Sequel: The Pros and Cons of Living ›
The Pros and Cons of Breathing
Part 2
Frank’s P.O.V.
A Week Later….
“Yes, I’m sure he’s fine mother. He’s been home a week. If I needed your help I would have asked you eight days ago.”
I sighed and turned up The Simpson’s as mom walked throughout the house picking up my sister’s stray toys.
“No mother. No, he isn’t bugging me about custody now. Well he probably doesn’t want to put stress on Frank! Yes, mom, I’m watching him! No, he’s busy watching something. I’ll tell him mom…”
I sighed and turned the TV off, surrendering. Mikey would be over soon anyway. Maybe Gerard would come this time. I haven’t seen him since our first kiss.
He was supposed to come twice with Mikey. He never did and I couldn’t ask Mikey too much about it or he would get suspicious. I had a bad feeling, though.
I heard a knock on the door and eagerly got up to get it. It was Mikey. Only Mikey.
“Hi.” I said and I could hear the disappointment in my voice.
“Hey.” If Mikey noticed, he hid it well.
“Wanna come to my house today?”
“Sure.” Maybe I could sneak off and see Gerard. “Mom, can I go to Mikey’s?” I hollered.
“How long?!”
“I dunno! I’ll call you when I’m on my way home!” I yelled, rolling my eyes.
“I guess! Don’t stay out too late! Your dad is coming to talk about home schooling!”
“You guys sure can yell.” Mikey whispered to me.
I grinned. “Whatever! Bye!”
“Bye!”
My little sister Kaylie— the youngest one— was at Mikey’s feet now, fully clothed in a Cinderella dress complete with a wand and tiara. At least I think its Cinderella. Liz tends to stay away when Mikey’s over because she has a huge crush on him. Personally I like Gerard better, if it isn’t too obvious.
“My mommy is taking me to see Ciner-ellie tomowwow night, Mikawl.”
She was the only one who called Mikey ‘Michael’ and she didn’t even pronounce it right.
“Cool.” Mikey said, smiling.
I scooped her up— wincing slightly as my wrists began to hurt— and hugged her. “Bye sweetie.” I kissed her cheek.
“Bye, Frankie. Be caweful and no cut you’s self agains. Me no like you not home fow so wong.” She said, kissing my cheek.
I set her down. “Okay. Bye.”
She ran off, long black hair flowing behind her.
Mikey and I began walking towards his house.
“How are you doing?” he asked me, glancing at my bandaged wrists.
I shrugged. Would Gerard be out in the house? It would be hard to sneak into the basement without anyone noticing.
“Oh yeah. Gee was arrested last night.”
“What?” I yelped.
“He’s out now. I’m not exactly sure what happened. I think he was just…”
“Just?”
“Just drunk in public.” Mikey finished as we got up to his house.
“Is he okay?” I asked hoarsely, but I don’t think Mikey could tell.
“I think he’s got a serious problem.” Mikey sighed. “I talked to him some this week, you know? I’m afraid for him. Don’t tell anyone I said that, Frank.”
“I won’t. I’m sure he’ll be fine though.” I assured Mikey.
“I hope you’re right.” Mikey pushed the door open and we made our way in.
I was surprised to find their house messy because it was almost always clean. I followed Mikey into the kitchen where he got us drinks. There, almost taunting me, was the door to the basement. Gerard was in there now, probably hung over. Just a few feet away from me.
But Mikey was right there so I couldn’t go see him. Think. Maybe Mikey will go to the bathroom. Go to the bathroom, Mikey… Go to the bathroom, Mikey… Go to the bathroom, Mikey. Damn. Maybe if I had a wand. It would have worked for Harry.
“Wanna watch The Nightmare Before Christmas?” Mikey asked, leading me into the family room.
Damn. Now I can’t even go to the bathroom and sneak to see him. “Sure.”
“We’ll watch it in my room because it’s too messy in here for me to concentrate on shit.”
Yes! Finally! Something good!
“Sure, but can I go to the bathroom first?”
“Yeah. I’ll put it in.” Mikey said and disappeared upstairs.
I snuck into the basement quietly, not wanting their mom to hear me. I didn’t feel like talking to her anyway. I got the impression she hated me ever since I was first started hanging out with Mikey.
Gerard was sitting up and running a… something along his left wrist. I ran down there and yanked the glass from him.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” I shouted.
It seemed to take him a while to focus on me. “Frank…” he seemed to smile. He looked so helpless and fragile.
“What are you on?” I asked, pocketing the glass.
“I dunno.” He slurred. “Little of this, little of that.”
I pressed my lips to his, touching his warm cheek. I pulled away, leaving him looking even more dazed than before. “I really like you, Gerard… but if you’re going to hurt yourself I can’t be around you.”
Tears filled his beautiful hazel eyes. “I’m trying, Frankie. I hate Gerard, you hate Gerard, everyone hates Gerard. It’s a big ‘We All Hate Gerard’ club.” He slurred.
I hugged him. “I don’t hate you, Gerard. I want you to get help because it hurts to see you hurting. You have to understand that. Even high, you have to understand that.”
“I can’t. I can’t understand it and I can’t help it and I can’t quit it.” He wiped his eyes angrily.
“Kiss me.” I whispered. He pressed his trembling lips to mine and his tears fell on my cheeks. I could taste the saltiness on his lips. When he pulled away I stroked his cheek. He took several deep breaths. “I want to help you, Gerard.”
He nodded and pressed his lips to mine again.
“Frank! Are you down there?” Mikey called for upstairs.
I jumped and stood. “Er— yeah! I’ll be right up!”
Gerard wiped his teary eyes.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded a yes. “No.”
I smiled. “No or yes?”
“I’ll tell you when I find out.” He gave the most pitiful smile I’d ever seen.
I kissed once more before reluctantly going upstairs to watch TNBC with Mikey.
