Pocrescophobia

Well, today was nice. Pretty eventful. I mean, borrowed clothes from one of the people that I hate most in the world, finally changed my appearance to something I’m comfortable with, and met a really awesome girl. I didn’t even know that interesting things could happen to me. Oh my god, I have to tell Arden everything. Oh, Arden… I miss him so fucking much. But I’d rather him be there and getting better than be here and miserable. Plus, I can just text him. And I’ll finally get to visit him in a couple weeks to see how he is. I never knew that I could miss my best friend so much, to not be able to see his face or have him be my personification of a comfort zone at school.

But it’s just for a while. I’ll be able to see him. Plus, when I get him back, he’ll be better than ever. He fucking better be better. Hah. Better be better. Oh, I crack myself up. Literally. No one can make me laugh as much as I can make myself laugh. Well, actually Lauren can make me laugh a lot. Shh mind. Well, what else am I supposed to think about? She is funny, smart, gorgeous, sweet, and she doesn’t even care that I used to be a girl. She’s fucking perfect. It’d be stupid to not think about her. Shh still. It’ll just get my hopes up and she wouldn’t like me anyway. Come on. I’m awkward, rude, mean, strange-looking, and I have the body of a teenage girl. It’s too much.

She was the one to approach me though. And gave me her number. And talked to me during the entire lunch period. Well, at least if she doesn’t like me, we’ll still be friends. Ugh, I really need to talk to Cyan. But there’s still 30 minutes until the end of school.

Finally, those 30 minutes pass and I’m rushing out of the classroom, eager to get home and text my best friend. But before I can make my way down the hallway, an arm grabs me and pulls me back to meet the eyes of said best friend’s boyfriend. I snarl and shove his hand off of my arm.

“What do you want?” I ask cautiously. “Look, I’m just wondering if you need more clothes for this week,” he replies, startling me a bit. My eyes narrow. “Arden just told you to do this right?” Cyan shrugs. “He asked me to bring you clothes today. I’m asking if you need them for the rest of the week. I mean, I’m willing, I just need to know.”

With a wary nod, I scrutinize his face, trying to figure out what his motives are. “Why are you even doing this? To impress Arden?”

What he replies isn’t what I was expecting at all. “No. I’m doing it to make my boyfriend happy and because I believe that people deserve to live their lives the way they want to. And if it means that I bring you my clothes to borrow for a while, then so be it.” When I can’t say anything in reply, he just nods slightly and walks off, leaving me for the second time today with a gaping mouth and jumbled thoughts. That little shit.