A Lifeless Dream

Days went by and I was still the same. I spent all day lying in bed and thinking about everything, I only got out of bed to have a shower and eat something because I didn’t want to starve myself. I felt so weak to move and go anywhere although I knew that I had to get out sometime. The truth was that I was afraid to go out and face the world. What if I run into one of the guys? What am I gonna do then?

I thought about getting an apartment and a new job maybe it will help me stand to my feet again. Especially if it was job as a photographer it was what I did back home and what I knew to do best. It was my passion, the only think that could help me forget my problems even just for a little bit.

Two days later I had made my decision. I got out of bed bright and early had a shower and breakfast before I went out and started searching for a job and an apartment. It felt nice to be out again…the sun touch my skin and I enjoyed the warmth it provided.

I spent most of the day searching for a job and an apartment and when I was about to give up I did found a job and an apartment no too far from where I lived before. The apartment was great and it had a view on the sea which I loved and the job was at a studio. I’d have to take pictures for magazines either that was models or any other person or sometimes I would have to take pictures of places around Huntington. Either way I like it...

My next move was to go and buy new furniture’s for my apartment because I wanted to move in as soon as possible. I also took the chance and did some shop therapy. I bought a new pair of heels that I instantly fell in love with as soon as I saw them, a new pair of shorts, some t-shirts and a new lipstick because I just couldn’t resist the color was just amazing.

I took the opportunity to buy a new cell phone and laptop because the one I had were destroyed along with my car in the accident. I shuddered at the thought of my accident and shook away the unwanted thoughts and kept shopping the things that I would need. Hopefully everything will be ready tomorrow and I would start job on Monday which gives me two days since today was Friday.

Once back at my hotel room I opened my new laptop and send an email to Lexi with my new address and cell number in case she wanted to contact me. I didn’t know if anyone told her about the accident but I didn’t want to tell her via email. I didn’t think it was right but it would make her worry.

Instead of an answer my phone started ringing and I instantly knew that it was my sister. I picked it up and apparently Lucy had called her and told her what happened. My sister was freaking out and for the first time I was the one that tried to make her to relax because right now I was fine physically at least.

“And I wanted to come and see you but they wouldn’t give me time off. Lissa I’m so sorry…I feel so bad that I wasn’t there for you I’m the worst sister ever” she continued and I took a deep breath before answering.

“Lexi it wasn’t your fault ok? I’m fine so don’t worry, you can come visit me whenever you want, you can bring Drake too” I said referring to her boyfriend

“Yeah about that” she said with a tone in her voice that I instantly knew something was going on

“What’s wrong Lexi?”

“I don’t know…I guess we are going through a phase…the last couple of weeks all we do is fighting” she mumble and I could hear the sadness in her voice

“Don’t worry honey like you said it’s just a phase…you and Drake have been together most of your lives…Everything will be ok” I reassured her

“I hope so…Well its 6 am here so I will call you tomorrow I want you to tell me everything…I mean it Alicia I want every single detail”

“Ok…I will tell you everything…Bye”

With that he hung up and I placed my phone on the night stand before taking a shower and changing into something comfortable before getting into bed. I pulled the covers up to my body and snuggle to my pillow. The thoughts that kept running through my head couldn’t let me sleep…how I was going to tell Lexi everything that happened? She is going to freak out and feel even worse that she wasn’t here. She is already stressed out I can’t stress her even more.

Without even knowing it I was asleep but that didn’t last long because a few hours letter I woke up because I had a nightmare. A nightmare that causes me to wake up screaming with tears running down my face and I felt so helpless and lonely. I wanted someone here with me…I knew who that person was but I wouldn’t admit it to myself…I couldn’t.

I tried to fall asleep again but it didn’t work so I stopped trying and got out of bed. I got dressed and made my bags before I checked out of the hotel. I took a cab to take me to my new apartment where I left my things. After an hour of me waiting my staff came and after they were placed where I wanted them I started decorating my house the way I wanted to.

My living room had photographs everywhere. There were photographs of me along with my mother and Lexi; they were also pictured with the guys and even one with me and Brian. I couldn’t remember who took it but I remember when. It was the day he took me to meet the rest of his friends and I found Lucy.

My room was painted a dark red color and I put on the wall the first photograph that I took as a professional photographer and that picture was and still is my proud and joy. It was after a rain back home and I snapped the picture just were a small light of sun was picking through the dark clouds.

By the time I was done I was exhausted I fell on my new bed and within minutes I was out cold and thankfully this time without any nightmares.

I woke up through the sunlight that was picking from my windows. I groaned before I rubbed my eyes and got out of bed heading to the bathroom to have a nice and relaxing shower. After I was done showering I got dressed and had breakfast I took a look around my apartment and a smile came to my face. It was exactly how I wanted it and I was proud of myself.

