Heartaches Knocking on Her Door

Two hours after Liv, Bam and them had left Ville couldn’t sleep. The rest of the guys had retreated to their bunks, drawing their curtains. Laying in the darkness he was sure most of them had gone to sleep, though Gas was probably up watching Dexter on his laptop. He sighed, taking a sip of the beer he had been nursing in the dark. He had this gut feeling, a feeling that he needed to go make sure Liv was alright, it had been eating at him ever since she had left. Fuck, he grumbled internally, chugging down the rest of his beer and slowly pulling back his curtain, trying not to wake up any of the guys.

It was dead silent as he slowly crept out of his bunk feeling like a corpse arisen from the grave, wearing nothing but his drawstring pajama bottoms. Quietly rummaging around the small storage space beside his bunk he pulled out a pair of jeans. Trying as silently as he could, he changed in the darkness of the bus. Not bothering to put a shirt on, Ville zipped up his leather jack, tucked his wallet in his pant pocket and left the tour bus, hoping that none of the guys had heard him.

Out in the nights chill Ville could see a few roadies still up, walking around, huddled in groups talking. He tied his hair back in a low pony tail at the nape of his neck. Is this a ridiculous idea? He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep the whole night if he didn’t at least check on Liv, if anything. Still unsure of himself, he called a cab to take him over to the club Bam had mentioned. You are a stupid old fool, he told himself as he walked out to where the cab was going to pick him up.

As the cab pulled up to the club Ville could hear loud house music blasting from inside. He could feel his head already hurting. He really didn’t want to go in. Reluctantly Ville paid the cab driver and stepped out into the chilly night. There wasn’t a line, though he could tell there had been one earlier, a red velvet rope sectioned off part of the sidewalk, stopping just before dimly lit alley way which ran alongside the club. A group of young women were huddled outside, having just left, they stumbled around drunkenly, laughing, eyeing Ville as he passed them. He sighed, walking up to the bouncer, a tall muscular man in a suit.

The bouncer eyed Ville. “Kansi on kaksikymmentä Euro’s” (the cover is twenty Euro’s) He said in a gruff voice.

Ville handed him the cash than slipped into the club. It was packed full of sweaty dancing bodies. The only source of light was flashing pinks and greens, dark shadows everywhere. It reeked of perfume and sweat. The place looked relatively large, with two dance floors and bars. Fuck, Ville thought, I’m never going to find her. His height was helpful as he made his way through the tight pressed bodies, scanning faces for Liv’s. Young women smelling of booze tried to entice him to dance, but he shrugged them off as he made his way over to the nearest bar, hoping Liv might be there.

As he broke through the edge of the crowd in front of the bar he was met by a surprised looking Bam who sat on a stool, glass of whiskey in hand.
“Hey! What the hell are you doing here?” Smiled Bam as Ville took a seat next to him.

Ville could tell by Bam’s fidgetiness that he was on something, some drug. His heart sank with worry, worry that Liv was somewhere, doing something she might regret.

“I came to bring Liv back” He really didn’t want to explain himself. He didn’t even want to explain himself to Liv, if he even found her.

Bam raised a brow at Ville, “I didn’t know you liked em so young” He smirked, taking a sip of his whiskey, head bobbing to the base of the music which filled the club.

“I, I don’t. I just feel responsible for the girl” He tried to play it off. A nervousness eating at the pit of his stomach.

Bam shrugged, not buying a word of what Ville had said, but not wanting to press the point. “Well last I saw her Novak was trying to get into her pants, and Nikki was dragging her to the bathroom to do some blow.”

“Fuck!” Ville exclaimed, the loud music practically drowning out his voice.

He rubbed his face in frustration. He turned to the bartender and asked for a scotch on the rocks, than he turned back to Bam.

“Where’s the washroom?” He was angry, angry that Liv was stupid enough to get herself into this sort of situation, angry that she hadn’t listened to him. He wasn’t mad at Bam though, it wasn’t his fault, this is how he partied; it was excusable.

