We Are the Lovers, We Are the Last of Our Kind

It had been a week since Jaime’s freak out and he was allowed to sleep in our room again, I was happy because I got lonely without him. It was about 4 am and I couldn’t sleep because I kept hearing noises from Kellin’s room. There was crying and whimpering. I sat up in my bed, turning on the lamp and looking in his direction. He was still laying down but he was shaking terribly. It wasn’t long until I realized that he was having a panic attack.

“Shut up faggot, I’m trying to sleep,” said Tony throwing a pillow at him.

Kellin continued to whimper. Couldn’t Tony tell he was having a panic attack? He fucking needed help, he probably couldn’t breathe well either. I quickly got out of bed and walked over to the door of my room. I hit the iron bar three times to try to get Kellin’s attention since I was scared to use my voice in case other people were still awake. His whimpering quieted down to a small sniffle and he reached to turn on his lamp. His eyes that were filled with tears looked directly at me. I motioned for him to walk over to his door. He slowly got up from his bed, with every step he was shaking more and more, those big bluish-green eyes, wide and filled with terror.

“I-I-I’m s-sorry if I woke you,” he said still crying.

I grabbed my notebook and wrote rapidly.

(Vic) Are you ok?

What kind of stupid question was that? Of course not, the boy was shaking so much I thought he would fall apart at any moment.

“Y-yea, I am.”

That was such a lie.

(Vic)Take deep breaths, you will be ok. I am going to stay up with you until you fall asleep.

And sure enough I stayed up with Kellin until 6 am. It was mostly just us staring at each other and him talking to me about why he was in here. He told me about how he started to get bad anxiety and how he started to hear and see things that weren’t “normal” he said it all started when his dad abandoned him when he was little, then his mom got hooked on drugs, he basically raised himself.
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I woke up to the sound of the bells ringing signaling that we were allowed to roam around the asylum. I fell asleep against the metal bars on my door. I looked over at Kellin who was sleeping against the metal bars to his room also, we fell asleep looking at each other, and he was so exhausted that he slept through the bell. Tony was up and stretching out, gathering his stuff to go take a shower. I was still mad at Tony for throwing a pillow at Kellin while he was having a panic attack last night, what an asshole. He walked up to the door and looked down at Kellin.

“Move,” he said kicking him in his side.

Kellin was taken by surprise and fell over scrambling to get up; he looked like a disoriented kitten. Tony pressed the button to open the door, I glared at him as he passed to go to the restroom. I stood up to open my door to see if he was ok but I was stopped by Jaime.

“Ready to go shower?” he said throwing me a towel.

I nodded in response and followed him to the changing room I could feel Kellin’s eyes on me as I walked out of my door to the changing room. I would have to talk to him later to see if he was ok, what happened last night worried me a lot. I went to my regular corner and started to undress down to my boxers, then pulled the towel around me to conceal my scars. Jaime and I were the only ones in here at the moment, but I was still extremely self-conscious.

After I was done taking my shower and changing I saw Kellin finishing up too. I purposely took a long time to get ready so we would be done at the same time. Jaime was still showering, he took extremely long showers. When Kellin was done I went up to him and motioned for him to follow me, Tony was in his room so I couldn’t go in there to talk to him. I decided to pull him into the closet where they store the toilet paper and towels.

“Are you ok?” I whispered, my voice was hoarse from not using it much.

“Yea” he said looking down, “I’m sorry for last night, it won’t happen a-”

“You can’t control that, don’t apologize,” I cut him off. “I’m glad you’re ok.”

Kellin blinked repeatedly while playing with the sleeves on his shirt and blushed deeply. Without thinking I pulled him in for a hug. It’s been forever since I’ve had one, and honestly I missed it. I pulled away after a minute and slightly smiled at him.

“We should get out of here and get to breakfast.” I stated.

“Ok,” he said with a smile that melted my heart.

I went back to my emotionless self as I opened the closet door, no one saw us go in or come out.
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Today group therapy was even more annoying than usual. Dr. Williams wanted us to tell her what our deepest fear was, I don’t even speak to these people, let alone tell them my fears. They went around the circle. I was the last person.

“Vic, what is your biggest fear?”

I kept my eyes on the floor and stayed silent as usual. I thought they would have been used to me not talking since I haven’t talked to anyone but Kellin since I’ve been here. I stayed quiet while everyone’s eyes were on me, I had a blank stare on my face.

“Ok then that concludes our therapy session for today.” Dr. Williams announced.

Jaime and I started walking back to our room to listen to some music. I went to our desk and pulled out my IPod then sat on the bed and put a headphone in my ear, Jaime did the same. I was hoping we could have some quiet time but he started talking.

“Why were you sleeping against the door last night?” he asked curiously.

I shrugged. Not wanting him to know my feelings towards Kellin. I was having a hard time dealing with them myself.

“Kellin was too. You guys have been getting really close since he started staying here, it’s only been two weeks, Vic.”

I shrugged half-heartedly trying to act like I didn’t notice. Jaime just looked at me, he wasn’t jumpy and happy like he usually was. He slid closer to me, not breaking eye contact and pressed his lips to mine. He out his arms around my neck, begging me to kiss back, so I did. I didn’t feel a spark, I mean he was a good kisser but I didn’t feel that kind of connection with him, he was just my best friend.

I heard a girly squeal from across the room, and there was Kellin, standing there with his hands over his eyes.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t m-mean to interrupt. I just wanted to see if Vic wanted to watch a movie with me in the main room, but I guess you guys are busy.” He rushed while running out of the room.

Fuck, this is not what I wanted to happen.