A Lifeless Dream

When everyone left I went to find Lids so I could apologize for the way that I talked to her and also because I wanted to explain everything that happened between me and Brian. She was shocked to say the least but that was the truth and we have to deal with it.

Wanting to change the subject we started seeing all the pictures that I took today. It took us close to three hours to see all of them and choose the ones that we are going to use for the magazine. I think that we did a great job and I was happy that my first job here went good well almost good.

On my way home I couldn’t help but think about everything that had happened today. I know I should give Brian and me a chance and I wanted to but I had a lot of thinking to do. I know I sounded stupid but I did felt a mess and if I wanted to be with Brian I didn’t want to bring this mess into our relationship.

I had just got out of the elevator when I noticed an envelope in front of my door. It said my name and I slowly picked it up and open it. Inside it was a paper and I unfolded it in order to see what it said but when I saw my eyes widened and the paper fell from my hands and to the floor. ‘STAY AWAY FROM BRIAN OR HIS BLOOD IT’S IN YOUR HANDS’

I didn’t know what to do I was frozen for a moment before I quickly picked the paper up again and opened the door to my apartment. I close the door and locked it behind me before I took a sit on the couch and stared at the paper. Who could possible do this? For once in my life I thought that everything was going to be fine, that I was going to get my shit together and me and Brian could be together but no some psycho would start threating his life.

I couldn’t risk it…I couldn’t let him get hurt because of me I would have to do the one think that I didn’t want to. I would have to stay away from him because I couldn’t risk his life because I wanted to be with him. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone.

I put the paper but to its folder and hide it inside to one of my books. I didn’t want to see it anymore. I checked all the doors and windows in my apartment and thankfully everything was locked. I took a deep breath before I got ready to have a shower, I was stressed and I hope that a shower will help me relax and forget for a little while about the threat.

After I was done I changed into my pajamas and make dinner although my appetite was lost. I ate because I had to I didn’t want to end up passing out because I was starving. It was still early but I didn’t want to do anything so I lay down on my bed and curled into a ball and watched a movie until I finally fell asleep.

A few days’ later things were worse than ever. I couldn’t sleep at night because of my nightmares. It was the same every night and I couldn’t take it anymore. I concentrate myself at work and I was doing fine there. My phone kept ringing with calls from Lucy and the guys but I avoided them for all costs.

Another threating letter was found on my door this time saying that I should stay away from everyone or else they would all going to end up hurt or worse. Why these things are keep happening to me?

That day though when I went home I heard noise coming from my apartment, carefully I opened the door ready to confront the person that was in my apartment who ever that was. I closed the door behind me careful again not to make a noise when someone spoke making me stop dead in my tracks.

“Finally you’re home” my sister said and I couldn’t believe my ears.

“L-Lexi?” I asked her just to make sure it was her.

“In the flesh” she said before I attacked her with a hug.

I squeezed her so hard and she did the same to me. I missed my sister I hadn’t see her in so long and with everything that’s happening she is the person that I need by my side to help me. I make us both coffees before we sat down in the kitchen island to catch up.

“First of all how did you find my key?”

“I know where you hide it…It wasn’t that hard” we both laughed because we knew each other inside out it was ridiculous.

She told me everything about her life the last months and I was happy for her because she seemed to have found what she was looking for.

“We need to talk about something” she said her voice turning serious “One of the reasons I came here was because Lucy called me.”

“What did she tell you” I asked afraid for the answer

“She said that you’re avoiding everyone again and more important Brian…Why are you doing this again Lissa?”

“Things are more complicated that you think Lexi. Things aren’t how they look like, trust me on this.” I said as I shook my head remembering the threats again.

“They are not complicated Alicia” damn full name “You just have to stop being selfish and behaving like a bitch”

“Ok Lexi stop it right there” I said getting angry with her “Who do you thing are coming here and talking to me like that. You know nothing Lexi so stop thinking you do” I almost yelled the last part.

“I came here to help you” she yelled back at me

“I don’t need your help! I don’t need anyone’s help! What I need is for all of you to leave me the fuck alone” I could swear that my face was read with anger and she was getting angrier with me too.

“So what are you going to stay alone for the rest of your life because of your stubbornness?”

“I’m already alone Lexi in case you forgot” I said venom in my voice

“You have the guys you have Brian. For God’s sake Alicia stop being so dramatic” She yelled at me and I was holding myself back from showing her the letters.

“I have no one so stop this conversation now. I can’t contact the guys or anyone”

“Why?”

“Because!” I raised my hands in frustration “Stop this conversation right now Lexi”

“No I’m not until you give me a reason to why you’re destroying your life...!”

“Here you want a reason I’ll give you a reason” I yelled and found the book that I had hid the letters.

I found them and throw them at her not wanting to deal with that anymore. She looked at me surprised and then back at the envelopes.