I wanted to do some shopping because my fridge was empty so I took my things and headed out of the apartment. I walked down to the beach wanting to enjoy the view but I wasn’t ready for what I saw there. Just as I was walking along the beach I saw them…Jimmy, Zacky, Johnny, Matt, Lucy and Brian. I froze for a minute and prayed to god that they didn’t see me. I couldn’t deal with that right now.

They were having fun and I was glad for that. Just as I was about to turn around I heard his voice and I turned around only to lock eyes with him and find myself unable to move. Once I snapped out of my trance I turned back around and started walking avoiding their voices. I stopped when someone grabbed my wrist. I turned around and saw Lucy and I was thankful that it was her and not someone else.

“What the hell are you doing?” she asked angry

“Lucy…” I sighed

“No…cut the bullshit what is wrong with you? We made mistakes and you’re going to pretend like you don’t even know us?”

“I’m sorry ok? I just I know you didn’t deserve what I said to you guys and I can’t face you right now. I need time Lucy, please understand that. “I said and her face soften a little

“We are not mad at you Alicia…Just sort yourself out and come back whenever you’re ready ok? You know we all love you” she smiled making me smile too before she pulled me into a hug which I returned.

“Thank you. I promise I’ll come back soon” I said before I turned away for the last time and left.

I went to the market and got the things that I needed before I headed back home. I didn’t think how I was going to carry all of this bags and it was a funny sight to see me straggling the whole way home. Once I reached my apartment I placed the bags on top of the kitchen counter before I put all the things that I brought on their places.

I made dinner and once again I felt so lonely eating alone when I could have people around me but it was my choice and I have no one but myself to blame. Everything was so fucked up… I wanted to make things right with everyone but on the other hand I didn’t feel ready.

My appetite was suddenly lost and I threw the rest of my meal on the trash before I lay down in bed and turned the TV on. I watched a movie and fell asleep getting ready for my first day at work.

***

I was really nervous when I went to the studio but thankfully everything went smoothly. I was going to photograph a local band for a magazine and I thought it was easy for my first day because I had done it plenty of times before. My co-workers were nice and they all welcomed me to their team. I also had an assistant although I didn’t think I needed one but my boss said that I did so I agreed. It was a girl on her early twenties maybe a couple of years younger than me named Lindsay. She was a nice girl and I thought that we could get along just fine.

I was just setting up my equipment when my boss came in with the band that I was going to work with. Oh fuck…I thought when I saw them…why didn’t I think of that! Local band…Avenged Sevenfold was the local band.

“Alicia is new here but she has worked with other bands before so she is just perfect for what you want” he said to the guys who nodded and went to get ready for the photo shoot.

I didn’t know how I was going to do this…I hope that things will not get awkward but it’s me of course they will. My camera was all set up and I was just waiting for the guys to come out so we could start the photo shoot.

“Alicia?” I turned around and saw Matt, Jimmy, Zacky and Johnny in front of me.

“Hey guys” I said in a low voice

“We didn’t know you got a job” Zacky said smiling slightly

“Actually it’s my first day here” I said and Zacky came forward and gave me a small hug before he left. After all me and Zacky had talk and everything was fine between us.

“Look we know shit happened but we don’t want it to be awkward between us “Matt said and I nodded

“I know… I’m sorry for everything really” I said and Matt and Johnny mimicked Zacky actions but Jimmy stayed behind and I knew I had hurt him with the way I talked to him.

“Good luck” Johnny said in my ear before he followed Matt.

“Jimmy listen I…” I started to say but he cut me off when he pulled me into a bone crushing hug and my eyes widened.

“I’m sorry pancake really” He said and I smiled when he used my nickname

“Jimmy its ok…I’m the one who has to be sorry “I said when he hold me at arm’s length.

“Let’s just forget about it ok…You’re not mad at me anymore are you?” he asked cautiously and I shook my head

“No…How can I be mad at you Jimmy…stallion ducks will punish me “he laughed before he hugged me one more time and joined the guys.

“Can we talk?” at the sound of his voice my body stiffened. I couldn’t turn around to look at him.

“Brian” I said when I found the courage to look at him “I’m trying to do my job here please don’t make it any harder than it already is “I pleaded with him and he look hurt for a moment

“Why is it so easy with them and not with me? Why can you so easily forgive them and not me?” he asked getting angry

“Because I’m in love with you that’s why” I said and stormed off

I went to the small kitchen that we had and get a bottle of water and Lindsay came in with a curious look on her face and I knew she had heard our conversation. She wanted to ask questions and I wasn’t ready to answer them.

“You know the band like personally know them?” she asked and I nodded “what’s wrong with the great Synyster Gates?” I was sure that she knew the band after all it was a local band and everyone in Huntington knew them

“Long story…I will tell you later!” I said to her and nodded towards the studio “let’s get it over with”