Easy to Fall in Love

Justin and I continued to make out against the brick wall of the building for what I swear was like two hours. But it must not have been because Nick popped his head out the door to let us know the band was about to play.

“Ooh sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” Nick smiled coyly. “I’m sure the guys will understand if you want to be alone.” He winked and closed the door. Justin closed his eyes and laughed, resting his forehead against mine. I grinned at his smiling face and kissed his eyelids.

“I guess I could miss one show, I mean I’m sure they’ll be many more.” I snaked my arms around his neck and rested my hands at his nape. “If that’s what you want.” And I meant that, because at this point I would do just about anything for him. And I can’t believe that a few hours ago we weren’t on speaking terms. I swear to god, my life should be a lifetime movie.

“As much as I’d love that, I should probably talk to my brother before he sees you.” Justin stroked my hair and cheek. I grimaced and pulled away from him. I untangled my arms from his neck and crossed my arms. Just the memory of that encounter makes me want to dig a hole and bury myself in it. I so badly wished we could start over. I wish I had told him how I felt a long time ago and then maybe we'd have been together a lot sooner. I could have felt this way a long time ago.

“Well it’s too late for that because Jimmy has seen me…and he was not happy.” Justin nodded his head slowly and rubbed his eyes. I saw the gears in his head turning, and I was positive that in that moment he was remembering every harsh, praising, or miserable thing he has said about me. And I didn’t care that he said the things because I probably thought worse about him. And maybe I deserved it; after all I was the poster child of manic relationships.

“I’m sorry, Don. He’ll come around, I promise.” He brought me close and hugged me tight. I tentatively hugged him back, hoping he was right about his brother warming up to me. “You came to see them play, so I want you to. We have all the time in the world to make out like hormonal teenagers.” I tried hard not to laugh, but I eventually gave in and giggled because we were acting like two 16 year olds whose parents left for the weekend. I rested my head against his chest and hugged him tighter. We were finally in the same place. I need to let myself be happy.

Justin and I went inside hand in hand. We got to the side of the stage right as they started playing. Justin nudged Andrew and whispered something in his ear. Andrew shrugged and asked Halvo something. Halvo told Justin something I couldn’t hear and he nodded.

“Hey, I’ll be right back, okay?” Justin kissed the top of my head and retreated backstage. Austin sidled up to me and handed me a red cup. I sniffed it and recoiled.

“What is this? Gasoline?” I took a sip and almost spit it back out. I forced it down my throat and coughed when I felt the harsh burn. It felt like the skin of my throat had been stripped off.

“I don’t know; something cheap I found at the liquor store mixed with coke.” He shrugged and took a sip of his wincing.

“Yeah, I’ll pass.” I poured mine into his cup and grabbed a beer from the cooler at his feet. Austin popped off the cap with his key chain and handed it back to me. I took a long, cold swig and closed my eyes. “Am I a selfish person?” I turned my head to the side and looked at him.

“Yes.” Austin replied instantly, nodding. He kept his eyes on Kennedy playing guitar a few feet from us. “But so am I. And so is Justin. And so is everyone, Donia. We are all selfish because we are all human. We all want to be right and we all want to be loved, and yes we all make decisions based only on our benefit. So don’t think that you’re the only person who’s ever hurt someone. Not only is it unfair to yourself, but it’s unfair to everyone else who has made mistakes. They deal with pain just like you. Appreciate the lessons you learn. We all have to forgive ourselves or we will continue going in circles making the same mistakes with different people because we are so wrapped up in feeling like awful humans we don’t realize we’ve created a pattern. And then we can’t break the pattern that’s bordering on masochistic because isn’t it what we deserve? To be unhappy? But trust me Donia; you’re the best of them.” Austin looked at me meaningfully and I reached up to hug him tightly.

“I needed that.” I continued to squeeze him and he squeezed right back. I remembered the last time I had this much hope for myself. It was the day I met Auntie May. I pulled back and tried to laugh off my mushiness, especially since I could feel the tears coming on for like the zillionth time that day. “You’re unnaturally wise when you’re buzzed, it’s a little alarming.” I watched Garrett run up to John and knock him over. John fell into a roll and his boyish laugh could be heard throughout the room. He got tangled up in the microphone cord and tried to start the next song while lying on the stage.

