Inamorta

A little while later, after the whole 'puking my guts out' scene, i'm lying in my bed, wishing that someone would hold me and tell me that it's going to be alright.

i don't for sure if i'm pregnant, but it's sure starting to look like it.

i don't even want to admit it to myself, but i'm so fucking scared.

Callie comes in a moment later, and i can't even stand to look at her. "they're gone. told them you're sick. that's the first, and last time that i ever turn down a lay for you." she warns, only half kidding. i feel the springs of my bed squeak as she sits behind me. "are you going to talk to me?" she sighs, and i can feel her cold fingers brush the hair away from the back of my neck.

after i don't say anything, she gets up and goes to the door. after a second, she asks me, "do you want me to go and get a pregnancy test?"

wordlessly, i nod, grateful that i don't have to go. i'd be too embarrassed to even make it to the counter. she leaves, and i'm left alone with my thoughts. i try really really hard not to think about what will happen if i am. but none the less, the acrid thoughts shove their way into my mind. filling me with something similar to panic.

to keep my mind occupied, i turn on my lap top and read some Daryl Dixon fan fiction. wow, this makes me want to be cuddled so hard right now. dammit internet. i browse on tumblr for a while until Callie comes back, a small bag slung over her arm.

"i got two," she tells me, tossing the bag on the bed. i swallow the sudden nervous lump in my throat and go to the bathroom, taking the bag with me.

a few minutes later, two pee sticks sit on my bathroom counter. anxiously, Callie and i await the result. she rubs my shoulders comfortingly, and i'm so glad that she's here. i wouldn't be able to hold myself together if it weren't for her. i'm smart enough to know that.

slowly, two pink plus signs appear on the end of each stick.



hours later, after bawling my eyes out for a good long while, i sat on the living room couch with Callie, sharing a giant tub of ice cream between the two of us. i want to cry some more but i don't because i'm pretty sure i'll die of dehydration if i do.

we don't speak, but i desperately wish that she would say something to break the silence. i'm pregnant. i'm seventeen and pregnant with a twenty three year old's baby. i Knew right away that i couldn't tell my parents for awhile. maybe not until i'm eighteen. or at least until they start to notice that i'm getting fatter. they'll freak. especially when they find out that it's an older mans baby.

"are you going to keep it?" Callie asks suddenly, spooning a large amount of frozen wonder into her mouth. that's a good question, but also one that i can't answer until i talk to James. "i guess that i'll have to talk to James first." i shrug, placing a hand on my stomach absently. i swear that her eyes just about pop out of her head.

"please god tell me that James Cassells isn't the father."

"he is." i admit, shoving ice cream into my mouth so that i don't have to elaborate anymore. she looks at me in disbelief. "Callie, please don't be mad at me, i really need you to be my best friend right now." i plead around a mouth full of frigid treat, suddenly close to tears again.

she deflates back into the couch with a sigh, "i'm not mad Clove, I just wish that you've told me."

"i'm sorry." is all i can think to say, and that at least seems to be good enough, because she pulls me into an awkward hug over the pail of ice cream. "i'll be here for you." she says simply, and that's enough to break me down into tears. i clutch at my best friend, suddenly grateful for her all the more.

she may be a gigantic pain in the ass, but she really is the best.

"when are you going to tell him?"

she asks when we pull back, looking sympathetic. i wipe at my eyes before answering. "when he comes back from warped he supposed to come see me, i guess i'll just tell him then." i explain, biting my lip.

she frowns at me, "why not tell him sooner?"

i shrug, "i don't want to ruin warped for him." she silent and for a while we just watch our movie and eat ice cream. i'm fine like that, too. i just want to forget today ever happened and take a nap but i can't and it's making me insane. i just want to be a seventeen year old girl again, not a seventeen year old pregnant girl. the title has been thrust upon me and i don't like it at all. not one god damn bit.





today's the day. I've been dreading it for weeks, and now it's here

i pull a tight T-shirt over my self and squeeze into a pair of jeans. i Brush out my hair and apply a bit of makeup. James will be here any second. to calm my nerves i try taking deep breaths in and out but quickly i give that up. Jesus, I've never been so afraid in my entire life.

