Passenger Seat

Is Niall Horan off the market?

Is Niall finally over Demi?

Is the last single member of One Direction finally taken?

I sighed, closing my laptop and tossed it on the couch next to me. This is pretty much how the headlines have been over the past week. I don’t even know how they found my or Blue’s name, but somehow they found our twitters.

The only way I could think to how they found it is through Niall, but he hadn’t so much as tweeted me since he started following me a few months ago. I was scared to look at my replies. They were already nasty and it wasn’t even fact if we were together or not. Which we weren’t. We hadn’t even talked in over a week.

Blue on the other hand was loving the attention. She got a huge incoming of new followers on her twitter and tumblr, and it was bringing so much attention to her photography. But I’ve been flirting with the idea of making mine private, along with my facebook- which I had already changed all my settings completely.

“Are you still sulking?” Blue asked as she walked through the door, home from class.

“I’m not sulking,” I snapped, not taking my eyes off of the TV as I flipped channels.

Blue threw herself down next to me, “You are. All you’ve done all week is work, sleep and watch tv.”

“Hey, I hung out with Dan the other day.”

“Yeah, and all you did is have a Gossip Girl marathon. Not exactly a step up from this,” she said gesturing to the TV.

I didn’t bother to answer. I found a re-run of One Tree Hill on and started to watch.

“Have you even tried to talk to him?” She asked after a moment.

“No.” I wanted to though, I really did. I had come so close to calling or texting him, but chickened out at the last minute. My pride wouldn’t let me go through with it. Plus, I knew he was busy. I’d seen things on tumblr that they were doing a lot of press and were all over the place. So if he wanted to talk to me, he’d call me first… right?

Blue sighed, “Just call him!” she sounding frustrated.

“And tell him what?” I demanded. “I don’t know how else to tell him that Josh and I are really done. I don’t know why he’s making such a big deal about it.”

“Did you ever think that maybe Niall is more like you than you think?”

I turned to send her a confused glance, “What does that mean?”

She shrugged, “Well maybe he has problems letting people in too. Maybe he tends to push people away before he’s in too deep.”

I rolled my eyes, “I don’t do that.”

She laughed sarcastically, “Yes you do! You did it with Josh! And you were trying to do it with Niall too. Maybe, just maybe, you two should tear down your walls together. But I think you need to break yours down first.”

I looked away from her back to the TV. As much as I wanted to deny it, I knew I did push people away. But I didn’t think that was what Niall was doing. That, and I had no idea how I would let him in. It freaked me out to feel vulnerable. And there was also a lot to think about when being with Niall. I wouldn’t just be dating some guy. I’d be dating someone in the spotlight. And it was a bit scary, especially if just having my picture taken standing next too him already sent his fans into hysteria. I didn’t know if I could handle a life like that.

But… I didn’t want to not have him in my life either. In just a few short months, I’d grown used to having him in my life. Someone to drive around with. Someone to watch movies with and talk about music with. Someone who just got me. And I really did love kissing him. More than I was willing to admit, but going without it for a week has sucked.

“So what should I do?” I found myself asking.

“I don’t know,” Blue sighed, “Call him? Text him? Write him a letter? Make him a mix cd? Just do something.”

I really didn’t want to be the one to make the first move, but I think I had too. “I’ll think about you.”

“Well, do it quickly before he completely gives up on you.”

My heart felt like it constricted when she said that. I never thought about that. It’s only be like, 8 days! “I’ll be in my room,” I said as I jumped up, taking my laptop with me.

“If you’re making a mix,” she called after me, “Use love songs. Always default to love songs!”

I ignored her and kicked my door closed before plopping on the bed. What was I doing? How do I even begin to explain my feelings for him when I wasn’t even sure of them myself? How does one even go about breaking down walls? You always hear about people having them, but no one ever tells you how to get rid of them!

Wait a second. I sat up and opened my laptop and scrolled through my iTunes until I found what I was looking for, and hit play.

‘Walls’ by All Time Low filled the room. I sat there and really listened to the song. So, maybe it didn’t exactly apply, but the chorus did. Well, maybe the love part was a bit too far, but… it could work right?

I stood up and opened my door, “Blue!”

“What?” she yelled back.

