Status: On hold, longterm
The Sweetest of Sugars
Chapter 2
When we reached home, dinner was on the table waiting for us. Sato had already picked up the note.
“What’s it say?” I asked.
“It says…‘Dinner is on the table, won’t be home until late’…something…something.”
She looked up at me handing me the note to finish for her.
“‘Dinner is on the table, won’t be home until late…’ and the rest just says to do your homework and get to bed on time.” That wasn’t what it actually said, but she didn’t need to know about our financial problems.
“Oh.” She sighed. I could see she was struggling with something on her mind.
“What is it?” I grabbed the plates from the table and gave her hers.
“What’s the squiggly stuff? Why can’t I read it?”
I smiled. She always wanted to know more. “It’s called short hand. People like reporters and journalists or secretaries use it to make notes quickly.”
“So mom used it?”
I stopped and nearly dropped my plate. I could feel myself go pale and so turned away in order not to scare her. Recently, I was finding it harder to be strong. How much I missed her. How strongly the guilt was beginning to overwhelm me.
“Yes.” I nearly choked.
“Are you okay?” she whispered tugging on my sleeve.
I took a deep breath before turning back to her and smiling.
“I’m fine.” She didn’t look convinced. She was too smart. “Let’s go watch some TV.” I gave her a gentle nudge towards the living room. She obeyed and skipped down the hallway, jumping onto the sofa with her plate nearly spilling her food.
“Careful!” I half laughed.
She gave me one of her cheeky grins. “What do you want to watch?”
“I don’t mind, you choose.” I said.
I really didn’t mind; I was far too distracted to watch TV. Now that she’d brought up our mom, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Her smile, her laugh, the way her hair moved behind her, how she was always with a bounce in her step. For a long time she had been my best friend.
It didn’t help that Sato looked exactly like her, but with dad’s eyes and nose. Everything else was her mom’s.
I was watching her laugh at the TV, pointing and giggling and eating her dinner. I was completely absorbed. She was like the living incarnate of mom. And yet, I could feel the frown that was staining my face. I was at the same time remembering that night. That night where it was just me her and mom. And now mom was no longer here, because of that night. I could feel the anger brewing all around me. The knife in my hand made me feel so powerful, but I put it down. Before I hurt myself, or her, both of whom I blamed. Both of us were guilty.
“Sol?”
She must have noticed my expression. I just stuffed my face with spaghetti and pulled a funny face, to show I was still with her.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
I nodded and she laughed. I held my arms open and she crawled into them. Now that I couldn’t see her face, now that I could feel how small and fragile she was, I knew that this was Sato. She was my little sister. No matter what she had done in the past, I still loved her as my little sister. I would always love her.
***
The sound of the door slamming shut woke me up. We must’ve fallen asleep on the sofa; the TV was still on and dinner was half eaten.
Dad walked in; he looked like he was close to breaking down. He always looked that way now.
“How was work?” I whispered. Sato’s gentle snores, reminded me she was still sleeping.
“Fine.” He sighed pinching the bridge of his nose before walking into the kitchen.
I could hear him dishing out dinner for himself before coming back and stopping in the doorway.
“Take her to bed? And don’t forget the garbage in the morning.” His voice nearly broke.
With that, he dragged himself and his things upstairs.
“Night dad.” I whispered to myself.
He looked so exhausted, so drained. Was he tired of us? Tired of life? Perhaps he was tired of everything. I didn’t know; he never talked to me anymore. We were never particularly close before, it was always me and mom, him and Sato. Even though it had already been over 2 years, I didn’t think it was going to get any better. Two years ago in the run up to Christmas, not only did we lose our mother, we lost our father too.
“What’s it say?” I asked.
“It says…‘Dinner is on the table, won’t be home until late’…something…something.”
She looked up at me handing me the note to finish for her.
“‘Dinner is on the table, won’t be home until late…’ and the rest just says to do your homework and get to bed on time.” That wasn’t what it actually said, but she didn’t need to know about our financial problems.
“Oh.” She sighed. I could see she was struggling with something on her mind.
“What is it?” I grabbed the plates from the table and gave her hers.
“What’s the squiggly stuff? Why can’t I read it?”
I smiled. She always wanted to know more. “It’s called short hand. People like reporters and journalists or secretaries use it to make notes quickly.”
“So mom used it?”
I stopped and nearly dropped my plate. I could feel myself go pale and so turned away in order not to scare her. Recently, I was finding it harder to be strong. How much I missed her. How strongly the guilt was beginning to overwhelm me.
“Yes.” I nearly choked.
“Are you okay?” she whispered tugging on my sleeve.
I took a deep breath before turning back to her and smiling.
“I’m fine.” She didn’t look convinced. She was too smart. “Let’s go watch some TV.” I gave her a gentle nudge towards the living room. She obeyed and skipped down the hallway, jumping onto the sofa with her plate nearly spilling her food.
“Careful!” I half laughed.
She gave me one of her cheeky grins. “What do you want to watch?”
“I don’t mind, you choose.” I said.
I really didn’t mind; I was far too distracted to watch TV. Now that she’d brought up our mom, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Her smile, her laugh, the way her hair moved behind her, how she was always with a bounce in her step. For a long time she had been my best friend.
It didn’t help that Sato looked exactly like her, but with dad’s eyes and nose. Everything else was her mom’s.
I was watching her laugh at the TV, pointing and giggling and eating her dinner. I was completely absorbed. She was like the living incarnate of mom. And yet, I could feel the frown that was staining my face. I was at the same time remembering that night. That night where it was just me her and mom. And now mom was no longer here, because of that night. I could feel the anger brewing all around me. The knife in my hand made me feel so powerful, but I put it down. Before I hurt myself, or her, both of whom I blamed. Both of us were guilty.
“Sol?”
She must have noticed my expression. I just stuffed my face with spaghetti and pulled a funny face, to show I was still with her.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
I nodded and she laughed. I held my arms open and she crawled into them. Now that I couldn’t see her face, now that I could feel how small and fragile she was, I knew that this was Sato. She was my little sister. No matter what she had done in the past, I still loved her as my little sister. I would always love her.
***
The sound of the door slamming shut woke me up. We must’ve fallen asleep on the sofa; the TV was still on and dinner was half eaten.
Dad walked in; he looked like he was close to breaking down. He always looked that way now.
“How was work?” I whispered. Sato’s gentle snores, reminded me she was still sleeping.
“Fine.” He sighed pinching the bridge of his nose before walking into the kitchen.
I could hear him dishing out dinner for himself before coming back and stopping in the doorway.
“Take her to bed? And don’t forget the garbage in the morning.” His voice nearly broke.
With that, he dragged himself and his things upstairs.
“Night dad.” I whispered to myself.
He looked so exhausted, so drained. Was he tired of us? Tired of life? Perhaps he was tired of everything. I didn’t know; he never talked to me anymore. We were never particularly close before, it was always me and mom, him and Sato. Even though it had already been over 2 years, I didn’t think it was going to get any better. Two years ago in the run up to Christmas, not only did we lose our mother, we lost our father too.