Never Stop Believing

Violet looked back toward the kitchen maybe to see if Jimmy was around. She looked at me again, panicked. Her eyes could show how much she was overwhelmed at everything I had said. All I said was expressing all the confusion in my mind since the day I met Violet. Honestly, I didn't know if everything I said it was what I really felt. Every time I look at her, I felt a rage inside of me I can't explain. I spent a lot of time hating her, seeing Jimmy suffering every day for a love of the past which he stubbornly refused to forget. I fought hard for him to smile again even though every time he smiled, he was not entirely happy. It was as if Violet was a drug he needed to consume every day, every hour and nothing or no one could replace.

But then, I knew that Violet was a lovely girl, smart, funny... I knew all this not only by all the conversations I had with Jimmy but also the letters she sent him. Every word, every feeling... anyone who read those words fell in love with them. I fell in love with all those words. I fell in love with every feeling expressed by them. I fell in love with someone I imagined in my head who wrote me those words every month. But I didn't fell in love with Violet. I couldn't. But when I saw her it was as if I had been punched in my stomach and then I fell down. And I think so far I have not managed to get up. I didn't know what I really felt about her. I was increasingly distant from Michelle; I could look at her neither as a friend. After all, I always relied on Michelle. She was, besides my girlfriend, my best friend. But right now, I couldn't even look at her.

I turned myself off for a moment while Violet was trying to say a word to control the situation. My eyes just stared into hers but, inevitably, she avoided looking me in mines. She got up from the couch and walking from one side to the other in the living room, raised her hands to her head, grabbing her hair and breathing deeply, as if she could get something conscious that could erase all my words. She turned her back to me and stood there for a moment. Then she turned to face me, dropped her hair and her arms fell, hitting the legs with her hands in an act of desperation.

"I don't understand, Brian... I swear, I don't understand you. First, you threat me, driven me out from your house like I was the worst person in the world, you look at me like I was a murderer and now you're telling me you want me?"

"Everything happened very fast, Vi. I wasn't prepared for this. Jimmy is my best friend and I never saw you with good eyes. To me, you were the cause of the suffering of Jimmy and I can't see him unhappy."
"But now he isn't unhappy, Brian."

"I know... I know... that's why I'm here talking to you right now. Forget what I said. Forget everything I said. I was just letting off steam. I just want you to recover lost time with Jimmy and make him the happiest man in the world. But for that, we have, at least, to try to be friends. Please..."

“Oh God… I need time. I can’t forget what you did to me and everything you said to me. Tell me just one thing… Jimmy knows?”

“Yeah… it was him who convinced me to talk to you and tell you everything.” – Violet frowned and raised an eyebrow as if she was suspicious or as if she had found weird the attitude of Jimmy. The truth is Jimmy also surprised me. He heard everything I said about his girlfriend and he was calm and with a smile on his face. Slowly, she sat beside me, looking nowhere. She stared into my eyes and then stood up again, walking once again side to side.

“Did you really tell him everything you told me?”

“Not with the same words but… yeah, I told him.”

“Okay… listen, Brian. I need to think. I need to talk with Jimmy too about this. And… do you love Michelle?”

“What?”

“Do you love Michelle?”

“Violet, what the fuck? What you mean?”

“You don’t wanna answer me… That’s okay. But don't use her just because you need a pussy. If you love her, prove it to her. But if you don't love her, don't do what you have been doing these last days.” - Violet left me alone in the living room and walked to the kitchen. I was even more confused by what she told me regarding Michelle. Perhaps they talked about me. I've been a bad boyfriend for Michelle and maybe she had talked about it with Violet. I stood there thinking about all that deep conversation. I lit a cigarette and lay a bit on the couch. A moment later, I feel someone approaching. I got up to check who it was and to my surprise was Michelle. She smiled at me but it was clear that she had been crying. I sat, never taking my eyes off her, and she sat down beside me. She took my hand and stared at me in the eyes.

“You should tell me.”

“I couldn’t, Chelle. You know I couldn’t.”

“What does she have that I don't have?”

“I don’t know…”

“What did she do to you to make you so crazy about her?”

“She didn’t anything, Chelle. Listen… we talked later about this, okay?” – I said, holding her face with my hands. – “I love you. You’re my sweet girlfriend. Violet is Jimmy’s girlfriend and I’m sure they’ll be very happy.”

“Like us?” – Michelle asked me with a huge smile on her face which quickly disappeared. When she asked me that, I felt all around me becoming dark. I knew never ever Michelle and I would have a relationship like Violet and Jimmy had. Their love was true and strong and I couldn’t say the same about my love for Michelle. My hands left Michelle’s face, gliding slowly while my eyes left hers. I looked at my lap and took a deep breath. I looked at her again and she showed me a sad smile. I smiled at her and held her hand.

“We’ll try.” - Her clung to me, kissing me and hugging me tightly. When she hugged me, I saw Violet and Jimmy against the wall between the hall and the living room, smiling for us. when they saw me I was looking at them, they ran towards the kitchen again. That smile gave me joy again. That was the right way. Michelle was the right way. – “Come on, Chelle. Let’s help them with the lunch!”

“Wait.” – She stopped me when I was getting up, holding me arm. I sat again waiting to hear her. – “I love you.”

“I love you too, you know that. Now, we have to go.”

Some hours later

“I always knew that Brian felt something for you. He didn't disguise in the day we met again at the bar. He almost ate you with his eyes.”

