Beneath Your Perfect

“Liam, open the door.” I banged loudly against the door before holding my ear against it, hoping that I would be able to hear footsteps or any life from the other side. Nothing. “I know you’re angry. But fucking open the door!”

“Yelling won’t help.” I spun around to see Zayn, Louis, Harry and Niall standing two doors down. I bit my lip nervously, none of them looked exactly happy to see me.

“It might,” I shrugged at Zayn, not meeting his eyes.

“No, it won’t. Because Liam’s gone.” My eyes shot up as I stared at all four faces.

“Gone, gone where?” I asked confused, my eyebrows furrowing together as Harry shrugged.

“He was seen by paparazzi catching a plane yesterday and none of us have been able to get a hold of him.” Niall explained softly, his eyes clearly showing worry.

“We thought we would check out his apartment for clues.” Louis added, holding up a key. I nodded and motioned him towards the door, the quicker we got inside the quicker we could find something.

“Maybe you shouldn’t come inside.” Zayn said suddenly as Louis opened the door. I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Why? Look I know I hurt him but I’m trying to fix that if you would all just let me.” I grumbled pushing past them all and stalking into Liam’s apartment. I was trying to fix things and it was growing increasingly harder.

My eyes narrowed around the room as I tried to find something that would give me any clue at all.

Leaving the boys to the living room, I stalked into the kitchen and stopped suddenly in my tracks. The kitchen was littered with empty alcohol bottles.

“He started drinking, again.” Harry muttered softly, coming up behind me. I felt sick as I stared at the amount of alcohol that Liam had consumed. I had never thought that he would go back. I thought he was finished with all this.

Pushing past Harry I headed down the hallway towards his bedroom, the moment I neared the door I could smell the alcohol already. The bedroom door was open and I could see the bottles cluttered over the ground and every surface. There was alcohol stains on the carpet, new ones.

Tears fogged my vision as my heart practically crawled up my neck; the smell of alcohol was nauseating. A week since our fight and he had drunk this much, it was damaging.

I pushed through the empty bottles and checked his drawers. Most of his clothes were gone. I began pulling out all his drawers checking for anything that would give me a hint. I came up with nothing.

I growled in frustration as panic began to bubble up inside me. Had Liam possible gotten onto the plane drunk and ended up in the middle of nowhere? Or was he getting drunk in some random place with no one around to save him?

I picked up a few empty bottles and tried to tidy the room, heading towards the bin in the kitchen, not even glancing at the boys. I began to clean the kitchen, filling up bags of rubbish fast.

“You don’t have to do that.” Harry’s slow, calming voice said from behind me. I pointedly ignored him and continued to grab more bottles, depositing them into the bag with loud clangs, a few would get smashed along the way but I didn’t care.

“Jade!” Harry said loudly, grabbing onto my hands to stop me from grabbing another bottle. I pulled out of his grip instantly. “You don’t need to do this.”

“Yes, yes I do. I did this. I did all of this. I broke him, again. I fucking broke him.” I muttered, allowing the tears to fall down my cheeks. I tried to hold the sobbing in as the rest of the boy appeared in the kitchen.

“I’m sure you didn’t mean to.” Harry said softly. I shook my head, not deserving his comforting words.

“I did. I lied to him and I wrote about him. I didn’t tell him and the book is going to get published.” I told them bluntly. All faces turned shocked, letting me know that Liam hadn’t told them. “It’s not completely about him, but enough that people will realise. He thought I used him. So yeah Harry, this is my fault.”

The said nothing, all staring at me having no idea what to say. I could tell they won’t sure whether to be angry or comforting. I dropped the bags of bottles letting them fall to the ground with a loud bang.

“I’m going. Just if you find Liam can you let me know if he’s okay?” I asked softly, not caring that my voice cracked as I spoke. Harry nodded once before I pushed past them and moved out the door noticing the broken frame containing a picture of Liam and I on the floor. I picked it up wordlessly and let the apartment, not looking back.

-

It took two days for anyone to find him. Two days of me wondering around aimlessly waiting for my phone to ring, I debated ringing them to see if they had found him but I chickened out.

When my phone rang I didn’t answer it. It was Ruth, Liam’s sister, and I wasn’t sure if I could talk to her, not just yet. I waited and checked the voice message.

“I really wish you would answer our call’s Jade.” Her voice came through the phone as I waited with baited breath on any news about Liam. “We know what happened, sort of, the boys told us. We’re not angry Jade, just confused. Just, please call us we really need to talk. He’s my brother, Jade, and he’s hurt but I think you are too. The boys said you wanted to know if we found him and well he was sighted in Australia, just briefly. The boys have left to get him. We’ll call you if we find anything else out.”

