One Hundred Sleepless Nights

I’ve made up my mind the day I left Jaime’s place, which was about a week ago. I said to myself that I wouldn’t let myself get dragged into this whole mess. I know it’s partly my fault but if Tony can’t be mature enough to talk to me straight about it then I want no part of it. I know it’s mean of me to do that to my own best friend, but is he even still my best friend? Hell, the last time we talked was I think a month ago, he didn’t text me nor call me. I think he made it pretty clear that he didn’t want me around anymore.

Isn’t that great? The guy I have feelings for knew about it and the first thing he did was to completely ignore me. Well, message received, loud and clear.

Since I’m not spending my time with Tony, I’ve been spending a lot of time at home. I actually went grocery shopping for my own fridge! When I grocery shop I always did it for Tony’s house, never my own, mainly because I only use my apartment to sleep. I bought shit load of stuff, I’ve never actually seen my fridge and cupboard filled with so many food! I also noticed how boring and dirty my apartment was, so I spent my whole Saturday morning until the afternoon moving furniture and rearranging everything so my one bedroom apartment would look at least less-boring than it normally was.

I just realized how spacious my apartment is after I de-clutter all my stuff; I can fit an actual bookshelf by the TV, rather than just throw them around the apartment. I looked at the clock, it reads 10 PM, and I sighed loudly as I realized how pathetic I was for staying in on a Saturday night to clean up. I swept around the apartment and arranged magazines on the coffee table to make my apartment more magazine-like. I was putting the last mug on the dryer rack when I heard loud knocking, well more like banging, on the door. I wiped my wet hand on the small towel by the sink and head to the door. I peeked through the peephole and saw nothing but black.

I unlocked the main lock, but not the slide lock, to prevent whomever on the other side busting inside my apartment. I peeked through the small gap and there I saw Tony slouching against the railing. I unlocked all the locks and open the door wide.

“Tony? What are you doing here?”

He turned his attention to me and stepped forward, smiling. “Heeeeeey there lady” He slurred and stumbled his way into my apartment.

“Tony are you drunk?” I closed the door behind me and stared at Tony who is now moving around clumsily around my newly rearranged apartment.

“You redecorate!” He exclaimed loudly after he stood still and examined the room.

“Yeah I did. Tony? What’s going on?” I stepped closer to him; he is now leaning on the kitchen counter with his eyes closed.

“I missed you” He opened his eyes and reached his arm out towards me, still slurring his words.

“I miss you too Tony. Come on, let’s get you seated okay” I grabbed his arm and hips and guided him towards the couch.

“Okay mommy” He slung his arm around my shoulder and leaned into my chest, he was heavy as fuck and it felt pretty far from the kitchen to the couch if you’re carrying someone who’s twice your size.

I practically threw Tony onto the couch once I felt like it was close enough, he shifted his body to get comfortable and then he smiled. “You’re beautiful Cassandra Hayes” He said dragging out my last name and wiggling his index finger at me.

“Yeah okay, Tony you’re drunk as fuck. How many did you drink? And how did you get here? Please tell me you didn’t drive” I have zero tolerance to drinking and driving, I’ve seen too many accidents and deaths because of it.

“Ooh, soooooo many questions mom” He mumbled his answer and then out of the blue, he swatted his arm around almost hitting my face. He was so out of it! One minute he would be staring wide into space then the next he would close his eyes and breathe slowly like he’s asleep, but then when you think he’s asleep, he would open his eyes move his hands around again.

“What the fuck Tony” I muttered under my breath and rolled my eyes.

I went to the bedroom, took a thin wool blanket from my bottom dresser and I changed my clothes into my sleeping attire, a white tank top and a blue boxer shorts. I made my way to the kitchen to get a small bucket and cover the bottom with tissue paper incase Tony throws up because God forbids that he would throw up on my rug.

I walked back to the living room and suddenly it dawned on me that Jessie must have been looking for him. As much as I hate them being together, I didn’t want Jessie to have the wrong idea about this whole thing, and I definitely don’t want her to hate me for taking care of her drunken boyfriend.

I placed the bucket by the couch and put the folded blanket on the couch’s armrest. “Hey Tony, does Jessie know you’re here?” I spoke a bit loud to wake him up.

He shook his head furiously. “Jessie who?” He slurred and grinned widely.

“I’m going to call her and tell her you’re here okay, I don’t want her to get the wrong idea. Maybe she can pick you up,” I said reaching for his phone in his pocket, but then suddenly he slapped my hand away.

“Ouch Tony! What the fuck?” I said rubbing my arm. That hurts!

“Don’t. Lemme,” He slurred and began to unbutton his pants.

“What are you doing?” I laughed. “I was trying to get your phone, you horn dog”

I was going to move his hands away from his pants but then he pulled my hand towards him.

“Tony! Let go!” I tried pulling my arm off of his grip.

“Come here lady” He patted the small space on the couch next to him.

