You Ain't the Only Ones Who Want to Live it Up

Jacks POV:

I woke up to my alarm clock and started to get ready for school. After tossing on some jeans and a Blink t-shirt zombie like, I went down stairs.

There on the couch, I saw a small curled up figure. Looking closer I saw it was Alex curled into a little ball, black circles around his eyes, tear stains streaking his cheeks, his mouth slightly open.

Yesterday I never had the chance to ask how the chat with his dad went since I finished my homework exhausted and went immediately to sleep but from what I heard it went well. I wondered why Alex stayed downstairs, why he had tear streaks, why he looked so broken.

I was about to wake him up for school but before I could call his name or shake him awake or something, he sensed my presence, and opened his eyes looking around frantically to see who was there.

When he saw me, his expression turned into one of horror and fear.

"Alex whats wrong?" I asked sitting next to him on the couch and putting my arm around him comfortingly.

He shied  away from my touch and back up to the other end of the couch, looking at me horrified.

"N-no, I, I'm fine, t-thank-ks." He stuttered. "I-I"ll go get ready for school."

He jumped of the couch and practically ran upstairs. I stared at him confused for a second. Did I do something wrong? Why is he scared of me?

I was conflicted for a second between climbing after him and asking him what's going on, or letting him go. I decided on the later, thinking he'd come down and we'd talk instead of me pressuring. He'll have time to relax and calm down alone.

I ate some sugar crisps (who cares how unhealthy they are, you only live once and they're delicious!) and waited for Alex. It was already 10 to 8, if he didn't come down now, we'd be late. I decided to give him 5 more minutes before climbing upstairs and seeing what's going on.

At exactly 5 to 8, Alex came running downstairs, saying he had to go. He then stepping outside and proceeded to begin to walk to school. I ran after him, saying I could drive him like always.

He responded with "I can walk. Just leave me alone. I'm sorry."

I wanted to insist but he gave me such a look that begged for me to stop, so I shrugged and said "Ok whatever you want."

I had no idea what was going through his head but I knew walking can help and that Alex always needs time to reason out his problems. The last thing he needs is a overprotective, doting boyfriend. He'll relax and we'll talk later.

I started up my car and drive to school alone, missing Alex, I never realized how much I missed our usual "Which Blink song is better?" conversation. Alex always insisted it was Going Away To College, but I know I Miss You is way better. I missed him so much I actually put on Going Away To College just cause something felt missing without Alex insisting its their best song.

I arrived at school at exactly 8, hearing the bell and running to homeroom. I looked for Alex everywhere but I didn't see him. I really hoped he wasn't late or in trouble or something. I sat down and waited for Miss Jardine and Alex, hoping Alex would come first.

Sadly she arrived before him and began lecturing about the schools new no bully tolerance system. I daydreamed away, no way the school can stop bullying, as I waited desperately for Alex.

20 minutes later he arrived, hair disheveled , eyes down avoiding eye contact, mumbling a sorry, and clusly shuffling toward the empty seat in the end of the classroom.

I kept trying to make eye contact with him but he was clearly ignoring me by staring straight ahead. The lesson couldn't end sooner. The second the bell finally rung Alex bolted out of the class.

I was getting extremely worried. I tried to get to him but he'd already ran off. I spent recess trying to find him, with no luck. I just wanted to talk to him.

In trigonometry, I arrived to class right on the bell and Alex was already there. I was about to approach him but Mr Howell started yelling at me for standing in his class. He actually called me a peasant. The entire class was laughing apart from Alex who continues to stare straight ahead, deep in thought oblivious to the outer world.

Again I spent the lesson trying to see what was wrong with Alex. He wasn't paying attention to the lesson at all.  Normally Alex tries hard to listen and understand as trigonometry isn't one of his strong subjects. Instead he was staring at the wall, his eyes glazed over.

What was he thinking about? It was starting to drive me insane.

The bell rang and like in homeroom Alex bolted out of class first and disappeared.

Next I had technology with Mr Lester. I handed in my report and sadly didn't win the headphones. Alex wasn't in the lesson with me, he had English with Carrie but my thoughts kept returning to him.

What was going on?
Did I do something wrong?
Why is he acting so weird?
Those were the questions that were whirling nonstop in my head through the entire lesson.

Finally lunch. I grabbed a pizza soda and a apple and sat down by Rian , Zack, Blake, and Matt. They were discussing the band manager thing with Matt. He was ecstatic and agreed immediately. He said he'd start coming to our recording sessions and everything. I was pretty happy. I wanted to get to know him better,he seemed like a cool dude.

After 10 minutes in lunch, it seemed pretty obvious Alex wasn't coming. I asked Rian and Zack how was Alex today and they told me he was more daydreamy than usual and slightly sad and depressed. They said they didn't know why. I was getting scared.

What happened during that phone call? Why would he be sad? His dad talked to him and seemed happy to. It was everything he wanted. Wasn't it?

I couldn't wait for the day to end so I could talk to him.

After school finally ended and since Gerard Way, our art teacher let us out early I waited outside Alexs history class so I could talk to him.

He left the class room the second the bell rang. As he closed the class I went up to him and asked to talk to him. He looked at me with this awful blend of sadness, fear, and was that pity?

"Sure, wanna go to the park?" He asked.

The park was a tiny, abandoned park by our house. Alex loved it there. He said he enjoyed the quiet solitude and peace. We agreed to meet there in 30 minutes, as Alex had to talk to Carrie about something and I had to go to my locker.

I arrived at the park and sat on the swings as I waited for Alex. Finally he arrived.

He took a deep breath and before I could say anything said in this emotionless dead voice "I want to break up."

My first reaction was that I misheard him. Why would he ever say or even suggest that?!

"W-what did you say?"

He repeated it in that emotionless detached voice. "I want to break up."

Those word went around and around in my head. It felt like someone had punched me in the gut, stabbed my heart, and basically killed me.

Tears slid down my cheeks as I whispered "You don't mean that."

He stood there looking so adorably hot, so amazing ,smart, caring, hilarious, the perfect best friends and boyfriend. I loved him so much. And here he was, saying he wants to, to, to just thinking the words made me cry.

"I do Jack. I'm sorry." He said in a quiet voice.

"Why? I know I never was good enough for you but did I do something wrong? Can't we work it out? Alex please don't leave me! Please!" My voice cracked at the end, more tears falling.

"Please Alex. I love you." I said sobbing.

He looked at me, his normally warm loving brown eyes cold and detached.

"I'll take my stuff out of your house by tonight." He said then he turned around and left me sitting, crying, ignoring my begs for him to stay.

Those words I want to break up haunted me.

I felt this pain in my heart, that broke me.
Alex.
Alex.
Alex.
My Alex.
How could he do this?
Didn't he love me? I loved him like I loved no one else ever.

Tears didn't stop rolling down my cheeks ad I doubted they ever will.

How could he do this?
To me?
To us?
Why would he want to break up?
Why?
What did I do?
Did he finally see how worthless I am?
Did he finally notice how I'm nothing next to him?

That's probably it. You're too ugly, too stupid, too pathetic for perfect Alex. The little voice in the back of my head said.

I stayed there for what felt like forever crying my heart out and I still couldn't grasp it.

Alex leaving me.

I felt like someone carved a part of me and I was bleeding but the only person that could help was gone.

My heart felt carved out.

I couldn't stop crying. I doubt I'll ever be ok again.