It's Not All What It Seems...

Grateful that I didn’t have to encounter that dim lit, reeking basement on a daily basis, I happily walked out of my office to inform Gerard of the good news. I walked to the elevator and saw myself in the polished, gold doors. I placed a hand over the cheek where Joseph had stricken me; it was still warm and it throbbed to the touch. I sighed and watched the doors open to reveal the aged and rusted grate that Bert still never took out. He says it adds character; in wishes to restore the grates. Bert wanted to renovate, but keep aspects of it alive. He kept the original architecture and mostly everything the same. Joseph wanted to knock this down and rebuild; Bert wouldn’t let him. I opened the grate and walked out into the basement. I walked down the corridor to find a new security guard already finding refuge in Quinn’s desk.

“You’re not allowed down here.” He said as he stood up and walked towards me.
“I’m Dr. Lindsey Cobain; I’m Gerard Way’s psychiatrist.” I said as I held up my ID card.
“You look a little young to be a doctor.”

To keep myself from saying a nasty remark, I just smiled as he went and sat down. He picked up a Victoria’s Secret magazine from the drawer and started reading with a repulsive smirk on his face. I walked past him and swiped my ID card in the scanner. I opened the door to find Gerard sitting in his chair, facing the door.

“Hello, Lindsey.”
“Hello, Gerard.” I said as I smiled. “I have good news.”
“….Good news?”
“Yes” I said as I kept grinning. “May I sit?”
“Yeah, go ahead.” Gerard said as he scratched his head. I went over and sat on his bed. “You better not be getting used to this room…”
“W..Why?” Gerard questioned, confused by my statement.
“Come on” I said as I stood up and opened his door.
Gerard stood up and stared at me. “Lindsey.. Are you sure?”
“Yes. Come on.” I said as I smiled. I held out my hand for him to take. “Take my hand; don’t be afraid.”

Gerard smiled slightly and held my hand. I walked with him out of the room; only to be stopped by the security guard.

“You can’t take him anywhere! He’s not allowed out!”
“Yes, he is.”
“He’s a fuckin’ retard. A disease.”
Gerard walked over to him and grabbed his collar. “Watch it.”
“Gerard, don’t do anything-“ I said as I put my hand on his shoulder. Honestly, I wasn’t trying to hold him back. I hope Gerard would at least punch him or something.
“Lindsey, stand back.”
Startled by the newfound maliciousness of Gerard’s voice, I lowered the arm that was going towards his shoulder. “…Gerard…”
“I’m not Gerard.” The malevolent presence said as he wrapped his hands around his throat, trying to suck the life out of this man.

“Gerard! Stop!” I said as I tried to pry his hands away; he was too strong. Gerard stopped and let him fall to the floor, gasping for air. When he turned to me, all I could see were his now darkened eyes. His fists were clenched.. He was a demon. I stepped back, trying to articulate the words in my head into a coherent sentence. I looked up to see that Gerard finally collapsed to his knees. Feeling guilty, I walked over and kneeled next to him.

“He’s crazy! I’m callin’ the boss!” the guard yelled as he quickly came to his feet and reached for the phone.
“You’re not telling anybody.” I said as I helped Gerard to his feet.
“You’re a crazy bitch.” He shouted as he picked up the phone and dialed his number.
“I’ll take the blame.” Gerard said as he wiped his eyes.
“Gerard… No one’s getting blamed-“ I said as I slammed the phone down and looked at him.
“If Joseph finds out, then he’ll find out about that lovely pile of porn magazines behind you.” I added as I pointed to the pile right behind him.
“….Fine.”

I smiled then held Gerard's hand as I took him to the elevator. I turned to him and wiped his eyes. “It’s okay.. I know how you are when you get angry. He’s a dick.”
Gerard raised an eyebrow. “…Who’s a dick?”
I opened the grate then turned. He doesn’t remember what happened?
“Gerard.. What did we just do?”
“We were sittin’ in my room…Then were here” he said, baffled by his own words.

“Oh..” I said, entering the elevator with him. Another one of Gerard’s personalities show… This one seems to be the dominant alter that everyone seems to see in Gerard. I need to study this one.
As the elevator came to a stop, I opened the grate and escorted Gerard out. Everyone on that floor stopped in their tracks; shocked that the rumored murderer has come out of his guarded room. Gerard looked around, keeping his stern look. I walked Gerard to an empty room and opened the door.

“This is your room, Gerard.” I said as I smiled. Gerard looked at me, surprised by my gesture.
“I… can go in?”
“Yes! Go!” I exclaimed as I kept smiling. Gerard smiled and walked in, taken back by the room.
“It’s…Big.” Gerard said as he smiled and went over to the bed and collapsed on it. “It’s so comfortable!”
I laughed and walked inside. “You have a comforter and sheets, no more cold nights.” I said as I smiled.
Gerard sat up and noticed a window right by his bed. “Oh my-.. A window?!” he exclaimed as he walked over and looked out. “Lindsey... You did this for me?”
“I did this because I care about your security and your health.” I said as I walked over. Gerard turned to me, and was smiling. I haven’t seen him smile like this ever. “You’re allowed to go to the bathroom and… go eat with everyone… However, we need to have a serious talk.” I added as I sat on his bed.
“…I don’t want to fuck this up.” Gerard said as he put his hand on the window. “No other person has treated me like a human being in so long.. It’s like I forgot how it felt.”
“Gerard, it’s how you deserve to be treated. I want you better… Do you believe me now?”
“I do..” Gerard said as he sat by the window. “Please, tell me what you need to.”
“I know this is a difficult topic, but when you were on trial for your father’s murder and you took the insanity plea… You were escaping the hands of death.” I said as I looked up at him. “As you know, this is the only hospital willing to look after you as you recover. Joseph said… If he finds you misbehaving one more time… You’re being sent to death row.”

