Primus Amor.

I sat on the couch with my phone in hand, scrolling down the contact list looking for one particular name that has haunted me for the past few weeks. The flat was empty except for one living soul, which was me. I stopped scrolling when I found her name, shining like one big lantern on my screen. My finger was poised on the “call” button but something was stopping me. I groaned and locked my phone, tossing it beside me. I know that nothing will happen if I remain a coward but I couldn’t help it. I just was.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” I muttered to myself getting more and more exasperated while pulling down my gray beanie over my face. It was a good thing Harry left to go buy a few things before we leave for this party. If he saw me like this, he would start acting like a father which was more than I could take.

I glanced at the clock hanging above the door and sighed. Only a few more minutes until the two of us leave for this flat party. I placed my phone inside my pocket and lay down on the couch, staring at the ceiling to pass the time. I took deep breaths and concentrated on being myself. Sometimes I missed being a normal boy that didn’t have to worry about the paparazzi and the fans that followed us wherever we went. I let out a sigh and started imagining patterns on the ceiling.

The door creaked open and I turned to face the curly haired boy carrying two paper bags filled with nosh. I grinned at the thought of eating food for the next few days.

“Ready to go mate?” Harry dropped the bags on our kitchen counter before walking back to me with a hopeful smile on his face.

I nodded and stood up, brushing off my jeans a little bit. For the night, I opted into changing into dark skinny jeans and a plain white v-neck. My hair was hidden by the beanie I was wearing as to avoid the paparazzi that would spot us later in the party.

We slipped inside the elevator, having some small chat about our plans. Harry was to spend some time with his relatives for the next few days while I decided to stay behind and immerse myself in the city. London was my second home and I had to go around for a while before going to my hometown where my family and friends waited for me.

“Why do you look so sad Lou? You were fine a few days ago…” Harry trailed off catching me off guard. One minute he was talking about his friend, Veronica, and the next he’s talking about me and my feelings.

“It’s really nothing.” I assured him, giving a brilliant smile. He didn’t seem convinced by it but let it go. I sighed and shoved my hands inside the hoodie I brought with me. It got cold in London during the night time and this time I came prepared.

The two of us walked over to Harry’s car making sure that no one saw. We didn’t utter a word until we got inside the car, fiddling with the heater. I settled in on the passenger seat and took off my beanie which revealed very tousled hair.

“What is with your hair? Is it just me or did something died in it?” Harry joked while keeping his hands on the steering wheel. We were driving down the busy parts of London and every street light was on, illuminating the road. I was looking out the window as he said that, thinking of what I could do for the next following days.

“Very funny Harry. I could say the same for your hair but then, I already know the answer.” I retorted with a smug look on my face. He just rolled his eyes and kept his eyes on the road. His jokes were always a good icebreaker for me. I crossed my arms and looked out once again, wondering where we were going. Harry took a few left turns and now we were passing by buildings that were as dark as the night before us. I frowned and glanced at Harry. Were we in the right place or did we get lost?

“We aren’t lost are we?” Harry rolled his eyes at me and continued to drive, not bothering to answer my question.

“Thanks for answering the question.” I replied with sarcasm. Harry chuckled and shook his head.

“Would it kill you to be calm about this? We’re not lost!” Harry defended himself before taking another right turn. He kept driving until we stopped in front of a large house which was lit up like one big Christmas tree. Music reverberated all throughout the house and it could even be heard from the car.

I raised my eyebrow and looked at Harry who was fixing up his outfit. He smoothed out his blazer and looked at himself through the rear-view mirror. I laughed at his actions while he glared at me. I shrugged and opened the door leaving him behind to meddle with his appearance.

I placed the beanie back on my head and waited for Harry by the front lawn which was already littered with a few cans of booze. Cars were scattered around the road. It was a good thing it was night time or else they’d all be towed away. I rocked on my heels back and forth humming a song from our newest album. I had a good feeling the fans were going to like it.

