyard. I made myself comfortable in one of the lawn chairs and started drinking my coffee in peace. I didn’t know what I was going to say to Brian and I was hoping that he would be asleep for a couple of more hours so I would have time to think of what happened yesterday.

Deep inside of me I knew that if I had feelings for him before my amnesia wouldn’t stop them from coming back to the surface. I already was coming closer with him…there was a feeling that made me want to be close to him and it had started the day I woke up in the hospital and he was by my side.

I wanted to remember everything so bad…the only thing I could ask for was to get my memory back. I found myself trying so hard to remember that I got a headache but it wasn’t like any other headache. I felt like someone was repeatedly hitting my head against the wall and I couldn’t stop it. Tears started to make their way down my face from the pain I was in.

I tried to get up but when I tried to take a step I fell on my knees to the ground holding my head between my hands. Then I heard his voice, he called my name but I couldn’t answer him. I felt him picking me up and carrying to what I assumed was the house and I felt him climbing up the stairs. I heard a door opened but he didn’t put me to my bed like I was expecting him to instead he laid me on his bed because the moment my head hit the pillow my nostrils were filled with his intoxicating smell.

“Alicia what’s wrong?” Brian asked me he was kneeled in front of me

“My head…it hurts Brian” I whimpered and opened my eyes to look at him.

He was worried and when I looked at him I could see the love in his eyes. He got up and got out but it was only a minute before he came back with some kind of medicine and a glass of water. He gave me the medicine and helped me drunk the water. He got up again and lay to bed next to me his back resting on the headboard. He carefully moved me so I was sitting on his lap with my head resting against his chest.

“Brian?” I whimpered again because the pain hadn’t ease at least a bit

“What is it sweetheart?” his voice was above a whisper as he spoke next to my ear.

“Make it go away please it hurts too much” I started crying again

“Hush baby it will be alright I promise” my heart made a flip when the word baby left his lips but my aching head didn’t let me enjoy the moment instead I buried my face further into his chest when he started stroking my hair.

The pain slowly started to go away leaving me we a slight throbbing in my head that for now I could deal with. Brian was still with me and hadn’t stopped stroking my hair. I turned a little so I could wrap my arms around his torso and I felt one of his hands rubbing my back.

“Better now?” He kissed the top of my head

“Much better” I mumbled

It was quiet for a moment and the only thing I could hear was his heartbeat. He started humming a song a song that was special to me

“Talk to me softly there is something in your eyes

Don’t hang yourself in sorrow and please don’t cry

I know how you feel inside I’ve been there before

Something is changing inside you and you don’t know”

I was surprised that he knew about this song. It was my favorite but no one knew the reason. My mom used to sing that song to me when I was young…she always came and sat next to me on my bed and sing it to me.

“Don’t you cry tonight I still love you baby

Don’t you cry tonight…Don’t you cry tonight

There’s a heaven above you baby

And don’t you cry tonight”

“How did you know about this song?” I sat up properly still on his lap so I could look at him

“You told me about it a few weeks after we met…you said that it was secretly your favorite song” His lips formed a small smile and he moved a lock of hair behind my ear

I never told anyone why I love this song and means so much to me…Lucy was the only one who knew. Even when I was with David I never told him the reason that this song was and still is my favorite…I don’t know why but I didn’t want people to know that this was my favorite and why…but I had told Brian and that meant something.

“Bri?” I said and he hummed in response “I…” I didn’t know what to say so I did the only thing that came to my mind that moment. I kissed him.

It was a short sweet kiss and Brian seemed to be surprised…hell I was surprised with myself. I pulled back and we both just stared at each other’s eyes for a minute before Brian placed his hand on the nape of my neck and gently pushed my face towards his.

Once our lips touched I felt like I was going to explode…the butterflies in my stomach were obviously having a party. I wrapped my arms around his neck and one of his hands caressed my cheek as the other wrapped around my waist to pull me closer to him if that was possible.

It felt right like this was the way it’s supposed to be and really I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because deep inside of me I knew that what Brian said was true I was in love with him maybe I don’t remember it but I know it’s true. There is a strong feeling for Brian growing inside me and I’m planning making it even bigger.

When we pulled apart we were both grinning like idiots. He pecked my lips and I wrapped my arms around his torso hugging him close to me because I was afraid that he might disappear.

“Brian?” I pulled away so I could look at him

“Yes babe?” he smiled…This man is going to be the death of me I swear

“I woke up this morning and the real reason I got out it was because I wanted to think…I wanted to think about what you told me last night” I told him and I saw his face fall a little.

“You don’t believe me do you?” He murmured

“The thing is Brian that I do believe you” I said and saw that he was smiling

“Really?”

“Yes really” I laughed a little because he reminded me of a little child that you just told him that he could have ice cream

“That’s what caused the headache?” he asked concerned

“No” I shook my head “I was trying to remember you know my life before the accident…well to be honest I was trying to remember the things you told me yesterday but I couldn’t “

“Alicia your memory will come back in time…don’t stress yourself. I know it important to you but forcing yourself to remember won’t do you any good” He said softly his left hand caressing my cheek

“I know” I nodded “That’s why I made a decision”

“Why kind of a decision?” he asked confused

“I want to fall in love with you again” his eyes widened

“What?”

“I knew this wasn’t a good idea…never mind” I sighed and made a move to leave only for Brian to pull me back to him

“No it’s not a bad idea…I just don’t get it” I got up from bed

“What exactly you don’t understand?” he got up to and he now stood in front of me

“Why do you want to do it? How is that going to help you? I don’t get it” he shook his head

“Because” I moved closer and cupped his face in my hands making him to look at me “ Brian when I look into your eyes I can see the love you said you have for me and my memory may never come back and I don’t want to lose you! I have a feeling inside of me that makes me want to be close to you and I can’t ignore it. I fell in love with you once and I’m sure I can do it again you just have to be there to help me…but the question is do you want to help me?” For a minute I really thought he was just going to leave me and that scared me but that thought left my head when he wrapped his arms around me and buried his head in my hair.

“Of course I will be there. Every step on the way I will be there” he mumbled in my hair but it was enough for me to hear him

A smiled formed on my face and I pulled back so I could look at him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and examined his face for a minute. His eyes those beautiful brown eyes, his cheek bones and his perfect thin lips. I looked up at him and blush a little because he had caught me staring at him.

“You’re cute when you blush” he chuckled and I playfully smack his chest

“Shut up” I chuckled too and he kissed my forehead

“You know I’m really happy that we’re going to do this” he said and pushed a lock of hair behind my ear

“I am too…you can’t imagine how happy I am” I said and he gave me a small kiss before he pulled back and I stifled a yawn

“You probably want to get some sleep” he laughed

“I didn’t sleep good last night” I laid my head on his chest

“You need to sleep Lissa you’re tired. Come on let’s get you to bed” I nodded and laid down on Brian’s bed

“I’m going to let you sleep ok? I’ll be downstairs” he kissed the top of my head and turned around to leave

“Brian?”

“Yeah?” he turned to look at me

“I think that you’re pretty tired too. I mean you didn’t sleep well either” I was standing on my elbows

“I am?” he asked amused because he knew what I was doing

“Yes you are…so come here and cuddle with me so we can sleep”

“Well if you say so”

I watched him as he came and lay down next to me. He opened his arms and I moved into them burying my head in the crook of his neck. I felt complete like this is where I belong and I knew that everything was going to be alright from now on.

“’Night Brian”

“Good night Alicia”