Passenger Seat

Meeting Niall’s brother Greg was exciting and terrifying at the same time. I was so nervous at first that he wouldn’t like me, but those thoughts flew right out the window the second we were introduced. He pulled me into this massive hug and told me he had heard so much about me already that he felt like he’d already met me.

We went out to dinner the night he got into London at this Italian place Niall loved. The meal was full of stories about Niall as a kid and laughs between everyone, especially the brothers.

“You know what’s interesting?” Greg said as we were finishing dessert. “Have you guys noticed that when one of you moves, the other moves too?”

Niall and I exchanged surprised and confused looks, “No?” Niall said.

Greg nodded and continued, “It’s true. When she sat back, your hand instantly when to hers under the table, or, I’m just assuming that’s where it went,” he said wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. I instantly felt my cheeks heat up.

I cleared my throat, “I’ve never noticed that.”

Greg chuckled, “Earlier when Niall sat up against the table, you scooted closer to it.”

“Oh,” I blushed more.

“And the way you two look at each other is sickeningly cute. Mom’s going to lose it when she sees you two together.”

“Lose it?” I squeaked.

“In a good way, love,” Greg smirked.

After dinner, Niall dropped me off at my flat. He left Greg in the car as he walked me up to my door, “I’ll call you later, yeah?”

I pulled up our laced hands and kissed the back of his, “You don’t have too. Have fun with your brother. Spend the weekend with him.”

He gave me a confused look, “Are you saying you don’t want to see me until Sunday? That’s like... to many days!”

I rolled my eyes, “Its one day, and you should spend this time with your brother, you don’t see hi a lot.”

He leaned in and kissed me slowly, “Okay. I’m still going to call you though.”

I kissed him again, “Okay.” I pulled him into a hug and he buried his face in my neck. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He pulled back and kissed me yet again, “have a good rest of your night.”

“You too.”

*****

When I walked into work the next morning at 5am, I found my aunt making muffins and scones with Harry Styles.

“Uh, hey,” I said walking in.

My aunt beamed at me, “Hey love! This adorable lad showed up about 20 minutes ago offering us his help!”

I glanced at Harry, “That’s nice of you. What are you doing up so early?”

He shrugged, “Couldn’t sleep.”

I eyed him for a second before clocking in and getting to work. Soon, Jess showed up (surprised to see a member of One Direction in the kitchen) and we opened the bakery. Harry stayed in the back, away from where anyone could see him.

There wasn’t a huge crowd today which I was thankful for. Harry stayed in the back with my aunt while Jess and I handled the customers in the front.

On my lunch I brought a cupcake for myself and Harry out back, “So you’re really only here cause you couldn’t sleep?”

He shrugged, licking icing off his fingers, “Yes and no.”

“The lads were asleep, and I don’t really have a whole lot of friends I trust, so I figured I’d come to you.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No,” he shook his head, “Not really, I just needed to get out of my head I guess.”

I nodded, “Well if you want to talk about anything, I’m listening.”

He continued to eat his cupcake with a pensive look on his face. I finished mine, and I thought he wasn’t going to say anything but then he took a deep breath and just unloaded it on me, “I’m so confused you know? Like, I like Taylor. I like talking to her and spending time with her when I can. But my heart is still Dakota’s. She’s still always in the back of my mind. Even when all I’m thinking about is Taylor, she still creeps back up and then I feel guilty for moving on. Is that stupid? I mean, Kota left me, I shouldn’t feel this way for trying to move on.”

Well, I wasn’t really expecting all that to come right out. “I… don’t know what to say,” I said slowly.

He sighed, “I figured as much. Am I wrong here? For moving on so fast?”

“No,” I shrugged. “If this is what you think is right, then you should do it.”

“It’s hard to do that when the world is judging me. It’s like I can’t go on the computer without someone putting their 2 cents in about my life. I can’t go to the store without feeling judged by the magazine covers at checkout,” he ran a hand across his face.

“Well, the only advice I can give you is what everyone’s given me. Just ignore it. People are constantly tearing me down about everything because I’m with Niall. You’ve been doing this for a few years now, I thought you would be used to it.”

“I am,” he sighed, “It’s just getting to me recently I guess. It’s like I can’t fully move on until I figure out what went wrong with Kota and I,” he face looked so desperate.

“I wish I could help you Haz, but she hasn’t told me anything. I don’t think she’s told anyone what went wrong.”

“And that pisses me off,” he snapped. “She’s being so selfish! It was my relationship too, she had no right just walking out of me without an explanation!” He groaned, “God, I’m sorry. I’m just so sick of keeping this all in.”