I took a deep breath and caught the scent of sweat and alcohol making my head spin. It’s only one night. I said to myself over and over again. After this, Harry wouldn’t bring me to any more parties or pubs for the matter. Why can’t he accept that I only wanted some time for myself? Actually, why can’t the guys accept that? I groaned and paced back and forth in front of the house. This is all because of Sheila. If only she didn’t—

“What are you doing?”

I looked up from the ground and saw Harry with a confused expression on his face. He was carrying a pack of booze in his right hand and his phone in the other. I rolled my eyes and shrugged.

“Breathing. The usual.”

“You know you could actually be funny if you tried.” He commented, walking past me.

“The fans already think so. Your statement is dismissed.” I followed him to the front door, expecting to see a couple of paparazzi to jump from the nearby bushes. Harry didn’t even bother knocking. He just turned the knob and went inside leaving me stunned outside. I looked around and realized that the coast was clear. I was just being paranoid.

As I stepped foot inside the house, I was instantly greeted by the sound of techno music blasting from a couple of speakers around the room. Guys, and girls, were dancing around having no care as to who was watching. I looked around for Harry but I only saw heads of people I didn’t know.

I liked my lips and started walking around in hopes of finding someone I knew but I doubt that would happen. In the end I gave up and searched for a drink instead. The house was enormous and it took a while for me to find the kitchen where all the drinks were set up. I opted on taking one bottle of beer in case Harry would get too smashed up to drive home. Unless he gets a girl and leaves me behind. Either way, I had to stay a bit sober.

I took a swig from the bottle and looked around the room. A few girls approached me asking if I wanted a dance. I gently turned them down and walked away, not feeling up to it. My heart was still somewhere else and I couldn’t imagine being with another girl at the moment. I spotted a couch no one was currently sitting on and headed there. I excused myself from the people and finally sat down. For some odd reason I am starting to be attracted to couches.

The speakers continued to blast some music and before I even knew what was happening, Harry popped up beside me taking a sip from his drink. Ever since he turned 18 he’s been going all out on the alcohol. I still wonder why he lives with me.

“You having fun?” The boy asked me, looking at me from the corner of his eyes.

“Definitely.” I replied, trying to be sarcastic. He chuckled at me before taking another sip from his beer. I let my eyes roam around the room, trying to take in everything with a sober mind.

The house was packed with people dancing everywhere, drinks in hand. Strobe lights were coming out of nowhere that was pulsating with the beat. A couple of people were giving the two of us strange looks, probably trying to figure out why we look so familiar. We practically had our faces plastered on everything.

Harry stayed with me for a while, giving me the impression that he wasn’t going to leave any time soon. With a sigh, I shook his shoulder and raised my eyebrow.

“Shouldn’t you be out there flirting with the girls?” I pointed out. Harry laughed and shook his head with a grin on his face.

“I’m past that phase.”

“Really now?” I joked. He rolled his eyes and continued to sit there looking off into the distance still smiling. I furrowed my eyebrows wondering what was happening to him. Then again, he might be joking.

It didn’t take long for the people around us to notice that we were 2/5 of one of the hottest boy bands in the world. Girls started to swarm around us, asking us different questions which blew me away. I couldn’t take all of it at once! Harry seemed to enjoy the attention though. I’m guessing the reason why he wasn’t moving was because he wanted the girls to come to him.

“What’s a gorgeous boy like you doing at a party like this?”One of the girls asked. I think I was a bit tipsy by then and I was flirting with all of them.

“To meet a beautiful lady like you.” I said, smirking as she blushed.

The girl had pin-straight blond hair and striking blue eyes. She was pretty but she wasn’t exactly my type. She sauntered over next to me and started making small talk. My mind only gave her half of my attention since the other half was spent on listening to what Harry was talking about with the other girls.

For some peculiar reason, they started talking about Harry’s ears and how attractive they were. I forced the laughter bubbling up inside me down my throat as Harry agreed with the other girls, chuckling every now and then. His eyes would turn to me for help but I just shook my head giving my attention back to the blond who was now asking me about my life. Fame? Fortune? Those kinds of things. I wasn’t comfortable talking about all of it but I did give her a few glimpses on what happens in our lives.

