You Ain't the Only Ones Who Want to Live it Up

Jacks POV:

"Alex? Where are you? Alex? You're scaring me. Alex? What happened? I ask frantically as I looked around for Alex after he bolted off stage.

I started to check sound rooms and after a few I found Alex curled up crying.

"Alex! What happened? Are you alright?" At the sound of my voice he raised his head, startled, his beautiful brown bloodshot eyes searching for the source of the voice.

"Jack." he whispered shamefully. "I'm so sorry. I ruined everything. It's our last show here and I act like the pathetic idiot that I am." He looked down again, not willing to look into my eyes.

"There's nothing to be sorry about ,Lex. I'm just glad you're ok. You're amazing and beautiful and talented. Don't listen to those assholes. You didn't ruin anything." He was still slightly shaking so I curled up next to him.

After a few minutes of silence he said "Do you ever feel so worthless and useless, you just want to die?"

I stood there for a few second open mouthed. Alex couldn't be suicidal. Alex the never serious joker?

"You're not worthless. Never let anyone tell you that. Alex I love you! You can't leave me."

He snuggled into me and was silent as his breaths grew long and deep, and his eyes closed.
I looked at my beautiful boyfriend for a few minutes admiring how strikingly amazing he is. Even with his hair a mess and tear stains covering him he was still the most beautiful human being I'd ever set my eyes on. Why couldn't he see that?

He scared me so much. What if one day I'll wake up and he- he won't be there?

No I can't think about that! Todays show was tough. Having a crowd of people scream at you about how worthless you are made me feel so disgusting.

Without realizing it I started to trace my scars. I felt it again. That overwhelming need to see blood, to feel pain. I didn't have a razor or anything here but I had my fingernails. I brought them closer to my skin, wanting to get rid of that itchiness, to feel numb with pain.

And yet I stopped. I looked to my side and saw Alex sleeping peacefully. How can I self harm with him by my side?

I have to be strong. I've been fighting my self harming for the past three years. Alex helped me stop two years ago. Since then I haven't self harmed. I've come close a lot but Alex always stopped me. I remember once when I felt like I had to see blood that I woke Alex up in 3am and he stayed up till 10 with me watching old Disney movies, curled up together as he helped me get over it.

And now I can help him. But for that I need to be strong too. I can't cut. I can't self harm. I cuddled with Alex and played with his light brown hair until a dreamless sleep took hold of me.

I woke up to Rians voice saying "I found them. They're so cute! I don't want to wake them up."

"Yeah but we have to go." Zack said.

"Guys I'm up." I muttered as Alex too, woke up and stretched.
"Yeah me too." Alexs sleep filled voice said.

"Well we need to go. It's 6am and we're about to leave. We barely convinced the venues owner to let us in. He was positive you guys weren't here. Anyway we're going home. So come on!" Rian said as he grabbed Alexs hands and pulled them, thus making him have to stand up.Then he did the same to me.

We left the venue and walked over to our trailer. We didn't have a bus yet but we finally got rid of our van for this trailer. Zacks dad was upset but he let me and Alex go back to sleep without making us go through to many lectures.

As Alex and I curled up in the backseat he suddenly said "You know the reason they were so cruel is because they knew we're gay. It's like 10th grade all over again. Maybe we shouldn't tell people that." His voice was so sad.

I thought about it for a moment as I realized he was right. In all the other shows it didn't happen because they didn't know we were gay. The second a audience knew, they started being nasty and rude.

"I think you're right. So should we tell everyone we want them to keep it a secret when we're onstage?" I said.

"Yep. We just shouldn't mention it I guess." He answered.

I sighed as we cuddled together as we tried to go to sleep again, our new decision making our hearts heavy.