I breathed a sigh of relief with the knowledge that they had found him; the boys were going to bring him home.

“Good news?” Jaz asked me coming out of the kitchen.

“He’s in Australia.” I said happily not being able to prevent the smile that swept across my face.

“That’s great hon. What are you going to do when he gets back?” She asked me softly. I sighed and shook my head, sinking further into the couch.

“Maybe it’s time I just left him alone. I think I’ve hurt him enough right?” I shook my head and stared at my phone. Maybe it was time I left Liam’s life for good. He obviously didn’t want me around anymore, I don’t think he could forgive me.

“Don’t give up that easily love.” She said softly, joining me on the couch, I laughed without humour.

“He ran to Australia to escape. That’s pretty far to go. I think it’s safe to say he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. I don’t think we can come back from this.” I told her as lightly as I could. There was a numbness sweeping over my body as I considered this to be the end. Jaz pressed a kiss to my temple and wrapped her arms around me. I happily curled up and enjoyed the pressure of someone else’s body next to mine.

“I’ll call Aria and Sarah over.” She said simply knowing that was all I needed. I certainly wasn’t going to deny their comfort. “Maybe you could ring Liam’s family back.” She added tentatively before moving away. I sighed and eyed my phone debating whether to do so or not. They sounded like they wanted to understand but that didn’t guarantee it. I also wasn’t sure if Liam would want everyone to know.

Although last time he pushed them all away; this time if I tell them everything maybe he won’t be able to push them away. I don’t think they would let him this time, not when they’ve glimpsed just a bit of Liam again.

My phone vibrated showing me that I had a call coming through. My agent.

“Hello?” I said softly into the phone.

“I have amazing news. Absolutely amazing but first I want to hear you say I love you Jane and you are the best agent ever!” Jane, my agent, stated through the phone. I couldn’t help but laugh before repeating her line.

“Thank you, I know. Now here’s the news. You’re going to America!” I paused for a moment letting the words sink in.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked her softly.

“You’re new book is expected to be such a hit that they want you to be in America for it’s launch, they’re throwing you a party and everything and then you’re going to be travelling and doing signing’s for the book.” She said all too fast.

“But it hasn’t been released yet how do they know people will like it.” I said instantly, my brain feeling too slow for the conversation.

“Oh honey, have you read the book? It’s amazing! And you’re fans have been waiting for you next book with a lot of excitement and plus all your new fans thanks to your boy!” I felt the nausea in my stomach, as I tasted acid in my mouth.

“Right, Liam, fans. Yep.” I mumbled incoherently into the phone.

“Please don’t scream too loud Jade.” Jane replied sarcastically obviously upset with my lack of enthusiasm.

“It’s just, do we really need to go to all this trouble for it?” I asked her softly, my head was beginning to hurt with all this new information.

“Of course we do honey! Your book is going to be the best seller of the year, I just know it. You have to go!” I sighed into the phone and closed my eyes.

“When?” I asked her softly, hating the answer.

“In two weeks. You’ll be in America for six months. So pack everything, I’m already looking for an apartment for you.”

“Wait just wait!” I said quickly, needing her to stop moving things too fast. “I need to think about this first okay? I just need to think, can you give me time to decide?”

“I really didn’t think there was anything to decide but I could probably give you time to stall for three days. But, Jade this is an amazing opportunity you realise that right?”

“Yeah of course! I just need some time.”

“Are you feeling okay?” She asked me worriedly. I shook my head at the wall.

“Yeah, I’m fine I just need time to wrap my head around everything. Thank you so much Jane and I’ll get back to you soon. Bye.” I hung up before she could reply before throwing my phone across to the other couch.

I threw my head back and landed sprawled out across the couch.

My book was getting a launch party and I was going to be flown out to America. They believed my book was going to be big. They believed in me. But Liam. Liam wasn’t home yet, Liam was still angry.

I had to leave him alone but I wanted to do that without hurting him, I couldn’t just run away to America that would hurt him. Although he ran to Australia.

“Who was on the phone?” Jaz asked, walking in with Aria and Sarah. I looked up at them and felt the tears fall down my face. I was really sick of crying.

“My agent wants me to go to America, they’re going to do a launch a party and everything for my book. I’ll be gone for six months.” I said everything so quickly I wasn’t sure they understood, until their faces turned surprised, all three jaws dropping.

“That is fucking amazing! Why are you crying?” Aria exclaimed so happily, jumping onto the couch next to me.

“Liam.” I replied softly and instantly. The nauseas feeling rising again, everything was getting too complicated and I didn’t think I would be able to fix it anymore.