“That’s quite a hectic life you’ve got there handsome.” She batted her eyelashes at me while I chuckled. I was getting more and more intoxicated by the minute. If I didn’t stop now, I might end up snogging this lady.

The swarm of girls increased around us giving us no room to breathe. I scowled a little and took another sip of my drink. The blonde beside me started to trace circles down my chest giving me a devious smile. The back of my mind was telling me to just go with it but my heart was pounding so hard telling me no. I was at war. I was close to giving in to the temptation but Harry pulled my arm, snapping me out of it.

“Help me.” He whispered with urgency. He pointed at the girls talking about how cute his ears were and how they would kill to have them. I laughed and patted his back.

“You can handle it yourself, right mate?” He glared at me but smiled when the girl asked him a silly question regarding his hair.

As I turned to face the blond who was tempting me so badly, my eye caught something or rather, someone. I don’t know how or why I even noticed her but I did.

The front door opened and in came a petite girl wearing jeans and a simple v-neck. Her stature would have made it impossible for me to see her but something about her drew me in. My gaze followed her every movement but I lost track of her once she slipped inside the kitchen. I had the sudden urge to follow but then I would have made a fool out of myself. Also, I already had a girl at my hips who was practically straddling me.

“What are you looking at?” Her accent flowed right through my ears bringing me back to reality.

“Nothing.” I replied giving her a smile. She pursed her lips but remained on my lap, tracing circles on my chest once again. I zoned out and continued to drink, tapping my fingers to the beat. Harry was still getting bombed at with remarks regarding his ears. It was getting annoying.

“Aren’t his ears reaaaaally cute?!” One girl squealed, slapping another girl in the process.

I was feeling tipsy and everything to me seemed like a good time or a bad time. This was a bad time. I was about to shoo all the girls away when one particular lady popped up from behind looking at Harry’s ear skeptically. Harry seemed taken aback at how close the girl was to his face. She didn’t seem to notice though.

“Bloody hell.” Harry mumbled while I suppressed my chuckles.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cute.” Was her comment before taking a step back. She had this blank look on her face and her arms were crossed over her chest. My eyes widened in realization. She was the girl who came in a while ago.

My mouth was agape, just staring at her. The girl started to back away, not caring about our conversation any longer. I had a feeling that she didn’t know who we were. I glanced at Harry who only seemed as confused as me. After a few seconds his confused look turned into a smug one and the smirk on his face was quite evident.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked him. He just shrugged and kept the smirk on his face.

“It’s nothing, mate.” I rolled my eyes and unconsciously looked for the girl who popped out of nowhere.

“How rude of her to barge in like that!” One girl complained, pouting her lips in the process.

“What a skank.” Was another’s comment. I’m sure none of them knew what they were saying. All were holding a bottle of alcohol so…

“Let’ s just ignore her yeah?” Harry piped up, trying to ease the tension between the girls. They all nodded simultaneously. I shook my head, trying to forget about the girl who burst our little bubble.

She was nobody.

Everything went back to its usual flow that is until I felt someone tug my shirt from the back causing my head snap back. I muttered a curse and was instantly met with a pair of hazel eyes looking right at me. Her lips were pursed as if deep in thought then she let go, placing her hands on her hips.

“Wait a second, I know who you guys are!” She exclaimed her eyes lighting up in recognition. I wanted to laugh right then and there at how funny her reaction was but resisted.

Harry looked a bit surprised but smiled cheekily instead. Ah, the great Harry Styles was back. He turned around and let his eyes wander up and down her body. To be quite honest, she was quite fit leaving the two of us googly eyed and whatnot.

“Really love? Who are we then?” The girls snickered at Harry’s comment, thinking that he was just joking with the poor girl. For some odd reason, I wanted to defend her and ask the girls to stop poking fun. The girl behind us didn’t seem fazed at all though.