Still in good spirits Bam replied “It’s just over there, by where the DJ is in the back.” He pointed to the far end of the club where the second, larger, dance floor was, a lifted pedestal against the back wall housed the DJ. Next to it Ville could see a lit corridor crowded with a line of women waiting to get into the washroom.

Ville pursed his lips with frustration, slapped some money on the bar, and downed his scotch.

“I’ll see you tomorrow alright?” He said, turning to Bam who still sat at the bar, drinking his whiskey, eyes darting around.

“You got it man” He smiled up at Ville.

The heat of the club was getting to Ville as he slowly wriggled through the crowd to the washroom, he unzipped his leather jacket, not caring about the giggles of a few women as they gawked at his bare, tattooed, muscular chest.

After much struggle Ville made it too the washroom, the effects of his earlier beer and now the scotch slowly setting in. The line to the women’s washroom practically spilled out into the dance floor as Ville slowly walked past, checking the faces of each woman in line, looking for hers, Liv’s, tragically beautiful.

He still hadn’t seen her as he approached the front of the line, what was he supposed to do, go into the woman’s washroom? If she was in there with Nikki, doing what Bam had said, than it would be too late. Ville was standing near the entrance of the men’s washroom, which was across the women’s, when he suddenly felt an arm go around his shoulder, turning, he saw a very inebriated Novak smiling up at him.

“Dude, when the fuck did you get here. Fuck man this place is sick” He smiled.

Ville’s was not in the mood, but he tried to remain, pleasant? “That’s great, hey have you seen Liv by any chance?” He shrugged off Novak’s arm.

“Yeah man, she was leaving the washroom with Nikki. Fuck she is so hot, fuckin Bam though, Bam told me to stay away from the chick.”

Why? Ville thought. Did Bam maybe see something earlier, in the way I treated Liv? Or did he figure…

He shook himself from the thought, called “thanks” over his shoulder and dove back into the mass of dancing bodies.

Then suddenly, he saw her and all the noise, and all the heat, it disappeared. It was as if everyone was moving in fast motion, what Liv danced there, slowly. Eyes closed, hair swinging back and forth against the paleness of her exposed shoulders, she writhed in the roar of the loud music. She was completely alone as her hips suggestively swayed. The pinks and greens of the flashing lights dancing on every curve of her slender body.

Ville couldn’t help but stand and watch her in awe, taking a gulp of saliva. She didn’t look young to him now. Do I have any right to snatch her away from this? As he looked on he saw the faces of those, like him, who had stopped to watch Liv, all men. Their eyes hungry. Ville’s jaw clenched and he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. If I take her away from here, I would be doing it in jealousy. I should heed what she had said and leave her alone. I, I can’t, I shouldn’t make anything out of this, this feeling, in the core of my being. Ville was about to turn and leave when from the corner of his eye he saw Liv falter, almost falling to the floor, the vultures moving in to help her balance herself.

That’s it, he thought, turning back around and walking towards her.

***

It had been so long, so long since Liv had just let it all go. She danced with closed eyes in the glow of freedom, the stupid music forgotten, her mother forgotten, home forgotten, Ville, not quit forgotten but pushed into the farthest recesses of her mind.

The night so far hadn’t been like any other she had ever had. Nikki, Bam, Novak, the whole Fuck Face Unstoppable crew, they had all been so friendly, her social ineptness forgotten in their presence. And though they were more rowdy, and moved at a faster pace than her, she had been able to keep up. Keep up to the point that she was very much drunk, the drunkest she had been since the night of her mom’s funeral.

The music was a dull roar ash Liv’s senses focused on her ethereal dance.

Suddenly she made a wrong step in the heels Nikki had lent her, her ankle faltering for a moment, but she steadied herself. Through glazed eyes she could see men around her looking at her eagerly, but she closed her eyes, ready to resume her delicate dance, when abruptly she felt a large hand envelope her wrist.

Liv turned. Suddenly she was staring into a set of angry green eyes. Ville. What is he doing here? Liv thought confused. She didn’t have time to think much else because she was being pulled through the crowd by Ville.

