You Ain't the Only Ones Who Want to Live it Up

Jacks POV:
Throughout the drive home Alex seemed to be super preoccupied. Every time I tried to make conversation I was rewarded with a hmmm or yeah.

After a while I gave up and let Blink play. Not even Going Away To College, Alexs favorite Blink song made him smile like it normally does. When we finally arrived home he bolted out of the car muttering I've got to find it.

I ran after him asking "Lex what's the problem?".

He ran to his bedroom, sat on the floor and took a box out of the under of his bed.

"Alex, why did you run?" I ask desperate to find out whats going on. He muttered something about finding it.

The box was titled Old Things. Alex shuffled through photo albums and one picture slipped out. It was one of him,his mother,father,and brother. They were smiling and laughing, Alex looking simply happy as his father hugged him.

Alex stared at the picture for a few minutes before taking a deep breath and going to the bottom of the box.

"Here it is!" He exclaimed as he held a small notebook. "The song we can preform. It's the only song I ever finished. You're the first person whose seeing this."

I took the notebook and read the lyrics. Last flight home was the tittle on the top.

"If words aren't going to cut it, then I'll find another way."
"I'm leaving what I know behind."
"Please wait till I come home."
"Don't turn my heart to stone."

"Alex what are you taking about here?"

"Um I wrote this about my brother,after he left me."

"You were thinking of joining him?" He looked down shamefully as he whispered "Sometimes I still do."

I stared at him, my amazing boyfriend and best friend. How could he ever think about taking his life? He's so perfect and strong. I haven't seen this side of him since 10th grade, when he was so weak and frightened.

"Alex, don't. You scare me so much. You're so amazing and your brother wouldn't want you to kill yourself."

His head snapped and his eyes flashed angrily as he said "I don't know what my brother wants because he's fucking dead. And I'll never know. Home is where the family is. He's my family. My only real family."

"Alex no. I'm here. I love you. If you kill yourself,I'll follow you. Just don't." "Why not? I'm just so worthless. Look at me. I'm pathetic and ugly as fuck. No one would miss me." My eyes widened at that awful thought.

"Alex, I love you so much. You're not ugly. You're beautiful. You're the most beautiful person I know. You're amazing. Stay alive, for me. Please. I'd miss you so much, more than I can say. I'd kill my self to be with you. Just Alex don't."

My eyes burned and I realized I had tears in them.

I grabbed Alex and hugged him as tears cascaded down my cheeks. I felt Alex take a breath and knew he too was sobbing.

"I'm just such a failure. And I miss Tom so much. I can't stop thinking about him. I should have died instead of him. I could have helped him. My dad is right. It's my fault." He said as he sobbed, his voice slightly above a whisper.

"No Alex its not your fault. Never think that. You were twelve. You didn't know. Your dads wrong." I said.

He curled up next to me as he whispered "Thank you so much Jack. I love you." I hugged him again and we fell into a troubled sleep. 

*Lunch the next day*

"So does anyone have a idea for the record deal song? We only have 3 weeks. That's nothing." Zack asked.

"Um yeah I found yesterday a old song I wrote almost two years ago. I have it here." Alex said as he opened his bag and took out the small battered notebook.

"Guys be gentle. It's my first finished song." He said winking.

I looked at him and couldn't believe he was that broken boy from yesterday. Here he was confident, and happy. Nothing like yesterday, when he was so insecure and scared. I felt so honored to get a glimpse of both Alexs.

"Jack you ok? You started zoning off staring at Alex." Zack asked.

"Yeah I'm fine."

"It's hard to resist staring at me." Alex said jokingly.

"I know right? It's almost impossible to stop." I said.

"Anyway the lyrics are amazing. Wanna come over and work on the music?" Rian asked.

"Sure." We agreed on a time and soon enough we were all at Rians basement, where we always practiced.

Rians mom baked her amazing brownies and after the four of us managed to finish the entire tray we began working on the music.

Alex said he thought it would be in drop D so we tried it and it sounded amazing.

After a few tries we deemed it finished and decided to play video games. Soon enough,as usual Alex was pouting as I won, Rian and I almost tied and Zack got bored in the middle and started strumming on Alex's spare acoustic that for some reason was always at Rians.

After a long three weeks we went to Emerald Moon, this time we didn't get lost and were about to begin performing it.

Alex came over and said he was nervous. I smiled and said "C'mon you're a pro by now."

"Can I have a good luck kiss?" He asked pouting.

This was a old joke by now but I decided to oblige and leaned in and gently pressed my lips to his. It was slow and sweet. We both got more into it and soon we were fully making out with tongue.
"Alex? It's time to go." Zack asked  

We took a deep breath and went in. We grabbed our guitars and Alex started singing.
Once again I was shocked by how amazingly talented he is. He was so into the lyrics as he closed his eyes and strummed sweetly.

I tried to stop staring at him and focus on my part but he was so cute it was hard. As came nearer to the finish Alex opened his eyes and started to sing more powerfully, his eyes filled with passion and emotion. At the end he just seemed dazed and startled by Emeralds Moons mangers claps.

"Congratulations! Marvelous song. Impressive performance. I was touched. You got yourself a EP record deal. I want to use this song so we'll need 3 more. Again good job."

We stared at each other unbelieving.

We did it!

Alex was the first to break the silence as he screamed "Oh my god! We fucking did! We have a record deal!"

Soon we were all screaming excitedly. We decided to celebrate but got into a argument about where.
I wasn't really listening. I was staring at Alex's happy smiling face. How could he be so sad?

How can I help him?