One Hundred Sleepless Nights

After seeing Tony with Jessie that night, I felt like I had reached rock bottom. At least I thought I did. I ended up falling asleep in Mike’s bathroom with mascara smeared all over my face and when I woke up, I was lying facedown on the cold tiled floor. Mike drove me home afterwards, saying how I shouldn’t have drank too much Jack and that he knew from experience what that can do to you. While the truth is, I wasn’t even drunk at all.

I spent all night crying and spilling my guts on the toilet. Then I passed out from exhaustion.

After sulking around back home for another few days, I realized that this is only making me feel even more depressed and shitty and I decided that I should go out with the girls to distract my mind away from all this drama. I grabbed my phone to ring Avela and ask her to come over, but before I got the chance to do that, Frenchi was already calling me.

“Hey, what’s up?” I asked after I pressed the green button.

“You, me, the girls. Lunch. How’s that sound? I’m craving chocolate cake and strawberry milkshakes,” Frenchi said in one breath.

Oh how I love my girls.

“Sounds awesome, when?” I started making my way to the bathroom, taking a good look at myself in the mirror.

“I’m going to come by and pick you up in half an hour, don’t be late cause I’m starving!”

“Copy that ma’am!” I hung up the phone and began stripping down. I have lost so much weight these past few weeks my ribcage are starting to look like those skeleton in the science lab. My cheekbones are starting to make me look like Kate Moss while she was on crack and the circles under my eyes are making me look like a panda.

I turned on the hot water and let it stream down my body. I felt relaxed in a matter of seconds and I felt as if all the weight in the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. I washed my body and my hair and stayed under the shower for another 5 minutes before getting out.

I wrapped a towel on my head and on my body, head to the dresser and began selecting my attire for the day. Since it was really hot out today, I decided to wear my favorite denim shorts and paired it with my Pink Floyd muscle tee. I blow dried my hair, put them up in a high bun and began putting on my make up. I put on a bit more concealer than usual, to hide my unusually hideous panda eyes.

I was about to call Frenchi to ask her where she was when I heard a knock on the door. I grabbed my purse, phone and keys and walked outside.

“Ready?” Frenchi asked.

“Yep!”

“We have to go to Vic’s first to pick up Rachel and Avela there and then we can go”

I nodded and hopped into Frenchi’s car. We blasted Swedish House Mafia loudly and fist pumped to the beat all the way to Vic’s house. We both got out form the car as soon as we got there, and walked into Vic’s house since it wasn’t locked.

We walked into the TV room and saw Vic and Jaime fighting over what game they were going to play.

“We played Halo yesterday! Come on I want to play FIFA today!” Vic whined, trying to grab the FIFA CD case from Jaime’s hand.

“We played FIFA all day every day on tour, come on!” Jaime whined back at Vic and I couldn’t help but to laugh at their actions.

“Hey Cassie!” Jaime turned around, dropped the CD cases he had on his hand and walked over to give me a hug.

“What were you guys doing?” I asked, still laughing.

“Hime-Time here wont let me play FIFA, he’s an ass” Vic rolled his eyes and Jaime glared at him.

“Hey, play nice boys. Where are Avela and Rachel?” I asked both of them.

“Here! I’m here, let’s go!” Avela and Rachel popped out of nowhere, almost running into the glass door because they were skipping towards where Frenchi and I were standing.

“Alright, you guys ready to go?”

“Yep! Let’s go!” Avela went over to give Jaime a kiss and so did Rachel.

We all head to the door, excited for all of us to finally go out together and have fun. Frenchi went to open the door and when she did, it’s like Mike Tyson punched me right across the face.

Tony was standing there, with Jessie. Hand in hand.

“Hey girls, where are you guys going?” Tony smiled brightly when he made eye contact with me.

“We’re going to go and get lunch, it’s been a while since we have some girl-time” Rachel smiled excitedly.

“Oh that’s awesome” Tony nodded and we all just stood there, awkwardly.

Avela glanced at me and smiled, like she knows what I’m feeling right now.

Frenchi broke the awkward silence. “Well, we better get going now” Tony nodded and Jessie just smiled awkwardly towards all of us. “Would you like to join us, Jessie?” Frenchi asked again, a bit unwillingly.

“Sure, that would be great. If that’s okay with all of you?” She looked at the rest of us, I just shrugged and so did everybody.

“Alright then, let’s go” We all walked out of Vic’s place and into Frenchi’s car. I looked back and saw Jessie giving Tony a kiss before heading out. I turned away and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to flood down my face.

Fuck my life



After driving around and debating where to go, we finally decided to have lunch at Georgio’s, an Italian bistro in downtown San Diego. During the car ride to Georgio’s, I was stuck sitting next to Jessie and I don’t need to tell you how painful it was.

“What are you guys going to order?” Avela asked everybody once we were given our menus.

“I’m having the seafood risotto, that’s for sure,” Rachel said while scanning the menu.

“I’m going to have the cheese and shrimp risotto, I’ve been wanting to try them for a long time. Also, chocolate cake and milkshake for dessert”

“Are you crazy?” Rachel’s head shot up from the menu and we all laughed.