“No, you have a girlfriend and you smell like shit. Now can you stay still? Stop swatting your arm around, it hurts” I successfully yanked my arm away from his grip and I decided to call her when Tony’s passed out so it wouldn’t be this hard. I went to take off his shoes so the dirt won’t rub off on the couch, but Tony stopped me again by yanking me, this time by my shirt.

“Tony stop! You’re gonna tear off my shirt!” I stumbled backwards because of the force.

“That would be better” He grinned and grabbed my arm. He pulled hard and I fell onto the couch, on top of him.

Oh God.

My face was literally inches away from his and I can feel his alcohol breath on my face. His eyes were bloodshot and I can literally count the freckles on his face for being so close. My heart starts to beat a million times faster and when his hand reached for my face, it feels like electricity ran through my body.

“Uhm Tony? Can you please let me go?” I said barely above whisper.

“Sshh” He pulled me down so now I was lying on top of him. I know I shouldn’t but right now I don’t even know what to think anymore.

He moved his face closer to mine, our nose touched one another and I can almost feel his lips grazing mine softly. The anticipation sent me over the edge and the butterflies in my stomach made my heart rate go through the roof. He leaned forward and closed his eyes as I did with mine. Once I felt my lips against his, I was on cloud nine. His sweet lips were tender and soft with mixed taste of cigarettes and whiskey, he moved swiftly guiding me through. He pushed me off of him and skillfully he flipped me over so I was on the bottom and he was on top. I was about talk when he crashed his lips against mine again, this time aggressively. He was tugging at my hair and I couldn’t help but to let out a moan. His tongue started to lick my lips, begging for entrance. Once I parted my lips, he slides his tongue deep inside my mouth.

I grabbed his silky brown hair and tugged it as he deepened the kiss, his tongue roam inside my mouth, not missing a single spot. He pressed his body against mine, making me feel how hard he was. He broke the kiss and made his way to my jaw and my neck, he sucked it hard and I was pretty sure that it was going to leave a mark in the morning but I didn’t care. I want him. I need him.

His moved his hand from my hair and down to my face, then slowly his hand moved downwards until he cupped my breast. I moaned a bit loud, which made him more aggressive. He lifted my tank top and I voluntarily put both my hands up to make it easier for Tony to take it off. I rested my hands on his shoulders as he slid his arm between the couch and my back, fumbling to unhook my bra. I pushed him off and I took it off hastily, once I did, I grabbed Tony by his neck and kissed him again harshly. He made his way down my sides, sending shivers all through my body. He grabbed my hips and his thumb begun to tug on the band of my panties.

That’s when I pulled away. “Tony I can’t…” I pushed my self off of Tony, still breathing heavily.

“Why not?” He slurred, still trying to get me to kiss him again.

“No Tony, stop” I pushed him away and he sat up, confused. “I’m sorry but this is wrong, I can’t let you do this” I covered my bare chest with my arms. Tony was looking at me with a blank expression on his face.

I stood up and put my clothes back on, with my back facing Tony. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.

“You have a girlfriend, it’s not fair to her” I turned around and rest my arms on my hips.

“So? You don’t even like her” He mumbled loud enough for me to hear.

“That’s not the point, I just don’t want to be the one that ruins your… Tony? Are you okay?” I stopped talking when I saw his face tensed up, like he was about to….

“Uugghh”

Throw up.

He spilled his guts into the bucket I placed by the couch, I walked over and rubbed his back, holding his hair so it won’t get barf all over it. After a few minutes of Tony crouching on the floor and me rubbing his back, he finally stopped. His eyes were red and tears were flowing down his cheeks.

“Come on, lie down. I’m going to make you some tea” I helped Tony up from the floor and I threw him on the couch. I made my way to the kitchen and made some hot peppermint tea to calm his stomach down.

I went back to the living room with a hot cuppa on my hand. “Here you go, I made peppermint tea cause I know how much you like ‘em” I said as I walked towards the couch, only to find Tony sound asleep, with his mouth parted and snoring lightly. I put the tea on the coffee table and took his phone from his pocket. I turned on his phone and I couldn’t help but to smile when I saw that his wallpaper was the guys and I when we were having our vacation last winter to Big Bear. I opened his contacts and searched for Jessie’s name, I press call once I found her number. It went to voicemail, so I decided to just leave her a message.

“Hey Jessie, it’s me Cassie. Tony is here and he passed out drunk. I took care of him though don’t worry, maybe you can pick him up tomorrow? I’ll text you my address. Thanks”

I put Tony’s phone on the table and I towered over him. How is it that this person that’s passed out on my couch, could be the one person that makes me happy but he’s also the one person who could destroy me, without even realizing it.

I shook my head and sighed, get it together, Cass, I thought to myself.

I grabbed the blanket I took earlier from my room and cover Tony up to his chest, I tucked him in and kissed his forehead. “Goodnight, Turtle” I whispered. I stood up and he stirred, then he mumbled something softly, but loud enough for me to hear.

“I love you, Cassie”