Fifty Words for Embarrassment

There was another rehearsal in the morning and would be every other weekday and every Saturday and Sunday until the nineteenth.

Reed was there sometimes, but he was usually at work. We got better as a group, more cohesive. I even started feeling like the guys were real friends of mine. I saw them sometimes at school and we always managed to have a quick chat in the hall, even when one of us was in a hurry.

And then it was time for the show.

Here's something I've so far neglected to mention: the "gig" was a wedding... my father's wedding. I hadn't figured out how to tell him, so I figured I would play it off as a surprise. The guys knew and that was all that mattered, as far as I was concerned.

Florence was beyond excited to see me play with a band. She was a violist and had always had a deep, sometimes freaky, obsession with live music. At our local cafe, we had a regular table at open mic night. Even when we were late, it was left clear for us.

Well, she insisted that we go shopping for new dresses for the occasion, though the child in me wanted to show up in something shockingly inappropriate for a wedding, like my leather shorts and a slashed tank top. I knew that I couldn't do that to my father, no matter how much he had upset me in the past. I bought an orange cocktail dress with a dramatic, bright red sash around the waist and Florence bought a flowing, silvery-blue dress. I let her talk me into having my hair done. She drove me to the reception hall herself. I was pretty sure she thought that I would intentionally come late just to screw things up, but she didn't have to worry so much. I would never let down my boys like that.

When I walked in, I caught my father's eye and saw real surprise register on his face. He looked even more surprised when he caught sight of my violin case. He hurried over and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "Rhea, I'm so glad you came. When you missed the ceremony-"

"I had rehearsal, sorry," I cut him off. "My friend's band is the one you hired and he needed a violinist," I explained. "It's nice to see you but we can talk later. I have to go set up." This might have been an excuse, but it was a true excuse. He made some menial reply and I walked away.

"Rhea, that was rude," Florence scolded me. I shrugged, though I did feel a little guilty. I shrugged, though I did feel a little guilty. He wasn't cut out for fatherhood; maybe that wasn't his fault, necessarily. I had been trying to talk myself into forgiveness for a while now. Maybe someday.

I had bought a microphone for my violin and I spent the next few minutes setting it up. I got a chance to warm up and test it out, since Florence had gotten me here well before the guests were due. I caught sight of Reed walking in with Caleb and smiled at them. I wanted to go over and say hello, to hear the words of encouragement and confidence that they would surely have for me, but Lionel and Marcus were already starting up our first song, "Light up the Sky," as a warm up. I turned off the mic, tuned again, and turned it back on. I jumped in in time to play the second half with them.

My friends clapped for us from the table they had claimed on the edge of the ring around the stage. We bowed for them dramatically and I shifted from one foot to the other anxiously. A glance at the clock told me that it was just about four- the time when the doors would be opened and the real show would start.

Three weeks ago I hadn't even met the band yet and look at us now, I thought giddily.

The doors opened.

We played.

***

After a bit, the boys switched over to playing their usual songs, which didn't require me. I went over to my friends' table.

"Rhea, you're fantastic!" Florence said. I smiled and thanked her from where I had collapsed on my chair. Caleb reached over and brushed his fingers against mine.

"It was great," he assured me. I wrapped my arms around my middle. Maybe I could find someone to set him up with. We were at a wedding, after all, and weren't single girls always easier to catch (read: more desperate) at weddings? I looked around and my gaze landed on my cousin Julie. She was a year younger, but I figured that wasn't an issue. I waved her over.

"Julie! It's been too long. Have a seat, let's catch up," I said, gesturing toward an empty chair that was conveniently next to Caleb.

"Why don't we ever hang out?" she asked. "You're right, it's been way too long. I haven't seen you since your dad's last wedding, right?"

I nodded. "I think so. But then, has it really been so long?" I winced. I hadn't meant to sound bitchy. It was just a little frustrating, his constant parade of brides. I decided to move on. "These are my friends Cal and Reed, and you've met Florence."

Julie smiled at all of them and I was pleased to see that she hadn't lost her glow. Ever since she had been a child, always she had been able to light up everything around her with the smallest flash of teeth. Then I was busy trying to come up with a way to get Caleb and Julie talking, so preoccupied with it that I almost didn't realize that they already were.

Reed leaned over and quietly said, "Let's dance. They'll be fine without us." I glanced toward Flos' seat but she had left.

"Alright." I took Reed's offered hand and we joined the throng of people on the dance floor. I saw Lionel wink at us and the next song that they played was a slow one. I looked ruefully at Reed, who idn't seem to bothered by it. Well, if he could be casual about wrapping me up in his arms, I could be casual about being in them. Someone bumped against my back and I stepped a little closer.

"Thanks for coming today," I said.

"Stop thanking me for being around. Who said I didn't have my own selfish reasons? Besides, it's your debut and my brother's first time getting paid for playing. How could I be anywhere else?"

