One Hundred Sleepless Nights

Since Jessie is always at Tony’s, I figured it would be awkward for me to keep spending my time there. So I just stopped visiting and spend all my time either at home or at work. It’s actually nice to be working in the office for once, I just found out that Jocelyn, one of my colleagues, is actually from UCLA and she is now married with two kids.

I’ve also spent more time hanging out with Avela. The other day, we both went to Disneyland and just completely went crazy. We got matching Minnie Mouse ears thingy and we spent the entire day just going on rides and eating those overly priced food and beverages. Although at the beginning of the day I was feeling really down, I actually had an amazing time with her.

When she called the night before, I was so excited that I was actually acting like a kid being nervous for her first trip to Disneyland. But when we arrived there, it hits me: Disneyland was Tony’s thing. Avela soon realized that and with her magic, by the end of the day I was having one of the best Disneyland trips that I’ve ever been to.

I haven’t been talking to Tony for quite some time; it’s hard for me because for years Tony has been the closest to me, even closer than Kristin. I know I could talk to him if I wanted to but it’s just… I can’t. Every time I see Tony, I couldn’t help but to feel sick to my stomach.

“Hey Cass, do you want to get lunch together?” I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Jocelyn asked me, she was leaning on my cubicle wall.

“Sure, let me grab my stuff and I’ll meet you downstairs?” She nodded and took off with my other colleague, Maria.

I grabbed my purse and make sure I had my wallet inside, because the last time I went to lunch with Jocelyn I completely forgot my wallet and she had to pay for me. I was going down the stairs to meet up with the girls when my phone rang, I checked the caller ID and my heart skipped a beat when I saw Tony’s name flashing on the screen.

“Hello?” I picked up the phone as I descend the stairs.

“Cassie? It’s Claudia” I felt my heart sank when I heard Mrs. Perry on the phone, I really thought Tony was calling me.

“Hey Mrs. P, what’s up?” I asked as I walked out the lobby to meet up with Jocelyn and Maria.

“Are you busy? Can you come over?”

“No, I’m about to get lunch… Is everything okay Mrs. P?” I stopped walking as soon as I said it, she sounded really weak and it’s really not like her.

“I’m fine, but if you can’t that’s fine Cassie, I don’t want to bother you”

“No, no. I’ll go right now, I’ll be there soon”

She said bye and I hung up the phone, now I’m really curious and concerned about Mrs. P. I’m scared that something’s happening to her.

“Hey Joce, I don’t think I could go to lunch today, I just got phone call from Tony’s mom and she wants me to come over. I’m scared something’s happened…”

“Oh yeah sure, don’t worry about it. I hope she’s okay”

“Thanks Joce, I’ll see you two soon, okay?” I said as I walked backwards to the building.

“Yeah no problem hun” They both waved and I jogged to the parking lot, I got into my pathetic excuse of a car and drove straight to Tony’s.

The last time Mrs. P asked me to come over when she just got discharged from the hospital. SHe fell off her wheelchair because she wanted to go to the bathroom. I was so scared and I was shaking the whole way there but after that there hasn’t been any incident since. So you can imagine how nervous I am right now.

I pulled into Tony’s driveway and thankful that his car is nowhere to be seen, I put the gear in park and skipped inside the house. I called out Mrs. P’s name and found her reading a book with a bottle of wine in her room.

Oh thank Lord.

“Oh there you are Cassie, I hope I wasn’t pulling you from anything important?” She patted the bed and I sat down on the edge.

“No it’s fine, phew! I thought something bad happened!” I laughed, “What’s up?”

“Why haven’t you been coming around lately? I’ve missed having you around to talk to, nobody here talks to me like you do” She frowned and I felt bad all of the sudden.

“I thought since Jessie is here a lot it would be too crowded in the house, I just don’t want to make it weird that’s all” I played with my fingers.

She scoffed. “Please, that girl is no use in this house. Tony had to take care of me AND her. She’s nothing but a burden to Tony” She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her wine.

I scooted closer to Mrs. P. Now I’m intrigued…

“What do you mean? Isn’t she here everyday? Can’t Tony ask her to help him?”

“Yeah she is, but she does nothing but whine and demand Tony’s attention 24/7. I would be fine if I’m not in this damn chair but it seems like she doesn’t understand the fact that I need Tony to take care of me”

“What did Tony say about all this?”

“I don’t know, I can’t talk to him about this because he’s going to think that I’m being mean to his new girlfriend or something. I just don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. I’ve been pushing him to find someone and I’m glad that he did… I just hate to see that he couldn’t find someone better” She sighed and set down her wine glass, and then she looked at me and smiled.

“What? Why are you smiling?”

“I’ve always thought Tony would end up being with you. You guys spent so much time together I think it’s only a matter of time before you two get together” She smiled widely, reaching for my arm.

“I don’t know Mrs. P, Tony seems pretty happy with Jessie now and I really don’t want to ruin anything between them”

“You don’t have to” She smiled again, squeezing my arm, “If I know my son like I know I do, he’s gonna come around sooner or later”

“Well, I don’t think there’s any point on denying it anymore so I really hope he does” I gave her a weak smile, inside praying like crazy that he would.