“Do you think putting ‘Walls’ by All Time Low on a mix is a bit much?”

“Um…” I heard her get up and walk down the hall towards me, “Well yes and no,” she said as she appeared in front of me. I moved out of the doorway and she followed me back to my bed. “I mean it is just a mix, but then again it is you we’re dealing with and you use music to express your feelings.”

“I know,” I said and looked through my iTunes once again.

She sat next to me and looked over my shoulder, “Do you want to tell him you want to fall in love with him?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know. That is the point of dating someone right? To fall in love? I’m not trying to say I’m in love with him, but that I’m open to… something.”

“Well I say put it on the mix. I mean, may as well bare your whole soul. But you should explain yourself using your own words too. In person, preferably.”

I nodded as I started making a new playlist. I threw ‘Walls’ in there and started looking for others.
“Oh, put ‘February’ by Austin Gibbs on there,” Blue suggested. I nodded and dropped it in and kept scrolling. “What about that one?” she pointed.

“Which one?” She pushed her finger until it hit my screen. When I saw what she was pointing too I could feel the blush heating up across my face, “You want me to put ‘The Birds and the Bees’ by Breathe Carolina on here?”

“Yes!” She laughed, “What better way to tell him you want to be with him than a song that tells him you want to shag him!” She practically pushed me out of the way to drag the song into the playlist. “It’s a done deal, we’re adding it!”

“Okay, fine!” I said dramatically.

“It’s not like you don’t want to sleep with him. Don’t even try to deny it.” I stayed quiet, “That’s what I thought.”

She continued to help me make the perfect playlist, adding some Go Radio, Every Avenue, Of Mice & Men, A Day To Remember, Fall Out Boy, and so on.

“I’m gonna go order a pizza,” Blue said as the CD popped out of my computer, freshly burned.

I grabbed a sharpie off my desk and contemplated what I would write on this CD. After a mini internal debate, I finally just… went for it. “Telling someone you like them is scary… so here are some songs to help with that.” I threw the sharpie down and put the CD in a jewel case, and left it on my bed until I decided when I was going to give it to him.

*****

After Blue and I had some pizza, I hopped in my car to go to Niall’s. It was now or never, because I knew I’d chicken out and not give it to him.

When I got to his building there were no photographers out, at least that I could see. It was dark out so who knows where they were hiding. I sat in my car for a few minutes, trying to get up the nerve to go in there. I sighed and finally made my way out of the car and into the building.

When I got to the lobby, I paused as I passed the wall of mailboxes. Yeah, dropping it in his box was way easier than going to his door. I didn’t know if he was home anyways, I didn’t have the nerve to call or text. So I walked over and scanned the numbers until I found his and the CD just barely fit through its slot.

As soon as I heard it drop in, I raced back to my car and drove off to Dan’s house, where everyone was hanging out.

*****

Hanging out at Dan’s house was just what I needed. It was a small kickback with about 20 people and everyone just sat out back by the fire pit and had a laugh.

Blue and Max were making out in the grass, while Matt played around with an acoustic guitar play classic songs as people drank and sang along.

“Did you work things out with the One Direction kid yet?” Josh asked as he sat in the chair next to me. He knew all about what happened with Niall because I went over and took out all my frustration out on him the day after. I had been mad, but didn’t know who to be mad at so he was an easy target. He let me do it though. He let me yell at him and have my tantrum, then when I was done, he just talked to me. He was sorry for causing conflict, when that wasn’t ever his intention. He still had feelings for me though. That much he had made clear, but he’d never do something to hurt me. He wasn’t like that, and I was grateful.

But from my side, there was nothing but friendly feelings for Josh. Not since Niall made his way into my life. It felt good that Josh was so understood. I was worried that he may have been writing other songs about me, but I didn’t want to know honestly.

“No, not yet,” I said answering his question.

“Have you tried?” He asked taking a long sip of his beer.

I shrugged, “Yeah. We’ll see how it pans out I guess.”

He nodded, picking at his beer label, “I just want to see you Happy Ayd.”

I rested my head on the back of the lawn chair, “Thank you. I want the same for you too. I’m just sorry I can’t help.”

He sent me a soft smile, “It’s alright. Gotta kiss a few frogs before I find my princess yeah?”

