Shattered

We got to the front of the line without any more words exchanged. One we reached the front we put the babies’ car seats down by the stairs and quickly went up to sit next to Santa. After our picture was done we unloaded the twins and sat them on Santa’s lap. While I was hovering, making sure neither of them was going to cry, I noticed Jeff behind the camera girl taking pictures with his cell phone.

“What were you doing?” I asked as we loaded them back into their car seats.

“You honestly think I was going to let that happen without sending a picture to Gabe? That’s probably going to be the background on his phone until they’re like, six.”

“Holy shit,” I replied, suddenly turning to him.

“What?!”

“This is their first Christmas! That was their first time seeing Santa! Maybe we shouldn’t have done that… That’s kind of a parent’s thing. Oh fuck.”

“I know it’s their first Christmas. That hasn’t occurred to you until right now? Someone had to take them to get their picture done! It’s like, the thing to do with kids. Gabe will understand. He probably wouldn’t have had time to take them anyway and well, obviously Sophie couldn’t do it. We’ll give them the pictures.”

“That’s true. Holy shit. She has to be back for Christmas then. No mother would miss her kid’s first Christmas right?! Jesus. We need to buy them lots of stuff though because she obviously didn’t bring anything with her.”

“Let’s be honest. We would’ve bought them a ton of shit anyway,” Jeff replied, laughing. “You’re gonna spoil them rotten.”

“Oh, and you won’t?! You’re more in love with them then I am. Think I haven’t noticed the fact that you also changed the background on your phone?”

“What?! They’re adorable!”

“You’re such a sap,” I said, shaking my head and fighting a smile. “Come on. We’ve got shopping to do.”

Three hours later I sank back into the passenger seat of the truck. “I. Am. Exhausted,” I said slowly.

“Yeah I’m thinkin the actual decorating can happen some other time,” Jeff replied as he climbed in beside me.

“Good plan. Great plan. Very smart thinking boyfriend. Take me home.”

“Well when you say it like that…”

“Don’t even turn that into a sexual thing. I’m so tired. And we have babies to feed.”

“Right. Babies. Let’s go.”

By the time we got home, unloaded the truck, got the babies fed, bathed, entertained and asleep it was 8 o’clock. “I’m hungry,” I complained as Jeff sank into the couch.

“Me too,” he replied, looking up at me.

“No. Nope. Definitely not. I am not cooking tonight. I’m too tired. Not happening.”

“If you won’t tell on me we can order in.”

“Tell on you? Who am I gonna tell? I’m hungry too and frankly, it’s either order in or starve. Only one
condition…”

“Chinese food?”

“You know me so well…”

“I’ll get the phone. You’re lucky I love you.”

“I know I am,” I responded, smiling as he stood up. “Thank you for being so awesome.”

“Well you’re welcome but you know you don’t have to thank me for that. I love you and I love Gabe and I love those kids. I’d never leave you alone to deal with this.”

“I know. You’re the bestest,” I said jokingly.

After he called and ordered he turned to face me straight on. “So,” he said.

“Uh-oh.”

“You know I have to do this. We haven’t even talked about what happened with your mom.”

“We got in a fight! No big deal. It happens all the time. I think by the end of it she really started to see where I was coming from. If anything it was a positive thing for our relationship.”

“And did you tell her anything about school…?”

“I think it’s been made pretty clear we don’t talk about school.”

“But she didn’t mention anything about you not being in class during the day? You need to tell her you dropped out Tori.”

“Don’t say it like that!”

“Like what?!”

“I ‘dropped out’. That makes me sound stupid.”

“That’s not fair. It doesn’t make you sound stupid. You know you aren’t stupid.”

I looked down and started to pick non-existent lint off my pants. “Saying I dropped out sounds like I couldn’t handle it. I did fine! I got great grades.”

“I know you did, babe! I’m not saying anything about the decision itself! I’m just saying it might be time to actually tell your family about that decision. You’ve been lying to them for almost a whole semester.”

