Your Forever Is All That I Need

Everyone left the house after the game with each one’s excuses. I was left all alone in the house, like what I said, I didn’t know where Kellin is and was. He just left. I slept since then until 9 pm. And still, Kellin wasn’t around. I went to the kitchen to get something to eat. But I found nothing. Since Mrs. Quinn wasn’t around there was no one to bake sweets or even cook. We just order Chinese food or eat out for lunch and dinner.

I spent the night in my room, just like another boring night. I heard my phone beeped out of the blues. I saw my dad’s name, shortly after seeing his name I answer his call.

“Hey” I answered.

“Hey sweetheart, everything okay? Ready for the trip next, next week?” He asked. I got lost of the dates and didn’t even remember I was going to leave next, next week already. I haven’t even packed my clothes yet or even printed my ticket. I wasn’t ready. I’ll be there for a month and I haven’t told Kellin about it. I planned to ditch my dad. But I thought, it was the only time I’m going to meet my dad again after a year.

“Y-yeah of course.” I lied. I was obviously not ready and not ever.

“Have you printed your ticket yet?” He asked again. I sighed, thinking if I’m going to lie again to him about it. “Uhm, n-not yet but it’s in my e-mail already. I got it.” I finally spilled.

We said our good-bye’s after he told me stories about his life there in Arizona, how his work is finally growing, how stoked he was of me finally visiting him. My dad was all cute with it. I hated my dad ever since he left mom, ever since he didn’t care about her, us. But I learned to understand shitloads of it. Even if it was hard adjusting my new life in Florida, especially when my mom died.

I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth and changed into my pj’s. Then I heard someone knocked. “Kellin?” I asked and headed to open the door. Before I could open the door, Kellin already opened it.
“Where have you been?” I asked him. I was sick worried of him. Well not really, since I do know that he can take care of himself anyway. He’s 19 Jesus Christ.

“I-I was with the band. We had to take care of things at the studio.” He stuttered. “It was an emergency.” He added; rubbing his hands. “I’m sorry.” He snaked his hand into my waist. “I am really. I’m so so so so so so sorry. I will make it up to you, I promise.” He said in between his small kisses on my lips.

I jerked back and told him “But promises are made to be broken.” He of course, knew I was just joking.

“But for me it isn’t.” He bit his lower lip. “Anyways, I’m tired I need some sleep. We have band practice again tomorrow.” He excused himself and left.

“‘Night” I whispered but Kellin didn’t hear. He’s kinda, you know, deaf.

I just slept off everything. Headache in the morning was worse than anything. Gladly, I didn’t have work in the morning since Ashley gave me an afternoon shift. I went downstairs and saw the whole band in the living room already. I was surprised to see them there, but Kellin wasn’t around.

“Oh hey Kyle, where’s Kellin?” Jesse asked as he saw me.

“I-I think he’s still upstairs.” I said; rubbing my eyes. How did they come in when Kellin didn’t open the door for them? I made my way to the kitchen and to the counter where the coffee maker was placed. There was still a cup of coffee left.

“How did you guys—” Justin stopped me.

“You guys left the door unlocked.” He chuckled. Kellin, not me. He left the door unlocked. I nodded in return, drinking the coffee. My head still hurts it’s like my head is a bass drum and someone is hitting it. I sat down to the counter seats and just watched them—Justin, Gabe, Jesse and Jack play some tunes. I really wanted to come with them to the shows, to Warped Tour. Ever since the whole Warped Tour thing started, I’ve always dreamt of going there. It’s like the best event ever that existed in this world. When Kellin asked me if I wanted to go, I honestly want to say yes but all I said was Maybe if I don’t have plans. I actually I have plans in those months, and it’s me being stuck in Arizona but it’s just the last 2 weeks of June and first 2 weeks of July. I don’t even know why my dad wanted me to go visit him. As if he missed me or something. What’s funny about it is, he doesn’t even know that his ex-wife have died already or even his only daughter has a boyfriend to take care of. But whatever, he’s still my father.

I went upstairs again to wake up Kellin and to tell him that the band is downstairs. And it will be the only time I could pack for the trip. I knocked in Kellin’s room.

“Hey” I said softly. I closed the door behind me and went to his bed. I slowly slip off my feet then my body under the covers to lie beside Kellin. I faced Kellin since he was facing me. “Hey sweetie,” I brushed his hair. He moaned. I guess he was still sleepy and tired because of last night. “t-the band is downstairs already. They’re here very early. It’s only 7 in the morning.” I chuckled. He blinked a few times before getting up. Shit he mouthed then headed to the bathroom without saying any other word to me. I sighed and left his room, giving him some space. Maybe he’s just feeling shitty of waking up really early.

I went straight to my room feeling down about what happened earlier. “Fuck it. I’m just going to pack and leave for work.” I said under my teeth and so I did.

“Waddup yo nigga!” Ashley surprised me as came out of the worker’s lounge; tying a ribbon for the apron. “You look...” She paused. “Sad today. Why? Is this about Kellin? I’m going to punch him.” She said—almost shouting. She punched her knuckles on the palm of her hands. I shook my head ‘no’ even if it was actually because of him. Sometimes you just gotta lie

“Oh, why then?” She asked once again.

“Nothing” I said under my breath. “Can we just work?” I sighed and looked at her. I don’t know why I was being a bitch at the moment just because Kellin was ignorant to me this morning. I guess I just can’t take the feeling of him being like that to me. The atmosphere between us was absolutely different. Us I mean Ashley and I (and also Kellin and I)

I had overtime on work again. I just feel like I needed to. I didn’t talk to anyone almost the whole day expect for myself alone. Yes, I talk to myself about bullshits. Kellin didn’t call me at all. I guess he’s still mad or whatever. “I guess I will just have to walk tonight.” I said under my breath as I went outside. I rested my hands on the front pockets of my sweater then took off.