“I think I’m going to have the Caesar salad with lemonade” Jessie piped up from across the table.

Oooh, I’m going to have salad

Stuck up bitch.

“Alright then, we’re all ready to order?” Frenchi asked and we all nodded. She waved over the waiter and we all placed our order.

“So Jessie, where are you from?” Frenchi clasp together her fingers on the table like she was giving an interview.

“I’m from New York originally, but I’ve been living in Vegas for the last 5 years” She smiled.

“Why did you move?” Rachel piped up.

“Because of my job, you know how those things can relocate you as they wish” She chuckled

“What do you do?” Frenchi asked again.

“I’m a model, I’m signed to Wilhelmina models and they moved me to Vegas”

She’s a fucking model

“What kind of modeling do you do? Like those high fashion stuff or just catalogue modeling?” Frenchi asked a bit condescendingly.

“I do a bit of both, depending on the client really” She didn’t seem to catch Frenchi’s insult and she just smiled.

I was laughing really hard inside my head; Frenchi is the ultimate bitch when she wants to be one. There’s no out-bitching her.

“How did you meet Tony? We’re you hanging out at bars while they were there?” Frenchi asked again, sipping her milkshake.

“Frenchi!” Avela shouted, glaring at her.

“What? It was a legitimate question” She rolled her eyes and went back to Jessie who is starting to look really uncomfortable.

“Please excuse her, she’s being a bit of a bitch today” Avela glared at Frenchi again, who give zero fucks to what she had just said.

“Uh no actually, I met Tony at Chipotle. I was queuing in front of him and we talked for a while and he asked for my phone number” She blushed a little, which made me want to gag.

Our orders came and that saved me from listening to another ‘Jessie and Tony’ story. Frenchi was talking about the upcoming tour and we all talked and basically ignored the tension between Frenchi and Jessie.

I feel really proud of myself for being able to control myself from being a bitch towards Jessie. Yes, I admit I kept quiet all those times but I was able to restrain myself from rolling my eyes when she ordered Caesar salad while we were all eating like pigs.

Yay for Cassie!

Once we were done, we split the bill and went for a drive to the mall. Avela and Rachel wanted to go to Forever 21 and Frenchi needed to get food from the food court. I tagged along with Frenchi while Jessie went with Rachel and Avela to F21.

“You hate Jessie don’t you?” I asked while we were waiting for our pretzel to be served.

“She’s just like… Annoying you know? ‘ooh I’m getting a salad’ and ‘ooh I’m a model’ I just don’t like her” She said mimicking what Jessie said, that had me burst into laughter in the middle of the food court.

“Besides, I don’t like Tony with her. He’s supposed to be with you and we all know it” She said taking the pretzel from the clerk.

Oh, you have no idea

Once we were all done with what we needed, we drove back home to Vic’s because all the guys were there. I sat in the front because I just can’t stand it if I have to sit next to Jessie again. Frenchi put Far East Movement’s ‘Turn Up The Love’ loudly on the speaker and we all sang to the lyrics.

This is why I love my girls; even in my lowest and darkest moments in my life they know how to cheer me up without even trying. I’ve grown so close to them, it’s like our minds are thinking the same things.

When we pulled into Vic’s driveway, I was in a lot better mood. I’m smiling and laughing while helping Avela carry her shopping bag inside.

“Hey girls, had fun?” Vic came out from the kitchen and gave Rachel a kiss on the cheek.

“The best! We went out to eat and I went shopping!” She held up her F21 bags and grinned.

Vic lowered his head and whispered in her ear. “I can’t wait to see you try them on”

I rolled my eyes and left them both, it’s gross.

I head over to the living room and sat next to Jaime and right across Tony. They were playing Left 4 Dead and Jaime was shouting and yelling because he was killed and were asking for Tony to revive him.

I was laughing along with Mike who was standing behind me watching them two play, but soon my smile went away when I saw Jessie came over to Tony and sat on his lap. She kissed him on the nose and he kissed her back. I looked around to divert my attention elsewhere but all I saw were couples. Vic and Rachel are talking in the kitchen, with their arms around each other. Avela was sitting next to Jaime, leaning her head on his shoulder. Even Mike was standing behind me with Frenchi in his arms.

Okay, that’s it.

I stood up, fixed my shirt and grabbed my purse. “Hey guys, I’m going to get going”

Tony paused the game and soon everybody was staring at me.

“Why? Where are you going?” Tony asked confusedly.

“I just… I’m just tired and I got tons of stuff to do” I lied. Obviously, I just don’t want to be the only single and miserable one in this house.

“Alright then, let me drive you home. You didn’t bring your car right?” Tony stood up, putting Jessie down on the couch.

“Nah, it’s okay. I’ll just walk, I think I need some fresh air” I turned around and head towards the door. I saw Frenchi giving me a sad look but I just gave her a smile and opened the door.

“See ya later guys” I waved and with that I walked out the door.

I fucking hate my life right now.