"You ever think that maybe I just thank you because I don't know what else to say? Of course I'm really glad you came, but I know that you don't need to be told that. Give me some credit, would you?" Reed lauhed and spun me in two quick circles. I stumbled against him and his grip tightened for a moment.

"Sorry," he said, but he didn't sound very sorry at all.

I decided against commenting. Lionel signaled for me to get onto the stage after that song ended.

***

After that night, the night of my father's wedding, nothing changed. I wasn't going to be going over to Lionel's house anymore, I was leaving achingly soon for senior project, and I was busier than ever with school. Okay, yes, those are all little changes, but not the kind that you're looking for, I'm sure... so you'll be glad to know that Lionel called me the next Saturday and asked whether I was still planning on coming to practice because they needed to know whether or not to order olives on the pizza. I glanced at the clock. It was 5:30- half an hour before they usually practiced. I had time to get ready and make the short drive, if I was quick. "Of course I'll be there, if you think you're all up to it.

"To what?" Lionel asked.

"To trying out some of my music," I said. I had been working on taking my favorite classical pieces and arranging them so that the band could play them. I figured that if the guys wanted, they would work out a way to fit in singing. Marcus was brilliant at coming up with lyrics. I hoped he would be able to write some for these.

When I arrived, it was with my hair half-braided, with my shoes on the passenger seat rather than on my feet, and with most of a bagel sticking out of my mouth. Lionel appeared at the door and burst out laughing. He came outside and pulled my violin out of the back seat. "What, did you think we wouldn't want you anymore?" he said. I shrugged, my mouth still too bagel-filled for the formation of words. He smirked. "No? Well, neither did we, to be perfectly honest. We had a practice last night because Rupert can only stay for a little bit tonight and it was weird without you."

"Aw. I never realized you were all such sentimental saps." I took my time with braiding the rest of my hair and pulling on my shoes. It was warm outside today, finally, and I wanted to enjoy it while I could before shutting myself up in the basement.

"Saps? At least we have hearts."

"What? I have a heart."

"Clearly not. What girl doesn't cry at her father's wedding?" Lionel pulled my violin from the back seat of my car while I unloaded the little box of music I'd brought.

"We weren't at the wedding, just at the reception," I felt obliged to point out.

"Even better! What girl doesn't bother going to her father's wedding?"

We had by this time reached the basement. Gus said," Hey, man, we've talked about this- you should think, then open your mouth. Show a little respect for our girl's privacy, would you?"

"Gus!" I flung myself at him. "I thought I'd never see you again!"

"I go to your school," Gus said, chuckling.

"Yeah, and besides, what about me?" Rupert put in, opening up his arms for a hug. I stared at him, then blinked once, twice.

"Oh, right, you go to the same school too, don't you?" I said dryly. Rupert tackled me and Gus joined in. I grinned. It felt good to be back here and for it to be permanent.

"Rhea! I heard that you brought us music!" Gus said, pulling away and eyeing my box with open curiosity.

"I most certainly did. And don't worry, there are tabs for Marcus and Rupert. You have no idea how hard it was getting those right, but I think it'll be worth it." I opened the box and rummaged through it, finding the song that I wanted to start with, a version of Mozart's 25th symphony. The parts were passed out and the boys looked over things dubiously.

"I promise, if you don't like it I won't be offended and I'll never make you play it again. Please, just try." I didn't mention that I had been working on this for weeks, trying to get it perfect. I didn't mention that I was really proud of it.

The door to the basement was thrown open and Florence came running downstairs. I smiled at her. I'd thought she would be showing up. She had been coming to all of our practices lately. I thought that maybe Gus had something to do with it, but I wasn't sure. Yes, Florence was expected; it was Reed that I was surprised to see. He followed her, smiling.

"Hey, Rhea," he said. He came over and looked at the music that I was holding, which was my part. I smiled back at him and handed it over so that he could have a better look.

"How are you, Reed?" I asked quietly. I felt like we were being watched closely. I knew that Florence was still hopeful that we'd get together. I didn't have the heart to tell her that the chances were slim.

"Alright." His eyes met mine. They were burning with a strange light.

"What's going on?" I asked. Those eyes shifted away and I felt like some of the warmth in the room went iwh them. He was looking around that the band, who were all watching with open interest.

"Later," he said, and handed back my music before heading to the couch.

I shrugged and turned to Marcus. "Sorry, but I'm rubbish at coming up with singing parts. If we go on with this you'll have to add your own. For now, just listen, yeah?" Marcus nodded and collapsed on the couch next to Reed. I turned back to the rest of my boys. "Right. Let's try this."

I was extremely glad that they were all the type to jump into music without looking it over too much first. I was nervous enough about this without dragging it out more than we needed to. Lionel gave us a beat on his drums and we played.