Can You Love Me?

“So are you a fan?” Oliver asked me as we walked over to his tour bus.
“Yeah. I love your music.” I said quietly. I was nervous beyond belief. I couldn’t help it though. Oli Sykes was like…my hero. I’d had a severe problem with cutting and I couldn’t stop but his music somehow gave me hope and helped me stop. “Thanks.” He said.
“Yeah, no problem.” I said keeping my head down. I had a bad problem of looking at the ground and my feet as I walked. Now I was looking at Oli’s shoes. They looked worn down but I didn’t care. They looked good on him. “You’re a quiet girl.” He said and I looked up to see that he was looking back at me. “And you got some pretty eyes on you. You should keep your head up.” He said smiling. I was thankful for it being dark so that he couldn’t see me blushing. “Thank you.” I said and he turned his head and kept walking.
“The mates don’t know you’re a girl ya know?” He said in front of me
“They don’t?” I asked
“Nope. They probably think you’re a boy really.” Said Oli laughing.
“I wonder how they’ll react.” I said fighting the urge to put my head down and look at the ground.
“Don’t know.” He said.
“Oh.” I said. We walked on for another minute or so and were at the bus. I was nervous taking my first step on and wondered if this was how Myka was when she first got on the Asking Alexandria bus. I wonder if they’d known she was going to be on living with them when she’d arrived. I stepped on the bus and the first person I seen was Matt Nicholls, the drummer for BMTH. He was holding a bottle of wine. “HEY MA-” Was all he said. “It’s a girl?” He said looking shocked. I fought the urge to laugh. “Oliver! Ya had me thinking it was a guy!” He yelled. Oli started laughing and then I saw the other guys. Matt Kean, the bassist. Lee Mailia, the lead guitarist and Jordan Fish, the keyboardist. I couldn’t believe I was in a room with all of them.
“Sorry, I forgot to mention our new mate was a girl.” Said Oli still laughing. “Go on, you can introduce yourself.” Oli whispered to me. I nodded and went over to stand in front of the table. “My name is Arianna Nicolette.” I said to everyone. They just stared at me.
“You seem fancy.” Said Jordan and I smiled a little.
“I’m not. I’m just nervous.” I told them.
“You don’t look like Myka.” Said Matt Kean and I was a little surprised.
“You know my sister?” I said
“Yeah, seen her walking down the street with James one day.” Kean said.
“Oh, you’re right, I don’t look like her and I don’t want to.” I said and I could tell the guys could feel the venom in my words. I didn’t want to be like her. She was stuck up and selfish in my eyes. She had no idea what the words “sucky life” really meant. Sure she got bullied and our parents beat her but she at least got the privilege of going out when she wanted. I didn’t and what happened when I was at home alone she will never know of. “Feisty.” Said Nicholls.
“Like a kitten.” I said and they all laughed. “Really, I don’t have too much of an attitude and I’m not that threatening really.” I said flexing the non existent muscles in my arm.
“I like her already!” Said Nicholls and everyone cheered. Oli came up behind me and put his arm around my shoulder. “Well, that’s how they react.” He whispered in my ear and a small smile crept upon my face. This was gonna be a fun experience.

“This is where you’ll be sleeping.” Said Oli. “It’s the free bunk in the bus so now it’s yours.” He said opening the curtain. It was small but just long enough for me to fit in it. “Alright, that’s the perfect size. Thank you.” I said putting my bag inside the small compartment. “Me and the mates are going out tonight. You can come if you like.” He said.
“No thank you. I have some things to do.”
“Like what?” Oli asked me
“Just…getting my things in order. Calling my parents and telling them where I am.”
“Why do they need to know?” He asked
“Because they’ll report it to the cops that I’m missing.”
“Why did you leave anyway?” He asked touching my arm and I jerked it away quickly. He held his hands up.
“Did I do something?” He asked
“No! I’m sorry, I just…I’m sensitive when guys touch me.” I said looking down at my feet. They had on some old, dirty, mud ridden sneakers. Oli looked at me as if a light bulb had gone on in his head.
“That’s why you don’t want to go out to the club. Too many guys would be touching you.” He said smiling slyly. I sighed.
“Yes, you figured it out. That’s why I don’t want to go to the club.” I said letting it spill.
“So why are you sensitive to a guys touch.”
“Nothing.” I said
“Oh, it’s something.” He said “And when I get back I plan on figuring it out.” Said Oliver and I laughed.
“Alright, try all you like but it takes a lot for me to bring it up. Especially to someone I barely even know.” I said and he smiled.
“You know me enough to live with me right?” He asked
“No. It was a spare-of-the-moment thing. Trust me.” I said getting ready to sit in the bunk.
“Wait. What’s up with your wrist? It’s all…scratched…up.” He said. He must have seen when I’d looked down at my wrist. “Do you cut?” He asked looking at me straight in the eye. I couldn’t meet his gaze though, it felt like too much pressure on me. “Yes.” I said quietly.
“Why?” He asked. Then I was saved from answering that question because Lee had yelled that it was time to go. Oliver yelled back an ok and turned to me. “We’ll talk when I get back okay?” He said turning and leaving. “Yeah, okay like you’ll ever get something out of me. That’s the longest conversation I’ve held in 4 years with anyone and you’ll never even know that. So what makes you think I’ll tell you all the secrets of my past?” I asked myself in my head. I laughed silently when I heard the bus doors close. He was going to be in for some things living with me.

Later on, I’d tried to stay awake but I just couldn’t. Today had been tiresome day. Getting beat with the belt again. Being “rescued”. And finally moving in with Bring Me The Horizon and having the longest conversation I’d ever had in the past 4 years of my life. I only woke up when I heard the guys coming on the bus again and the sound of girls laughing and giggling and talking. “Ugh. Groupies. Probably fake, clumsy, ditzy ones too.” I thought half awake. “Let’s drink some wine!” I heard Nicholls yell and I couldn’t help but laugh. I loved his accent. I rolled over now facing the curtain and tried to blot out the laughing and yelling and screaming from everyone in the bus. Eventually I was almost asleep again when I felt light hit my eyelids. Someone had opened my curtains and I squinted my eyes just a bit to see that it was Oli. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you. Just checking up on you.” He said. I closed my eyes again and felt the covers being pulled up and over my body. I took a heavy breath in and soon I drifted off to sleep again.

When I woke up it was totally silent. Everyone must have still been asleep. I slowly opened my eyes and saw just a little light had made it’s way through the curtain. I sat up in the bunk making sure I didn’t hit my head on the ceiling. I wondered whose bunk was above mine. I looked in my bag and shuffled around in it for my phone and finally found it. It was and iPhone like my sisters but mine had a black protective case on it. I looked around for some different clothes and some baby wiped I’d brought along (which was very nice thinking on my part). I found the baby wipes and took about three out and wiped down my arms, legs, and face. Then I put on the clothes I’d picked out (http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=87856885) and I changed into them best as I could in the bunk and went outside to take a smoke just as Oliver was getting out of the bunk above me.