Stars

Jordan decided he should text Dahlia and tell her what was going to happen with Natasha that day, regardless of what she had done the day before.

Hey, I’m going to get Natasha help. I’m taking her to a center today at 2. We can pick you up and you can go with us, if you want. I’ve already talked to the doctor.

He nervously lit up a cigarette, watching a seagull that was sitting on a bench below on the street. Even though he knew that this help is what Natasha really needed, he couldn’t help but feel somewhat guilty. Natasha didn’t want to be locked up in there until a doctor felt like she could leave, he knew that. Natasha never liked being forced to do anything. Natasha was like a bird; she liked to do what she wanted, go where she wanted when she wanted. There were times she would walk down to the Mexican bar down the street at 4 in the morning and pick up tacos for her and Jordan, just because she felt like it.

While he leaned over the balcony and blew smoke out of his nose, he began to remember when he first met Natasha.

[i']“Dude, you’re a little bitch for drinking Corona lime.”

Jordan rolled his eyes at Tommy who was sitting there with a glass of straight Captain Morgan, “It tastes good, alright?”

Tommy laughed, “You need me to go pick you up some tampons too, m’lady?”

Jordan chuckled and took a drink from his beer, watching a group of girls play volleyball down the beach. Tommy had just broke up with his girlfriend Jessica because she kept trying to convince him that they should move in together, but that wouldn’t of exactly worked out, considering he was cheating on her. So instead, he told her he needed time to focus on college, which was ironic since it was one of the last weeks of the final semester.

This gave them an excuse to go to Venice Beach, which is where they always would pick up girls at the beach. They sat at a picnic table in an outdoors beachside bar called Señora del Sol, which translated to Lady of the Sun.

“Do you guys want anything to eat? Or any more drinks?”

Jordan looked up; a waitress was standing next to their table.

She was short and very thin, her skin was dark and tan. Her hair was long and down her back, wavy and blonde. A strand in front was adorned with beads, like she had gone to the beading pagoda that was on the boardwalk. She smiled; her teeth were white, almost as bright as her blue eyes that sparkled in the sunlight. A nametag clipped to her Sublime tank top read Natasha.

Tommy saw the way Jordan looked at her and smirked, “No ma’am, but I think my friend here would like to take you out for some drinks later.”

Jordan rolled his eyes, putting on his Aviators.

Natasha smiled, biting her lip, “Well, I get off in twenty minutes. Can you wait that long?”

He smiled, looking Natasha up and down, “I think I can.”

When she turned around to walk away, he stopped her, “By the way, Natasha. My name’s Jordan.”

Natasha nodded her head and smiled, “Jordan.”

About half an hour later, Jordan sat at the picnic table smoking a cigarette, waiting for Natasha.

“Can I get one?”

Jordan looked up; she was standing beside the table like she was before. This time, her nametag and the small waist apron that had held a pad of paper and a pen earlier was gone. Her long golden blonde hair was tied up in a messy bun on top of her head, the beaded strand hanging down by her face.

He graciously handed her a cigarette, “You smoke?”

She put it in her mouth and pulled a lighter out of the back pocket of her shorts, “Yes sir. Well not these. Marlboro special blends.”

Jordan had Camel wides, “I used to smoke Marlboro. Reds. But then my friend, the guy that was here earlier, showed me these.”

Natasha smiled and nodded.

“So uh, do you wanna go get some drinks somewhere?”

“Jordan!”

He snapped out of staring at the Los Angeles skyline when he heard Natasha’s voice ring through the apartment, “Yeah babe?”

He threw his cigarette off of the balcony, walking into their bedroom.

Natasha stood in the center of the room, Jordan’s phone in her hand. His stomach churned, she had read the text messages.

“Wanna explain to me why you and my sister are taking me to get locked up with some fucking whackos?”

Jordan sighed, rubbing his eyes, “Tasha I’m only trying to get you help after what happened yesterday, I don’t want you to-”

“You don’t want me to what? Get away from you once in a while?”

For some reason, that hurt Jordan. He never thought that he could be the one that was stressing her out so bad, the one that sent her into spirals of self-destructiveness.

