Fear Itself

The next day, things seemed pretty normal. Dean stayed home from work again today, called out with the flu. Kennedy didn’t really question him. Apparently, Kennedy already though Dean had looked sick during the… um, display, not that long ago. We ate breakfast and then went back to bed to watch the telly because there really wasn’t much else to do. My feet weren’t hurting so much anymore, but I still was supposed to limit the time I spent up on my feet. We were working on moving my limbs though, trying to stretch them so that my burns didn’t seal up too tightly. They seemed to be healing well. Dean didn’t even think they were going to scar.

We were rather relaxed when the doorbell rang. Dean removed his arm from around my shoulders and looked at the door. “Be right back,” he told him as he slid off the bed and walked to the front door. I didn’t bother leaning forward to look; the last time I had been so curious, my father saw me. I supposed that no one was supposed to be seeing me right now, so I just stayed where I was, at least until I heard voices at the door, and Dean called back, “Blondie! You’ve got visitors!”

“Visitors?” I called back with surprise. I rolled off the bed and hurried toward the front door.

“Yeah,” Dean laughed. “Come say hello.”

When I came to Dean’s side, he opened the door fully, revealing Alex and Sam. Alex had shaved his head. Avery stood just about a pace behind them, also bald. A wide smile spread across my face, and I laughed under my breath.

“You’re all bald,” I laughed when I looked them over. Alex grinned, and Sam chuckled. Avery barely cracked a smile, but I knew he was happy to see me in better spirits. “You know, someone called me a boy the other day,” I joked.

“Great,” Alex huffed with a laugh. “Then, you’ll never have to deal with the glass ceiling. Female empowerment, right?” He quickly extended a tub of chocolate ice cream toward me. “Here, T,” he said. “That’s for you. Sam and I saved the full-fat ice cream for you. We only do that for truly terminal cases.”

“Thank you,” I beamed, holding the carton in my arms before I stepped back to let them in. “It’s so nice to see all of you,” I told them.

Dean closed the door behind us with a certain caution. Then, it dawned on me that he currently had four hunted fugitives in his home, but he seemed okay with it. Alex and Sam took their seats around the coffee table. Avery still stood by me. Dean’s eyes trailed to the ice cream. “Let me get you a spoon,” he offered. “You sit down.” I smiled and nodded.

“C’mon, Mumbles,” I squeaked, leading Avery over to the sofa. We sat, quiet for a moment. I was just ecstatic to see other people. “How are you all?” I questioned, trying to break the silence.

“Decent,” Alex explained with a small nod. “Things have been a little tough, considering we’ve nowhere to go. But Sam and I managed to find an old schoolmate willing to shelter us for the time being. At least until we figure out something permanent.”

“Well, that’s good,” I commented. “Good that you’re safe, anyway.”

“What about you, Tali?” Alex asked. “Dean told us you haven’t been doing well.”

“Um,” I murmured, looking at my knees for a moment and taking a deep breath. “I’ve certainly been better. Things are difficult.” I shrugged. “Some nights, I sleep well. Others, I don’t.”

“Normal,” Alex affirmed. “I’ve absolutely been the same way.”

“Have you really?” I marveled, then quickly shook my head. “Not that it’s a good thing,” I corrected myself. “I just—“

“I know,” he chuckled. “Good to know you aren’t alone right?” I nodded. “Yeah, me too,” he said. “But the dreams make you wanna die, don’t they?”

I nodded again. “Yeah,” I sighed. “Dreadful. They’re so dreadful.”

Dean came back and sat beside me. He handed me the spoon. Now comfortably seated between Dean and Avery, I popped the lid off of my ice cream and began to eat it. Dean elbowed me softly and leaned over to whisper, “Feet up, love, remember?” Blinking, I nodded.

“Oh, right,” I muttered and promptly placed my feet up on the coffee table.

“What’s wrong with your f-feet?” Sam asked.

“Sprained her ankles,” Dean told him. “Both of them.” I just nodded, and both Sam and Alex winced.

“How in the world did you manage that?” Alex questioned incredulously, still with a look of pain lingering on his face.

“Dunno,” I admitted with a shrug. “It might’ve been a combination of all that running we did, mixed with the um, the forced—“ Instead of continuing, I just ate some more ice cream.

“We don’t really talk about it yet,” Dean told them. Both Sam and Alex gave very slow nods.