Gerard’s P.O.V
Yet Another Week Later….
Knowing Frank and Mikey were together now when I could barely see Frankie was slowly driving me crazy. I hadn’t seen Frankie in a week and I needed to see him or at least talk to him. As it stood Frank and I had only kissed. We weren’t together.
But I wanted to be. The more I thought about it the less I cared what other people thought. He was all I thought about, sober or drunk. I’d tried staying sober for him, his words ringing in my head.
I really like you, Gerard… but if you’re going to hurt yourself I can’t be around you.
Mikey got me a job at his work, which means my few chances of seeing Frank are lessened even more. It seems like, at this point, I’ll never see him again. When I first began liking him he was always around, seemingly taunting me. Now I find out he likes me too and we can be something and he’s never fucking here! Why is he doing this to me?
It isn’t his fault.
God, he’s all I fucking think about! It’s always about Frank! I’m so much in love with him that I could do something crazy just to be in the same room with him.
He’s only sixteen. I reminded myself. It’s illegal and wrong. You can’t, Gerard. This isn’t something stupid you’re messing around with. This is Frank’s heart.
My fucking God. Now I’m hearing him.
“It was so awesome seeing Paris Hilton die. I wish I could have killed her.”
My eyes widened and I ran upstairs. There stood Mikey, Frank, some other kid around their age, and Frank’s dad.
Frank’s dad laughed, shaking hands with my mom.
“This is my son Gerard. You know Mikey already.”
“Nice to meet you, Gerard.” Frank’s dad shook my hand. My eyes were on Frank and he was peering back at me, a small smile on his face.
I grinned. “Yeah, nice wea— to meet you too.”
Frank laughed a bit and I noticed something. He had gotten his nose pierced on the opposite side of where his lip was.
“Gerard, this is my cousin Ryan. He’s in town a few days so me and Mikey went to see House of Wax with him.” Frank told me, grinning.
“Cool.” I said, looking him over. He’d gone all out in his Emo-Kid today. He had on baggy black pants and a black hoodie on over a The Smiths T-shirt and he had on skeleton gloves. I, however, had on pajama pants and a stinking T-shirt. Why hadn’t I gotten dressed? I hadn’t even brushed my hair yet— Stop it now. You are not some teenage girl and this is Frank. He doesn’t care what you look like. “Hi, Ryan.”
Ryan, just in blue jeans and a black T-shirt, waved. He had dark spiked hair with blue highlights and he was wearing eye liner underneath glasses. I could see a sort of resemblance to Frankie, but I think it’s the hair.
“Well, Frank, Ryan, we should go.” Frank’s dad said. “It was nice to meet you Donna, Gerard.”
“You too.” My mom said.
I sort of nodded. This was cruel, only seeing Frank for three minutes. I wish I hadn’t seen him period.
Mikey walked out with Ryan and Mr. Iero and my mom went to clean. I stepped towards Frank.
“How are you?” he whispered, reaching a gloved hand to touch my cheek.
“I’m fine. How are you?”
“Missing you.” He admitted. “Can we at least talk on the phone? This is torture.”
I pressed my lips to his and placed my hands on his waist. He pulled away after a few moments.
“We have to talk.” I agreed. “We’ll work something out.”
He kissed me again, running his fingers through my messy hair. When he pulled away I wanted to yank him back towards me but settled for licking my lips and staring into his green eyes.
“I’ll think of a way to see you.” He promised.
“I love you, Frank.” I whispered.
“I love you too, Gerard.” He whispered, kissing my cheek. He turned and left, leaving a hole in my heart.
I went into the basement, depressed. Who knew how long it would be before I got to see Mikey again…
Frank’s P.O.V
Later That Night…
Haha. People cannot say I’m not a genius. I’ve come up with a quite excellent plan. I’m going to go to Gerard’s house tomorrow but when his mom answers I’m going to ask for Mikey, knowing good and well Mikey won’t be home that early. She won’t turn me away because I’m “emotionally vulnerable.” Then I know she won’t stay and sit with me because she can’t stand me. She thinks I’m too hyper, imagine that.
So anyway, it’s flawless. I’ll go down and surprise Gerard.
Seeing him yesterday was awful. It hurt to see him for such a short amount of time and be cruelly ripped away from him. I’ll have to be careful around Mikey too. I think he’s starting to get a little suspicious because I keep asking about Gerard and how he’s doing. Like asking every other hour isn’t normal. Puh.
See, isn’t my plan wonderful? Now I just have to talk mom into letting me out of the house alone. Fuck. It’s always the little things…. Hey, I ate the whole bag of candy already? That was a Jumbo sized bag and I just opened it. Shit.
Gerard’s P.O.V
The Next Day…
The next day around two I was drawing when I heard a knock on my basement door. I sighed, made my way up the stairs, and flung the door open. “What, mom— Frank?”
Frank smiled and threw his arms around me, kissing me. We stood there, almost to the point of making out in my doorway. I pulled him into the basement, glad I had gotten dressed this morning and taken a shower.
“Yesterday I was on a sugar high and got a genius idea that wasn’t so genius when the sugar wore off.” He explained. “I was gonna come over here at eleven and wait for Mikey. I forgot I’m under supervision and school gets out at four.”
I snorted. Frank tended to do such things when he was on sugar highs.
I smiled and eyed his new nose ring. “When did you get it?”
“Three days ago.” He smiled. “Like it?”
I nodded. “It suits you.” I said, gently touching it. He winced slightly and kissed my fingers.
“So the plan that got you here?”
He made a face. “Mom, I really want to thank Gerard for being there when I woke up in the hospital. He really helped me through some things and I just want to thank him. Can you drive me, please? I’ll call you when I’m ready to come home.”
I laughed. “You’re welcome.”
He smiled and wrapped his arms around my neck, leaning in. “I have another way I’d like to thank you.”