I smacked his arm laughing, “You’re a twat.”

“Josh is a twat!” Dan said as he walked over to us. He grabbed my hand, pulling me up to steal my chair, and pull me onto his lap. “How’s my bird doing?” he kissed my cheek. Dan was always affectionate, it was just how he was, we were all used to it.

I shrugged as I leaned into him, “Fine, cheers.” I turned back in Josh’s direction, “So when do you lot leave for the American tour?”

“Couple weeks,” Josh smiled, “I can’t wait. I’ve been itching to get back on the road.”

“Gonna miss you lads.”

Dan hugged me to him dramatically, “Aw, we’ll miss our Ayden too! But we’ll only be gone a few months you’ll have Niall balls deep in you by then.” He and Josh started laughing.

I smacked his chest as my whole body heated up in embarrassment, “I can’t believe you just said that!”

“We’ll see you on the tabloids!” Dan continued.

“Don’t worry, if people are to mean to you we’ll tell ‘em to swerve!” Josh joked.

I laughed, “Wow, you really just used ‘swerve’ in a sentence.”

“What, I’m hip!”

“You sure are,” I said and Dan and I laughed.

As we continued to joke and talk, Max and Blue pried their lips apart and made their way over to us, and joined in the conversation.

I was sitting back, listening to the boys talk about football when my phone buzzed with a text.

From: Niall
Can we talk?

My stomach erupted with butterflies at just seeing his name on my screen.

To: Niall
Yeah. Do you want to meet up?

From: Niall
You can come over if you want

To: Niall
Okay, I’ll be right over.

“I’m gonna get going,” I interrupted their debate.

“It’s only 11!” Max protested.

“She’s meeting Niall,” Dan said. I glared at him, “What? You didn’t say I couldn’t read over your shoulder.”

“Wanker,” I commented as I stood up, “I’ll see you guys later, yeah?”

There was a chorus of byes followed by Blue yelling “Get it girl!” I flipped her off over my shoulder and made my way out, saying bye to a few people here and there as I left.

I was jittery with nerves the whole way over to Niall’s. From his text I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. For all I knew he was going to throw my mix in my face and tell me to be on my way. Did he even get my mix? I was seriously regretting some of the songs I put on it, especially ‘Walls.’

If I thought the car ride was bad, the ride in the lift was even worse. Because as I watched the numbers rise up to his floor, the more I felt like I’d throw up.

I was really doing this. I way laying everything out there for him, leaving myself completely vulnerable and I was either going to get rejected or… or it’d all work out somehow.

I wasn’t sure which I was more terrified of.

And then I was standing in front of his door. It took me three tries of lifting my hand to his door to knock before I finally did.

But then he opened the door and my heart went into overdrive. There he was, in a tight white t-shirt, sweatpants and a snapback. He smiled softly when he saw me- that was a good sign, “Hey.”

“Hi,” I returned his smile.

“Come in,” He made room for me to walk past him in the doorway. As I walked further into his flat, I could hear ‘Birds and the Bees’ playing softly from the living room. Instant embarrassment. Well, at least I know what he wanted to talk about.

“I got your CD,” he said as he walked around me to the couch. He paused the music and looked up at me.

I tentatively took a seat next to him, leaving a good amount of space between us, “I kind of guessed.”

He glanced at the playlist on his iTunes, “So how much am I supposed to read into these songs,” I saw a hint of a smirk as he looked back at me. Oh god, why did I let Blue put the Breathe Carolina song on it?!

I shrugged like I wasn’t freaking out inside, “As much as you want too I guess.”

He nodded slowly going back to the playlist and then ‘Walls’ started playing, “And this one?”

I bit my lip as I tried to gather my thoughts, “Well… it’s a bit on the extreme side of how I feel but…” I sighed, “I don’t know. I like you okay? And there’s nothing going on with me and Josh, I can promise you that. Not since you’ve been in my life like you have. All I know is, at this point, that I really love kissing you, and I love hanging out with you just watching movies and doing nothing. I don’t know what that means, but I do know I don’t want to stop.” I stared straight into his eyes as I said all that. It was hard, but I did it.

Niall’s face was unreadable. Are all guys just fantastic at hiding their thoughts or is it just with me?