“I wouldn’t call it lying. I never outrightly said I was even still in school. And she won’t get it! I can show her all the papers and transcripts I want and all she’ll hear is dropped out. She won’t care that I didn’t like it. She’ll think I couldn’t handle it and it’ll just be something else I fucked up. She’ll also bring up the fact that I don’t have a job and I’m living off you and that makes me a horrible person and –“

“Hey, now. Stop. You aren’t ‘living off me’ Tori. You’re figuring out your next move and I’m supporting you with that. It’s not like you’re some golddigger. You’re just getting back on your feet and I’m helping you. I love you. I’d support you for the rest of my life if I had to.”

“I know that. It just feels really shitty not being able to do it myself, you know? I really thought I was going to like school.”

“I know you did but it isn’t for everyone. I wanted to suggest something though. Watching you with the twins and stuff it just occurred to me – and think about it. Don’t just spit something out as soon as I say it. Okay?”

I nodded.

“Day care. Or teacher or something like that. I mean, obviously, teacher would require more university so that’s probably out but people own little day cares in their houses all the time right? You love kids and you’re awesome with them. I’d say most of the dads on the team would love for you to look after their kids.”

After a minute of silence he finally looked up at me. “Okay, I didn’t mean like, you weren’t allowed to speak. Jesus, Tori. Say something.”

“That’s fucking brilliant,” I whispered, wide eyed.

“What? Seriously?”

“Why didn’t I think of that?! I love kids!”

“Really? You like the idea?”

“Why are you so surprised?” I asked, laughing. “If you thought it was good enough to mention it then you knew I was going to like it.”

“Well I hoped you would but I wasn’t sure,” he responded with a huge smile.

“I’ll start doing research tomorrow! There’s probably some sort of certificate or something I need to get. I’ll figure it out. This is great! I think I could really love doing that!” I stopped as I heard a knock at the door. “That must be the food,” I said, standing up and grabbing the money off the table.

The last person I was expecting to see on the other side of the door was Gabe – looking like complete shit. “What the fuck?” I whispered.

“Sorry. I didn’t call or anything but I thought you wouldn’t mind. I just wanna see them.”

“Holy shit. Yeah. Come in. I thought you were coming next week,” I said as Jeff came up behind me.

“Jesus, Gabe. You have a game tonight! What are you doing?”

“I couldn’t. I left. I can’t play right now. Where are my kids?”

“They’re in the guest room. They’re asleep, Gabe,” I said slowly.

“I just want to see them. I won’t wake them up. I promise.” I brought him to the guest room and left him in the doorway.

I walked back into the living room and just shook my head at Jeff, who was pacing the floor. “He can’t just LEAVE Tori! Jesus! He’s missing a GAME! That’s not good!”

“I don’t know, Jeff. Do you think he told anyone? He couldn’t have just woke up this morning and gotten on a plane. What’s his deal after today?”

“He’s off for three days.”

“Okay well it’s one game. Probably a few practices. I’ll talk to whoever and explain the situation.”

“I talked to Sacco. He told me to come now. It’s only one game, Jeff,” Gabe said, coming up behind me.

“I told you they were fine and to focus on your game, Gabe! Jesus! What would have been the difference in coming tomorrow morning?!”

“They’re my fucking KIDS, JEFF! I don’t care how many games I have to miss on this one because one parent has to be there for them. They aren’t ‘fine’. They’re mother just fucking walked out on them. Fixing that is on my list of things to do right now. This game tonight? That’s nothing to me okay? I don’t want a lecture. I want to find my fucking wife and bring her and my kids back home. Is that okay with you?” When he finished I saw that he had tears in his eyes.

“Alright. Everyone just calm down. Everyone’s a little stressed out right now. Just take a breath. Jeff, there’s someone knocking at the door. Go get the food. Gabe, just sit down. We need to all just talk. Calmly. Please.”

Jeff brought the food into the living room and we all sat around staring at it.

“Well, someone has to start so what the fuck has been going on? All out on the table right now. Let’s go,” I said, turning to Gabe.

“I’m sorry but I don’t know how else to say it but Sophie has changed a lot since we got married. A lot.”

“That tells me nothing. I need more than that, Gabriel and you know it.”

“Tori, she’s fucking crazy.”