I can’t help but to notice Cass’ behavior ever since I introduced her to Jessie, I feel like she’s avoiding me and ignoring me. I know it was a douche move to ask her to come over to watch my mom while I was out with her but I really thought she would be happy for me now that I’ve found someone. After what happened with Stephanie, I was certain that I would give up on relationship. I was really crushed and I didn’t think that I could ever trust any girl ever again.

Well, except for Cassie and my mom.

Stephanie really destroyed me; I really thought 4 years of relationship would mean something to her. It did to me, but I guess not to her. When I left for tour, I thought I could trust her to not lie to me but I knew that it was a stupid thought when I found out that she was sleeping with someone from her school behind my back.

When I found Jessie, at first I admit it was because of her looks. She’s drop dead gorgeous and everything about her is breathtaking. When I asked for her number, I was nervous as hell because it has been almost 5 and a half-year since the last time I asked anybody out or even flirt with any girl. When she gave me her number, I was so happy that I bought everybody on tour a round of shots.

When I first asked her out, I followed what Cassie said on the night of the post-tour dinner. I asked her to go to Disneyland, bought her a bouquet of flowers and took her on a small picnic by the beach. By the end of the night, not only I got her promise of going exclusive but I also got a kiss.

I know, I know. Why am I so excited about getting a fucking kiss? You need to realize that I haven’t kissed any girl or anyone for that matter for the last year and a half! So yeah I was damn happy when she leaned over to kiss me when I dropped her off.

It was all rainbows and smiles the first few months we went out, but lately it’s all but rainbows and smiles. She has gotten really clingy, needy and to be honest, really annoying. When I told her that I missed hanging out with Cassie because I spent all my time with her; she actually stormed out from the living room and locked herself inside the bathroom. Also today, I took her out to lunch at this small diner by the beach and there were fans coming up to me and asking for pictures and chatted for a bit. She gave all of them the stink-eye and looking at them as if they were bums asking for money on the side of the road. That really got me, those kids are really important to me and I’m not just saying because they’re the reason I can do what I’m doing now but I really think that we (the kids and I) have a really special bond, and it would really suck if that gets messed up because of her. I’m starting to think that I jumped into this relationship way too fast and that I haven’t really gotten to know her yet.

I pulled my car into the driveway and I swear my heart skipped a beat when I saw Cassie’s black BMW parked in the driveway. I haven’t seen her in so long I’m actually nervous!

I parked my car and went straight inside, I peeked into the kitchen but it was empty, I did the same thing to the living room and the backyard but there’s no sign of Cassie. I walked up stairs to check on my mom and I was hoping that Cassie is there talking to Ma. I was about to open the door when I heard them talking, I peeked a bit and saw Cassie sitting on the edge of the bed smiling at Ma.

“No it’s fine, phew! I thought something bad happened!” She laughed, “What’s up?”

Then Ma’s face frowned. “Why haven’t you been coming around lately? I’ve missed having you around to talk to, nobody here talks to me like you do”

I was taken aback; I just now realized how empty and boring the house is without Cassie and I felt like a total asshole for not paying more attention to Ma. I shifted my weight to get a better ear on what they’re talking about.

“I thought since Jessie is here a lot it would be too crowded in the house, I just don’t want to make it weird that’s all” Cassie said looking down and playing with her fingers. That’s what she does when she’s nervous, guilty or embarrassed.

Why would she think that having her here would make anything weird? If anything it will make everything better!

I heard my mom scoffed. “Please, that girl is no use in this house. Tony had to take care of me AND her. She’s nothing but a burden to Tony” She spoke so bitterly as she took a sip of her wine.

“What do you mean? Isn’t she here everyday? Can’t Tony ask her to help him?” Cassie scooted closer to Ma.

“Yeah she is, but she does nothing but whine and demand Tony’s attention 24/7. I would be fine if I’m not in this damn chair but it seems like she doesn’t understand the fact that I need Tony to take care of me” She said frowning.

Fuck! Is that how she thinks of Jessie? I didn’t even realize that I spent THAT much time with her and so little time with Ma. I know I’ve been occupied these past few months, between Jessie and my Key Street project with Jaxin, I barely even have time for myself. But I can’t believe I didn’t realize that I was neglecting my own mother.

I was too busy with my own thoughts to keep listening to what Ma and Cassie were talking about, but what Ma said after that brought my attention back.

“I’ve always thought Tony would end up being with you. You guys spent so much time together I think it’s only a matter of time before you two get together”

What?

“I don’t know Mrs. P, Tony seems pretty happy with Jessie now and I really don’t want to ruin anything between them”

No I’m not.

“You don’t have to” She smiled again, taking Cassie’s hand and squeezing them, “If I know my son like I know I do, he’s gonna come around sooner or later”

She gave Cassie a smile and she smiled back, weakly.

“Well, I don’t think there’s any point on denying it anymore so I really hope he does”

I nearly lost my balance when I heard what Cassie said.

Cassandra Hayes has feelings for me.