“Have you?” I whispered.
He nodded innocently, and then kissed me again. I pulled him back towards my bed and we laid on it, kissing each other.
Eventually we pulled away, breathing hard. He had his eyes closed and his forehead rested against mine. “I’m in love with you, Gerard.” He whispered.
“I’m in love with you too, Frank.” I replied, tilting hid head up. “Look at me.”
His eyes opened. “See? I’m sober. For you.”
He smiled. “I want to be with you, Gerard.”
“We can be together.” I kissed him gently. “We just have to be careful.”
He nodded and seemed a lot calmer than he was when he first got here. He snuggled into me and I held him in my arms, stroking his dark hair.
“This feels right.” He muttered into my arm, closing his eyes. We just lay there, whispering to one another, until Mikey got home…
Frank’s P.O.V
I felt much better after seeing Gerard. I stayed at his house six hours, though I was only alone with him for two. He watched two movies with me and Mikey. Unbeknownst to Mikey, who was sitting on the floor directly in front of the TV, we were sitting on the couch holding hands. After we had some Pizza my dad came to pick me up and I’m at his house for the weekend now.
We were sitting, watching The Simpsons, when he turned to me. “Frank, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”
I inwardly sighed. “Yeah?”
“Why exactly did you try to kill yourself? Was it… are you feeling stressed? Did you just act on impulse or had you planned this?”
“I don’t want to talk about this!”
“You’re talking about it to that boy’s brother. Linda told me.”
“What are you accusing me of?” I snapped.
“I’m not accusing you of anything. Your mother and I are glad that you have someone to talk to. We just wish we knew more about this.”
“What is this?!”
“Frank, you tried to kill yourself.”
“I’m okay, Dad. But if you don’t quit bugging me I won’t be!”
Dad sighed. “Sorry, Frank.”
“I just want to forget this happened.”
“I know. I just want you to know that I’m here to talk.” He put his hand on my shoulder.
“Thanks.” I said and I, surprisingly, meant it. For once I was glad that I had my parents.
Frank’s P.O.V
Two Weeks Later…
Two weeks later I was at Gerard’s house. It was a Saturday and he was home alone. At least he was until I got there.
We were lying on his bed, making out. I was underneath him and her legs were straddling my stomach. I hadn’t seen him in four days and I felt like I’d do anything at that moment.
He pulled away and stared into my eyes, making me slightly self conscious and uncomfortable. I hated being looked at because I hate how I looked. As far as I was concerned I was just this short 5”3 ugly Emo-teenager. I felt uncomfortable because I felt like if I looked into his eyes too long I’d fall in or something.
“I’m getting a new guitar.” I randomly said, not even knowing where that came from.
He snorted. “When?”
“Tonight.” I blushed slightly.
“Cool.” He got off of me and plopped down, facing me. “I hate Jersey. There’s nothing to do but sleep, fight, and fuck.”
I snorted this time. “I love Jersey. I wouldn’t live anywhere else.”
He nodded and sighed.
“Are you really that unhappy?” I tilted my head to eye him better.
“Not so much anymore. That kiss perked me right up.”
I kicked him playfully. “I’m being serious.”
“You’re Frank. You can’t be serious.” He grinned.
I kept my eyes on him, trying to read his mood. Gerard was good at hiding things though.
His smile faded. “I’m okay now. Trust me.”
I grinned at him.
The front door opened and our heads tilted up.
“I’ll talk to her while you sneak out?” hr asked.
I nodded and kissed him. “Let’s wait a few minutes though.”
He kissed me back, smiling into my lips. It made me happy to see him like this. Somewhat happy, sober, clean. I wish I could make all of the pain go away though.
As his hands began to slide up my The Smiths T-shirt I moaned and was suddenly very hard in the lower region. It was very embarrassing because for one I’d never had a boner with someone else in the room let alone caused by someone right next to me and for two because Gerard must have known because he pulled his hand from under my shirt.
“Damn hormones, huh?” he whispered, panting.
I nodded in agreement, blushing again.
“Maybe you should go before we go too far to quit.” He said, scooting back from me.
“When will I see you again?” I hated that I sounded desperate and needy. But I knew, to an extent, I was. I desperately needed and wanted Gerard. Now just kissing wasn’t enough, it seemed. For him I think it was because he never once pressured me or sighed when I made him stop if he’d gone too far (which he hadn’t done more than once.)but I think I wanted more. I wanted to feel his hands on me, skin touching skin.
“I don’t know.” He interrupted my thoughts.
I nodded. Every time he left or I left I asked. And every time that was his answer.
His lips gently pressed against mine and I closed my eyes, knowing it might be a few days until I could see him again.
When we pulled away he frowned. “So long and goodnight.”
“Bye.” I got up. “I love you, Gerard.”
Gerard kissed me again. “I love you too, Frankie.”
When Gerard had his mom distracted I snuck out, and then ran as fast as I could to my house…
Later That Night
Still Frankie’s P.O.V
I needed Gerard. I don’t know why. I was so happy earlier and suddenly, something inside me snapped. I feel like crying, but I can’t. I feel like screaming, but I can’t. I feel like killing myself and what is scaring me as I look at a razor on my bedside table is this. That, killing myself, I can do.
“— he’s acting weird. I think he may be having a relapse of sorts.” I heard my mom tell my dad over the phone. “No. He went out today and he was fine.”
I closed my eyes, willing everything away.
“He was fine when he got home, I’m sure. He was until about two hours ago.”
Gerard… I need Gerard… get off of the phone. I need it now.
“I’ll keep an eye on him… of course I’ll call… What should I do? Call a therapist? Try to talk to him myself? I’m scared. He lost so much blood last month. If he tried it again he’ll… succeed.”
Maybe I should try it again just so I don’t have to hear you talking about it.
“Okay… yes, bye.”