“It’s okay. I understand.” I sighed and put a comforting hand on his forearm, “She’s just going through something Harry. She’s 19, her life is changing, she probably just… I don’t know, needed time to herself.”

“I just want to know what I did, Ayd. That’s it, then I’ll let it go.”

It hurt me to see how much this was hurting him. He looked so broken. “Harry,” I said sternly, getting him to look at me, “I don’t think it was anything you did. Don’t think that. All you’re doing it driving yourself mental.”

He pulled at his curls, “I know, I know. I think I just…” he sighed, “I think I just need to let it go. She’s made it pretty clear she doesn’t want me in her life anymore, so I should stop worrying about her.”

There were so many things I should be saying, but nothing came to mind. “There’s nothing wrong with that Harry. No one has the right to punish you because you’re trying to be happy.”

“You know,” he said after a moment, “I can see why Niall loves you so much.”

I blushed, as always, “Thanks.”

He pushed his now empty plate away and stretched, “I guess I should go home and sleep or something.”

I smiled softly at him, “You’re more than welcome to stay and help out here. We can hang out when I’m off if you want.”

“You sure I’m not in the way?”

I scoffed, “No, if anything you’re taking the load off on me. And Niall’s with his brother so you can come hang out with Blue and I if you want.”

He laughed shortly, “Alright, sounds fun.”

When we went back in the kitchen my aunt was taking fresh cookies out of the oven, “Oh good, Dimples is still here!”

He laughed, “That I am. Can I help?”

Aunt Jenny gestured to the mixer, “You two start making the rest of that dough into cookies.”

Harry and I started balling up the dough on cookie sheets as Jenny started putting the finished ones on the cooling rack. “So, I’ve got a date tonight,” she said off handedly.

I froze. Did I hear her right? “What?”

She smiled at me sheepishly, “I’ve got a date tonight. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while honey, but you’ve been so busy.”

“What?” I said again. “Who are you going on a date with? Where’d you meet him?” I had so many questions.

She laughed at me, “His names William. We were friends in high school, and we ran into each other last month, and well, now we’re going on a date.”

I glanced at Harry to make sure I was hearing this right. He was smiling encouragingly at my aunt. “Oh my god!” I said turning back to her, “I’m so happy for you!” I ran around the counter and attacked her in a hug. “I’ve been waiting for you to start dating again for so long!”

She scoffed at me, “You make me sound like a nun!”

“Oh my god. What’s he like? Is he cute?”

My aunt and Harry laughed at me again, “Calm down, I’ll tell you everything babe.”

*****

After my aunt told me about William I was so excited for her. Not that she needed a man to make her happy, she deserved to fall in love. I hadn’t seen her date many men since I’d come into her life, and I’ve always secretly felt guilty about it. Like maybe she didn’t date because she was this young woman who had to take care of her sisters kid. But she’s never made me feel like that, it was just my private assumptions.

After work I had to stop by the store since it was my turn to get groceries. I told Harry I’d meet him at my flat, but he’s apparently too much of a gentleman for that, so of course he came in with me. We were more or less trailed around the store by teenage girls who thought they were being stealthy.

“This is so awkward,” I said as we trailed down an aisle. “Can’t they just come up and meet you and get it over with?”

“I’ve stopped trying to figure out our fans a long time ago,” he chuckled.

I nodded, “They’re a dedicated bunch.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

After we had checked out and were headed to the car is when the fans finally stopped Harry. There were only 5 of them, so it shouldn’t take too long. I stepped back and let him have his time with them.

“Where’s Niall?” one of the girls asked, “Why are you with Ayden?”

“Niall’s with his brother,” Harry explained, “And Ayden’s one of my best friends,” he shrugged.
“Can we get a picture with both of you?” one of them asked, “We love you’re modeling Ayden!” she said looking at me excitedly.

“Oh, uh, alright,” I said closing the boot.

Harry and I were shoved together and took pictured with each one of the girls. It was so awkward for me to be asked for my picture taken by like… fans. Then they asked for my autograph. That’s what stumped me. “This is my first time someone’s asked for my autograph,” I explained. The girls were shocked and Harry just smirked at me. After a few attempts I scribbled my name for them and then they finally said goodbye to us.

“That was fun,” Harry said once we were in my car.

I scoffed, “Try awkward. How do you sign autographs?”

He shrugged, “It took me a few times before I figured it out too. Just choose a cool way to sign your name and go with it.”

*****

Blue, Harry and I hung out around our flat. Harry made us tacos and we watched Never Mind The Buzzcocks. I spent a lot of it texting with Niall, who was out about having fun with Greg. It was weird how much I missed him and he wasn’t even gone really.