“You’re those guys from One Direction! Well shit this must be her lucky day.” She mumbled the last part more to herself than to us. I watched her walk in front of us with her phone in hand. She had a big, bright smile on her face and she instantly went over to sit at Harry’s right which was unoccupied. The moment she sat down with us, the girls seemed to disperse leaving only the two of us. Was she that bad that she repulsed every other female around us?

Only a few stayed around us, seeming to find the situation amusing. Even the girl beside me who was currently feeling me up stayed as well. The girl was scrolling down her phone before turning to the two of us with a shy smile on her face.

“Can you guys, er, talk to my friend on the phone? It would make her day! She’s a really huge fan and I’m doing this as a favor so please?” The way she pleaded was adorable. Wait, what?

Harry looked at the phone skeptically before looking at her once who was pouting and giving the two of us the puppy dog eyes. I felt the bird beside me gag at her but I didn’t care. I could only look at the lady who was chatting with Harry.

“Sure, love.” Harry replied, gingerly taking the phone before tossing it to me. I caught it in the knick of time and gave him a questioning look. Why toss it to me when he could have easily called? He looked at me and gave me a wink before chuckling. He stood up and went over to the girl beside me, reaching out for her hand. She gladly accepted and left me alone with the girl who was watching me carefully.

Harry left me alone with this girl. What a fucking twat.

“Uh…” I started, feeling a little flustered. She narrowed her eyes at me before moving closer and peering at her phone. I watched her brown hair fall over her face before she looked at me. Her hazel eyes pierced through me and I moved away a little shocked at how close our proximity was.

“Do you know how to use a phone? As far as I’m concerned, you slide that bar thing over there and click the name Cheska Nicolas. You hear me?”

I just sat there gawking at her for a few seconds before chuckling to myself, feeling a little embarrassed.

“’Course I do. It’s just a little distracting to have a pretty girl like you sit next to me.” I replied, a smirk tugging on my lips. She backed away a little bit, a tint of red on her cheeks.

“I bet you say that to all the girls you’re with.” She countered, playing with the hem of her shirt. I laughed and unlocked her phone.

“Only you love.” I replied.

I dialed her friend’s number and placed the phone next to my ear, feeling a little nervous. What if this was just a prank? I glanced at her again and found her eyes locked on mine once again. I smiled at her which made her turn away. The smile fell on lips. Was she avoiding me? Nah. She was probably embarrassed.

I bit my lip, took off my beanie and ran a hand through my hair. What was I going to say? Talking to fan in real life was easy but through the phone? It was a little nerve-racking.

The phone rang thrice before a girl’s voice was heard on the other end. Her American accent flowed through the phone’s speakers which left me a little shocked. The girl was American? That meant that this lady right beside me could be as well. I glimpsed at her short stature and she was sitting cross-legged staring off into space.

“Hello?” I started, testing the waters.

The line went silent.

“Is this Cheska?” I asked again, getting a little worried that she may have fainted. After a few seconds of silence her voice came back on, high and clear.

“Yes! Hi! Um, are you—“

“Louis Tomlinson at your service!” I greeted her with such enthusiasm Liam would have been proud. I heard her squeal at the other line and I couldn’t help but smile knowing that I just made a person’s day. Even if the bass was pounding in the room, I could still hear the girl’s voice.

I turned to face the girl who gave me her phone but saw no one. Instead of seeing a beautiful girl sitting beside me I only saw empty space. My eyes trailed across the room, trying to find her. Did she leave? Maybe she just wandered off to get a drink…

My eyes were searching for her familiar face but instead I was met with Harry’s eyes staring at me intently. His body was standing right in front of me and I didn’t even notice. I was too busy finding the girl who left her phone with me.

“Where’d she go?” I blinked and shook my head. I was still on the phone and I was only half listening to what our fan was saying.

“I don’t know Harry, I don’t know.” I mumbled, looking down.

But truth be told, I really wished I did.