Status: Short story for a contest. Thanks for reading!

I can't do this on my own

Don't go! I can't do this on my own!

On the road to the first show in Yorkshire, one of the three locations the guys will be playing in the UK before heading to America for Warped Tour, my soil that I left two years ago for a change that really changed my life for the better... In a way. If I hadn't move I would have never met Oli personally and we wouldn't be here right now, cuddled up on his bunk at the back of the bus.

"I'm really happy you're here with me," Oli murmurs in my ear as he gently pushes a stray hair behind my ear with his long tattooed fingers, then he runs them down my jaw and rests his hand on my upper arm slowly pressing me to him more. I smile looking up into his hazel eyes and snuggle into his chest. "I'm glad to be here too, I wasn't looking forward to being left all alone again and not seeing you for a while," I sigh. Oli smiles and leans in to kiss my forehead sweetly, making my stomach flutter with butterflies.

After a while we finally got to the venue and I help out with unloading the instruments and then Oli takes me backstage after a while of setting up the stage. Soon, we hear people coming into the venue and girls screaming, some guys yelling out a couple of 'Fuck yeah's!' here and there. Oli's smile grows wide before my eyes and he grabs a hold of my hand then leads me side stage where we just wait with the rest of the band behind a curtain, just looking out at the growing crowd of fans my babe and the amazing guys have.

The fans start going crazy and all the lights go off. I can hardly see anything and blink uncontrollably to try to adjust my eyes when suddenly I feel Oli cup my face in his hands and press his lips to mine before I hear his footsteps move away from me towards the stage. Oli stands there, in between Lee Malia and Matt Nicholls, with his head tilted, looking down at his shoes and suddenly these blue lights go on and the main focus is the band, then slowly the lights start going crazy as the guys start playing their instruments. Oli puts the microphone to his mouth with his elbow up in the air and starts headbanging to the amazing beat as he screams his lungs out.

I yell encouraging words out at them even though I know they don't need it because they're amazing but still, I do it proudly. I'm proud of them, each year they get better. Each year they amaze me. Each year they grow. I smile widely as I look out at all the fans, fist pumping the air and screaming along with Oli. I take a deep breath and look back at the guys in front of me then slowly start screaming along to the few parts I can and Oli turns to me, he flashes me that adorable smile of his and then starts screaming again.


After landing in America, we go directly to the tour bus and I smile as I breathe in the American air. Sure, my time in America was terrible but there were also those good moments though very few of them, they did in fact exist. Oli laces his fingers with mine as we get to the first venue and I rest my head on his shoulder.

Once we get there we all get out of the bus and I look around in awe at all the other tour buses from all the other bands here at Warped. Oli pulls me towards a tent near a stage and we just stand there in the shade for a while, talking about stupid things with the rest of Bring Me The Horizon and another band from the UK, You Me At Six. Minutes later the guys have to go play a show and I follow Oli until we get side stage and I stay there, watching him on the stage. Killing it like always.


"I'm horny," Oli murmurs in my ear as we lay on the couch in the empty tour bus. I giggle and run my hands up his arms to tangle my fingers in his hair as he nibbles on my neck. Oli then starts tugging at my shirt and pushes it up my stomach with his fingers. His slight touch makes me shiver and I sit up so he can take my shirt off easily. Oli's smirk suddenly turns into a frown as he looks at my right arm and I remember what I had done before my last day at that horrid job. "You promised!" Oli growls at me and stands up, towering over me. "I'm sorry, I tried not to do it!" I lie trying to get him to sit back down and forgive me but he doesn't and just shakes his head, "Are you ever going to stop?" He says pinching the bridge of his nose, "For me, at least?" Oli sighs and his eyes bore into me like daggers. My breath quickens and I quickly get to my feet. I look up at him and sigh, I hurt him more than I realized I ever could just by cutting some lines on my wrist.

"I- Oli I'm sorry-"
"That doesn't fucking answer my question, Maria!" He growls at me. I gulp and look down at his shoes.
"I... I can't promise you anything, Oli. It just makes me feel a little better-"
"What about me!? Didn't you say that I do too? You have me, Maria, you don't fucking need to cut yourself, just talk to me more!" He yells moving his arms around in the air.
"Oli it's hard! I can't just quit just like that!" I snap my fingers in front of his face.
"You think I don't know that!?" He cocks his eyebrow at me angrily.
"Well, what do you think!?" I snap.
"I- I need a minute," Oli sighs, shaking his head and storms out of the bus. I fall to my knees on the floor of the bus and sob into my hands. I wipe at my tears and stand to my feet then storm off to the back of the bus and get in my bunk. I close the curtain and drown into the darkness. I just lay there until I soon fall asleep.


I wake up and rub my eyes. I take a deep breath and then jump out of the bunk to find that I'm all alone on the bus. I start calling out for Oli or any of the guys because maybe they're in the toilet or taking a shower but no, no one is here at all. I decide to get changed into a new outfit, a pair of shorts, tank top and vans then I walk out of the bus and go around the whole place looking for them. A few hours pass and I even ask You Me At Six if they've seen them but they say no so I just walk around more until the sun starts to set on the West and sit Indian style on a patch of green grass. The breeze washes over me and shivers go down my spine.

I look around at the nearly empty field in front of me and sigh. I wonder where Oli could be or if he was avoiding me because of what I did. He should know it's not easy to quit. He should know he's the main and possibly the only reason why I keep holding on and just escape with a little cut on my arm when times get really hard. He should know that because he knows me better than I know myself.

"Maria..." I hear a murmur come from behind me and the hairs at the back of my neck stand up and I turn my head around to see Oli standing there with his hands in the pockets of his tight jeans looking down at me with those beautiful eyes of his. I gulp and stand up.
"Hmm?" I tilt my head to the side and smack my lips together as I rock back and forth on my heels nervously awaiting for what he's going to say.
"We- I-," He pauses and groans, "Fuck!" He shouts gripping at his hair but he slowly calms down and looks at me. A weird look. I can't read into it and I'm not sure I want to at all. "It's over. We're over." He tells me and turns on his heel to walk away but I stop him.
"Why?" I ask trying to hold back the many tears begging to come out.
"I'm sick of this, I'm sick of you always breaking your promises for fucks sakes!"
"No- Oli please don't go-"
"Too late."
"I can't do this on my own, Oli! I need you, please don't go!" I cry out finally letting my tears spill over my cheeks and my breathing to quicken as well as my heart beat. Oli looks at me with pained eyes but shakes his head and walks off, leaving me all alone there on the field, under the dark sky, just staring after his tall lanky figure. I start shaking and look down at my bare arms. I can't continue on without him, there's nothing good left for me on this planet. With him gone, everything's gone.

I turn around on my shaking legs and walk towards a busy looking road. I stand on the edge just looking at the cars pass by in a hurry before taking a deep breath and stepping in front of one. The hit of the impact sends me flying a few feet away from the car and I feel my head start throbbing then when I touch the back of my head I feel a pool of blood around me. People surround me and I blink as I slowly begin to loose consciousness. Suddenly, I hear screaming coming from afar and footsteps rushing towards me before I see Oli kneel down beside me with tears pouring down his eyes. He grabs a hold of his hand and squeezes it. "Stay with me! Please don't die! I love you, I'm so sorry I didn't mean it, I love you so much! Please don't go, please!" He begs me. I look up to him and mumble that I love him too, then I feel a few tears slide down my right cheek before my eyes finally close without warning and Oli's scream become nothing more than a sound that slowly fades away just like me. I'm gone, I should of kept fighting but I feel so much better up here.