The second she was off of the phone I ran for it, then ran upstairs. I dialed Gerard’s number and he, thankfully, answered.
“Hello?”
“Gerard, I need you.” I whispered.
“Frankie?” he whispered.
“Can you please come see me?” Finally the tears I’d been holding back for the past two or so hours came.
“Frank, are you crying? What’s wrong?”
“If I’m alone much longer I’m going to do something stupid.” I sobbed.
“Why? Frank? What? Look, I’ll be right over. Just get a glass of water and sit down.”
I hung up and, rather than listen to his advice, climbed out of my window. I settled myself, crying hysterically, on the steps of our porch. It wasn’t long before I was wrapped in Gerard’s arms, sitting and sobbing on his lap.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” I wailed. “I just— just can’t—.”
He stroked my hair and held me close. “What’s wrong?” he asked calmly in my ear.
“I dunno!”
He wiped my wet cheeks and dried me sore eyes.
“I just suddenly got so angry. I’m sorry if I’m causing problems.” I said and a fresh batch of tears began to fall. “That’s all I ever do. Cause problems.”
He rocked me back and fourth, kissing my eyelids. “You don’t cause problems, Frank. You help people overcome them. If it weren’t for you do you think I would be sober now? For two weeks?”
I shrugged.
“Don’t lie to yourself.” He whispered, wiping my eyes once more. I was no longer crying but I still didn’t think I could be left aone. I think he could tell. “Let’s go in your room, okay? We’ll go through the front door because your mom actually called me right after you to come see you. Okay?”
I nodded and felt Gerard stand me up. He led me into the house and past my mom, then into my bedroom. He had never been in my room before,let alone inside my house. He always dropped Mikey off but had never come in. I had to point him in the right direction.
My room was messy with posters covering the walls. There wasn’t an inch poster-free. My bed had clothes on it so Gerard threw them onto my chair and laid me down. I curled up in a ball and let out a lonely sigh…
Gee’s P.O.V
I crawled onto his bed beside him and began to stroke his dark hair. I was scared, seeing him like this. I didn’t know what to do for him, what to say to him.
He closed his eyes and soon he was softly snoring. His mom stepped in.
“Is he okay?” she whispered.
I nodded. “I think he’ll be fine. I can stay the night if you want?”
“That would be wonderful, Gerard. You’ve helped him through so much of this and I’m just thankful— so thankful— that you’re in his life. I know he’s just your brother’s friend to you but… I think he really loves you, Gerard. You’re like an older brother.”
I smirked to myself. “Thanks.”
She gave me and small smile and left, closing the door behind her. I looked at Frank’s watch to see it was only six.
Frank shifted and I reached for a book on his desk, which was right next to his bed.
“Collected Stories of William Faulkner” it read. A page was bookmarked and I turned to it. It was titled “A Rose for Emily” and there was some scribbling in Frank’s handwriting in the margins.
“He calls the mansion not a house but a tomb. He’s always choking from the stench and the fume. The wedding part all collapse in the room. So send—.” It seemed to randomly stop, as if he’d been interrupted. Then, lower down, this time in red ink, was written: “So say goodbye to the vows you take, and say goodbye to the life you make. And say goodbye to their heart you break and all the Cyanide you drank.”
I began to read the actual story, intrigued. I had read it three times, continually staring at Frank’s lyrics on the side. Suddenly, during my fourth time, Frank began to stir. His eyes slowly opened.
“Hey.” I put the book down and kissed him.
“Hi.” He replied, his voice thick with sleep.
“Are you feeling better?” I asked.
He pulled me to a laying position next to him and curled into me, his tiny frame fitting perfectly against my side “If I say yes will you go home?”
“You’re stuck with me. I’m staying the night.” I grinned, wrapping my arms around his think waist. Compared to him I was a whale. I was slowly losing weight after being fat all of my life. Even though I wasn’t as fat as I used to be, I was still chubby. However with Frankie, who is a vegetarian, happens to be so short and think that his mom set up a appointment for him at the doctors office a month or two ago. She seriously thought he had cancer or something.
“What were you reading?” he yawned.
“A Rose for Emily.”
He blushed. “You saw…”
“Sorry I read them. I hope you don’t mind.”
“No, it’s okay. I planned on showing you them soon anyway…”
I nodded and pulled him close. “What’s it called?”
“It isn’t done yet… I dunno… The End or something… I haven’t quite decided.”
I nodded again and began rubbing his back.
“It’s only eight-oh-fucking-clock?” his eyes widened as he stared at his watch.
“Yeah. Time is going agonizingly slow today…”
“If you’re bored you can… you know… leave.”
“No. I love spending time with you, Frankie.”
He leaned up and pressed him lips to mine in a quick kiss. It was over in seconds and he was once again curled against me like it had never happened. I wasn’t even sure it had…
Frank’s P.O.V
After giving Gerard a quick kiss I curled back into him, eager to be wrapped in his warm arms. He slid his hand into mine and we lay, wrapped together, four hours. We didn’t talk, only laid together.
His fingers were running through my hair and I felt like if I was with Gerard I would always be happy. He leaned over me (I was lying in front of him and his arms were around my waist) and looked into my eyes.
“I love you, Frank.” He whispered, and then pressed his lips to my forehead.
I laid flat on my back and pulled him onto me. He looked shocked for a moment, and then leaned down to kiss my neck. I moaned happily and arched into him, my eyes closing. He moved down my neck and I felt his hands tugging at my T-shirt. I rose up and, after my shirt was off, tugged at his. I was shocked when he pushed my hand away gently.
“Gerard?” I whispered.
“Don’t do that.” He whispered back.
My racing heart slowed down. “What’s wrong, Gerard?”
“I haven’t done anything like this sober.”
“Of course you have.” I said.
“No…” he shook his head.
“Well…” I bit my lips and could taste the metal of my lip ring. I pulled him back down on me and kissed his lips gently and lovingly. “Then it’ll be a first time for both of us.”
