Caged Birds Don't Like to Sing

“Now where are we going?” I grumbled as I stared out the window, sinking lower in my seat. There were not any restaurants or shops around this part. We had been in the car for at least thirty minutes. With each passing minute, I regretted the choice of asking him to go out.

“We’re almost there,” he said, oblivious to my question. His eyes were focused on the road. As I kept looking out the window, I noticed we were driving into a suburban area. I watched as we flew past all of the houses. Each home was different. Some were really big and nice. Others were small and worn down.

I guess we weren’t going to get food. My stomach growled and I looked down at it. In my mind, I apologized to my belly. I thought we were going to get some dinner, like normal people do around this time. I guess I should have been more specific when I asked him.

I was going to ask him if we could just go through a fast food place and go home for the night. But I remembered what Riley had told me and I knew that I would be going against what she had said. I needed some motivation to keep me open minded.

He turned the corner and then pulled into one of the bigger houses. Who could we possibly be visiting? As we crawled out of the car, I asked, “Who’s house is this?”

“Johnson’s. Except we all like to hang here. We call it The Monkey House,” he said with a smile. I followed him up to the door as he opened it.

We walked in and a few of the guys were sitting around on some old couches. “Long me, no see,” Ben Graupner said jokingly since we had just seen him yesterday.

I smirked and said, “Yeah, it’s been forever.”

Jackson sat on one of the couches that only had Ben J on it. He patted the empty spot and I sat down. His arm secretly slid around my waist. I don’t think anyone could see it, but I definitely noticed it. I slipped my hand behind me and pinched his wrist. He made a little yelp and pulled his arm back. I giggled under my breath.

“You guys want something to drink?” Ben J. offered as he got up with his empty cup. He walked until he stood in between the kitchen area and the family room.

“No thanks,” I replied.

“Just a beer,” Jackson said. When Ben was back with it, Jackson thanked him. I watched him as he took a sip. Great, I’m going to have to drive home.

Ben G was staring at me with a wicked smile. I already knew I didn’t like where this was headed. He turned to Johnson and said, “Get Marissa something to drink. She needs to loosen up.”

I guess everyone noticed that I need to loosen up. I insisted, “No. It’s perfectly okay.”

Against what I had said, both Bens left to the kitchen. I sighed under my breath and Jackson snickered next to me. “Quit it,” I snapped, slapping his arm lightly.

“Ha-ha-ha,” Jackson said teasingly. I scowled and narrowed my eyes.

“You guys do bicker a lot,” Jerad noticed. He must have remembered what I said in the car the other day.

“He starts it,” I blamed, looking at Jackson. I mostly said it to him rather than to Jerad.

“I do not,” Jackson threw back. I stuck my tongue out at him. He poked my stomach. I squealed and grabbed it and slid away from him. His arm tugged me back against my will. I glared at him menacingly.

Jerad shook his head and made a ‘tsk’ noise. Moments later, the two guys were back with come concoction in a glass. They handed it to me and I took it reluctantly. I looked down into it and looked back up at them. It already smelled vile and strong. “What’s in it?”

“Everything,” Ben G. laughed.

“Seriously?” I asked, a little more concerned this time. I don’t want to get alcohol poisoning from one sickening drink.

“No. Just drink it already,” Ben Johnson chimed in.

I hesitantly placed the glass to my lips. Ben G. tipped the glass up so more was forced to be swallowed. I almost choked. I pulled the cup from my mouth after a few seconds. My whole face puckered. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

“Oh my God,” I coughed. “What was that?”

“Let’s just say it’s pretty potent,” Ben J. said smoothly, sitting back down on the couch.

I looked back at the glass that was sitting on the table in front of me. It was almost half empty. “Why’d you make me drink so much then?” I exclaimed.

“Don’t worry so much. We did it so you could loosen up. Do you ever drink?”

“Yeah.”

“Then it shouldn’t affect you too much.”

I relaxed a bit after he said that. Hopefully this would help me calm down a bit more. Maybe I needed a little bit of a push from that drink. This is for everyone that said I needed to loosen up.

Oh and it definitely worked. Later in the night, everyone was a little tipsy. I even ended up drinking more and finishing off that drink after a dare from everyone. Except for Jerad and Jackson. Jerad didn’t drink that night, but Jackson only had a few beers. He could handle his alcohol though, but he didn’t want to drive us home. I guess we were staying here for the night.

I ended up getting a bit too playful and kept tackling Jackson. He’d pull me off of him and place me back on my butt on the couch. I’d keep poking him or bothering him. He really hated it when I drank. Which was completely understandable.

