I See the Moon Only

"I said, where the fuck have you been." He leaned forward in his armchair, placing his elbows on his thighs. A sneer crossed his features, turning up the corners of his mouth like he was a dog growling.
"Why are you angry? If its about your car, I topped it up and brought it back when my friend told me he could give me a lift home from the hospital at like 10."

"Where the hell have you been though?!" He arose from his chair and saunter closer to me. Bruce was quite a big man, not in the muscular sense but the fat and heavily built sense. He was balding and had very thin mousy brown hair, streaked through with flecks of aged grey hairs. He has wrinkled permanently tanned skin, that gross orangy brown colour overly tanned skin goes, flecked with large horribly discoloured freckles. He had a bulbous nose that took up much of his face and small squinty eyes that I could never trust. He had hairy arms and legs with flabby skin. He was the epitome of disgusting. He looked like your typical 45 year old, overweight, dodgy carsalesman. Like the father in matilda, but worse.

"Its not ten, its well past that. WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT COMING HOME BEFORE 12!?" His eyes burnt fire into my skull, shooting daggers at me.
"You're not my father, you cant control me!" I sidestepped to the left, moving towards the small table where I usually put my bag and coat.
"I AM YOUR GUARDIAN! YOU SHOULD RESPECT MY AUTHORITY BY FOLLOWING MY RULES!"

I spun on my heels, a squeak echoing through the deathly quiet, dim room. I rolled my sholders back and leaned towards him, contorting my face to glare at him. "Why would you even have rules? You dont even care about me, you're just doing it because you like the money that has been left with you to care for me. WHICH MIGHT I ADD, YOU SHOULD BE USING TO SPEND ON ME BUT YOU DONT! You use for yourself, I have to work and pay for rent and food! All you do is sit on your lazy ass all day!" I stepped closer to him and raising my head up to face him, damn his tall height.

I felt anger course through my veins, each heartbeat forcing blood poisioned with hate through my body. I was seething, boiling with my pent up rage. I was ready to fight for myself. For the first time in my life I was ready to face up to my problems, to fight for my shitty life, to fight for something better than this. I surely deserved it. All my life I had given and never taken, putting everyones wants and need before myself.

"You don't deserve that money, and that job keeps you away from me, which I'm glad about. I can't stand seeing you this much!" Bruces' nose upturned at the thought of me.
"THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU UP RIGHT NOW!? YOU COULD BE IN BED AND NOT HAVE TO BOTHER SEEING ME?" I stepped back slightly and leant my shoulder against the chipped doorway that lead in the kitchen. I lowered my voice and forced my glare to pierce into him, "You're so delusional, you have convinced yourself this is you being a good guardian but its not. I know why you give me curfews and scold me when I come home late," I pushed my body forward and leant towards Bruce, not removing my gaze. "You like to see me squirm when you yell, you like to cause me pain but that makes me wonder, why don't you just hit me?"

Bruce stared wide-eyed at me, before smirking evily at me. He stepped backwards toward an old, dusty fireplace that hadn't been used in years (or cleaned). He turned his back towards me and began fiddling with the few ornaments he had placed along the top, he picked up a cowboy statue and turned back towards me after a few minutes of ignoring me. I was assured that this fight was over, but I wasn't finished with him yet, I was pumped. I was finally letting my fury out, I couldnt stop now!?

"I do like causing you pain, call me psychotic or crazy or whatever, but I don't care. We are all a little crazy aren't we? I know you definately are. I've seen those scars on your wrist." He pointed his glance down from my face to my covered arms and made his way towards me, stopping when he was at arms length.

"You're quite the fucked up kid, aren't ya?" I tore my eyes from my arms which now had a death grip on each other, holding them tight against my chest, to his uncomfortably close face. His brown eyes were sparkling with a crazy glint. "And you want to know why I hadn't hurt you yet?" He said as he reached his hand out unexpectedly and grabbed out at my right arm. He pulled it tight against his chest, pulling me foward slightly, making me stumble and lose my balance momentarily.

