Our Faith Will Silence the Doubt

“Ah, fuck!” I moaned out in pain as Chris’ girlfriend laid me on their living room floor.

I’m in so much fucking pain, it’s not even funny. I didn’t know that kid had it in him to damage me this bad. I hope nothing is broken because I could deal with it.

Why in the hell would he come at me? Unless Andy went crying to him about me yelling towards him but still. I can already hear the students shit talking me when I go back to school. About how some short goth looking kid beat me.

It wasn’t even a fair fight, he snuck up on me.

“You’re lucky, nothing shows of a broken rib or anything.” She said while sitting up to have her backside rest on her heels of her feet.

I breathed out in relief.

“But you’re fucked up pretty bad. Bruised rib, no less. Open your mouth.” I did what I was told.

“First the fag punching you in the nose and now this. This is just hilarious.” My eyes dart over to Chris sitting on the couch. I wanted to yell but my jaw and mouth hurt too much to do so.

“No teeth missing, but it’s bleeding because you bit your tongue.” His girlfriend said.

“Lisa, as much as I don’t like you looking other boys mouths and touching on their shirtless body, thanks for checking on him.” She smirked and stood up.

“Whatever.” She held her hands out towards me. “ ‘Mer, I have to wrap this around your waist.”

She did what she had to do, Chris shut his mouth for now, wait until Lisa leaves. She gave me a complement about my ‘OUTLAW’ tattoo and that’s when Chris kicked her out. He has a tinge of jealously issue.

As soon as the door closed, I looked at him waiting to say something but he didn’t. “Well?”

“Well what?”

“Come on Chris, spill it. I know you want to shit talk me or something, so talk.”

He pulled out his phone and unlocked it. His eyes were searching for something on it as he spoke. “Im not going to say anything because that Jeremy kid put the hands to you man.” I heard cheering and screaming coming from his phone.

“And from the looks of it, I’m surprise he didn’t knock your ass out.” My eyes widen, how does he know I-

". . .for being an asshole. Stay the fuck away from us and Andrew!”

I stanched the phone from him and rewind the video then my breathing stopped right there when I saw the views it got. This just happened a few hours ago, how did it get so many views?

“They posted the video..” I didn’t say it in an act of surprise but in horror. So many people has seen this video and I’m pretty it’s going to go around and Bre is going to find and watch it and I cant have her finding out I kissed Andy.

“He totally beat your ass.” Chris smiled over my shoulder to re-watch the video.

“He took me by surprise! It doesn’t count!” I shouted towards him. I threw the phone at him and if he didn’t know how to catch, it would been broken phone on the floor. I ran my hands in my hair.” She’s going to find that video.”

Chris just smiled at me. His smugged look just pissed me off even more. I felt the tears stinging in my eyes as well as my throat getting dry.

“Chris, it’s not fucking funny! I’m being dead serious!” My voice cracked and tears started to come out my eyes. That’s when he let go of his asshole act and soften his looks. “She’s going to fucking kill me! I cheated on her by kissing Andy and almost having sex with him!” I sobbed silently as I sat on his couch with my hands on my face. “I’m a horrible boyfriend, Chris.”

I sat there thinking about how she would leave me and cuss me out in the most hurtful way to say it’s over. The though of it hurts. I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder. As much as I wanted to shake it off, it was soothing.

“Hey man, I’m sorry..” Chris said lowly. He sat next to me on the couch. “I don’t mean to be rude but Ashley, she has no right to yell at you for slight way cheating. She slept with 3 guys behind your back. Three and then went on a sex rampage when you left her for a few months. When she begged you back, she so called changed and you went back to her. She’s trouble man.”

I look up at him with pained eyes. “Are you trying to call her a whore?”

“No! I’m just- Look, the point is as many times as she has cheated, she shouldn’t be as pissed.”

I stared at my hands and sigh. “That’s not how a relationship work, Chris. Cheating is cheating even if she has done that. It’s in the past, but what I’ve done is now.”