A Week Later….
“Yes, I’m sure he’s fine mother. He’s been home a week. If I needed your help I would have asked you eight days ago.”
I sighed and turned up The Simpson’s as mom walked throughout the house picking up my sister’s stray toys.
“No mother. No, he isn’t bugging me about custody now. Well he probably doesn’t want to put stress on Frank! Yes, mom, I’m watching him! No, he’s busy watching something. I’ll tell him mom…”
I sighed and turned the TV off, surrendering. Mikey would be over soon anyway. Maybe Gerard would come this time. I haven’t seen him since our first kiss.
He was supposed to come twice with Mikey. He never did and I couldn’t ask Mikey too much about it or he would get suspicious. I had a bad feeling, though.
I heard a knock on the door and eagerly got up to get it. It was Mikey. Only Mikey.
“Hi.” I said and I could hear the disappointment in my voice.
“Hey.” If Mikey noticed, he hid it well.
“Wanna come to my house today?”
“Sure.” Maybe I could sneak off and see Gerard. “Mom, can I go to Mikey’s?” I hollered.
“How long?!”
“I dunno! I’ll call you when I’m on my way home!” I yelled, rolling my eyes.
“I guess! Don’t stay out too late! Your dad is coming to talk about home schooling!”
“You guys sure can yell.” Mikey whispered to me.
I grinned. “Whatever! Bye!”
“Bye!”
My little sister Kaylie— the youngest one— was at Mikey’s feet now, fully clothed in a Cinderella dress complete with a wand and tiara. At least I think its Cinderella. Liz tends to stay away when Mikey’s over because she has a huge crush on him. Personally I like Gerard better, if it isn’t too obvious.
“My mommy is taking me to see Ciner-ellie tomowwow night, Mikawl.”
She was the only one who called Mikey ‘Michael’ and she didn’t even pronounce it right.
“Cool.” Mikey said, smiling.
I scooped her up— wincing slightly as my wrists began to hurt— and hugged her. “Bye sweetie.” I kissed her cheek.
“Bye, Frankie. Be caweful and no cut you’s self agains. Me no like you not home fow so wong.” She said, kissing my cheek.
I set her down. “Okay. Bye.”
She ran off, long black hair flowing behind her.
Mikey and I began walking towards his house.
“How are you doing?” he asked me, glancing at my bandaged wrists.
I shrugged. Would Gerard be out in the house? It would be hard to sneak into the basement without anyone noticing.
“Oh yeah. Gee was arrested last night.”
“What?” I yelped.
“He’s out now. I’m not exactly sure what happened. I think he was just…”
“Just?”
“Just drunk in public.” Mikey finished as we got up to his house.
“Is he okay?” I asked hoarsely, but I don’t think Mikey could tell.
“I think he’s got a serious problem.” Mikey sighed. “I talked to him some this week, you know? I’m afraid for him. Don’t tell anyone I said that, Frank.”
“I won’t. I’m sure he’ll be fine though.” I assured Mikey.
“I hope you’re right.” Mikey pushed the door open and we made our way in.
I was surprised to find their house messy because it was almost always clean. I followed Mikey into the kitchen where he got us drinks. There, almost taunting me, was the door to the basement. Gerard was in there now, probably hung over. Just a few feet away from me.
But Mikey was right there so I couldn’t go see him. Think. Maybe Mikey will go to the bathroom. Go to the bathroom, Mikey… Go to the bathroom, Mikey… Go to the bathroom, Mikey. Damn. Maybe if I had a wand. It would have worked for Harry.
“Wanna watch The Nightmare Before Christmas?” Mikey asked, leading me into the family room.
Damn. Now I can’t even go to the bathroom and sneak to see him. “Sure.”
“We’ll watch it in my room because it’s too messy in here for me to concentrate on shit.”
Yes! Finally! Something good!
“Sure, but can I go to the bathroom first?”
“Yeah. I’ll put it in.” Mikey said and disappeared upstairs.
I snuck into the basement quietly, not wanting their mom to hear me. I didn’t feel like talking to her anyway. I got the impression she hated me ever since I was first started hanging out with Mikey.
Gerard was sitting up and running a… something along his left wrist. I ran down there and yanked the glass from him.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” I shouted.
It seemed to take him a while to focus on me. “Frank…” he seemed to smile. He looked so helpless and fragile.
“What are you on?” I asked, pocketing the glass.
“I dunno.” He slurred. “Little of this, little of that.”
I pressed my lips to his, touching his warm cheek. I pulled away, leaving him looking even more dazed than before. “I really like you, Gerard… but if you’re going to hurt yourself I can’t be around you.”
Tears filled his beautiful hazel eyes. “I’m trying, Frankie. I hate Gerard, you hate Gerard, everyone hates Gerard. It’s a big ‘We All Hate Gerard’ club.” He slurred.
I hugged him. “I don’t hate you, Gerard. I want you to get help because it hurts to see you hurting. You have to understand that. Even high, you have to understand that.”
“I can’t. I can’t understand it and I can’t help it and I can’t quit it.” He wiped his eyes angrily.
“Kiss me.” I whispered. He pressed his trembling lips to mine and his tears fell on my cheeks. I could taste the saltiness on his lips. When he pulled away I stroked his cheek. He took several deep breaths. “I want to help you, Gerard.”
He nodded and pressed his lips to mine again.
“Frank! Are you down there?” Mikey called for upstairs.
I jumped and stood. “Er— yeah! I’ll be right up!”
Gerard wiped his teary eyes.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded a yes. “No.”
I smiled. “No or yes?”
“I’ll tell you when I find out.” He gave the most pitiful smile I’d ever seen.
I kissed once more before reluctantly going upstairs to watch TNBC with Mikey.
Gerard’s P.O.V
Yet Another Week Later….
