A Lifeless Dream

I wasn’t asleep for more than two hours before I had another nightmare but this time it was worse and I woke up screaming. I placed my hands on my chest and took a few deep breaths to relax. My head hurt but it was expected considering how much I had to drink.

Surprisingly I remembered everything from last night but that was a good think, wasn’t it? I was lucky that no one wake up from my screaming because then I would have to explain why I was screaming in the first place and I didn’t want that, I didn’t want to relive the nightmare.

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach just by thinking about the nightmare and everything that happened last night. I quickly got up from my bed running to the bathroom where I started throwing up on the toilet. When I was done I flushed the toilet and washed my mouth to get rid of the taste.

I splashed my face with cold water before I went to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and grab a bottle of water. I sat on the kitchen island and opened the bottle taking a sip from it. The sky was still dark and the clock on the wall confirmed my suspicions it was 3 am.

It wasn’t long before Lexi joined me in the kitchen. She drank a glass of water before she sat down opposite from where I was sitting. I didn’t want to talk to her right now…I was still mad at her.

“Alicia, are you alright? I heard you screaming and then…did you throw up?” she asked me in a quiet tone

“I’m fine” I simply said wanting to change the subject

“Are you sure?”

“I said I’m fine” I snapped at her “I’m going to bed”

“No you’re not” another voice said “We’re going to talk. Now”

Brian said in a demanding tone and I was surprised because I didn’t expect him to be here still. Jimmy came right behind him and I was in for it this time there was not coming out. Frankly I wasn’t ready to talk to them right now and I wasn’t ready to tell them the truth.

For a while none of us spoke and you could cut the tension with a knife. I for sure wasn’t going to speak so I waited of one of them to break the silence.

It was becoming too much and still nobody was speaking so I did.

“Aren’t you going to say something? Start the lectures tell me I’m selfish and a bitch like my sister did and let me be” I snapped at them because this was getting really old. Standing in the middle of the kitchen and not speaking…

“Do I look like a game to you?” Brian spoke and I turned to look at him his eyes burning with anger “Do you think I’m something you could play with anytime you want? Huh?” he yelled raising his hands in frustration

“Brian…No I” I started to say but he cut me off

“You what? You’re always doing this… you say you need time and then you just disappear do we mean nothing to you…Do I mean nothing to you?” he pointed to himself and I was sure that I had tears running down my face.

“Lexi was right to call you a selfish bitch because you are” I felt like someone stabbed me on the chest when he said that

“Brian stop” Jimmy who was silently watching the scene said but Brian raised his hand to stop him

“No she needs to hear this. She needs to know how worried we all were when she was not answering out calls…she needs to know everything” he yelled

“She can know without you yelling at her” Jimmy suddenly yelled and everyone turned to look at him because Jimmy never yelled to anyone.

“Why did you do it?” Jimmy turned to look at me this time his voice suddenly calm.

“Do what?” I asked quietly

“Avoiding us go out and get drunk…”

“I had my reasons and I wanted to be alone” I mumble

“Are you kidding me right now? You’re not even going to explain to us?” he sarcastically asked and I shook my head “Fine you know what I don’t care anymore do whatever the fuck you want” he yelled and I nodded my head my eyes blurring with tears

“Did you show them to them?” I asked Lexi about the letters

“No” She shook her head “I thought you wanted to do that”

I nodded my head before I went to get the threating letters. There was no reason to hide them anymore they needed to know because I couldn’t handle the hurt of them being mad at me anymore. I was at my breaking point with everything that was happening.

I found them on the same book they were before and I took them out before I went to the kitchen. Everyone waited for me to go curious to see what I was going to show them…everyone except Lexi who already knew.

I placed them of the kitchen island in front of them and took a step back. They looked at them curious and Jimmy took one of them before Brian grabbed the other. I felt sick again and I ran to the bathroom. I couldn’t watch them reading the letters.

I started throwing up once again but I didn’t have anything else to throw up and I started dehydrating. Tears escaped my eyes from the pain I felt to my stomach and throat…I just wanted for the pain to end. I felt someone behind me and a pair of hands pulled my hair back.

When I stopped I leaned back against the bathtub hating the burning sensation that I still had on my throat. My eyes were closed so I didn’t see who was sitting next to me but when I did I saw Brian sitting next to me staring at the door.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked after a moment of silence

“I couldn’t take the risk. What if someone had hurt you? I couldn’t handle it” My throat was dry and it was hurting me to talk.

