Triangles

I’m using Gavin. It’s a difficult to admit but it’s true. I want Gavin for an experience of love. If anyone can show me that love exists it'll be him - with his flirtatious ways and gorgeous looks. He’s a great person to be around, we can talk non stop about anything. He's learnt to cope with the fact I don't care much if I offend him or anyone else. I feel accepted by him and Janette.

I do feel slightly bad about leaving Sean so much. Sean really doesn’t like me hanging around with Gavin. I feel like I’ve pulled them apart. Sean’s constantly warning me on how much of a player Gavin is. I don't care, I can't actually be hurt by anyone and Gavin has promised he won't ever hurt me.

"Here's a little question for you" Gavin said, jumping up on the counter after school. Jan’s always at the office when we get home. There’s only one week of school left. Gavin has convinced me to wear very short shorts every day until the end of term. I’ve noticed a lot of people staring at me. It makes me feel quite odd, but quite pleased with myself. I’m proving myself to be better than the girls who drag me down because of my appearance. I stand out for a bloody mile with blue hair like this! My eyes are luminous against my hair, too. Having almost perfectly white skin doesn’t help. Maybe summer will.

"Okay sure, fire" I said, taking two cans of coke from the fridge. I jump up and sit next to him on the counter. His arm drapes around my shoulders again, holding me tightly.

"How would you feel about committing to a relationship?" He asked. I thought hard about it. "I mean, calling someone your boyfriend and actually being open about it in public?"

"Open..?" I inquire.

"Like, affectionate" he answers.

"But I'm not affectionate"

"You are. You're very affectionate to me. You're really caring and nice to me. You don’t have to be to anyone else, just me"

"Oh...well I don't see why not then" I reply without thinking. Gavin’s lips grazed my cheek softly.

"I just want to help you. I promise to not hurt you" he reassured. I nod, taking a swig of my coke. I started to think more about what Sean had said. What if Gav is just another heart breaker? Sean does know him better than I do, after all. Do I really trust Sean? What about Gavin? I’ve known Sean longer than I’ve known Gavin - doesn’t that mean I should trust him more? I’m not quite sure if I trust either of them, to be honest.

I know; somewhere deep down I’m making an awful mistake. Something about the glint in Gavin's eyes is so wrong, like he’s lying to me. I can tell when someone’s lying, but I can't tell you why. Yes - I do watch too many re runs of Lie To Me! Cal Lightman is my ultimate hero. He's just so awesome!

I finish my drink and went upstairs to my room, just as Sean comes through the front door. I've learnt that it’s normal for a wild Sean to appear every now and again out of the blue. He smiled and blushed, his gaze instantly falling to my legs. Maybe the shorts are proving to guys as well that I can be sexy. I run upstairs and into my room, collapsing on my bed.

"Gavin! You're a fucking prick!" I hear Sean shout from downstairs. His voice is faint from where I am, I can only just about make out his words. Slowly so as not to disturb any floorboards, I creep towards the top of the stairs. The two boys stood in the kitchen, having a full blown argument.

"You just think she's hot!" Sean growled. I sniff, trying to argue with myself over who this 'she' is. It's obviously me. I don't want to think it is though. I actually quite like Gavin! I think he's quite a nice person, quite beautiful and caring. Wait do I? It’s only been a few days.

"And you're just jealous ‘cause I'll fuck her before you!" Gavin laughs. I swallow, trying to remain calm and silent. I’m making a mistake with Gavin. I know that if I try to fight him and go against him he'll hurt me. Gav wants me, so therefore he shall have me. I don't have much choice. I’m going to be burnt so badly.

Sean's voice dips low, so low I can't hear him. I creep closer towards the edge, straining to hear. I manage to pick up Sean's hoarse whisper: 'When she comes running to me in tears-"

Suddenly I loose my balance and tumble down the stairs, making a tremendous racket. I hit the floor with a loud bang, knocking my back on the bottom step. I groan in pain, rubbing the sore spot. Gavin and Sean rush out from the kitchen, horrified looks on their faces. They’re not worried about what I've done or how I’ve hurt myself; they’re worried about what I've heard.

"I was coming down to get another drink and I tripped and busted my back" I whimper. The excuse doesn’t sink in.

"Aw, you need a lie down!" Gavin said softly. He glares at me, and picked me up, his grip too tight. I whimper again in pain, but he only squeezes harder. He knows I've heard. I rest my head on his shoulder and stare at Sean. He looks so sympathetic.

He’s been right all along and I can't do anything about it. His face flushed a deep red, and he looks quite hurt. Maybe it’s because Gavin had said in his own way that Sean likes me. He smiles sympathetically, before turning and walking away. Gavin carried me up the stairs, and I can’t help but feel slightly violated. Sean is so right.