Somewhere in Neverland

After my fall earlier, I’m thankful for the four day break ahead of us. Unfortunately, most of the activities everyone wants to participate in are physically demanding, but my gymnastics background has helped raise my pain tolerance and the pain meds the doctor prescribed can only be described as magical little pills.

“AirTime,” Theo demands, slamming his fist down dramatically. “I want to go jump on a shit ton of trampolines.”

“I still vote we go see the sleeping bear dunes,” I argue, mostly for my benefit, but am legitimately interested anyway. “Who goes to AirTime when they visit Michigan?”

“Who visits Michigan?” Luke asks sincerely.

“Touché,” I say, flicking a piece of fuzz off my finger and returning my attention to the sticker that refuses to come off the table.

Of all the places to end up in for our four days off, we get stuck in the Midwest where there seems to be nothing of interest for any of us. I’m not against laser tag and rock climbing, but you can do that anywhere and that seems to be something the boys are having a hard time wrapping their minds around.

“We could just go to Chicago,” Jack suggests, shrugging his shoulders slightly. “There’s always stuff to do there.”

“Why don’t we go to the dunes?” Alex asks after everyone contemplates Jack’s suggestion. “None of us have ever been before and we have four days to kill.”

Matt has taken a back seat in the decision making process and is clearly enjoying everyone’s stubbornness, glad he doesn’t have to step in and dictate our plans. I think everyone is realizing just how much effort he puts into planning activities to keep everyone happy and entertained because we’ve been sitting in the same diner for nearly two hours.

“I literally don’t care,” John says. “I just want out of this restaurant.”

“What about Cedar Point?” Theo pipes in, scrolling his finger down what looks like a touristy website on his phone.

“What about the dunes?” I push. I’m not giving in this time. We will go to the dunes whether anyone likes it or not.

After going back and forth for the next 45 minutes, Matt finally steps in and shuts us up. It’s turned into a heated debate and we’ve garnered annoyed looks from people around us. Not only are we a party of 20+ and taking up most of the small diner, our noise level has exceeded any sort of acceptable level.

“Guys, shut the fuck up,” Matt stands up and places his fingers on his temples in a frustrated manner. Everyone immediately closes their mouths and turns their attention to him.

“This is what we’re gonna do because I literally could give zero fucks right now; because half of you want to go to Cedar Point and half of you fuckers want to go to the dunes, why the fuck don’t we do both? We have four days off.”

The way he looks to everyone makes me sorry we’ve been at it for so long. We’re clearly a very opinionated and vocal group of people that aren’t afraid to say what’s on our minds and it’s wearing down on Matt already.

“Sounds like a plan,” Brian says, standing up and pushing in his chair.

“Sit the fuck down,” Matt says, placing his palms on the table and leaning down to get closer to eye level with all of us. “Pull out your smartphones and look up hotels around Cedar Point.”

After coming up with a semi-decent plan of attack, we pay the bill and leave the extremely flustered waitress a tip before climbing back into our separate vehicles. We’re driving to Ohio tonight and staying at a campground that Samson found with the “I’m Feeling Lucky” feature on Google before hitting Cedar Point tomorrow.

It’s extremely late and everyone is cranky as hell, but the car is full of life on the three-plus hour drive.

“So tell me what you want, what you really really want!” All ten of us sing passionately. I think the promise of a good night’s sleep ahead of us has put us all in a better mood. “I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig-ahhh!”

“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,” Otto belts out unexpectedly and the rest of us crack up. “Make it last forever, friendship never ends!”

“Change it quickly before our ears start to bleed!” Theo screams, lurching himself towards the stereo to change the song, but Bam’s hand land quickly on the knob and he looks at Theo like he better sit his ass back down.

It’s the most bizarre experience of my life, but each of us is so overtired that our enthusiasm is probably just slap-happiness or a second wave of energy. Either way, when we stop for gas around an hour and a half into the drive, we all pummel out of the van to rush in and get our hands on any form of caffeine we can find. The cashier gives us each strange looks as we throw down our strange late night snacks and hurry out to meet Roland, who got stuck pumping the gas, but requested a Monster.

Once we’re on the road again, our road CD gets turned back on and our singing party starts all over again.

“Listen… I am alone at a crossroads. I’m not at home in my own home and I’ve tried and tried, to say what’s on my mind – you should have known!” Theo serenades us with a beautiful rendition of Listen by Beyoncé that could give her a run for her money and I question why he doesn’t sing more often.

Whoever made this CD is extremely bipolar – a genius – but bipolar nonetheless because it goes from Beyoncé to Imagine Dragons to Justin Bieber to Blink-182 to Keane to our music and no one can quite figure out the supposed genre. It doesn’t keep us from enjoying every minute of the long drive that would have otherwise proven miserable.

By the time we pull into the parking lot in front of the welcome center, most of our energy drinks have worn off and the CD’s magical abilities to keep us perky and happy have diminished. Miller and Luke have some sort of spooning cuddle thing going on in the back row of the van and Theo, Russell, and Ian are huddling together in an attempt to recreate the back row’s cuddle fest.

