Inamorta

James calls a taxi, and we both climb into it. It takes us both back to his hotel, he pays and we get out. It's all very silent, we don't speak the whole way there. it's bordering awkward, but i guess that's okay. at least he didn't walk out on me.

His hotel room is sparse, with just a few items of furniture, including a large green chair, a TV sat atop a dresser, and a large queen bed. My heart beats quick at the thought of crawling under those sheets with him. it's been so long since I've actually been touched by someone, and all of the sudden i find myself craving it more than anything.

James sets down his bag before turning to me and wrapping his arms around my waist. i revel in his warmth, laying my head down against his chest. his heart beats steady and strong, pounding against my ear. i can't help but smile, because for some strange reason i find myself wondering about baby names. it's absurd, because it's far too early to be thinking of that kind of stuff, but i can't help it. I just know that our baby will be cute. Now that I've told James, I feel surprisingly calm about the whole thing; it's like this weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I don't have to do this alone.

I look up, meeting his eyes. he looks at me steadily as he presses his lips against mine. i kiss back with fervor, wrapping my arms around his neck to draw him closer. he tastes sweet, like cigarettes and butterscotch candies. it's an interesting flavor, but i like it. it kinda reminds me of when i was a kid. butterscotch was always my favorite.

his tongue slips into my mouth, tangling with my own sexily. I moan as his hands drift down my back to cup my butt. I certainly didn't imagine this when i thought of today, but i'm more than happy to go along with it. I lean into him even more, and slowly he edges back wards, dragging me along with him. we land on the bed, me pulled tight against his lap.

It's a bit strange, with my growing baby bump between us, but he doesn't seen to mind one bit. so we keep kissing for a while, me savoring his flavor and him... well, i don't know about him. maybe he's just horny. but whatever. if he wants it, i'll give it to him. I haven't been touched like this in quite a while, and i'm more than willing.

gently, i tug on the end of his shirt, pulling away and biting my lip. he takes the hint and slips it over his head, leaning in to kiss me again once it's gone. i run my hands over his chest absently, feeling his strong muscles twitch underneath my fingers.

After a few more moments of heated kissing, i pull away. I can't go farther. Not tonight. I want to... but some part of me just doesn't feel right. i wonder if it's the baby, but quickly toss that foolish thought away. James doesn't say anything, but he seems to realize that i'm no longer in the mood. He doesn't push it, which i'm grateful for, but rather maneuvers me off of his lap to sit on the bed.

"Do you want to change into your sleep clothes?" he asks, his brown eyes gazing into mine. wordlessly, i nod, getting up and walking to the bathroom. i grab my bag on the way.

once the door is safely shut, i strip. while i'm still naked, i take a look in the mirror and take stock of the small changes in my body.

My breasts are just a bit bigger, the same goes for my nipples, which have become a shade darker. my midsection has a small, noticeable, bump, which i expected. my skin seems to be aglow with light. all together, i don't look too different. I'm the same, but i'm just.... more. i guess that's how i would explain it. i'm more.

quickly now, so he doesn't think i'm pooping, i change into some soft cotton shorts and an oversize tee shirt. i come out of the bathroom to see him laying in bed, wearing only a pair of sweatpants. he smiles when he sees me. i smile back, because it's the thing to do, and crawl in next to him. he reaches over me and turns off the bedside lamp, plunging the room into darkness.

The only sound to be heard is our breathing, because it feels like neither of us knows just what to say. we just know that something needs to be said. i feel weird. I'm not sure f it's a good weird or a bad weird. all i want to do is close my eyes and succumb to sleep, but it seems impossible. I can't stop thinking.

about him. about me. about the baby. about us. about my parents. about Callie. about my eighteenth birthday and what happens after that. it all makes me want to be sick. i'm seventeen and scared, i shouldn't have to be dealing with this. tears sting at my eyes but i quickly brush them away. i need to get over it. this is real.

This is happening.