“Just baby please-”

“Don’t ‘baby please’ me,” she began, opening the closet and pulling out her clothes, “I called Dahlia. She’s coming to get me. I’m leaving.”

Jordan’s heart dropped, they had had fights before but she had never left. He didn’t know if she was just leaving for the night or leaving for good, but he didn’t want to ask in fear he’d get an answer he didn’t like.

There was a knock at the door, Natasha walked across the apartment and opened it. Dahlia was standing in the hall, tapping her foot.

“Are you ready?”

“Why the fuck are you letting her leave? You know she needs help Dahlia. You’re her sister why the hell wouldn’t you let-”

“I never agreed with you.”

Jordan couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “You don’t think Natasha needs help? Are you fucking kidding me, Dahlia?”

“No. I’m not. I think she needs to get away from you.”

He threw his hands up in the air and laughed, “What so you can throw yourself at me?”

Dahlia raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, “You mean so you can throw yourself at me?”

Jordan didn’t even know what to say, he just stared at her. He couldn’t believe Dahlia was going this far to make things this difficult. He turned around to walk away, he didn’t even want to have this conversation.

“You know, not all girls are like Lucky.”

He stopped in his tracks, took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes, waiting for Natasha to chime in.

“Lucky? The girl he works with? What the fuck are you talking about?”

Jordan felt like he could scream.

“Yep. The one he works with. Lucky Santana. She’s a friend of mine. Never thought of that, did you Jordan?”

He turned around, trying to find the right words to say to Natasha. Her eyes were welling up with tears, she stared at him; searching for an answer, desperate to find something that would explain what Dahlia was told, something that would tell her that it was a mistake; a misunderstanding.

“Natasha, I’m sorry-”

“Dahlia get me out of here.”

Natasha broke out the door with her things, trying to get as far away from Jordan as she could. She couldn’t believe what he had done to her. How dare he try and tell her she needed help while he had another girl behind her back. She didn’t dare ask him how long this had been going on, she didn’t want to know. If he loved her, she didn’t want to know. She just needed to get away.

Dahlia gave Jordan one last smirk then turned out the door.

He fell onto the couch, his head in his hands. Life had just made his decision for him. Natasha was gone. She wasn’t the type of person to ever take someone back after hurting her that bad. She was gone. He was going to be with Lucky.

He pulled his phone out, dialing his number. He almost didn’t want to do this, he felt horrible. He felt like a puppet, like someone else was making him call Lucky. He felt like he had no emotion, no desires; like someone else was controlling him.

“Yes?” Her voice was thick with sex appeal, lust. But it calmed him.

Jordan took a moment to respond, “Lucky?”

She laughed, “Uh, yeah. Who else would it be?”

Jordan couldn’t help but laugh a little as well, “Can you come over? Natasha, she’s gone.”

Like Jordan couldn’t help but smile, Lucky couldn’t help but grin. The one thing that had been in her way all along was finally gone.

She coughed, trying to get her best fake concerned voice mustered, “Awe baby. Of course, I’ll be over in a second.”

Jordan didn’t even say goodbye, he just hung up without a word.

~

“Take me to the beach.”

Natasha was staring out the window, watching the sky roll by. It was grey; the clouds were heavy with rain. It was humid, but windy. The air was thick with the foreshadowing of a thunderstorm. It couldn’t of suited her mood better, rain was what she needed. She needed rain to wash away the hurt, the disappointment, the confusion. She needed the rain to wash away her problems like the Earth needed the rain to wash away the blood on a battle field after a war.

Dahlia looked at her with a raised eyebrow, a Lana Del Rey CD played through the stereo.

“It’s going to rain, Natasha.”

She rolled her eyes, “Obviously. Just take me there. Stop asking me questions.”

Dahlia sighed and did as her older sister asked, pulling into the beach’s parking lot, “Do you want me to wait for you?”

“No. Take my stuff. I’ll walk to your place, or get a cab.”

“Alright, I love you.”

Natasha sighed, “I love you too.”

As Dahlia drove away, Natasha took off her shoes and let her feet sink into the cool sand. She felt like she could lay down and let her entire body sink into the Earth.

She slowly walked to where the tumbling waves met with the white sand, trying her best to walk in a completely straight line, for a reason even she didn’t know.