I was talking to Ben G. for a while. Not about anything specific. He was tipsy, too. We just had some random, small talk. I think I mostly just complained about Jackson, even though he was in the same room as us and could hear us perfectly. I didn’t care at that point. Ben came up with some funny stories about him, too. Jackson eventually intervened during one story. He ended it after only a few sentences came out of Ben’s mouth. I guess he knew where it was going, and wanted to stop it right then.

Eventually, everyone got tired and went to sleep. Ben G. was passed out on one of the couches and Jerad was upstairs in the guest bedroom. Johnson was in his room. I was curled up in the corner of one of the couches and Jackson was in the other end. His legs were stretched out and barely touched my bent-up knees. It took me awhile, but I finally fell asleep.

Driving home the next day was a drag. I wasn’t hungover, I was just tired because Jackson was already awake early that morning and he wanted to get home. I laid in the back seat and tried to sleep.

“You were a joy last,” Jackson commented. I couldn’t tell if he was serious or not.

“Huh?” I asked, opening my eyes. I could only see the seat in front of me though. I could see Jackson in the other seat if I really looked over. I moved my head so I could see more clearly.

“Do you not remember?” He looked back at me in the rear-view mirror.

“No, I do. I just didn’t know what you meant by it.”

“It was cute.” he winked in the mirror. I ignored it and closed my eyes.

That night, Jackson yanked me outside on the porch. It was starting to get chiller every night. I was wearing shorts, but I had on a big sweatshirt. It didn’t keep me very warm though. I debated on whether or not I should go back in the house and change. But I had a feeling Jackson wouldn’t let me leave his side. He probably would think that I’d run off again. Which isn’t entirely false.

We at on the same swinging chair as we did the second night I was here. I couldn’t tell if I felt more comfortable, or just as antsy as before. I wiggled around in the chair and leaned my cheek against my hand as my arm was bent on the arm of the seat.

“And we’re out here because?” I complained. I moved around and slid my knees up and into my over-sized jacket. My toes were still freezing. I tried to tuck them in as well.

He looked over at me, cigarette in hand. “You don’t like looking at the stars?”

I shrugged. “They’re okay.”

I motioned for him to toss me the carton of cigarettes. I hated them, but I was feeling more stressed than usual. As he took another puff, he pulled out cigarette and flicked it in my direction. I barely caught it. I placed it in my mouth and moved my face closer as Jackson pulled out his lighter. I took a drag and blew it out. It made my eyes water a bit, but I suppressed the cough. This would be my first, and last, cigarette. Unless I became overly stressed again.

“I thought you didn’t smoke,” he recalled, pushing his lighter back into his pocket.

“Right now is an exception.” I placed the paper back to my lips and took in another breath. I looked away from him.

I tilted my head up and looked up at the night sky. It was even prettier than the night I walked back from the woods with Jackson. There was millions of glittering specks up there. Each one twinkled beautifully. It still surprised me how many more stars you can see out here.

Jackson leaned in closer to me. His head was on the side of my arm. He extended his arm and pointed in the sky. “Do you see that? That’s Orion’s Belt.”

I squinted. “I could never really see constellations,” I admitted. Like I mentioned before, I could never see constellations in the sky. I think I always tried looking for some extremely elaborate picture in the sky.

He looked back at me and then at the sky. His hand moved directions. “How about that? It’s the big dipper. Easiest constellation to see.”

I stared for a long minute. I even moved my eyes around a bit to follow his finger exactly. “Nope.”

He chuckled. “You’re hopeless.” I playfully pushed him back to his side of the chair in return.

He had a crooked smile on his face and came back over to my side. Just to make me mad, he curled up close beside me and nuzzled his head under my arm so it was forced to be wrapped around him. I groaned and flicked the back of his head.

“Ouch,” he jokingly cried out. Then sarcastically said, “I can tell I’m wanted here.”

“I’m glad you got the hint.”

We sat in silence for a moment, just staring at the sky. The cigarette gave me a headache so I put it in the ashtray and gave up on it. It soothed my nerves down and helped me feel somewhat better. I would have rather taken a hot bath, though. If we had a bathtub.

Jackson’s lips pressed against my arm. I don’t think I really noticed it at first. I didn’t even notice when he rolled up my sleeve to do so. His hand placed itself on my thigh as his lips kept kissing me until reached my collarbone. That’s when I noticed. I started to feel really warm and I got anxious and tense. So much for the cigarette

His mouth finally reached mine and kissed me passionately. I wrapped my arms around his body and pulled him even closer. One of my legs hung over his lap. His hand held onto my thigh and the other caressed my cheek. He started to lean us back a bit.

Something compelled me to slide my hand down his chest and hold onto the side of his body tightly. I lost control completely. My mind was blank, except for one thought; I wanted him closer. I guess I lost in touch with my brain that held all the thoughts that kept Jackson at arm’s length.