“So, important question here.” Austin stared into his cup for a few seconds. “What happens next? He smoothed down the hair on his upper lip and watched Garrett spaz out all over the place. He ran all over the stage, banging his head, and messing with the other guys. He said something to Jared and they both busted up laughing.

“Like in ten minutes? Or two hours? Or five years?” I downed the last of my beer and set it down on the first open surface I saw.

“I know today was not what you planned. Hell, I don’t think any of us saw this coming. But you’re here now. And tour just started.”

“I honestly haven’t thought about it. It’s not like I can tagalong the entire time. I want to be around as much as possible but there are only a few more dates in California. After that I don’t know how it’s going to play out.”

“Yeah. Now we’ll have to deal with a lovesick, lonely Justin. I’m not sure which will end up being worse. But you guys can get through anything, I’m sure of it. Today is proof of that.” I believed that when I thought it myself, and it seemed ten times truer when he said it out loud. After the whirlwind of tonight—and I still can’t believe that this is real life—I knew things would be alright. We had been through so much bad, was it possible for more? I knew that right away it wouldn’t be perfect, because we both still have issues, but ultimately we will be together and we will be happy. I know it.

“Okay, so we were in the closet and super horny and she was pulling on the zipper to my jeans and it gets stuck. Like not for a second, but like she was pulling hard and then I had to help and it still wouldn’t budge for more than five minutes.” Austin and I were sitting in the alleyway slightly drunk and he was revealing his latest conquest story.

“Oh my god, that’s great.” I covered my mouth to keep from cackling. The boys were around somewhere, I think. I had finished my third beer ten minutes ago and stole Austin’s plastic cup of mystery liquids “Oh god, what is that?” I scrunched up my face and examined the cup. “Is that orange soda and tequila?” I sniffed. Definitely orange-y.

“Oh it’s not even the best part.” He ignored my drink inquiries. “So we’re both tugging on the zipper and the mood has totally been killed. Then she tries to use her teeth…and that’s when the door opens.” He throws his hands up in the air.

“No way!” I laugh and take another sip of his drink. “This is awful.” I took another sip. I haven’t seen Justin since he disappeared during the Maine’s set. That was like an hour ago. Maybe more. I was getting pretty foggy.

“Then stop drinking it, it’s pretty simple.” Austin pointed out and took his cup back. He drank some and winced. He pushed his hair out of his face and handed the drink back to me.

“I weirdly like it.” I chugged the rest and tossed it in the closest trashcan. I stood up and dusted off my dirty jeans. I needed another drink. Austin followed me inside and continued his story as I searched for a beer.

“Her mom sees us and screams bloody murder. Then her dad comes running over and we’re both without shirts, I have lipstick smeared on my face and chest, and her skirt is all bunched up.”

“You cannot be serious,” I almost snorted. A few of the guys walked in talking about some sports thing, but Justin wasn’t with them.

“Have any of you guys seen Justin?”

“No, sorry. Last time I talked to him he was looking for Jimmy,” Halvo said. And that was when he left in the middle of the last set.

“Well I should probably go find him. Thanks.” I left the venue in search of Justin. It took a few minutes of wandering in between the few people that were leftover from the concert before I found my way to the spot where the vans were parked. I heard Justin’s voice and saw the top of his and his brother’s head. I walked close enough to hear them but far away enough that I wouldn’t be caught eavesdropping.

“Jimmy, you don’t know her like I do.”

“I know that she ripped your heart out. That seems like enough to stay away.”

“She’s smart and funny and gets me.” Justin smiled all dreamily, going to another place in his mind.

“When we’re together everything is magnified and epic. I see her and all I want is be next to her, touch her, breathe the same air as her.” He explained with his hands using big sweeping motions. I could see happiness illuminating his face and being the cause of that was the best feeling I’d ever had. “She is everything I’ve ever wanted, and I just need you to respect that.”

“What happened to swearing off girls because all they do is use you, string you along, and then find another guy?” I winced. Did he see me as one of those girls? Maybe he said it out of anger, but he still said it. “Do you remember all the drunken phone calls saying how much you hated her and bad she screwed you over. You rambled on about how much you hated her biting her lip or the fact she left her shoes everywhere.” My mouth dropped open and my face got red hot.