“I’m glad you’re alive,” Sam stammered, interjecting. “B-because they say a lot of people c-commit suicide after trauma—“

“What Sam is trying to say,” Alex cut in slowly. “Is that maybe this situation has helped you more than you know. The world needs people who have seen the worst sides of humanity. Better yet, you’ve endured. It’s perfect for what we’re all fighting for, Tali. Your impact on the world probably just tripled, at least. We need people like you. People like us because… trust me, you’re not alone.”

“I still have dreams,” Sam murmured, dropping his head. His feet were tapping anxiously against the ground.

“So do I,” Alex confessed. “It’s been really hard to forgive myself… but I’m trying. That’s all that really matters, T.”

“I am trying,” I confessed quietly. I felt Dean’s hand on my back, moving gently up and down my spine. “I just feel like it never gets any better, Alex.” He ran a hand over his freshly shaven head and nodded. “I’m just… I feel like I’m just scared all the time. I don’t want to do anything anymore.”

“Fear is very powerful, Tali,” Alex explained, taking my spoon and eating a scoop of ice cream. “Don’t run from it,” he said. “Master it. It will tell you when to pay attention. Fear can be your greatest ally. Besides us, of course.” I smiled wider, and he smiled right back at me. “Besides, that shaved head makes you look totally bad ass. I wouldn’t wanna mess with you,” he chuckled. “Kennedy will rue the day he rid you of that hair. Now, you’ve kind of got this like, this scary, sexy hell’s angel thing goin’ on.” I couldn’t keep the laughter in my throat.

“Yeah, I don’t know whether to be turned on or frightened half the time,” Dean jested, and I nudged him, glowering playfully. Avery rolled his eyes besides me. I leaned into Dean a little and smiled.

“Your head d-does kind of scare me,” Sam stuttered with wide eyes, and everyone laughed, even Avery found amusement in Sam’s fear. “It’s too perfectly round!” he added, exclaiming. “That’s not n-normal! I’m sorry, Tali, it’s not!”

“Sam,” Alex sputtered through laughter, reaching over to grab his arm. “We came over here to make her feel better, partially about the fact that she doesn’t have any hair, and you’re insulting the shape of her head.”

Sam’s eyes widened so large that I thought they’d roll out of the sockets. “Oh g-g-goodness,” he stammered. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t—“

I shook my head. “It’s cool,” I laughed. “I’m sure your head would be all sorts of lumpy if you shaved off that miniature ‘fro.”

Sam nodded. “That would be exactly why I didn’t shave it.”

“And thank God for that,” Dean coughed, leaning into the arm of the sofa when everyone stared at him, fighting laughter. “You didn’t hear me say anything, though.” I leaned further onto Dean’s shoulder and smiled up at him, giving him the most sickeningly sweet smile I could possibly muster. He looked over and huffed a laugh. “And what do you want?”

“A hat,” I replied, sticking out my bottom lip in a pout. “So we can stop scaring Sam. Please, Muscles?” He rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. He shifted and got up to go search the bedroom. Alex was staring at me in shock.

“Did he just—“ Alex began.

“I think he did,” Sam whispered in what sounded like fright.

Blinking, I shifted my gaze between them. Alex stared at me. “You have got that man absolutely whipped, haven’t you?” he huffed. I just shrugged my shoulders with a coy, teasing smile. When Dean came back and sat down, he handed me a grey beanie that I had picked up with Chandler, but Sam was staring at Dean with surprise.

“Wipe that look off your face, Frodo. It’ll get stuck like that,” Dean quipped, kicking Sam’s armchair until it nearly fell over. Sam scrambled to balance the thing, then narrowed his eyes at his younger brother.

“You’ve always been a pain,” Sam huffed.

“And you’ve always been painfully inarticulate,” Dean retorted with a cheeky grin. I wrapped my arms around Dean’s bicep and clung to him.

“Thank you, babe,” I told him quietly, and he grinned.

“You’re very welcome,” he said and leaned down to kiss me. I could hear Alex choking.

“Didn’t know I came here to watch you two make out,” he scoffed, and Dean laughed.

“Eyebrows, don’t hate just because Sam doesn’t even like breathing in public,” Dean taunted. Alex just rolled his eyes, smiling.

I had certainly missed them dearly, all of them, even Alex. It was so nice to have them there, laughing and joking. The air felt light again, just like it was supposed to.