Breathe

It’s been about a week since Allie and myself left the Motionless In White boys, for the first 3 days I got phone calls from everyone except Chris. It broke my heart to know that Chris didn’t care enough of me to try to ring even if I said not to call me, after those first 3 days I ended up getting a new number that only Allie and Ryan knew. Yes, Ryan does know I am with Allie at their house and is happy enough to have me there until I can fully stand on my feet without help. A lot of the guys ring Allie to ask how I am doing and Allie just try’s to change the subject, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, when it does she usually says that she has to go and automatically hang’s up. I feel bad because I know she kind of misses talking to the guys and it’s my fault that she isn’t with Ryan on tour and stuff.
To be honest, it is really hard to try and keep my mind away from Chris, I love him so much and it hurts so bad being without him, I feel his emotions sometimes since mates can feel each other’s emotions for if one of the mates is in danger. I was pulled out of my thoughts when Allie barged into my room,

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked
“The guys are going to be back in a few hours” Allie said breathless like she just ran a 1000km race
“I don’t care if the guys are coming back, I just don’t exactly want any of them except for Ryan to see me” I said
“You know they will end up finding you, they do know that I’m with you and when Ryan is back, they’ll know that he is with the both of us and let’s just say that Ryan is easy to crack”
“I don’t mind if they find out from Ryan if they crack him because I just won’t talk to them” I shrugging my shoulders then heading towards the bathroom, I honestly don’t know what I will do if I see them.

*Time lapse*
I was sitting on the couch watching tv when someone barged through the front door
“Allie bear, I’m hooooooooome” Ryan said stretching out the word home, Allie literally ran from the bathroom upstairs down to where the front door is in about a minute
“Ryaaaaan!” Allie squealed jumping into Ryan’s arms
“I’ve missed you so much babe” Ryan said spinning her around
“I’ve missed you too” she squealed giggling, ugh this makes me want to vomit and miss Chris even more. I knew that Chris could feel me missing him but I didn’t let it faze me too much.
“Oh hey Loli” Ryan said after his and Allie’s little couple session
“hey” I said letting my eyes leave the tv screen just to see him and returned back to whatever the hell was on tv that I wasn’t even paying attention to,
“Um I don’t know if I should give you this but Chris wrote you a letter” Ryan said walking over to me to hand me the letter, I got the letter off of him and just stared at it.
“Well Ry bear, I think we have some catching up to do” Allie said with a wink
“Ew, I think I’m going to leave” I said collecting myself to leave the apartment so Ryan and Allie could have their “bonding” time, yuck!

I walked out into the cold winter air, walking towards the footpath. I put my hands in my pockets and noticed I still had the letter, oh well maybe I’ll get some hot coco and read the letter.
I turned around the corner and went to a cute little café that was near the apartment where I always get my coffee or coco from, I walked into the café to get greeted by the smell of fresh coffee. I walked up to the counter and noticed the older lady who seemed about late 50’s named Laura who works at the café,
“Hey there Lolita, what can I get you right now?” she asked with her Boston accent coming through quite heavily
“Can I have some of the coco with the miniature marshmellows?” I asked
“ `course you can sweet cheek’s, that’ll be 3.70” Laura said as I handed her the 5 dollar note.
“Keep the change” I said as she was about hand me the change
“Oh no can’t take money from a gorgeous girl like you” Laura said
“Yes you can, I insist” pushing the money towards her, I got handed my change and Laura quickly grabbed a homemade choc chip cookie
“On the house” Laura said handing me the cookie with the coco, I thanked her and went outside sipping on my nice warm liquid substance. I got to a park where little kids were playing around and got settled into one of the park benches, I pulled out the envelope that Chris had put the letter in and opened it up.

Dear my dearest Lolita,
I am so dearly sorry for you leaving me, I know it was my fault but you were too nice to me to ever tell me what was wrong.
I just want to say that I will always love you and will never forget you; my love for you will always be strong since you are the rushing blood to my dead heart. I know that you will never let me find you but I promise that I will find you and win your heart over to me again, you drive me crazy but in a good way. Nothing is the same without you now and I honestly miss you a lot my love.
Whenever you need me I will always be there for you, love you forever.
Sincerely,
Christopher Thomas Cerulli

I looked up from the letter and noticed someone staring at me; I got up and began to walk away.
“LOLITA” I heard the person scream out, I began to quicken my pace
“WAIT UP LOLITA” they screamed out again, again I sped my speed up even more. The person ran up to me and I saw it was Angelo,
“Fucking hell Loli, I never knew I could run that last until I had to catch up with you” he said out of breath
“What do you want?” I asked trying to not sound rude
“Why did you leave us? It broke our hearts when we saw that you and Allie left, it broke Chris’ heart even more knowing he wouldn’t be able to see you anymore” Angelo said
“I said that in the letter, I can’t be in this vampire life” I explained
“Tell me the real reason”
“That is the real reason, listen I have to go” I said running off to the apartment praying that Ryan and Allie were finished.
I got to the apartment and saw Ryan and Allie sitting at the bench in the kitchen
“Why are you so out of breath?” Ryan asked
“I bumped into Angelo” I said out of breath
“You know you can’t always run away from them” Allie explained
“I know alright, I just can’t face anyone right now” I said storming up to the room which I called my bedroom. I slammed my bedroom door shut and began to bawl my eyes out,
“Christopher, why did you have to make me fall in love with you so easily?” I asked
“I don’t know my love” I heard a voice behind me and I jumped in shock.