The combination of Bam and Roland’s slamming car doors and my phone buzzing, indicating an incoming text wake me from whatever stupor I’ve managed to woo myself into, but I can’t help but feel my stomach flutter when I see Alex’s name on my screen.



A smile spreads across my lips as I hit REPLY.



The guys climb back into the van and Bam hangs a permit from the rearview mirror before driving carefully down the narrow, winding road through the empty campground. It’s October, so it’s no surprise that we’re the only people here. Sane people don’t exactly choose to go camping on whim in October, but hey, why the hell not?

Bam turns down the music so he can concentrate on finding our cabins, but it doesn’t take a genius to know it’s near the giant tour busses that are parked awkwardly in the small patches of grass outside a few cabins.

“Park opens at 11 am, so be up and ready to leave by 10:30,” Roland announces, helping me lug my bag out of the van and into the small cabin where Jack, Rian, Zack, and Matt are curled up on a bunk watching 21 Jump Street and Alex lays anti-socially in his own bed, staring at his phone.

“Caroline!” Jack’s face lights up when he sees me and Alex’s attention immediately leaves his phone and turns to me.

“Hey guys,” Roland drops my bag and gives me a hug goodnight to go find his cabin with the boys.

I feel bad leaving them so often to hang out with All Time Low, but this reunion has been seven years in the making and I’ve needed this badly.

Pushing my thoughts to the back of my mind, I dig through my bag to find my pajamas and shamelessly strip in front of the boys, trading my jean shorts and t-shirt for a more comfortable pair of Soffee shorts and a long sleeve thermal shirt.

The temperature has dropped considerably since earlier and the cool air against my bare skin causes goosebumps to rise all over my body. I shiver and hop into Alex’s bed quickly, yanking the blankets up to cover my body as he pulls me close to his warmth.

“Oh, hey there,” I giggle, warranting curious looks from everyone in the room, but they quickly lose interest when something funny happens in their movie and their laughter covers any flirtation happening between me and Alex.

It doesn’t take long before exhaustion gets the best of both of us and we both surrender to the glorious sound of sleep.

--

“Alex, wake up,” I shake him slightly, but he only groans and rolls over. “Alex!”

After a few more nudges, his eyes open slowly and reveal confusion and a bit of irritation.

“I’m low,” I explain, but he’s still too asleep to fully understand the magnitude of what I’m saying to him.

“Why don’t you eat something?” He buries his face in his pillow and tries to go back to sleep, but I don’t let him.

“I don’t have any food. It’s all in the van,” I poke him between his shoulder blades and he squirms at my touch. “Do you have anything on the bus?”

“Yeah,” He says simply.

He’s being so damn stubborn, so I walk my fingers up the middle of his bare back playfully, hoping to have the pleasure of his company on the bus.

“Will you come with me?”

He turns his face towards me, but still wraps his arms protectively around his pillow. There’s a smirk on his face like he knows what I’m hinting at, but getting him out of bed is easier said than done.

“Why do you want me to go with you?”

“Because,” I whine. “I don’t want to come back here afterwards.”

I continue to run my fingers up and down his skin and feel the effect my touch has on him. Finally, he agrees and we open the door as carefully as possible as to not wake anybody up and brave the cold as we run to the bus, my knees complaining with every stride I make.

Once inside, I’m met with a blast of warmth and Alex finds me something to eat. After my blood sugar comes up a bit, I’ve suddenly found a hidden storage of energy and I’m too awake to even think of going back to sleep. Alex seems to feel the same way and he eyes his bunk with a glint in his eye.

Before I know it, our clothes are shed and our bodies are connected in a messy tangle with the sheets.

It’s nice not to have to worry about curious eyes or others’ company for once and I realize it’s the first time we’ve had sex sober since we were teenagers.

“Fuck, ow! Be careful,” I say as his leg bumps my stitches, sending a violent jolt through my body.

“Sorry,” He apologizes, slowing his pace to better control his movements.

I snake my fingers through his shaggy brown hair and keep my eyes locked on him the entire time. God, the years have been good to him. He’s always been attractive, but he’s definitely matured into his looks.

“What are you thinking about?” He asks, laughing a little bit.

“You,”

He smiles and leans in, planting a sweet kiss on my lips. The butterflies in my stomach flutter carelessly and everything seems right.

If me being gone for seven years is what culminated everything that’s happened up until this moment with me and Alex, then the years apart were well worth it. Who knows if we would’ve made it through those years in one piece if I’d never moved? Would we still talk, even? I hate to think about all the what if’s because we’re together now, living in the moment. And it’s a rare, quiet moment between the two of us which makes it even more special.

Panting, he rolls off of me and buries his head in my neck.

“I love you,” He says and it throws me off a little bit, but I don’t hesitate to respond.

“Love you, too.”