"Because I knew you were already hurting yourself, you were doing it for me but now thats not enough. I have been waiting for this for a while." He said as he stared longingly at my arm before ripping my purple longsleve top up, revealing my pearlescent white skin, covered in many scars. White, red, purple and pink. Alternating colours that formed a pattern of self destruction, it was oddly beautiful to my eye but to everyone elses, including Bruce, it was a monstrosity.

He pulled his right arm back and reached back behind him. My blood froze when I saw what he had retrieved from the coffee table. I no longer felt pumped and in a fighting mood, I was frightened now. I began cowering back slightly, trying to yank my arm back from his tight grasp.
"You are a monster! Just like my lame excuse for a dad. You both are psycos, no wonder you were friends!" I screamed out as he flicked out the silvery metal I had found confort in so many times before, but now felt fear towards.

I cut myself and was fine with it, sure, but thats because I was in control. I was the pupetteer of my pain, I could control how I felt. Having someone else hurt me frightens me. I don't know what they would do, I couldn't stop them. Maybe I didn't want to feel pain at that moment.
Its like suicidal people, they want to die, but they don't want to be killed. They want to go out in a way they can control. Its hard to say aloud but easy to think of.

"Ahh, your father. Yes, we are alike. Share the same interests. We both get excitement off of other peoples pain!" I screamed aloud as he brought the knife down and dragged it across my arm, wrenching it out and causing the blood to spill. He brought it down again and again. I would feel soothed if it was me using the blade but it wasn't and the sight of the blood trickling down made my stomach turn slightly, to know that I didn't want to be bleeding right now. For the first time in ages, I didnt feel the need to find confort in a razor blade, or knife. I didn't want to cut tonight. I didn't usually cut so deep unless something overly bad had happened, but Bruce wasn't holding back, he was pushing deep. My breathing hitched when he pushed the blade down again but pulled it from my wrist towards my elbow, missing my vein by a few centermeters.

I watched desperately as the small cut went from invisible to a thin red line, dotted with bubbles of blood. I could see the layer of flesh beneath and it made me pull away, forcing myself backwards. Bruce saw my struggle and grinned, showing his discoloured teeth. He pulled me back towards him and twisted my arm so that it was almost behind me completely and had me falling forward almost, my knees giving out slightly and bending. He pulled on my arm again and made me fall down completely so that I was kneeling on one knee and hunched over, writhering in pain. He brought the blade down a few more times as I wriggled to free myself.

"Oh how fun it is to watch you struggle." He pulled me up back to my feet to face him before he slammed my back against the door frame, pushing his face up closer to mine. "Pathetic little weasel!" He sneered. He pulled back from me slightly, still gripping my arm tightly to examine the damage he had done. My whole arm was streaked with red and was throbbing. I took the opportunity, while he was distracted, to try and get away. I jarred my knee forward into his groin and pushed him backwards and he groaned in pain and crouched forward, cupping his balls.

I ran forward, dodging around his fallen body towards the fireplace. I reached up and grabbed a figurine off of the mantlepiece. A shatter of glass sounded behind me as I turned to see that Bruce had thrown the glass coffee table across the room. It was the only thing that was in the way of him and me, now there was only a few meters separating us. He sent daggers at me, piercing my skin with his glare, a growl sounded from his chest. I had never seen pure fury before, but I'm pretty sure this was it.

Bruces' face was turning a dark shade of pink, and veins were popping out along his neck. His head was shaking and his teeth were bares like a wolf. "YOU LITTLE BITCH!" He began advancing towards me, taking huge lunging steps forward. I raised my left arm above my head and threw the figuring towards his head and tunred around to reach for something else even before a smash had sounded.
I faced back forward, ready to immediately throw the vase in my hand but there was nobody in front of me.

"Looking for me?" A voice sounded just to the right of me, slightly behind where I was currently standing. I spun around to come face to face with Bruce again. He pushed me backwards against the firplace repeatedly, before throwing me to the ground. "Welcome to your Hell Bitch!" He said as he kicked me a few times in the ribs and chest. He leant down and picked up my hair before dragging me down the hall towards his bedroom. I screamed out, hot tears pouring out from the indescribable pain pulling at my skull. He dragged me through his doorway and picked me up, throwing me onto his bed.

"Don't try to escape." He muttered as he began unbuckling his belt.