“Ville what the hell?” She angrily said, but he couldn’t hear her over the music.

Despite digging her heals into the ground and resisting as much she could, Ville was stronger, and so he pulled her through the mass of dancers and abruptly out the entrance, a freezing gust of wind crashing into Liv as she stumbled out into the night.

Once out Liv managed to finally break free of his now loosened grasp.

[Recommendation: Listen to The Great Below by Nine Inch Nails once through while reading from here on]

“Ville! What the fuck! What the hell is wrong with you?” She was confused, angry. Why was he being like this, what had gotten over him, since when had he come?

“I came to bring you back to the festival grounds” He gruffly said as he stood facing her, inches away, bare chest heaving.

“Why? What gives you the fuckin right?” Liv crossed her arms, feeling the coldness of the night, despite the heat in her heart. She leaned against the corner of the building, half standing in the side alley way which ran beside the club, glaring at Ville.

“Why! Why! Cause I was fuckin worried about you, I warned you!” He came closer to Liv, nostrils flaring.

“Do you think I’m some dumb naive little girl! I didn’t do any freakin drugs alright. And don’t lie to me, that whole worried talk is bull.” She knew, she knew the instant he had set eyes on her as she had stepped onto the tour bus, the way he had looked at her, the earnestness in his eyes as he had warned her not to leave, and now by his labored breathing. She wanted him to admit it, to finally spit it out.

He suddenly rushed at her, his large hands grabbing the sides of her small arms. She slide into the small alley way. Liv looked up at him, trying not to falter.

“You want to know why?” He held her at arm’s length, he was panting at this point as his piercing green eyes stared strait into Liv.

“Yes!” She practically yelled out, making no move to get free from his grasp.

“I could see it! I could see it on the tour bus, in this filthy club, in Jarno’s eyes, in Novak’s, they wanted you!” He was practically vibrating with the depth of his words, his breathing even more erratic and heavy. Liv could feel his hot breath across her face.

She shook with anticipation. “So! What’s the fuckin problem with that?” She was pushing, pushing for a response.

“The problem my darling is that I’m a fuckin selfish bastard. I want you” He growled.

Suddenly Liv was pressed against the wall, his bare heaving chest colliding with hers. His hands roughly slid up hear arms, up her neck, and tangled into her black locks, and all at once his lips were against hers.

She could feel it, in herself, in him, all it being release, all that had been pent up. She pressed her body closer to his, her pelvis colliding with his, kissing him back fervently. His wet tongue darting into her mouth as her crushed against her, body moving with the heat of their kiss. He tasted of cigarettes and whiskey.

Liv brought her hands up, feeling the expanse of his abs. Lightly grazing them with her nails, she felt his breath hitch, catch in his throat. He broke their passionate kiss, catching his breath, hunger in his eyes, he held her face between his large, warm hands, still panting, looking into her eyes with intensity, he whispered “Haluan sinut niin huono kulta” (I want you so bad darling)

This time he slowly leaned in, teasingly slow, he grazed his lips against Liv’s quivering ones. He ran his nose up and down Liv’s neck, down her jawline. Shivers ran down Liv’s back, she’d never been touched like this before, kissed like this before. Her breathing became more heavy as his lips found hers again, slowly, sensually moving against them, nipping them slightly. Liv let out a small gasp, she could feel him smile against her lips at her response.

He slowly moved his hands to hers, where they lay, pressed up against his chest. Still deeply kissing her, he wound his fingers with hers, their hands the only thing between them as they continued to kiss, becoming faster with intensity. Liv could feel his hardness up against her.

Ville broke off suddenly, resting his forehead against hers, trying to control his breathing.

“Darling” He whispered, eyes closed, chest heaving, hands still intertwined.

“Hm?” Liv sighed, feeling utter bliss.

“As much as my dirty little mind would love to take you here and now, it would be best if we didn’t.” He slowly began to pepper her face with kisses. “Come, let’s head back to the festival grounds.”

Liv nodded, letting Ville detangle himself from her and call a cab.

