One Hundred Sleepless Nights

I’m sure every single one of you knows what a broken heart does to you both mentally and physically. Forget eating and going out, I can’t even gather the energy and the will to get up from my bed to shower. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a proper lunch or dinner, the dark circles I have under my eyes are getting more and more obvious and my shoulder blades are getting more and more visible.

It has been 10 days; exactly 10 days after Tony made me watch his mom because he had to out on a date with a girl.

It has been 10 days of me crying myself to sleep.

It has been 10 days since I felt like a complete idiot.

It has been 10 days when he broke my heart. Without even realizing it.

I know I basically set myself up for this heartbreak, it’s obvious. Falling in love with a guitarist in a famous band is basically the stupidest thing I have ever done in my entire life. The thing that really pisses me off is that I let myself get into this when I know perfectly what was going to happen, that I let myself believe something that was clearly impossible.

I hadn’t spoken to anyone since that day. Avela called me a few times but I didn’t pick up, so did Tony and Jaime. I could face neither Jaime nor Avela without breaking down crying and telling them how stupid and idiotic I have been. So I just decided that I’m going to lock myself inside until I get my head on straight. It’s stupid, but come on, after what happened almost 2 weeks ago? This is practically genius.

I got up, deciding that I would actually eat this time and walked towards the kitchen. I opened the fridge and found bottles of beers and a box of spoiled chicken soup. I grunted and closed the fridge; I opened the kitchen cabinet and found nothing but uncooked pasta with a box of Cheez-it. I slammed the door and sat on top of the kitchen counter, I buried my face on my palm and began crying again.

Why do you have to be so stupid, Cass?

I hate what Tony is doing to me, I know it’s not his fault but why do I have to fall in love with the one person that is so oblivious towards my feelings? Even Vic, who’s the least close to me can tell that I’m in love with Tony.

My head shot up when I heard my house phone rings, I hopped off the counter and head towards the phone. Nobody rings my house phone unless it’s not someone that’s close to me, the guys and the girls would always call me on my cell.

“Hello?” I said

“Oh my God, you’re alive!” Ah shit.

I had to pull away from my phone because Jaime was shouting too loud. “What’s up, Hime?”

“Where the fuck have you been?! I’ve been calling and calling, you never called me back” I could hear the frown in his voice, damn I feel bad.

“I’m sorry Hime, I’m just really busy lately with work and everything” Lies.

“Are you sure? Are you okay Cass?” Now he sound concerned.

“Yeah, I’m swell. Just busy and stuff, no biggie” Another lie.

“Alright then, I’m gonna come over in a few. Be ready! Avela and I missed you” I heard Avela shouted ‘yes’ in the background.

I really don’t feel like talking anyone right now, especially my sister and Jaime because over the phone my lies might sound convincing, but face-to-face? They can see right through my lies. I’m just not ready to talk about it yet.

“Ah I’m sorry Hime, I have office duty today. I’m going on the field to cover this story”

“Aw man, alright then. I’ll come over when you’re not busy, lemme know!”

“Aright Hime, I’ll talk to you soon, bye”

“Bye” With that I hung up the phone and went back straight to my room. I lie down, curled up in my comforter and stayed there until I fell asleep.

I woke up half an hour later because my cellphone rang a few times. Groggily, I stood up and head to the dresser where my phone was. I opened it and I found 5 text messages from Tony.

From: Tony Turtle

Hey, haven’t heard from u in a while. U okay?

I press back and opened another one.

Cass? Are u sick? U need me to come over?

And another one.

Why aren’t u replying? I’m worried here

And another.

Srsly Cass, where the hell r u?

And the last one.

Cassandra Hayes! If u don’t reply my texts im gonna come over ASAP!

I sighed, I don’t want to reply any of his texts but I know Tony. He WILL show up here if I don’t reply, so I replied his text as brief as I can.

To: Tony Turtle

Im fine, no need to come over. Busy with work, text u soon

After it was sent, I turned off my phone and toss it onto the bed. I had thought about drinking my life away into oblivion, but I realized that it wasn’t going to make me feel any better. But when you’re in my position? Anything is better than this.



“CASSIEEEEE!! Open up!”

My eyes flutter open when I heard muffled shouts and someone banging on the door. I turned to my bedside table and saw the time, 12:30 PM. I groaned and threw the covers off of my body. I glanced around the room and found empty bottles of Jack Daniels and Jameson scattered around the floor. The blinds were shut and the lights were set out, I had stayed in in the dark for 3 days since I got that text from Tony. I hadn’t stepped out of my room at all.

I stumbled out of my room and towards the door; I peeked through the peephole and saw Avela, Rachel and Frenchi outside.

“Cassie we know you’re inside so you better open!” I heard Rachel shouted from behind the door.

“Hold on” I unlocked the lock and opened the door, immediately regretting it when the sunlight hits my face.

“Ugh about time!” Frenchi and Rachel barged in and head straight to the living room, while Avela stayed behind.

“Hey sis, you okay? Haven’t heard from you in a while” She closed the door

“I’m fine, just really stressed out with work and all” I said, not making eye contact with her.

“Yeah, of course” She smiled kindly. “If you’re ready to talk you know I’m always there for you” She squeezed my arm and went to join the girls in the living room.

“What are you guys doing here?” I asked, trying not to sound annoyed.

“I need help setting up Mike’s birthday. It’s in two days and I still got nothing!” Frenchi whined.

“Okay, what do you guys need?”

We spent the next hour and a half discussing what to do to surprise him, what food to get and who to invite. I gotta say, hanging out with the girls, even just to talk about Mike’s birthday, really took my mind off of Tony.

“Ugh, I should have gone to you from the first day. You’re the best” Frenchi leaned over to give me a hug.

“Oh honey, why are you so… Boney now? Have you been eating right?” Frenchi said and now Rachel and Avela began inspecting me.

“Uh… Yeah, I’m just really busy lately, you know, work and all” I shrugged, hoping they would just drop the subject.

“Anyway, have you heard about Tony?” Rachel piped up, trying to get everybody’s attention.

“What’s up with Tony?” Avela asked confused.

“I was home yesterday with Vic and I heard them talking about this girl that Tony is supposedly dating. I mean, I really thought Tony has this thing with you Cass”

And with that, it’s like I just got punched in the gut.

“Really? Well, I didn’t know anything about that” I faked a laugh. “I was super busy with everything I haven’t catch up with him”

“Well you’re going to the party right? Don’t tell me you’re blowing off this party for work” Frenchi pointed her finger right in front of my face.

“Of course not! I’ll make it, don’t worry” I smiled, though I don’t really think that I could, not without adding salt to the wound.