Closer

"Hey, Lou?" Laurel said, running her hands through his silky hair. Louis closed his eyes and hummed in response. His head was resting on her lap, and a movie played in the background. These were the nights they loved most. They loved staying in and watching movies. They loved just being together. "We've been married a while now..." She began slowly.

"Yeah," He agreed, closing his eyes. Her fingernails scraping his scalp gently were working him into a sleepy haze.

"So, say I was a week or so late..." She trailed off. Louis' eyes shot open but he didn’t move. "And say I took a test this afternoon..."

"Okay."

"And it was positive. How would you feel about that?" She finished. Louis turned slowly so that he was facing her. Her cheeks were bright pink, as if she was embarrassed.

"You're really asking how I feel about my wife being pregnant with my child?" He said with a laugh, taking her face in his hands. She smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "It is mine, right?" He laughed when Laurel swatted him on the arm. "Babe, that would make me the happiest man in the world." He said, looking into her eyes. He kissed her softly and he felt her relax.

"I have an appointment tomorrow, to make sure. So lets not get excited yet. I just-I want you to come with me." She asked him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Even if I wasn’t invited, I would be there." He informed her with a smile.

“Harry?” Laurel said, surprised at the visitor. He was the last person she expected to see when she opened the door to her mother’s house. None of the boys had tried to contact her, which she was grateful for. But Harry decided to pop in unannounced. This unnerved her. “What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” He said as he pushed past her and entered the house. She didn’t have any time to protest before he was shrugging out of his jacket.

“What do you want?” She sighed, uncomfortable about his sudden intrusion.

“I want you to tell me why you’re destroying my best friend.” He demanded, glaring at her. After he had heard about Niall finding Louis absolutely smashed, he was so angry that he stormed over to Laurel’s. He wanted answers, and he intended to get them.

“Harry, its not that simple I can’t just give you a reason.” She said, folding her arms over her chest.

“The hell you can’t! If you can’t even tell me why then why the fuck are you leaving him?” He said forcefully into her face. She flinched at his harsh tone. Harry was really fed up with the whole divorce. There were too many questions and not enough solid answers.

“I can’t.” She whispered. “I can’t.”

“Tell me! That’s the least you could do, Laurel. You’re fucking up so many lives right now. At least tell me why!” He was near yelling now and she was on the verge of tears. “Did you cheat on him, is that it?”

“What! No! Harry, how could you even say that?” She cried.

“Then why are you so determined to leave him?” He demanded again.

“Sorry about the wait.” Dr. Harrison said with a small smile. He was a balding man in his early sixties. He was friendly and warm and received the couple kindly. They both felt at ease in the examination room even thought they were anxious. "Mr. Tomlinson-would you mind if I had a moment alone with your wife?"

"Uh-sure." Louis looked at Laurel with questioning eyes. She shrugged in response. She didn’t know what was going on either. Louis gave Laurel’s hand a final squeeze and excused himself from the room. When the door clicked shut, Dr. Harrison eased himself into a stool. Laurel remained standing, unsure of what else to do.

"Laurel, how regular are your periods?" He finally asked her.

"Very. I'm never late. Why?" She replied quickly, eager to get to the point.

"You may want to sit." The doctor again softly, motioning to a cushioned chair along the wall. Laurel down hesitantly and bit her lip. "You aren't pregnant. Sometimes tests have a false positive and the late period was just a coincidence. I noticed some abnormality during the examination. We ran some additional tests.”

“Okay.” She said simply. It was a little disappointing that she got excited for nothing, but she quickly brushed the feeling aside.

“Laurel, do does your family have a history of infertility?" Dr. Harrison continued.

"What?" She asked, confused.

"Has anyone in your family been unable to have kids?" Dr. Harrison expanded.

"I know what infertility is. What I don't understand is why it matters." She snapped.

"I’ve found that you have what’s called Unruptured Follicle Syndrome. Your follicle production is normal every month, however it fails to rupture. The egg stays in the ovary, and prevents regular ovulation. This is a virtually unexplainable condition; there isn’t any conclusive evidence as to why this occurs. This isn’t common, but its not anything to be worried about as far as your health goes. But unfortunately, I don’t think you’ll be able to have a child."

"Ever?" She said hoarsely.

“In my understanding of this condition, yes.” He confirmed with a nod.

“I can’t have children?” She asked, just to make sure she was following the conversation.