She didn’t want to say anything, she didn’t want to ruin the moment. So many thoughts were racing through her mind. Complete happiness. Finally, finally he had let himself go, allowed himself to release what he had been holding back. She also felt worry. Were things going to suddenly go back to the way they were? What about Sandra? What about the rest of the guys. What. What. What now?

Ville turned back to her, the cab on the way. His breathing again even, he looked down at her earnestly. “Darling, I can see your mind at work. Trust me, my thoughts are in the same place. Let us please just, just stop thinking for the moment being?” He shrugged off his leather jacket and slipped it over Liv’s shoulders, his bare chest completely exposed.

“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream” Liv whispered back at him.

Ville chuckled. “You won’t wake up from this darling.” He gently placed a hand on the small of her back and walked her back to the sidewalk where the cab had just pulled up to.

The cab ride was spent in relative silence as Ville’s fingers gently stroked Liv’s.

Once they got back Ville paid the driver. Liv stood, taking off the dangerously high heels, knowing she would never make it across the grassy lot in the shoes. Holding the heels in her hands she turned to see a smiling Ville admiring the stretch of her legs, free of the shoes.

Liv smirked, crossing her arms. She slowly crossed the space between them, a mischievous smile across her lips, stopping in front of him, looking up into his eyes. “Now what?”

“The big bad wolf chooses not to gobble up little red, despite how appetizing she looks. Rather he, in a gentlemen like manner, escorts her safely home.” Smirking he began walking across the lot, complete darkness surrounding him.

Liv stood there, watching him walk off, not sure how to react.

“Now, if little red chose to admit the wolf, than that would be her own risk” He whispered over his shoulder.

Quietly chuckling, so as not to awake anyone in the tents littering the lot, Liv caught up to Ville as he found his way in the dark to her small tent. He waited politely as Liv unzipped it, unsure whether he would even fit inside.

Liv crawled in first, turning on a flashlight she had dangling from the ceiling of the tent. She chuckled as Ville tried to quietly fit himself into the tent, his long legs barely making it in. Smiling he zipped up the tent than dropped limp onto Liv’s open sleeping bag, closing his eyes.

“Let us sleep with a sleep that is more than sleep” He chuckled.

“Ah my eyes are already closing” Liv smiled. “But first I need to change out of this damn thing” Liv began tugging randomly at the black ribbon which laced up the back of the corset.

“Allow me” Ville said sitting up. Gently he moved Liv’s hair to one side of her neck, his fingers delicately skimming her bare shoulders in the process. He ran his fingertips tenderly up and down Liv’s back, feeling her shiver beneath them. Quickly he unlaced the corset. Holding it to her chest, Liv turned, mouthing a thank you, than smirking she turned off the small flash light. Utter darkness once again enveloped the small tent.

She could hear Ville fall back onto the sleeping bag as she rummaged around her suitcase for a tee shirt, not bothering to change out of the skirt. She tugged on a random one.

“Would you like a shirt to wear also? Or do you prefer to flaunt your Olympian physique?” She whispered turning to Ville.

“If anything my dear, it would more closely resemble that of Hades. Keeping souls eternally trapped in the underground really works the muscles.” he chuckled in the dark “but no thank you”

Liv lay down next to him. She could practically feel his presence in the air, though she couldn’t see him. She wanted to turn to him. To hold him. Kiss him again. Suddenly she felt his arm reach out, wrapping around her body, pulling her up against him. Her faces inches from his chest.

“Sweet dreams Liv.” Ville whispered, chin resting on the top of her head, arm clutching her close.

At utter peace, though a thousand questions rattled to be set free, Liv closed her eyes, all anxiety for home forgotten, she was already there.

She was troubled that night. She kept suddenly waking up, sweating, feeling the spins as he body sobered up. Dreams of her mother, of Ville, had wracked her mind, but feeling Ville’s tender arm, holding her to him, allowed her to return to sleep.

However, in the early hours of the morning, before the first rays of the sun came out, Liv suddenly awoke again. She didn’t feel him, his embrace. He had left. He was gone.