Maybe that’s what it meant to loosen up. Not to drink or smoke and hope to be less tense afterwards. But to feel exhilarated and to push out all those blabbering thoughts in your head. To let loose of your thoughts and just live.

When he pulled his face from mine, he sighed happily. My head was spinning. But once I could focus again, my first thought wasn’t ‘what have I done?’ Instead, I busted out in laughter.

Jackson looked at me weirdly. “What?”

I kept laughing. My eyes watered. I couldn’t even speak.

“What?” he said persistently. He looked around and down his body. He held onto both of my shoulders and shook me lightly. “What?”

I wiped my eyes and pressed my finger against his mouth and dragged it against his skin. He seemed confused to what I was doing and looked down to watch my finger move across his face. I held up my singular finger in front of him. To his surprise, it was bright red. The color of my lipstick.

It took him a moment to get the connect. “God damn it,” he muttered once it clicked in his mind. “You did that on purpose.” He took the back of his hand and wiped his mouth. It barely came of. I cackled again.

“You’re going to need water,” I advised. And in all honesty, I forgot I was even wearing lipstick. I’m glad I was.

He rolled his eyes. “Oh well. I will wash it off later.” He slid his arms around me and tugged me a bit closer. He was taking advantage of this moment. “I have a feeling they’re just going to get more red anyway.”

I was confused to what he meant until he put his lips back on mine. I kissed back. My mind was still empty and I didn’t feel like criticizing everything anymore. I just enjoyed the moment for once. The moment of having Jackson so close to me and having things work out.

I crawled over him as he laid back. I stroked his arm tenderly as his fingers gently played with my hair. I barely shifted my legs around, but it was an awful idea. The movement in weight caused the swinging chair to rock to one side. The side that led us both to the ground.

Somehow during the fall, we moved. I landed on my back on the wooden porch. Jackson landed on top of me which just made the impact worse. I groaned out in pain and rolled over once he hopped off. He was laughing. I must had breaken his fall.

“I just keep tipping things over and falling,” I chuckled out through the pain, still sprawled out on the ground.

Jackson was up and dusted himself off. “I need to wrap you up in bubble wrap or something.”

As I got up, I pointed out, “See? This is why we shouldn’t kiss. This stuff starts to happen.” I guess my always thinking, stressed out self was coming back.

He pursed his red lips and crossed his arms. “Don’t blame it on that. We just didn’t pick the best spot.”

I smiled and it contradicted my harsher words from before. But I couldn’t help from giggling at the sight of Jackson. “Dude, you really need to get that lipstick off.”

He grumbled. “I know!” Then he turned around and went into the house, furiously rubbing his mouth as he walked off.

I laughed by myself for a second, then I decided I’d go back into the house. I went upstairs to my room. On the way, I peeked into the bathroom. Jackson had a towel in his grasp and was wiping away at his mouth.

When he took the cloth away, his mouth was red. Not from the lipstick, from rubbing his skin so hard. “You’re still red,” I badgered on.

He didn’t say anything back.

“To be honest, I thought it looked good,” I grinned, still taunting him. I hope he realized he would never live this down.

Jackson started to pass me in the doorway. He stopped when he was right in front of it and pushed me against the wall with his midsection.

As his face grew closer to mine, I started to close my eyes. But then I felt something rough across my lips. I popped my eyes open and Jackson was scrubbing my lips with a wet towel. He had a smirk on his face and he was giggling.

He pulled the towel away from my mouth and I pouted my lip and patted it. My lip felt raw. “Did you have to be so tough about it?”

“Better safe than sorry,” he said, pecking my lips one last time. Then passed me and went off to his room. I went back into the bathroom and found my chapstick. I put it on my lips before I went back into my room.

I decided to go back into mine and sleep for the night. I wasn’t planning on any interruptions. And, hopefully, no nightmares.

I plopped back in the bed and covered myself up. My face was buried in the fluffy pillows. I closed my eyes and reminisced over the past few days. As my mind crawled up the timeline, I grew closer to tonight’s incident. What I was dreading was about to occur.

I opened my eyes and muttered to myself, “What have I done?” I let Jackson and I grow a little too close for comfort. And since the day I arrived here, I didn’t want that to happen. Now I let it happen. Why did I do that? And what was going to happen from here?

I thought when you really kissed someone for the first time, you were supposed to feel like you were floating on a cloud of happiness. I felt worried and uncomfortable.

My stomach twisted as I thought of Chase. I moved into a tight ball under the blankets. Would he ever get off of my mind? Or was I doomed and he was just going to haunt my thoughts forever?

I thought about going into Jackson’s room for the night for some kind of comfort. And maybe to see if I felt a little better about the situation when I was around him. But I decided to stay in mine. I wanted to be alone.