I got home an hour after. The band was still there practicing. I just passed them like I didn’t saw them there.

“Hey…” Kellin said under his breath. I smiled at him like nothing really happened this morning. “You okay?” He asked; grabbing my hand. “You didn’t call. I didn’t get to talk to you the whole day.” He added. It’s because you were being bitchy to me this morning.

“I was just busy.” I said under my teeth. “Anyways, I-I need to go. I’m tried. I need some rest.” I excused myself then went straight to my room. I had some of my things packed already even if I’m still leaving in 2 weeks. I saw my phone light-up, meaning someone texted me. I saw my dad’s name. Now what?. I sighed then opened his text, he texted me: Hey sweetheart, your flight is canceled but I booked you another one so your flight will be this Saturday. I emailed you the tickets already. See you soon baby.

Wait. What. Saturday’s like 2 days from now. That can’t be I can’t leave yet. I haven’t talk to Kellin about I haven’t told Mr. Eric. I just, I can’t leave yet.

I checked my mail as fast as I could and printed my ticket out, then packed the rest of my things. How am I supposed to tell Kellin this now? I’m not ready to leave. But what if I book Kellin a flight too? So we can both hang out in Arizona and he could finally meet my dad. No, I can’t. My dad might get mad. Jesus Christ what am I going to do now? A lot of things were running in my mind. I still need to tell Mr. Eric. I still need to say goodbye’s to my friends. “Fuck it.” I cursed. Whatever, I’m going to tell Kellin now. I made my way downstairs. I heard Jesse murmuring something to Kellin in the living room. The rest of the band was at the basement just playing some tunes.

“So when do you plan on telling everything to Kyle?” Jesse asked him; taking a sip from his cup.

“I-I don’t know. I don’t think I can ever tell her. Look, I may have fallen deep for her now. She's almost, my everything.” Kellin explained. I heard Jesse say “Hmm…”

What does he mean? Tell me what? Fallen too deep what the fuck it this? I bursted into tears, knowing he was hiding something to me. Things are more complicated now. This is shitting the hell out of me.

But then, I continued eves-dropping at them, I just had to.

“Dude, it was just a truth or dare thing on the first place!” He laughed.

“I-I know. I love Kyle okay. I just can’t tell her that I asked her out just because you guys dare me too. Not now that we just both give our virginity to each other.” My heart was beating faster. I can’t take in what I was hearing between them. He lied. Everything was just a joke. He didn’t like me on the first place. It was just a dare. How could he? After everything this all you’re going to tell me.

“What do you mean?” I finally faced them. “What are you going to tell me? How could you?” then tears were running down my face.

“Kyle…” His eyes widen. Jesse turned around to see who was Kellin looking at. “How long have you been listening?” He asked.

“How could you do that Kellin? After everything we’ve been through you were just lying all this time?” I sobbed. I couldn’t take how much pain it gave me. He was my everything, he saved me, he loved me, he was there for me when nobody was. He acted like everything was in place. He made me believe in something that was not true at all, sick joke. He made me believe on his fucking joke. Everything was a lie. He gave me hope in something hopeless but then that hope was nothing at all, nothing for him. How could he play games on me? I am not a god damn toy to be played. He made everything believeable to me, to us.

“I-I’m sor—” I stopped him even before he could say anything that would boil my god damn blood

“Why didn’t you tell me huh? Why?” I sniffed as more tears were running down.

“I wanted to but I can’t since I love you too much already. It’s hard to let go of you already.” He took a step closer towards me but I took a step back.

“How could you?” I stormed out and into my room, slammed the door, lie on the bed and cried.

I fell asleep while crying about over an hour. I woke up because someone knocked to my door. Of course, who could it be, Kellin.

“Kyle, I’m sorry.” He pleaded outside my door. He went in after. He sat down with me on the bed then run down his hand on my legs.

“Don’t touch me.” I whispered that I assume he didn’t hear since he still have not removed his hand on my legs.

“Don’t touch me!” I repeated, this time louder. He kneeled down in front of me, beside the bed.

“Look, I’m really sorry. Even if those dudes didn’t dare me to ask you out, I would’ve okay.” He explained. I just can't forgive him like that I just can’t. It’s way too hard for me to forgive him for what he did. I sobbed again in front of him. “I’m sorry.” He kissed me in forehead then left me curled up in my bed, crying the night away. Then it hit me, I have packed all my things already. I could leave and just have a hotel for tomorrow then I’m on my way to Arizona already. I won’t say good bye to anyone even Hayley or Vic. I got out of the bed then washed my face, brushed my teeth and change my clothes. I looked at the mirror for a while and just took a minute to look at myself if I’m okay to look at if I looked like I cried the whole night. I looked at the clock to check the time and to know if I could still get a cab. It’s a quarter to 9, I should probably go now. I grabbed my luggage bag. And before I opened the door, I turned around to check if I left something. I didn’t leave anything, nothing but memories.

I made my way downstairs and I walk as quietly as I could. But Jesse was in the living room. He was waiting for me.

“Kyle, look I’m sorry. It’s my fault that—” He paused. Then he looked at me and at the thing I was holding, which was my luggage bag. “You’re leaving?” He asked. “I need to go. Please don’t tell Kellin anything.” I made my way to the front door and walk to the front yard to the sidewalk. I looked like I was homeless, which I am really, since I'm just lurking in the streets and pulling a luggage bag. I called a cab to come and pick me up to leave and find an available hotel or maybe stay at someone’s house. I looked back again just to take another look at Kellin’s house. Thank you Kellin, I love you. Goodbye. then rode the cab and left.