Knowing Frank and Mikey were together now when I could barely see Frankie was slowly driving me crazy. I hadn’t seen Frankie in a week and I needed to see him or at least talk to him. As it stood Frank and I had only kissed. We weren’t together.
But I wanted to be. The more I thought about it the less I cared what other people thought. He was all I thought about, sober or drunk. I’d tried staying sober for him, his words ringing in my head.
I really like you, Gerard… but if you’re going to hurt yourself I can’t be around you.
Mikey got me a job at his work, which means my few chances of seeing Frank are lessened even more. It seems like, at this point, I’ll never see him again. When I first began liking him he was always around, seemingly taunting me. Now I find out he likes me too and we can be something and he’s never fucking here! Why is he doing this to me?
It isn’t his fault.
God, he’s all I fucking think about! It’s always about Frank! I’m so much in love with him that I could do something crazy just to be in the same room with him.
He’s only sixteen. I reminded myself. It’s illegal and wrong. You can’t, Gerard. This isn’t something stupid you’re messing around with. This is Frank’s heart.
My fucking God. Now I’m hearing him.
“It was so awesome seeing Paris Hilton die. I wish I could have killed her.”
My eyes widened and I ran upstairs. There stood Mikey, Frank, some other kid around their age, and Frank’s dad.
Frank’s dad laughed, shaking hands with my mom.
“This is my son Gerard. You know Mikey already.”
“Nice to meet you, Gerard.” Frank’s dad shook my hand. My eyes were on Frank and he was peering back at me, a small smile on his face.
I grinned. “Yeah, nice wea— to meet you too.”
Frank laughed a bit and I noticed something. He had gotten his nose pierced on the opposite side of where his lip was.
“Gerard, this is my cousin Ryan. He’s in town a few days so me and Mikey went to see House of Wax with him.” Frank told me, grinning.
“Cool.” I said, looking him over. He’d gone all out in his Emo-Kid today. He had on baggy black pants and a black hoodie on over a The Smiths T-shirt and he had on skeleton gloves. I, however, had on pajama pants and a stinking T-shirt. Why hadn’t I gotten dressed? I hadn’t even brushed my hair yet— Stop it now. You are not some teenage girl and this is Frank. He doesn’t care what you look like. “Hi, Ryan.”
Ryan, just in blue jeans and a black T-shirt, waved. He had dark spiked hair with blue highlights and he was wearing eye liner underneath glasses. I could see a sort of resemblance to Frankie, but I think it’s the hair.
“Well, Frank, Ryan, we should go.” Frank’s dad said. “It was nice to meet you Donna, Gerard.”
“You too.” My mom said.
I sort of nodded. This was cruel, only seeing Frank for three minutes. I wish I hadn’t seen him period.
Mikey walked out with Ryan and Mr. Iero and my mom went to clean. I stepped towards Frank.
“How are you?” he whispered, reaching a gloved hand to touch my cheek.
“I’m fine. How are you?”
“Missing you.” He admitted. “Can we at least talk on the phone? This is torture.”
I pressed my lips to his and placed my hands on his waist. He pulled away after a few moments.
“We have to talk.” I agreed. “We’ll work something out.”
He kissed me again, running his fingers through my messy hair. When he pulled away I wanted to yank him back towards me but settled for licking my lips and staring into his green eyes.
“I’ll think of a way to see you.” He promised.
“I love you, Frank.” I whispered.
“I love you too, Gerard.” He whispered, kissing my cheek. He turned and left, leaving a hole in my heart.
I went into the basement, depressed. Who knew how long it would be before I got to see Mikey again…
Frank’s P.O.V
Later That Night…
Haha. People cannot say I’m not a genius. I’ve come up with a quite excellent plan. I’m going to go to Gerard’s house tomorrow but when his mom answers I’m going to ask for Mikey, knowing good and well Mikey won’t be home that early. She won’t turn me away because I’m “emotionally vulnerable.” Then I know she won’t stay and sit with me because she can’t stand me. She thinks I’m too hyper, imagine that.
So anyway, it’s flawless. I’ll go down and surprise Gerard.
Seeing him yesterday was awful. It hurt to see him for such a short amount of time and be cruelly ripped away from him. I’ll have to be careful around Mikey too. I think he’s starting to get a little suspicious because I keep asking about Gerard and how he’s doing. Like asking every other hour isn’t normal. Puh.
See, isn’t my plan wonderful? Now I just have to talk mom into letting me out of the house alone. Fuck. It’s always the little things…. Hey, I ate the whole bag of candy already? That was a Jumbo sized bag and I just opened it. Shit.
Gerard’s P.O.V
The Next Day…
The next day around two I was drawing when I heard a knock on my basement door. I sighed, made my way up the stairs, and flung the door open. “What, mom— Frank?”
Frank smiled and threw his arms around me, kissing me. We stood there, almost to the point of making out in my doorway. I pulled him into the basement, glad I had gotten dressed this morning and taken a shower.
“Yesterday I was on a sugar high and got a genius idea that wasn’t so genius when the sugar wore off.” He explained. “I was gonna come over here at eleven and wait for Mikey. I forgot I’m under supervision and school gets out at four.”
I snorted. Frank tended to do such things when he was on sugar highs.
I smiled and eyed his new nose ring. “When did you get it?”
“Three days ago.” He smiled. “Like it?”
I nodded. “It suits you.” I said, gently touching it. He winced slightly and kissed my fingers.
“So the plan that got you here?”
He made a face. “Mom, I really want to thank Gerard for being there when I woke up in the hospital. He really helped me through some things and I just want to thank him. Can you drive me, please? I’ll call you when I’m ready to come home.”
I laughed. “You’re welcome.”
He smiled and wrapped his arms around my neck, leaning in. “I have another way I’d like to thank you.”
“Have you?” I whispered.
