You Ain't the Only Ones Who Want to Live it Up

Alex POV:

Wow a record deal. I still can't believe it. It's all so surreal. If the demo works we could actually have a album. This is basically a dream come true! A freaking record deal.

"Alex you coming?" Jacks asked.

"Yeah one sec." I answered.

"Look at that crowd it's the biggest one yet. I can't wait to get out there and play!" Jack said enthusiastically.

But I could. I wasn't feeling all that great. I just felt sick. I didn't know why. I just felt anxious.

Still I smiled at Jack as he asked for a kiss for good luck , gently kissed his abnormally large nose, and laughed at his pouting face.

 "Aww c'mon I meant a real kiss!"

"That was a real kiss." I said smirking.

"No this is a real kiss." Jack leaned forward and our lips met. I closed my eyes as our mouths opened and my tongue entered Jacks mouth, exploring every inch like I hadn't felt it before. Jacks hands cupped my face and his long fingers played with my hair. Too soon we broke off and Jack murmured "That's a real kiss."

I was about to answer with another real kiss when Rian came and said we have to be onstage already.

His face when he saw us together was priceless. We'd been together for so long, Zack and Rian were used to us but they still made fun of us being perpetually stuck in the honey moon phase.

We came out onstage, the lights blinding at first as I yelled "Hi guys we're All Time Low! You ready to party?"

Some cheers echoed from the crowd but most people were here for Hometown Anthem.

Jack started playing the opening riffs for Feeling This by Blink 182 and I started singing.

"C'mon guys sing with me!" I said in a attempt to get the crowd pumped up. It wasn't working.

Soon Jack was back to making dick jokes. "So then I woke up to my boyfriend Lexy here masturbating in-"

"He's your boyfriends?" A voice from the crowd asked.

"Yes he is. And isn't he adorable?" Jack said proudly. I loved him so much in that moment.

I start to say "Ok let's play another-" but someone cuts me off as he says "Get off the stage, you gay fags."

"It's disgusting." Another voice says.

Jack and I share looks as I try to brush it off and say "Ok let's play another song. It's name is My Friends Over You by New Found Glory and it goes something like this."

I start to sing but people continue to tell us to get off the stage.

"Faggots."
"Untalented Fucks"
"Burn in hell"
The comments keep coming.

I felt claustrophobic as if the venue is getting smaller and smaller and the walls are crushing me. I couldn't move. Everything was surrounding me, too surreal. I start to feel warmer. Sweat started to drip from my body.

I have to go.

The comments continue. I start shaking uncontrollably. The room starts to spin and I just want to puke. I can't focus on anything.

Jack shoots me a look as I miss the chorus. My entire body feels weak.

Jacks look changed into worry as I run from the stage desperately, "Aww look we scared the fag away! He's going to go cry now." is the only thing I hear.

I run backstage ignoring everyone as I find a tiny empty sound room and try to relax.

I take slow long deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. I try not to think about everything that just happened.
It doesn't work. The comments keep echoing through my head, never stopping. I curl in a fetus position as I try to stop the room from revolving and get ride of the sick feeling. I know I'm having a anxiety attack and that I have to relax.

But I can't. And it doesn't stop.  I haven't had one in so long.

Since I met Jack they've disappeared. I've had them about 3 now 4 times in my life. When Tom died, after my fathers first beating and when I got bullied once and I was surrounded by them. But since meeting Jack they've disappeared.

Well I guess not anymore. I remember again what happened and before I can stop myself a tear rolls down.

I'm so pathetic. Just look at how I sucked today.

I try to say it doesn't matter and I don't care but honestly, I opened my heart out and got cussed out because of it.

I hear Jack calling my name and I immediately feel bad. I ruined our last show in front of the biggest audience we ever had. They probably hate me now. The guilt starts to eat me.

I fucked up everything. I closed my eyes, curled up tried to stop the tears and forget everything that happened.