“That’s right. But I’ve seen this before. And the chances are slim to none. Every patient I’ve met with that has been diagnosed has never conceived.” The doctor nodded solemnly. Laurel felt as if she was going to vomit. The one thing her and Louis were most excited about since they’ve been married is having kids. But now they can’t, because Laurel can’t have kids.

“Oh my god.” Laurel cried, covering her eyes with the heels of her hands. This can’t be happening. Her heart rate speed up. Louis will be so disappointed. Her forehead got clammy. She could never be a mother. She started to hyperventilate. How could Louis ever be okay with this?

“Laurel.” Dr. Harrison came over to her and peeled her hands from her eyes. “You need to breathe, dear.” He soothed her, talking her down from the episode, when her breathing was normal again, Dr. Harrison rubbed her back tenderly.

“How am I supposed to tell Louis?” Laurel sobbed, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket. Dr. Harrison grabbed a box of tissues and held them out to her. She took it gratefully.

“There are still ways to have children. Adoption or surrogacy. If you and your husband want to start a family I don’t see any reason why you can’t.” Dr. Harrison reasoned. Laurel just sobbed harder. “If you ever feel that you need to talk to some one, I can recommend a great physiatrist. Sometimes it helps to talk about your feelings away from your loved ones.” He offered, pulling a pen out of his shirt and writing down some information.

“I can’t have kids, what more is there to talk about?” She said through her strangled sobs.

“Its up to you, Laurel.” He said, patting her shoulder one more time. “I’m going to go talk to Louis while you collect yourself. I’ll give him the number of the therapist and you two can decide what you want to do.” She nodded slowly and wiped her nose on a new tissue. Dr. Harrison left the room and Laurel sighed.

She lifted her head and looked around the room with tearstained vision. There were photographs of the female reproduction system on the walls. There were pamphlets about planning for pregnancy and caring for a newborn in a rack by the door. There was Laurel, shriveled up in the corner, a complete outsider to this world of motherhood.

“Lo.” Louis said from the doorway. The second Dr. Harrison told him the news he rushed back to the examination room where she was. He wrapped her in his arms and held her tight, trying not to loose it in front of his crying wife. “Babe. It’s okay. We’re going to be okay.” He whispered in her ear, stroking her hair.

But wasn’t going to be okay. Laurel knew that. She had failed Louis. She had failed as a wife. She failed as a woman. And Louis just held onto her like there was nothing wrong, but he was mistaken. Everything had gone wrong.

“That’s it? You can’t have kids?” Harry asked, dumbfounded at her story. “Why didn’t you guys say anything?”

“Because its humiliating! I can’t even tell you how many nights we stayed up, planning for a baby. We wanted to start a family. We wanted to have kids, Harry. But we can’t.” She said, rubbing her arms anxiously. Harry was giving her that look that she absolutely despised. Pity.

“That’s hardly reason for you to get divorced.” Harry reason, cocking his head to the side.

“You don’t understand, Harry. You have no idea what it feels like to be a wife, and a woman, and not be able to have a baby. You have no idea how much it hurts to see how disappointed Louis looks when we pass by baby stores or see commercials on TV.” Laurel said sadly, her eyes pooling with her unshed tears.

“You can adopt, or-“ Harry began.

“You don’t get it! I want Louis to have a family that is his. All his. I want him to have a baby that has his eyes, and his nose, or his chin. I can’t give him that. I’m a disappointment.” She said, crying all over again.

“I’m sure Louis doesn’t feel that way. He loves you, Laurel. You don’t need to have his kids for him to love you.”

“But he deserves it. He deserves a wife that can give him everything he deserves. And that’s not me. He needs to realize that.” She grumbled, curling up into the couch.

“Laurel.” Harry said and moved closer to her so that he could wrap his arms around her. Laurel cringed but let him embrace her. She was so sick of people comforting her. She didn’t need it. This whole mess was her fault. People didn’t need to keep telling her it was okay. “You need to realize how important you are. You don’t need to have a child to prove your love for Louis. All he needs right now is you.”

“Its not just that. I’m not myself with him anymore. I don’t feel like I know him anymore. I’ve changed so much, and I’m just not the same person anymore. I let the guilt and depression get to me and the next thing I knew, we were fighting all the time, he was storming out at all hours, I was always crying. We became so broken and I told him I still loved him, because I did. But it just, isn’t enough anymore.” Laurel said, leaning into Harry’s embrace.

“You don’t even want to try?” He reasoned.

“I’m no good for him. Just give it time, Harry. Louis will realize it eventually.”