He nodded innocently, and then kissed me again. I pulled him back towards my bed and we laid on it, kissing each other.
Eventually we pulled away, breathing hard. He had his eyes closed and his forehead rested against mine. “I’m in love with you, Gerard.” He whispered.
“I’m in love with you too, Frank.” I replied, tilting hid head up. “Look at me.”
His eyes opened. “See? I’m sober. For you.”
He smiled. “I want to be with you, Gerard.”
“We can be together.” I kissed him gently. “We just have to be careful.”
He nodded and seemed a lot calmer than he was when he first got here. He snuggled into me and I held him in my arms, stroking his dark hair.
“This feels right.” He muttered into my arm, closing his eyes. We just lay there, whispering to one another, until Mikey got home…
Frank’s P.O.V
I felt much better after seeing Gerard. I stayed at his house six hours, though I was only alone with him for two. He watched two movies with me and Mikey. Unbeknownst to Mikey, who was sitting on the floor directly in front of the TV, we were sitting on the couch holding hands. After we had some Pizza my dad came to pick me up and I’m at his house for the weekend now.
We were sitting, watching The Simpsons, when he turned to me. “Frank, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”
I inwardly sighed. “Yeah?”
“Why exactly did you try to kill yourself? Was it… are you feeling stressed? Did you just act on impulse or had you planned this?”
“I don’t want to talk about this!”
“You’re talking about it to that boy’s brother. Linda told me.”
“What are you accusing me of?” I snapped.
“I’m not accusing you of anything. Your mother and I are glad that you have someone to talk to. We just wish we knew more about this.”
“What is this?!”
“Frank, you tried to kill yourself.”
“I’m okay, Dad. But if you don’t quit bugging me I won’t be!”
Dad sighed. “Sorry, Frank.”
“I just want to forget this happened.”
“I know. I just want you to know that I’m here to talk.” He put his hand on my shoulder.
“Thanks.” I said and I, surprisingly, meant it. For once I was glad that I had my parents.
Frank’s P.O.V
Two Weeks Later…
Two weeks later I was at Gerard’s house. It was a Saturday and he was home alone. At least he was until I got there.
We were lying on his bed, making out. I was underneath him and her legs were straddling my stomach. I hadn’t seen him in four days and I felt like I’d do anything at that moment.
He pulled away and stared into my eyes, making me slightly self conscious and uncomfortable. I hated being looked at because I hate how I looked. As far as I was concerned I was just this short 5”3 ugly Emo-teenager. I felt uncomfortable because I felt like if I looked into his eyes too long I’d fall in or something.
“I’m getting a new guitar.” I randomly said, not even knowing where that came from.
He snorted. “When?”
“Tonight.” I blushed slightly.
“Cool.” He got off of me and plopped down, facing me. “I hate Jersey. There’s nothing to do but sleep, fight, and fuck.”
I snorted this time. “I love Jersey. I wouldn’t live anywhere else.”
He nodded and sighed.
“Are you really that unhappy?” I tilted my head to eye him better.
“Not so much anymore. That kiss perked me right up.”
I kicked him playfully. “I’m being serious.”
“You’re Frank. You can’t be serious.” He grinned.
I kept my eyes on him, trying to read his mood. Gerard was good at hiding things though.
His smile faded. “I’m okay now. Trust me.”
I grinned at him.
The front door opened and our heads tilted up.
“I’ll talk to her while you sneak out?” hr asked.
I nodded and kissed him. “Let’s wait a few minutes though.”
He kissed me back, smiling into my lips. It made me happy to see him like this. Somewhat happy, sober, clean. I wish I could make all of the pain go away though.
As his hands began to slide up my The Smiths T-shirt I moaned and was suddenly very hard in the lower region. It was very embarrassing because for one I’d never had a boner with someone else in the room let alone caused by someone right next to me and for two because Gerard must have known because he pulled his hand from under my shirt.
“Damn hormones, huh?” he whispered, panting.
I nodded in agreement, blushing again.
“Maybe you should go before we go too far to quit.” He said, scooting back from me.
“When will I see you again?” I hated that I sounded desperate and needy. But I knew, to an extent, I was. I desperately needed and wanted Gerard. Now just kissing wasn’t enough, it seemed. For him I think it was because he never once pressured me or sighed when I made him stop if he’d gone too far (which he hadn’t done more than once.)but I think I wanted more. I wanted to feel his hands on me, skin touching skin.
“I don’t know.” He interrupted my thoughts.
I nodded. Every time he left or I left I asked. And every time that was his answer.
His lips gently pressed against mine and I closed my eyes, knowing it might be a few days until I could see him again.
When we pulled away he frowned. “So long and goodnight.”
“Bye.” I got up. “I love you, Gerard.”
Gerard kissed me again. “I love you too, Frankie.”
When Gerard had his mom distracted I snuck out, and then ran as fast as I could to my house…
Later That Night
Still Frankie’s P.O.V
I needed Gerard. I don’t know why. I was so happy earlier and suddenly, something inside me snapped. I feel like crying, but I can’t. I feel like screaming, but I can’t. I feel like killing myself and what is scaring me as I look at a razor on my bedside table is this. That, killing myself, I can do.
“— he’s acting weird. I think he may be having a relapse of sorts.” I heard my mom tell my dad over the phone. “No. He went out today and he was fine.”
I closed my eyes, willing everything away.
“He was fine when he got home, I’m sure. He was until about two hours ago.”
Gerard… I need Gerard… get off of the phone. I need it now.
“I’ll keep an eye on him… of course I’ll call… What should I do? Call a therapist? Try to talk to him myself? I’m scared. He lost so much blood last month. If he tried it again he’ll… succeed.”
Maybe I should try it again just so I don’t have to hear you talking about it.
“Okay… yes, bye.”
The second she was off of the phone I ran for it, then ran upstairs. I dialed Gerard’s number and he, thankfully, answered.
