The Jerk Theory

"Please tell me this is your walk of shame." Harry said to me as I came into the radio station. We had an interview on a morning show and I was up an obscene hour. The guys gave me curious looks as I rolled my eyes and sat down next to Harry.

"Can we please not talk a out it in front of everyone?" I grimaced.

"Did she tell you off?" Harry asked, ignoring my plea.

"Liam, did you have a one night stand?" Zayn asked with a chuckle. All the guys looked surprised except for Harry, who was grinning widely at me.

"Fuck off." I mumbled, sinking farther into my place on the couch and tried to ignore them.

"You did!" Louis exclaimed.

"Fine! I did." Said carefully. I didn’t want to excite them too much.

"See! I told you it was easy! How was it?" Harry practically squealed.

"It was awful. Probably the worst sex I've ever had. And I've had some pretty bad sex. I knew there was a reason I hated picking up girls at clubs." I said contemptuously.

Harry barked out a laugh. Eventually all the guys did, even Niall. I eyed him carefully as he chuckled at my expense. It was irritating. It was his fault I had to pick up random girls anyway. He shouldn’t laugh about it.

"I'm sorry, mate." Harry said eventually, trying to hide his smile.

"It's okay. You and your tips are a load of shit." I sighed and leaned back into the couch.

"It's not the practice. It's the execution, which is your fault." Harry said and I flipped him the bird. "Okay. So you had a bad night. You can't just blame my entire system because you had one fluke."

"System?" Zayn asked, totally lost. Harry glanced at him and shrugged.

"We'll talk about it later, yeah?"

"Fine."

"No, tell us. What system?" Louis prodded, looking interested.

"Nothing." Harry snapped, sending the curious boys an exasperated look. They all exchanged confused looks but decided to leave him alone.



"I don't know Harry. It just feels kind of cheap. I've never really been one for sleeping around. I don't know that I want random hookups in clubs." I said feeling discouraged. Harry was giving me a ride back to my flat so that we could have some time to discuss the situation.

"Well, then what do you want?" He asked. I shrugged. "You didn't have any problem getting the girl into bed, right?"

"No. That part was easy. It was just too easy." I said, trying to keep the vomit down as I remembered last night.

"So you want a challenge?" He tried to clarify.

"Not a challenge necessarily. Just something more worthwhile than a tipsy broad who puts out for the first bloke that buys her a drink." I

"Ah." Harry said, nodding in understanding. "Well then I definitely think you should try dating.”

"You think?" I asked, considering the suggestion.

"Yeah. We'll work on it tomorrow. Tonight, Niall wants to go out. There's some party that the label I invited us to and I'm very interested. Want to wing man?"

"Not really." I said dryly.

"Great. I'll see you tonight!" Harry said with a smile. He clapped me on the back and I got out of the car. I realized there was no getting out of this stupid party since Harry was determined to get me there. He sent me a wave and pulled away. I blew out a deep breath and turned to enter the building.



“Hi, Liam!” Marjorie said too enthusiastically when Harry and I arrived. Her and Niall were standing around a small table with drinks already in their hands. I shifted uncomfortably at Niall tight smile and Marjorie’s forced happiness. I could tell neither of them wanted me there to cause more drama.

“Hey Marjorie. Niall.” I said shortly, granting them nods.

“How are you?” Marjorie asked after a long pause.

“I need a drink.” I said and turned away from them, leaving Harry alone. I was probably the worst wingman in history, but I doubted Harry cared. He didn’t need help. I was the one who needed help. I ordered a drink from the barkeep, not paying any mind to what was going on around me.

From where I was sitting, if I turned I had a perfect view of the dance floor. I glared at the sight. Niall held Marjorie’s hips at they swayed to the music. Her arms were clamped around his neck and she was looking at him as if he were the best think she's ever seen. He returned the look. They looked so disgustingly happy together. It made me want to throw up.

"Bad breakup?" I heard a musical voice say behind me. I turned my head and was met with the smiling face of a lovely brunette. She handed me my beer and leaned over the counter so she could hear me better.

"No." I said shortly. It was pretty pathetic that my anger could be detected by a random barkeep.

"Okay. Then you're the asshole that likes his best mate's bird." She said with a chuckle.

"Excuse me?" I sputtered. A total stranger had never called me an asshole. I've never really been called an asshole in my life.

"I'm right aren't I? God, I'm good. Sometimes it freaks me out." She said and clapped her hands happily.

"I don't like her." I insisted, trying not to look back at Marjorie.

"Sure you don't." she said with a sarcastic look on her face.

"I don't." I repeated.

"Okay, whatever you say. I'm a bartender. I'm pretty good at reading people. It's pointless to lie to me." Her eyebrows raised and she stared at me. It was almost elegant the way her face pulled into a look of doubt.

"I'm not lying. I really don’t like her. Or him." I grimaced, thinking of Niall.

"Oh, trust me. I picked up on that. Honestly though, I've never liked him either. The innocent ones are always shifty." She told me, leaning back in.

"Don't you have a job to do?" I sighed, wanting her to go away. She was obviously a fan since she knew about Niall.

"I'm doing it. I gave you a drink, and now I'm offering you an unbiased ear. I’m Holly." She gave me a slight smile. I couldn't help but notice that she was perfectly lovely.

"I don't want to talk to you." I told her, trying to make my voice sound unaffected.

"I know." She said with a sigh.

"Then why did you ask?" I said with an incredulous laugh.

"Because you want to." She said.

"No I don't." I shook my head.

"Okay." She replied simply.

"I don't." I said again.

"I heard you." She said, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Okay." I said, relived that she understood.

"Okay." She shrugged.

"Okay." I let my gaze fall away from hers. Despite my best efforts, I turned in my seat to see Niall ad Marjorie still dancing. I grimaced and took another drink.

"Liam Payne of One Direction!" She said, smacking her hands on the bar, making me jump. "You are one fit bloke. I don't know why you're getting so bent out of shape over someone else’s bird. You could have you're pick."

"Yet whoever I want never seems to want me back." I spilled. I instantly regretted it. I didn't want to talk to her; I don't know why I just told her my biggest insecurity.

"Eh. Bad timing. Doesn't mean it's hopeless." She said with a wave of her hand. I was grateful that she didn't say anything about it.

"Whatever." I said, going back to being unresponsive.

"Maybe the universe is just saving you for something better." She offered.

"The universe?" I said, unsure of whether or not she was serious.

"Stranger things have happened." She narrowed her eyes, giving me a serious nod.

"You're annoying. And weird." I told her, bringing my cup to my lips.

"And you're insecure and mean. I think your worse off." She retorted easily. She didn’t seem at all phased by my insult. But hers got me.

"I'm not insecure." I immediately defended.

"Okay." I said, not looking convinced by my rebuttal.

"I just don't like telling the inner workings on my life to some fan that served me a pint." I clarified to her.

"You're a jerk." She told me. It wasn’t an accusation, more of an observation.

"So?" I said. I was getting more and more defensive as this conversation wore on.

"So, maybe you deserved to be rejected by that girl." She said, a glare covering her nice features.

"Maybe you should go fuck yourself." I said to her, returning the glare.

"That would be a lot nicer than you. Good to meet you, Liam. Holler if you need anything else." And at that she was gone.

I watched her for a while after she left. She always gave people their drinks with a smile and had a short conversation with them. I had to admit she was fit. As far as bartenders go. The only problem is that she was a bitch. Where did she come off calling me a jerk? She's hardly had a conversation with me.

I rolled my eyes. I didn't need her messing with my head. She was a barkeep who is going nowhere in life and I couldn't give a fuck about her, or what she thought of me.