One Hundred Sleepless Nights

Today was the day Mrs. P was scheduled for her monthly check-up. Every month she had gotten better and better so I’m really excited to see her progress today. At the first check-up I was so nervous, I had to keep texting Tony to keep myself from losing my mind.

My plan for today was to come over to Tony’s, get Mrs. P ready, and make breakfast then wake Tony up before I leave with his mom. Honestly, I’m kind of nervous to see Tony now, especially since that phone call and all those questions he asked me last night, I couldn’t help but to feel anxious.

I pulled into Tony’s driveway and turn off the engine of my black ’96 BMW 740iL; I grabbed my purse and head inside the door. It’s only 9 AM and usually this house would be dead silent because Tony would still be sleeping and Mrs. P would be in her room. But not today, when I step into the house I could smell bacons being fried. I fast-walked into the kitchen and to my surprise, I saw Tony standing there wearing my R2-D2 apron that I left here with his back facing my way, holding a spatula and making breakfast.

“Uh… Hi there”

He turned around quickly, almost knocking over the skillet on the stove, and grinned.

“Good morning! Surprise – surprise!”

“What are you doing Tone?” I laughed while walking towards him; he opened his arm and gave me a hug.

“Well, you did so much already since I got here, I just thought of returning the favor” He smiled. “Now sit down, breakfast is almost ready”

“But I need to get your mom and get her ready, the doctor appointment is at 10”

“Oh don’t worry, ma is all set and ready to go. She’s in the living room watching TV” He gave me his adorable, knee-weakening, smile and I couldn’t help but to smile back. He put bacon, egg and two stacks of pancakes on my plate and set another plate for himself.

“Thanks Tone, this is really nice” He smiled and took a seat next to me and we began eating.

“Hey Cass?”

“Yup?”

“What are you doing tonight? Do you have any plans?”

I nearly choked on my bacon bits; I put down my fork and cleared my throat.

“Uh, no. I’m free tonight, why’d you ask?” I asked as calmly as possible, trying so hard not to freak out over where this conversation is going.

“Good, nothing I was just asking” He smiled and continue munching down his pancakes.

“Wh-“

“Cassie? Ah, you’re here already” I was about to protest to Tony, when I heard Mrs. P rolling over to the dining area.

“Hey Mrs. P, you ready to go?”

She nodded and rolled to the front door.

“Alright I gotta go now, thanks for breakfast Tone. You’re amazing” I hopped off the chair and gave Tony a kiss on the cheek.

“No problem. Oh hey, can you come over around 6-ish?”

“Sure, after the doctor I’m going to drop your mom back here, do some errands then I’ll come over”

“Alright, now get out of my face” He chuckled. I flipped him off playfully and walked out with Mrs. P.

Oh boy, this is going to be a long day



I kept glancing nervously towards the clock, it’s only 4:30 and right now I’m sitting on the couch, staring at the TV that’s been off since I got here. After I dropped Mrs. P back at Tony’s, I went to the office to deliver my printed draft of an article about the San Diego Charger’s game last night and I went straight home.

I began thinking all the scenarios that will happen when he finally asked me. Will he actually pop the question? Or will he just take me to a place and say that we’re on a date? Ugh! I have thought every possible scenario and still I’m sweating bullets.

Oh my, what am I going to wear? Should I just show up there all dressed up? What if I got dressed up and it turns out that it’s a casual date? But what if I don’t dress up and it turns out that we’re going to have a fancy dinner?

“AAAAAARRRGHHH!” I screamed out loud and pulled my hair.

I walked into my room, opened my closet and stood in front of it with my hands on my hip.

What should I wear?

I grabbed my tight LBD that sets right in the middle of my thighs and it has a deep plunge on the back. I tried it on and immediately took it off, because I look like a hooker on the job.

I sighed and I took my favorite white blouse from Calvin Klein, which costs me a month’s rent, and paired it with black denim. I put my hair up into a bun and checked myself in the mirror.

Ah fuck, I look like a working mom.

Now I’m really getting frustrated, I laid in my underwear on my bed. Still figuring out what to wear for tonight’s “date” with Tony. He had seen me in probably every clothes I own, I just want to impress him tonight by “wow-ing” him, I just want to look pretty.

Then I remembered the floral dress I bought a few months ago, they were a bit too small when I bought them but now since I’ve been running around and getting really busy with myself, I’ve shed at least 10lbs. I went back to the closet, crawled myself under the dresser and found the paper bag with the dress in it. I took it out, tried it on and it fits perfectly on my body. I paired the blue floral print dress with a denim vest I got during a year-end sale at Mango and my all time favorite black ballerina flats.

I took one last look in the mirror and I felt pretty good about myself. I decided to keep my long black hair straight like it naturally is, because I usually curl it with a curling iron to make it more wavy and voluminous. I put on a tiny bit of mascara, eyeliner and lip-gloss.

I glanced at the clock; it was 5:30 and I still need to drive there so I decided to head off right then. I grabbed my bag, locked the door and drove over to Tony’s.

The drive there was excruciating, I was jumpy, nervous and I can’t shake this uneasy feeling I had in the pit of my stomach like something bad was going to happen.

I pulled into Tony’s driveway and killed the engine. I took deep breaths and got out of the car. Right now I think the word ‘nervous’ wouldn’t be enough to describe what I’m feeling, my heart was about to jump out off my chest, my palms were sweating and I can’t even think of what to say.

“Hey you, come on, come in!” I was yanked out of my thoughts and back into reality when I heard Tony yelled, telling me to come in. I just realized that I was standing in the middle of the driveway fidgeting and sweating like a pig.

I walked inside and I saw Mrs. Perry was sitting on the couch watching The Good Wife with a glass of wine and a bowl of chips next to her. Tony had disappeared into his room so I decided to join Mrs. P on the couch.

“You look really nice tonight Cassie, do you have plans with Tony?” Mrs. P asked me during the commercial break.

“Mm… I don’t know, he only told me to come over so I would assume that he’s taking me somewhere” I grinned wide. She smiled and nudged me with her elbow.

After a while, I heard Tony skipping down the stairs with different clothes, he changed into a black Lacoste polo shirt, a pair of Key Street chinos, paired with his favorite black Nike Stefan Janoski .

“Hey Cass, can I talk to you for a minute?” I nodded and excused myself from Mrs. P to talk to Tony.

“What’s up?” I swallowed hard.

“Uh, this is kind of… Embarrassing, I really need to ask you something”

Oh God. This is it.

“Yeah, anything”

“Would you uh… Um…” He looked down and kept playing with his fingers.

“Just spit it out Tone” I chuckled, suddenly all the nervousness went away and now all I feel is excitement.

“Would you mind staying here and keep my mom company? I kinda have a date tonight with this girl I met during the last tour, I might be coming home late and I don’t want ma to be alone…”

What.

Tony kept rambling and I was just too stunned and embarrassed and all fucked in every way to keep listening to what he has to say. Honestly, I stopped listening when he said that he has a date with a girl.

Do you know what it’s like to feel like someone had dropped a 300 lbs dumbbell on your chest?

Neither do I, but I’m sure as hell it would hurt less than what I felt.

I completely zoned out and all I can think about is how stupid I am for believing in something that was never there and for making a complete fool out of myself.

“So, what do you say?” He forced back my attention as he grabbed my hand.

I looked at him and forced a smile. “Sure, anything for you”

I fell in love and now I’m all alone