“Hello?”
“Gerard, I need you.” I whispered.
“Frankie?” he whispered.
“Can you please come see me?” Finally the tears I’d been holding back for the past two or so hours came.
“Frank, are you crying? What’s wrong?”
“If I’m alone much longer I’m going to do something stupid.” I sobbed.
“Why? Frank? What? Look, I’ll be right over. Just get a glass of water and sit down.”
I hung up and, rather than listen to his advice, climbed out of my window. I settled myself, crying hysterically, on the steps of our porch. It wasn’t long before I was wrapped in Gerard’s arms, sitting and sobbing on his lap.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” I wailed. “I just— just can’t—.”
He stroked my hair and held me close. “What’s wrong?” he asked calmly in my ear.
“I dunno!”
He wiped my wet cheeks and dried me sore eyes.
“I just suddenly got so angry. I’m sorry if I’m causing problems.” I said and a fresh batch of tears began to fall. “That’s all I ever do. Cause problems.”
He rocked me back and fourth, kissing my eyelids. “You don’t cause problems, Frank. You help people overcome them. If it weren’t for you do you think I would be sober now? For two weeks?”
I shrugged.
“Don’t lie to yourself.” He whispered, wiping my eyes once more. I was no longer crying but I still didn’t think I could be left aone. I think he could tell. “Let’s go in your room, okay? We’ll go through the front door because your mom actually called me right after you to come see you. Okay?”
I nodded and felt Gerard stand me up. He led me into the house and past my mom, then into my bedroom. He had never been in my room before,let alone inside my house. He always dropped Mikey off but had never come in. I had to point him in the right direction.
My room was messy with posters covering the walls. There wasn’t an inch poster-free. My bed had clothes on it so Gerard threw them onto my chair and laid me down. I curled up in a ball and let out a lonely sigh…
Gee’s P.O.V
I crawled onto his bed beside him and began to stroke his dark hair. I was scared, seeing him like this. I didn’t know what to do for him, what to say to him.
He closed his eyes and soon he was softly snoring. His mom stepped in.
“Is he okay?” she whispered.
I nodded. “I think he’ll be fine. I can stay the night if you want?”
“That would be wonderful, Gerard. You’ve helped him through so much of this and I’m just thankful— so thankful— that you’re in his life. I know he’s just your brother’s friend to you but… I think he really loves you, Gerard. You’re like an older brother.”
I smirked to myself. “Thanks.”
She gave me and small smile and left, closing the door behind her. I looked at Frank’s watch to see it was only six.
Frank shifted and I reached for a book on his desk, which was right next to his bed.
“Collected Stories of William Faulkner” it read. A page was bookmarked and I turned to it. It was titled “A Rose for Emily” and there was some scribbling in Frank’s handwriting in the margins.
“He calls the mansion not a house but a tomb. He’s always choking from the stench and the fume. The wedding part all collapse in the room. So send—.” It seemed to randomly stop, as if he’d been interrupted. Then, lower down, this time in red ink, was written: “So say goodbye to the vows you take, and say goodbye to the life you make. And say goodbye to their heart you break and all the Cyanide you drank.”
I began to read the actual story, intrigued. I had read it three times, continually staring at Frank’s lyrics on the side. Suddenly, during my fourth time, Frank began to stir. His eyes slowly opened.
“Hey.” I put the book down and kissed him.
“Hi.” He replied, his voice thick with sleep.
“Are you feeling better?” I asked.
He pulled me to a laying position next to him and curled into me, his tiny frame fitting perfectly against my side “If I say yes will you go home?”
“You’re stuck with me. I’m staying the night.” I grinned, wrapping my arms around his think waist. Compared to him I was a whale. I was slowly losing weight after being fat all of my life. Even though I wasn’t as fat as I used to be, I was still chubby. However with Frankie, who is a vegetarian, happens to be so short and think that his mom set up a appointment for him at the doctors office a month or two ago. She seriously thought he had cancer or something.
“What were you reading?” he yawned.
“A Rose for Emily.”
He blushed. “You saw…”
“Sorry I read them. I hope you don’t mind.”
“No, it’s okay. I planned on showing you them soon anyway…”
I nodded and pulled him close. “What’s it called?”
“It isn’t done yet… I dunno… The End or something… I haven’t quite decided.”
I nodded again and began rubbing his back.
“It’s only eight-oh-fucking-clock?” his eyes widened as he stared at his watch.
“Yeah. Time is going agonizingly slow today…”
“If you’re bored you can… you know… leave.”
“No. I love spending time with you, Frankie.”
He leaned up and pressed him lips to mine in a quick kiss. It was over in seconds and he was once again curled against me like it had never happened. I wasn’t even sure it had…
Frank’s P.O.V
After giving Gerard a quick kiss I curled back into him, eager to be wrapped in his warm arms. He slid his hand into mine and we lay, wrapped together, four hours. We didn’t talk, only laid together.
His fingers were running through my hair and I felt like if I was with Gerard I would always be happy. He leaned over me (I was lying in front of him and his arms were around my waist) and looked into my eyes.
“I love you, Frank.” He whispered, and then pressed his lips to my forehead.
I laid flat on my back and pulled him onto me. He looked shocked for a moment, and then leaned down to kiss my neck. I moaned happily and arched into him, my eyes closing. He moved down my neck and I felt his hands tugging at my T-shirt. I rose up and, after my shirt was off, tugged at his. I was shocked when he pushed my hand away gently.
“Gerard?” I whispered.
“Don’t do that.” He whispered back.
My racing heart slowed down. “What’s wrong, Gerard?”
“I haven’t done anything like this sober.”
“Of course you have.” I said.
“No…” he shook his head.
“Well…” I bit my lips and could taste the metal of my lip ring. I pulled him back down on me and kissed his lips gently and lovingly. “Then it’ll be a first time for both of us.”