I glanced up at Gerard who hasn’t moved the whole time I spoke. I sighed and stood up. “I trust you.” Just as I finished my statement, Gerard grabbed my hand and looked at me, with tears running down his cheeks.

“It doesn’t matter. I hope I go… If I even get outta here, I won’t be able to live a normal life. My father’s murder was publicized exceedingly... Everyone knows me as a murderer, and I didn’t even fucking do it!-” Gerard exclaimed as he ran his fingers through his hair and turned back to the window. “-…You know what I wanted to be?” Gerard asked me as he turned to me.
“W…What?”
“A father.. I wanted to be the father to my kids that my father couldn’t be to me.” Gerard said as he folded his hands. “I have to give up that dream.”
“No, you don’t” I said as I put my hand over his.
“What woman would want a convicted murder? I asked you this before..”
“There are other ways to have children.” I said as I smiled. “Adoption-“
“I want my own kids.” Gerard whispered as he was at the verge of tears. “You don’t know what it’s like to be one of us. You don’t. I don’t even recall half the stuff I do…” he added as he walked over to the desk and rested his hands on it. “I don’t even know what it feels like to be me…”

Empathizing, I walked over to Gerard and hugged him. “That can be fixed… I can help you know and love the Gerard Way you want to be.”
“…I would want nothing more than to live my life.” He said as he hugged me back and rested his head on my head.
“And I will help you no matter what. “ I said as I smiled and held him.
“…I’m lying… What I would want more is to have you by my side-” Gerard whispered as he ran his hands up and down my back.
“I am by your side.”
“-as my wife.” Gerard added as he looked down at me. As I opened my mouth to speak, Gerard’s lips crashed against mine. I put my hands on Gerard’s chest and pushed him away.
“…I don’t understand.” Gerard said as raised his perfectly defined eyebrow.
“I’m with Bert.”
He nodded then sat down in his chair by the window. “I would like it if you’d leave now.”
I sighed. “If you need anything, my office is around the corner.” I said before I exited his room. I closed his door and went around the corner to my office. I entered, shut the door behind me and locked it. I sat at my desk and did some research about a job for Quinn. I spent approximately three hours calling jobs, waiting for jobs to call me back; it was hell. Finally, I heard my phone ring.

“Hello?”
“Yes, Dr. Cobain?” a woman asked.
“This is her; I’m calling about a job for Quinn Allman?”
“I got the file you faxed.. He’s not all that special.. I don’t understand why you think so highly-“
“-because he’s a great person. “ I interrupted as started to get frustrated. “I’ve worked with him for five months. He has never been late, he’s friendly and… He has a baby on the way. He has no way to take care of his child or wife.”
“I’m sorry for his position but.. I can’t hire him over a pity story.”
I sighed then it hit me of what to say next. “…You wouldn’t want my daddy to get involved, would you?”
“…No, miss.” The woman said, realizing who I was.
“Good.” I said as I smiled. “He’ll be there at 8 o’clock sharp?”
“Of course, Ms. Cobain. Have a nice day.” She said before she hung up. Without delay, I dialed Quinn’s home phone number and waited for him to answer.

“Hello?” Quinn answered.
“Hey, it’s Lindsey.” I said as I smiled. “Be at the Hilton Garden Hotel at 8 o’clock sharp.”
“….What?”
“I got you a job.”
I heard the phone go silent for a few minutes. “Quinn… Are you okay?”
“I can’t believe you did this for me! I thought you were just- Oh my God! Thank you!” Quinn exclaimed. I can imagine his warm smile now.
“Of course I did. Now, go take your wife out to dinner and tell her the news.” I said as I laughed.
“Yes, ma’am!” Quinn squealed. “Goodbye Lindsey, I owe you one.”
“You owe me nothing.. Goodbye Quinn.” I said as I laughed and hung up. The one thing I love to do more than anything is to help people. It makes me feel warm and incredible. Just as I was cleaning up my office, I heard a knock at the door. My first instinct was to say Come in but, I did lock the door after I entered. I walked over to the door and opened it. Bert pushed me aside and stormed inside.

“What’s wrong?”
“Joseph told me you gave him a blowjob. Is that true?!” Bert cried as he looked at me. I saw tears running down his cheeks.
“No! it isn’t!”
“What’s going on between you and Joseph?! Huh? Tell me! Don’t string me out!” Bert exclaimed, crying his eyes out.
“Nothing, Bert! Nothing is going on!” I said as I raised my voice. The knot in my stomach formed once again. Bert looked at me then clenched his fists. He looked genuinely torn apart. I couldn’t bear to see him like this. “What exactly did.. Joseph tell you?”
“He told me that when you were talking about some patient, you shoved him in that fucking chair-“ Bert cried as he pointed to my office chair “-and you gave him a blowjob!”

So, Joseph wants to play dirty? Let’s play dirty.