You Were Always on My Mind

Dad calls it the transformation. The stories are true, everything they said is true.
The pain has gotten to the point where I can’t even see right. Dad stopped letting Jacob over saying that I’m in no shape to have visitors. Dad even moves me out to the campsite. Alex is helping me a lot since he went through the transformation just a year ago. Somehow, Billy manages to get his wheelchair out to the campsite because he visits me when Jake’s sleeping. Sam and Old Quil visit a lot too. They all help me with the transformation.
A week out in the woods until I can change my shape. Alex turns into a bear as well. He tells me that I’m one of the healers just like dad, just like mom. I never even knew that mom had Makah blood in her. Alex tells me that she didn’t have enough to actually shape shift, just enough to be able to heal.
There are lots of voices in my head now, including Alex’s voice. Emily is one of them. She greets us in the woods as a bear and she takes over the process of teaching me how to shape shift back into a human. She’s a small brown bear, I’m a small black bear, but Alex is a large black bear. Sam is always watching. He’s a Quileute so he’s a wolf, he is very large and has short black hair. It only takes me two days to learn how to change back and forth; it also takes me five pairs of clothes. My dad takes me back home once Emily and Sam give him the okay.
Jake is my first visitor. Billy and my dad are there when I tell Jake everything. He just holds my hands tight in his. There is a new warmth to me now, but it’s a nice warm that settles over my body. Jake is very supportive, and I think he knows that his time is coming up.
When I’m near Jake though, I just feel this new connection with him. I don’t think he feels it though, but it feels like he anchors me down to earth.
Becka visits me and I find out that she’s gone through the transformation too. She’s a Makah like me and she was actually one of the voices cheering me on. She’s the only one I can talk to about it. I tell her about the connection with Jacob.
“I don’t know. I’m still new to this, but I think I remember hearing a story about it, something to do with Emily and Sam. It’s called imprinting. Maybe it runs in the family,” she suggests.
When Becka leaves, I ask my dad.
“You’ve imprinted. That’s actually what broke your mom and I up. I loved her, but I hadn’t imprinted on her and she was afraid of when it would happen, so we agreed to end things when we did,” my dad tells me.
“But what is it?” I ask.
“It’s basically finding your soul mate. When you find the person, you’ll do anything to be theirs whether it’s becoming someone they can look up to, being their friend, or being their girlfriend. There’s this really strong connection between the two of you. I’m surprised you didn’t always feel it.”
“Well there was always this sense of relief around him and this feeling of joy, but this connection is just stronger than anything else I’ve felt with him.”
“He’ll probably feel it too when he goes through the transformation.”
“I thought that was only when the cold ones are around.”
I hated how the transformation felt and now he would have to go through with it too. All the pain, the overbearing heat, the amount of energy required to focus every muscle in your body to change.
“The Cullens,” my dad simply states. It all makes sense now.