“But I would have” he grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes “Come here” he said and opened his arms

I immediately went to his open embrace and laid my head on his chest my arms wrapped around his torso. I was afraid that he might disappear and I wouldn’t see him again. He stocked my hair and kissed the side of my head and I let out a sigh of relief enjoying the comfort he was giving me.

“I’m sorry” I said my voice muffled from his chest

“It’s ok…but you should have told me. We’ll deal with it”

“I was scared I still am. I haven’t been sleeping lately I can barely keep up at work” I said and he kissed my head one more time before he asked me the question I dreaded the most.

“I heard you screaming…why were you screaming” my eyes widened

“I had a nightmare…it’s the same ever since I left your house but today it was worse” I decided to tell him the truth because keeping things from him was getting me nowhere

“Want to talk about it?” he mumbled and I nodded because I wanted to talk to someone about it.

“I was always alone but today it was you too. We were in a room that I didn’t recognize and I was holding a baby…a baby girl. She opened her eyes and we both smiled at her before she said “Thanks for killing me mommy” and her eyes closed again and you yelled at me “Look what you did to our baby” then you left and the baby suddenly vanished from my hands and I started crying and then I woke up.” I said crying at the end my tears soaking his shirt before he pulled me at arm’s length to look at me.

“Alicia…you should stop blaming yourself for what happened. I know I told you it was your fault but I was mad and I didn’t mean it…Please try for me?” he asked and I nodded.

He wiped my tears with his thumbs and pulled me into a hug. I rested my head on his shoulder and try to control my breathing as he started to rub my back. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths making myself relax which it worked.

I pulled back and looked at him wanting so bad to say something I knew I couldn’t but he beat me to it and said it himself.

“Will you give as a chance?” he asked his eyes hopeful

“I want to but I’m scared. What if they hurt you or the guys?”

“I will deal with it don’t worry ok?” he said and I nodded with a small smile on my face

“Then yes I want us to have a chance” he smiled widely and I smiled back the same smile.

“I want to kiss you” he said staring at my lips and I wanted him to kiss me but not right now

“Don’t” I said and his face fell

“But…I thought” he looked at the ground

“Bri” I lifted his chin with my thumb and point finger making him to look at me “I just throw up and I have this horrible taste in my mouth. Let me brush my teeth first” I said with a smile and I watch as relief wash over his face before he nodded and he got up from the floor helping me get up too.

I thought he was going to leave but instead he stayed and waited from me to brash my teeth and wash my face once again with cold water. My headache was thankfully gone but I felt really weak. My knees bugled and I felt his arms come around my waist keeping me up.

“Are you done here?” he asked and I just nodded my head suddenly too tired to talk.

He picked me up bridal style and we exited the bathroom. I buried my face into his neck breathing in his sent that I had missed all this time. My arms where around his neck to keep me from falling and I smiled into his neck and he felt it because he smiled too.

We reached my bedroom and he laid me down in bed like he did a few hours ago and he made a move to leave again but this time I stopped him by grabbing his hand.

“Stay?” I asked once he turned his body towards me and he nodded with a smile.

He moved to the other side of the bed and removed his shoes and clothes…he was only in his boxers when he lay down next to me and I moved closed to him cuddling to his side. He wrapped one arm around me and I laid my head on his bare chest my hand reaching for his free one.

I linked our hands together leaving them resting on his stomach. I wanted to say it so badly but I was afraid for the answer. I mean he did say it the day I was leaving but I was still afraid to say it.

I hesitantly moved my head a little so I could look at him and collect all the courage I had in me.

“Bri?” I murmured and he snapped his gaze from our linked hands to look at him and then I said it “I love you” I closed my eyes waiting for his answer

“I love you too” he said and I opened my eyes a huge smile on my face as he look at me grinning

I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and I felt his on my lower back. I didn’t want to let him go. I wanted to stay like that forever.

“Say it again” I breathed out

“I love you” he said pulling me back so he could look at me

“Again”

“I love you Alicia” I felt like I was in a dream that I would wake up and none of this would be real.

“Again Bri” I giggle

He started kissing all over my face saying ‘I love you’ after each kiss and I started giggling like a school girl but right now I could care less.

When he reached my lips we both stared at each other for a moment before he lowered his head and his lips touched mine. Everything fell into place…

And suddenly we were the only people in the world.