Finally he did something besides stare at me- He scooted closer to me on the couch, so our legs were touching, “It’s not going to be easy,” he said, “Being with me I mean.”

I nodded, looking down, “I figured.”

He slowly reached over and laced our fingers together, “People are gonna want to know you, and say nasty things. We can keep it under the radar as long as possible, but that only lasts for so long.”

I looked up at him, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth, “Are you saying you want to be with me too?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” His face scrunched in confusion, “I’ve been trying to get you to give me a chance since I first laid eyes on you at the bakery two years ago! And then you finally did, but then I left to tour for 6 months, but you made me that mental mix! Then when I came home you actually were into hanging out with me, and the more you talked about music, the more I fell for you. I was just waiting for you to see it. I dropped hint after hint, but you never did. So then I just kissed you.”

I was at a loss for words. I never thought he ever liked me like that. Or for that long, “I… uh…”

“You’re sure there’s nothing there between you and Josh?”

I sighed, “Yes. I promise!”

“But I saw the way he looked at you.”

“But I don’t look at him like that. He may have feelings for me still, but there’s nothing coming from me. We’re friends, and he understands that I want to be with you not him,” I urged.

A small smile crept onto his face, “Good, because Niller doesn’t share.”

Then he brought his hand up to my cheek, caressing it softly. I could feel my face burn under his touch. He rested his forehead against mine and looked into my eyes, “I love the way that the simplest thing makes you blush.” My face got warmer and he smiled, “See?”

“Shut up,” I said softly.

He smirked as he let his lips brush against mine. When I went to lean in more, he pulled back. It was like he was playing with me. He brushed his lips to mine again, and this time his tongue darted out and softly brushed against my bottom lip.

I let out a frustrated groan before I launched myself at him, pinning him against the couch in a kiss. Straddling him, I ran my fingers up in his hair, tossing his hat off. I don’t know what had come over me. Maybe the fact that we hadn’t talked in a week, or finally admitting my feelings and having him admit his, or him teasing me just now- but I just needed his lips on mine.

His hands found their way to my hips, his thumbs slipping under my shirt to rub against my skin.

All the while, the mix I made him played along in the background.

I tugged on his bottom lip, causing him to moan. Then in one swift motion, he tossed me back against the couch and he was hovering over me, attacking my neck with kisses and nibbles.

It felt so good to be like this with him. So good. Almost too good.

As he sucked on my neck I was letting my hands roam his upper body. Across his shoulders, to his biceps, across his back, up his chest. Then I pulled his face from my neck and pulled him back to my lips. He wasted no time plunging his tongue into my mouth.

This wasn’t innocent kissing like we’d done before. This was like… all the sexual frustration he’d kept bottled up, and that I’d completely ignored and pushed away all came flooding out in that moments- hours? - on the couch.

When his hands were up my sides and my shirt was up around my boobs I had to put the brakes on, “We should slow down,” I said between kisses.

He pulled back and looked down at me, panting, “Okay.”

But then he looked so cute looking at me like that, all swollen lips and messy hair. So even though it was my idea to slow down, I reached up and captured his lips with mine again.

We started getting into it again, but this time, when I thrusted my pelvis into his, he was the one that pulled back, “Yeah, we should really slow down.”

“Yeah,” I said lightly.

He sat up, and I followed. I pulled my shirt back into place while he leaned over to grab his off the floor, which had come off at some point. The mix, which had been playing in the whole time, had long since stopped.

Once his shirt was back on, he ran his fingers through his hair in an attempted to tame it. Mine was just as bad I’m sure, as I ran a hand thought it.

“So, uh,” he cleared his throat, “Do you wanna watch a film?”

I checked my phone for the time, “It’s almost 1 thought, I don’t want to get into a movie this late.”

He shrugged, “Why don’t you just… stay the night?” I looked back up at him a little shocked. He smirked, “A completely innocent invite, promise. But I wouldn’t mind if you attacked me again.”

I blushed hardcore then, “I uh, sorry about that.”

“Don’t be, it was a huge turn on.”

It was my turn to smirk, “I’ll keep that in mind.” I stood up then, “Well Niall, if I’m going to stay, I’ll need something to sleep in.”

He stood up and grabbed my hand, leading me to his room, “I’m sure I can find you something.”