My stomach has gotten bigger now. i'm not huge yet, but it's definitely noticeable. a large bump in my mid section that peeks through all of my clothes. luckily, i'm able to hide it from my parents with big sweat shirts, and i try to stay at Callie's as much as possible. but right now, i'm trying to make my swollen belly as obvious as i can.

right now, both of my parents are at work, and will be until 6, so James and i will have the whole house to our selves. this is really going to suck. what if he leaves? like just walks out and never speaks to me again? i don't think that i can do this on my own.

the door bell rings, and a quick look out my window confirms that it's him. my stomach fill with dread, and i have to nearly drag myself down the stairs. i pause before opening the door, starting to feel sick. a small flutter in my tummy catches me off guard. my hand flies to it in surprise. this is the first time that I've ever felt her move. it's a strange, lovely feeling, and it gives me the courage that i need to face him. slowly, I open the door.

James stands there, grinning at me. my heart takes a painful leap as his eyes slowly travel down my body, stopping at my stomach.

his smile falls and his mouth form a perfect O.

"what the fuck is that." he breathes in disbelief, as if it weren't obvious. he takes a step away from me, dropping the bag that he was holding.

"it's yours." i say quietly, knowing that he'll here me. he looks up from my stomach and back to make face, eyes pleading. "what do you want me to say?" i whisper, nearing tears. what did he want from me? did he want me to lie and say that the baby isn't his? that i can do this alone?

"how do you know it's mine?"

"you're the only one that I've ever had sex with," i scoff, wiping at a piece of lint absently. he looks down at my belly once more, running a hand through is hair in a defeated fashion. "can i come in?" he asks after a moment. i nod and move back so he can squeeze inside. he picks up his bag and does so. i close the door and lead him into the living room, plopping down on the couch.

he sits next to me, surprisingly. and he doesn't look angry or sad like i thought he would, he just looks nervous. "can i touch it?" he murmurs, his big, rough, calloused hand reaching for my belly. i nod just as his warm palm meets the thin fabric of my shirt. he smiles briefly, looking up at me. "what do you want to do with it?"

i wrinkle my nose in distaste, not liking how he phrased that. "i think.. i think that i want to keep it." i admit, and it's true. the more that i think about, the more that i want this baby. maybe it'd have James' sweet brown eyes.

"i'd be a good father, wouldn't i?" he says suddenly, his hand still on my belly. for a second i'm not quite sure how to reply, but then i just smile warmly, place my hand over his and say, "the best."

we don't speak for a while, he just looks at me and i look right back. i study his features intently, wondering what our genes mushed together in some magical baby cocktail would look like.

"i think i want to be with you. and the baby." he says quietly, looking into my eyes. oh god, here come the feels. i feel tears prick at my eyes, and suddenly i'm so embarrassed. i turn away from James, desperately wiping at my eyes.

"hey." he says softly, gently grabbing my chin and turning me to face him. "don't cry." he murmurs before giving me a sweet kiss on my lips. i lean into him, and he wraps his arms around me. god, nothing has ever felt more right in all of my seventeen years. "who else have you told?" he says against my hair, rubbing slow circles into my back. "just Callie. i want to wait until next week to tell my parents."

"what's so special about next week?" James asks, confused.

"it's my birthday; i turn eighteen."

"oh." he says after a second, and i can can tell that he's feeling awkward. we don't talk for a while, he just hold me close and traces patterns on my back. i listen the the strong beating of his heart, smiling to myself. this totally did not suck. it couldn't have turned out more perfect. "can you stay with me tonight?" he asks after awhile. my heart skips a beat, but i nod and murmur a yes against his chest.

"when?"

"now, would probably be good." he tell me, and i climb off him. i grab my phone, texting my mom and telling her that i'll be at Callie's for the night. i go upstairs and pack an overnight bag, and when i come back downstairs, James smiles at me holding out his hand for me to take. i lace my fingers with his, and with that, we're off.