As she looked at the ocean, she began to think. She could swim out far, and just let the waves take her under. Let the Pacific swallow her whole, become one with the waves. All of her problems and stress and craziness would be gone, the water probably wasn’t even that cold. Jordan could be with his Lucky, and she could be with the creatures of the sea. She could die with the love he had for her.

By now, Natasha’s toes were flirting with the water, the waves licked at her feet as she stared off into the horizon. She could end it now, alone on the beach.

~

“Baby I am so sorry.”

Jordan was lying on the couch with Lucky, his head in her lap. She was running her manicured hands through his dark hair, trying her best to calm him down. Even though she didn’t really care about him or the fact that Natasha was gone, she did want him to forget about her.

“It’s fine. I mean. I just feel horrible for hurting her. I feel like I killed her or something, Lucky. Like I put a gun to her head.”

“You didn’t baby. Of course she’s going to be hurt, but she’ll be fine.”

Jordan was silent; he didn’t know what to say. In that moment, his feelings began to change completely. In that moment, he knew he had to be with Natasha. Bi-polar disorder or not, Natasha was the woman that he loved. Not Lucky. Jordan was meant to be with Natasha.

He got up, nearly pushing her off the couch.

Lucky looked irritated, “Where are you going?”

“I have to go Lucky. I’m sorry,” he pulled a leather jacket on over his t-shirt, “I can’t be with you. I need to be with Natasha.”

Lucky was outraged. How could he do this to her, make her look so dumb? Make her look like the whore?

“What the hell are you talking about? You’re going to leave me and go be with her? A nutjob?”

Jordan laughed, “Yep. I’m going to go run off and find my nutjob.”

Lucky laughed, grabbing her purse and her jacket, “Well good. I never fucking liked you anyways. Now I don’t have to listen to your incessant fucking bitching about that girl twenty four fucking seven.”

He opened the door for her, “Well are you gonna go?”

She couldn’t believe he was just letting her go like that. Lucky was the best thing that had ever happened to him, she was a trophy girlfriend. But she couldn’t find any words to say, because quite frankly she really didn’t care about him.

As Jordan drove down the Sunset Strip, he didn’t even have to call Dahlia and ask where Natasha was. He had the overwhelming feeling that she was at the beach, alone. The beach was her favorite place to go, especially when she was stressed out.

When he pulled into the beach parking lot, it seemed to be empty. But he saw his angel, Natasha, standing by waves as they rolled onto the shore.

While he was getting out of the car and attempting to shout her name over the wind that was accompanying the storm that was beginning to cover the sky over Los Angeles, Natasha began to do something very strange. She started walking into the water, pushing her body against the waves. It took a moment, but Jordan figured out what she was doing.

“No!” He screamed over the wind, running over to Natasha. He couldn’t lose her, he couldn’t let he do this to herself. The run to Natasha seemed like it was miles long, like he was never going to get to her. The rain slapped against his face, soaked his hair and clothes. In that moment, he felt like he was falling in love with Natasha all over again.

Jordan pulled his arms around her waist, picking her up and out of the waves, bringing her close to him. She broke into tears, her sobs soaking through his already dripping wet jacket.

“Natasha, why would you do that? I love you. I love you so much. I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry for trying to change you. I’m sorry for everything. I love you Tasha. I love you.”

Natasha couldn’t even say anything back, she couldn’t do anything but cry.

Jordan set her down on the sand, sat next to her, “Why were you going to do that?”

Natasha wiped her tears, but the rain just made it look like even more were pouring out of her blue eyes, “I don’t know. I thought I lost you to her. I love you.”

Jordan took her in his arms once again and held her like he was never going to see her again, like she was going to dissipate into a vapor right there and fade away, never to be seen again.

He pushed her back, looking into her eyes. “Natasha?”

She sniffled, tears still running down her cheeks, mixing in with the rain drops, “Yeah?”

“Will you marry me?”

Natasha took a deep breath, a smile spreading across her face. Her heart felt like it was going to explode out of her chest, like she could die right there. She had been waiting for him to ask her this question for so long.

“Yes, of course. Yes. I will marry you.