“I don’t care what I said then, Jimmy. I was angry. I love when she bites her lip because I can tell she’s nervous and the shoe thing is kind of an adorable quirk. I wanted to believe I hated those things about her, but I don’t.” Okay, so maybe that made me feel a little bit better. And maybe we call all say things we don’t mean, I know I’ve done it plenty. There were a lot of awful things I thought about him, there was just never another person to tell them to. “We’ve been going around in circles for more than an hour. There’s a part I didn’t tell you before, just promise you’ll listen before you judge, okay?” Justin paused and cracked his knuckles. He looked nervous, and I’m wondering which part Jimmy doesn’t know about. “She saw me and Sarah in a compromising position.”

“Sarah? The bimbo who cheated on you ‘because you’re not emotionally mature enough to handle her’? That Sarah?” He asked incredulous. So he basically told him nothing, except I’m the reason for the teardrops on his guitar.

“Yeah. That Sarah. Look, you’re my brother and you don’t want me to get hurt, but believe me when I say the problems before were my fault. I’m surprised all she did was yell at me. And really it was worse for her because her then-boyfriend heard it and well, it was bad. Of course she never stuck around for the after party, which I don’t blame her for. I was kind of the one who provoked her. You don’t have to be best friends with her okay? Just try. She’s great, I promise.”

“Okay.” He nodded solemnly. “I can try.” The two hugged for a minute and I decide it was time to make my presence known.

“Hey guys.” I bit my lip and then stopped when I realized that I was doing it. Justin smiled walked over to me. He kissed my cheek and whispered,

“Sorry I took so long. I’ll explain later.” He put arm around me and I smiled up at him. Too bad for him, I already knew a lot.

“Donia, I think I owe you an apology. I wasn’t very nice to you earlier, but I’m just really protective. That’s no excuse, though. If you make him half as happy as he says, you got to be pretty great.” Jimmy gave me a half smile and then walked away.

“Would this be the right time to tell you I heard the last few minutes of that conversation?” I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh no. Whatever you heard I apologize like 500%.” He put his hands on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. I stared into the ocean of his blue eyes and softened a little.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” I reached up and brought his lips to mine. The overgrown stubble on his face tickled my cheeks and I laughed into his mouth. I pulled away and rested my head on his chest.

“What’s so funny?” He laughed and stroked my hair. I just kissed his neck in response. “So would this be the right time to tell you I want you to hang out for a few more days?”

“Really? Are you sure?” I looked up at him and smiled.

“Of course I do.” He shook his head at me “I wasn’t us to spend as much time together as possible. We’re not heading to San Francisco until morning, so…”

“So…that means I should get us a hotel. I mean as much as I dig your friends, I don’t think I want an audience for I what I want to happen tonight.” I raised my eyebrows and bit my lip, but I wasn’t even a little nervous. Justin widened his eyes and blushed beet red.

“Oh really? Well in that case.” He quickly whipped out his phone and typed something. “I’m ready if you are.” He pulled me along half skipping, half running. I giggled the whole way and when we reached my car I pushed him up against the passenger door. I tangled my fingers into his hair and grinned mischievously. I kissed the tip of his nose, then his cheeks, neck, and mouth. He murmured happily and I closed my eyes. I inhaled his scent and said

“Why did we have to be so stupid? I wish things were like this a long time ago.”

“Me too. It all seems silly and trivial, you know?” He looked over my head into the night sky full of stars. “When we’re together and you look at me like that, like I could do no wrong, I wonder how I got to be so lucky. I wonder how I lived without your love before.”

“You’re perfect.” I placed a hand on his chest and stared at my skin on his skin. He turned and opened the passenger door for me.

“Your chariot awaits, dear.” He held my hand and helped me into the car. He shut the door and jogged around to the driver’s side. “You’re sure about being together tonight? Alone? There are no other boyfriends, no other girlfriends, and no more pressure. We can just be us. Are you okay with this?" He smiled goofily and I smiled right back.

“Duh, you dork. I’ve been waiting for this moment, since I can’t even remember how long ago. There is no one as ready as me on this planet. I’d jump you right now if I had a bigger backseat.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Well, I need to find a bed too soon, I don’t know about you. We should, uh, really get going.” He fumbled with the keys in the ignition. “Because I’m tired.” He quickly added.

“Right of course.” I nodded in agreement and patted his arm. Tonight was going to be the absolute best night.