“How can you say that laughing? I’m your girlfriend!”

“For that reason, Vi. I know you’re irresistible! And Brian will not be the last to fall at your feet. But, babygirl… please, forget what he did to you. He’s a good boy and I’m sure you’ll love to know him better.”

“I don’t know, Jimmy. And if while he knows me, he even falls in love with me?”

“Yeah… this can happen!” – Jimmy said laughing a lot, throwing to the ground the pads that were on the bed as if they were discs while I was wearing my pajamas.

“Fuck you, Jimmy! I’m talking serious!”

“Me too, baby.”

“Oh really? So, what will you do if he falls in love with me?”

“Me? Nothing!”

“Nothing?”

“Violet, listen to me.” – Jimmy approached me, held my hands and I stood up in front of him and he gave me a soft kiss on my lips. - “I trust you. I believe you love me as much as I love you. It’s possible Brian falls in love with you as it’s possible another person falls in love with you. But, if this really happens, it’s you who can decide what happen. Me or him.”

“I don’t have doubts about that.”

“I know, babygirl. I know you love me till the end.”

“I love you forever, Jimmy. Forever and ever.”

“Me too, Vi.” - - Finally, things were back to what they were. All that conversation with Brian left me devastated. I knew something was wrong with him but I could never imagine that he felt something for me. I mean, honestly, I didn't understand anything of that conversation and I neither wanted to try to understand. He needed time. He needed time to know me and to understand what goes into his mind and remove the confusion that broke him when he met me. After all, I was willing to forget everything and create a friendship with Brian not only for Jimmy but also for Michelle. It was very hard to have her next to me, looking at me with her ​​eyes full of tears and telling me that her boyfriend was ignoring her because of me. I've never been the cause for the end of a relationship and I would really hate that if this was the first time. Michelle is a strong girl but she truly loves Brian and I hope he understands that time. In addition I was shaken a lot, but Jimmy and I were just even closer and more and more falling in love with each other. There were no days in which he disappointed me or let me becoming sad for some reason. I can say with huge pride that I was the most loved woman in this planet who truly loved someone who deserves everything good that God has to give. It was 11 pm and Jimmy and I were lying on our bed seeing a movie: Saw VI. Yeah, a horrible movie but Jimmy and I loved that kind of movies. Besides it was a terror movie, Jimmy was always kissing me and caressing me in the most varied ways: Kissing my cheeks or licking them, biting my neck, playing with my fingers, touching my hair braiding or twisting it with his fingers, making me tickle at the same time that he was saying that he was going to cut my arms and my legs like the scenes we were watching. Some hours later, we were sleeping. The middle of the night, I woke up with my phone vibrating on the nightstand. I stretched my arm to reach it, very slowly, so as not to wake Jimmy. When I caught it, I opened the message. It was Brian.

'Hello, Violet. Sorry to bother you at this hour of the night but I wasn't able to sleep. I want to thank you for everything. You are, indeed, a wonderful person. Thank you for trying to forget what I had done to you but I want to thank you for making me understand how much I love Michelle. I wish you a great night for you and Jimmy ;) See ya tomorrow.'

“Who’s dare to disturb my little girl this time of night?” – Jimmy said, scaring me a little. I turned to face him while he pushed me against his body.

“It was Brian. He’s thanking me to open his eyes about Michelle.”

“Thank God! But I’ll fucking kill him.”

“Why?”

“I am his best friend and I am your fucking boyfriend. if he wants to say something to you, he can send a message to me and I tell you. I didn't give him your number to spend all day and night to send messages to you.”

“Are you mad this time?” – I said with a naughty tone.

“Yeah! I’m really, really mad. Now come here because you woke up another part of me!”

One month and half later

“What? Jimmy, are you serious?”

“Yeah, Gates.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“I've never been so fucking sure in my life!”

“And you already know how will you propose her?”

“I have no idea but it doesn’t matter. I need your help to choose an engagement ring.”

“You need my help? I don’t understand anything about this, Jimmy.”

“Neither do I. So, bring Michelle with you. Violet will lunch with Bea, so we can go to the store before lunch.”

“Oh my good God! You’re really determined.”

“You can be sure, man. I’ll marry Violet!”

“Come here, dude.” – Brian hugged me tightly. I became very happy to know I had his support. So, as we agreed, before lunch, Brian, Michelle and I went to a jewelry store to choose the engagement ring for Violet. It would be simple but beautiful as her. It would have to be something simple but beautiful and perfect just like her. So, it would be very difficult because nothing can compare in this world to her. We entered the store and I explained to the goldsmith more or less what I had in mind. He brought a small box with some rings, all of them, wonderful and with much class, but two of them caught my sight. Michelle anticipated and took one of them, quickly putting it on her finger.

"My God, this one is perfect!" – I didn’t say a word. My eyes and my heart loved that right too but there was one there that made me believe it was the right one.

“Yeah, it’s very beautiful but I think that one is perfect for Violet. It’s simply perfect. It’s very simple but that turquoise stone stands out in a sublime way. And she is like that. Simple but with a personality that stands out in a crowd.” - Quickly, Michelle and I both looked at Brian when he started to say those words. I don't know where they came but he was right and managed to convey what I was feeling. I got the ring and I could see that it was so fucking perfect to her. It made me remind a ring given to a queen. And that's what she was: my queen. But when I was about to say I would bring it, something came up in my mind.

“You can write something on the ring?”

“Sure.”

“So, write there ‘Forever’.”