After that Harry left around 9 and Blue and I just decided to stay in for the night.

“I’m going to go edit some pictures for a bit,” Blue said hopping off the couch.

I waved her off, “I’ll be here,” I said as a random episode of Doctor Who started. I grabbed my laptop and checked my facebook. That was a relatively safe place to go on online since I had gotten a new one with just close friends and family.

About halfway through Doctor Who, and bored on facebook, I did something stupid. I went on tumblr and looked at my tag.

The pictures of Harry and I with fans and in the store were already all over, as predicted.

Then there were the blog posts. As nice it was to see all the positive posts about me and my modeling, the negative seemed to outweigh the good.

There were countless posts about how my relationship with Niall was fake and just managements plan for something or some crap. How Niall was only with me out of convenience since he and Demi didn’t work out. Or my favorite; how I was just with Niall to further my career. I was just with Niall to get famous and because a big model. As if I was modeling for companies that would get me that famous! I only modeled for my friends!

It hurt. It hurt a lot. People who didn’t know me seemed to have a lot to say about me and lists of reasons why they didn’t like me and why I wasn’t good enough for Niall.

Despite my efforts, I couldn’t hold back the tears that fell down my face. I don’t know why, but I kept scrolling down and reading every single negative, hurtful thing I found.

“Hey Ayd-” Blue’s voice cut off when she saw me, “What’s going on? What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” I said and slammed my laptop closed.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine,” I said through a sob before I shot up and ran past her to my room. I threw myself on my bed and just let it all out. I let the sobs rock me.

“Ayden?” Blue knocked. “Ayden, are you okay? What happened?”

“Go away,” I cried. “I just need my space.” She knocked a few more times before she gave up. I turned and turned on my iPod on the dock on my night stand and turned on Mayday Parade.

The tears kept coming. I felt stupid for crying over what 14 year olds who didn’t know me said. The more I thought about how stupid I was being the more frustrated I got, the harder I cried.

I don’t know how long I was lying there crying before Blue started knocking again. “Blue just go away, I’ll be fine.”

“It’s Niall,” I heard him say over the music. My heart dropped when I heard his voice. “Blue called me, she’s worried about you.” I heard him jiggle my locked doorknob, “Come on love, open the door.
Please?” Hearing the worry in his voice made fresh tears fall. I didn’t want him here, but at the same time I did. He knocked again, “I’m not leaving until you open this door.”

I sighed sitting up. I took a few deep breathe to try and calm down and I whipped my face of tears. I walked over to my door taking another deep breath before I unlocked my door. Before I could go to open it, Niall was pushing his way through just enough space to fit his body through before he shut it again. He took one look at me before he pulled me against him in a hug. As soon as his arms were around me the crying started right up.

He guided me over to my bed and laid us down as he cradled me against him. He ran his fingers through my hair as whispered comforting things in my ear to try and help calm me down. I practically clung to him for dear life as I tried to get the tears to stop. When they eventually did, he let me lay there against him as he massaged my head.

I was all cried out and exhausted from it. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled into his chest.

“’S’alright.” He kissed my head, “Blue said she found you looking on tumblr.”

I grimaced at my actions. I knew I shouldn’t have done that, but it was like a drug and I just needed a fix. “I don’t know why I did that, but for some reason I couldn’t stop reading all the negative things people were saying about me.”

His grip on me tightened when I told him that. “I hate that you did that to yourself, but I hate that people have written terrible things about you even more. If I could change it, I would Ayden. I promise you I would.”

I ran my thumb across his neck, “I know.”

“Don’t pay attention to anything they say. You’re an amazing person and I love you for you. I don’t care what my so called fans or anyone else has to say about it.”

I curled into him more, if that was even possible, “I love you too.” Then I remembered his brother was in town, “Did you just abandon your brother on his visit? You didn’t have to come Ni.”

He scoffed at me, “Yes I did. My girlfriend’s best friend called me telling me she’s locked herself in her room. I had to come see if you were alright. And Greg understands, he told me to come.”

I looked up at him, “Well I think I’m okay now.”

He shook his head, “I’m still staying for a bit. I was worried about you, I’m not leaving yet.” He was looking down at me with so much affection. He does this a lot, but it still gets me by surprise sometimes.

I smiled at him, “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, it’s what I’m supposed to do. If I can’t protect you from the nasty things people say, I can at least be here to pick up the pieces.”

I buried my face in his neck and curled my leg around his neck, “I don’t deserve you.”

“No, it’s me who doesn’t deserve you.”