“Open them…There’s your reason but next time you should wait before you call me a selfish bitch because Lexi I had to deal with everything alone when you were having your life in Paris. So think about that before you accuse me of anything again” I said before I grabbed my bag and left my apartment leaving my sister looking as shocked as ever.

I didn’t know where to go and I started walking to where my feet would carry me. I eventually found a bar that I haven’t seen before and got in taking a sit at the bar and ordering a Jack. I knew that alcohol wasn’t going to solve my problems but right now I needed it in me just to forget even for only a moment.

I didn’t know what the time was all I knew was that I was drinking my fifth Jack and that I was feeling a slight buzz to my head. Still it wasn’t enough so I ordered a shot from tequila and told the barman to keep them coming. I wanted to get drunk.

My phone hadn’t stop ringing and I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone so I didn’t pick it up. I was lucky that tomorrow was Saturday so I didn’t have to worry about going to work with a hangover. I ordered another Jack and a shot and drowned them quickly the liquid burning my throat but I didn’t care.

My phone kept ringing and this time I took it out of my bag and saw that it was Jimmy who was calling me and I decided to pick it up just to tell him to leave me alone.

“Hello?” I slurred holding the phone to my ear

“Alicia?”

“Yeah it’s me”

“Are you drunk?”

“Just a little bit” I said and pushed my thumb and point finger close together to show him even though he wasn’t here.

“Where are you? Are you alone?” he asked again

“Nope.” I took a sip from my drink “Me and my friend Jack are drinking my sorrows away…don’t worry I’m fine”

“Your friend Jack? Where are you?” he said in a more demanding tone.

“Yes me and my friend Jack Daniels” I smiled to myself “And I don’t know where I am…I just wanted to tell you to stop calling me I wanna be alone” I slurred again and I heard him sigh

“She’s fucking wasted” I heard him say to someone over the phone

“No I’m not wasted” I said “I’m just…I’m alone again and I can’t do anything about it. I’m not supposed to speaking to you right now”

“What are you talking about…just tell me how the bar looks like I’ll come and get you” he said and I turned to my chair my vision blurring a little but I managed to do it.

“Hey! Why is Brian’s guitar here?” I asked surprised

“What? Brian’s guitar?” he asked more to himself “She’s at Johnny’s” he said to someone again “Don’t move I’m coming to get you” he said before he hung up the phone.

I pouted and placed my phone back to my bag. I didn’t want him to come and get me he is going to yell at me just like Lexi did. I ordered another round of Jack and tequila before Jimmy came.

I had just finished my drink before someone tapped me on my shoulder and I turned to see that it was Jimmy and he wasn’t alone, Brian was with him and he looked pissed off and maybe a little disappointed. Jimmy took my bag and Brian wrapped one of his hands around me to steady me because I couldn’t walk without falling. He even said hi to the barman…did he know him? Too much thinking and my head hurts.

He opened the door to his car and I got in with his help before he placed my bag on my lap. He closed the door and he went to the driver’s seat Jimmy getting on the passenger seats none of them looking at me. Well what did I expect? They were both pissed at me so I stayed on my sit my head resting on the window trying to get my thoughts in order.

I was selfish for not talking to them…but was I really selfish when I’m doing this because all I want to do is to protect them? Did Lexi told them about the letters did she even read them herself? I don’t think she showed them to them because then I don’t think they were going to be so pissed…they would understand.

A tear escaped from my left eye and I quickly wiped it away with my hands and I sniffed a couple of times. I saw Brian looking at me through the rare view mirror and I couldn’t skip the look in his eyes that made me feel even more like shit than I did before.

The car stopped and I made a move to get out of the car but I almost fall flat to my face before Brian picked me up. He helped me walk to the elevator him and Jimmy on either side of me. When we reached my floor we got out once of Brian’s arms around me to keep me from falling as Jimmy knocked the door.

Lexi opened the door and when she saw the state I was in, she step aside so we could go in. She shook her head at me before she spoke and her voice…I felt like someone was hitting me in the head with a brick.

“What the hell were you thinking Alicia?”

“Not right now Lexi” to my surprised Brian said to her “She can’t even walk straight.”

He said and I leaned further into his body resting my head on his shoulder and my hand on his chest wanting to feel some comfort even though I knew that right now I didn’t deserve it and he was angry at me. He took me to my bedroom and helped me lay down before he removed my shoes… he removed my jeans and t-shirt leaving me in my underwear, he found my pajamas at the end of the bed and helped me wear them.

I got under the covers and he stood on top of me staring down at me with disappointment and that was what hurt me the most.

“Bri?” I said in a small voice my drunken eyes pleading

“We’ll talk when you wake up” he said before he shook his head leaving the room.

I closed my eyes, my eyes burning with tears because he left without knowing that all I ever did was for him to be alright.