We sat there for a while until he spoke. “Either way it goes Ashley, it’s best if you tell her than have her get to that video first.” I nodded my head still silent. He pat my back. “I aint going to school tomorrow, skip with me. Give you time what to do. Couch is yours or my messy bedroom floor, k?”

I didn’t say anything.

What am I going to do?

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I end up sleeping on Chris’ couch but I only got literally 2 hours of shut eye. Up all night debating how to tell her, how to even confront her. I don’t even have the money to get a plane ticket to see her this weekend.

I sigh when I heard this disturbing smacking in the background. I sat up to face the kitchen to see him and his girlfriend going at it. I rolled my eyes.

“I’m still here Chris,” I said in a fake disgusted tone. He chuckled and pulled away from Lisa. She smiled and made her way over to me.

“How’s your body? Sore anywhere?”

“Just my ribs and my jaw but that’s it. Thanks Lisa.”

She pat my back and said no problem. I picked up my phone from off the floor and it buzzed in my hands. Caller I.D….it’s her.

I answered it on the first ring. “Hello?” I said softly.

“Oh hey boyfriend or should I even be calling you that?” Here it comes. “So who’s this Andy kid? Hm? Is this the fag you’re fucking and kissing on? I was right, I was completely right. I knew you were screwing someone while you’re away from me! And a boy Ash? A boy? You’re straight, so why are you even around a gay?!”

She kept talking and screaming in my ear. Chris and Lisa both went upstairs to give me privacy.

“Answer me!” She roared. I didn’t even listen to half of what she said to me but I came out and said what I did. I don’t got time to lie to her.

“I went to a party, had a few too many and you know how I get when I’m drunk and he was there and you wasn’t so I got touchy.”

She laughed on the other end of the phone. “So you had sex with him?!”

“No! No, I mean- it was leading there but Chris walked in and stopped me. I’m so sorry baby, I would never kiss or cheat on you with someone else ever again.” I sadden. She didn’t say anything but for a moment she snorted.

“You’re such a whore Ashley. Just like your father was.” I grip the phone and held it in not to yell at her but she hit me were it hurts. That was too far.

“You got some fucking nerve to call me some whore bitch.” I said like it was venomous. “We had this conversation before so you know what I’m talking about. My dick hasn’t been the only thing plowing you in this past year. It’s been several different guys whose been in and out of you and you come to me with this hollow cave you call a vagina. Yeah, I almost cheated on you but so did you about a million times!”

“Oh grow up Ash. That was in the past. We’re talking about now, the present. You were about to have sex with a guy. A guy, I mean at least I do it with the different gender!”

“What makes you think that’s okay? It’s okay for you to cheat but it’s a sin if I did so? Seriously? You sound stupid. Want to talk about my dad, I can talk about how lose you are just like your worn out mother. don’t you ever fucking dare talk to me like that ever again.” It went back and froth with me and her. Talking over each other.

“You keep my mother’s name out your mouth.”
“I’m so fucking sick of you!”
“….You’re out here having sex with some guy!”
“You don’t know what the fuck is …going on over here so just-”
“You’re worthless to me Ash, you’re dead to me.”
“I’m done! So done! We’re done!” I screamed and that shut her up.

“What?” She whispered.

“I’m done with you. Chris was right, you’re out here hoeing and when I do one small slip up, you raise hell. I’m done.. You’re fucking selfish, ignorant, and lets anyone in between your legs. It’s over.”

“Ashybear, come on baby…” She cried. I was close to the edge doing so as well but I held my ground. “You don’t mean that.” I didn’t say anything. “Ash, you didn’t mean that…”

“Goodbye Breanna”

I never used her whole first name ever and with that, I end the call. I threw my phone and I felt nothing. I felt numb. How is it that I’m not shaking in rage, throwing things across the room or calling her back to as her back?

I shouldn’t be calm like this, I broke up with a girl whose been by my side for almost a year.

I sat there for a few minutes before Chris came down to check on me. He sat next to me with a small smile then it faded when he notice my phone buzzing then lighting up saying 13 miss calls in the pass 3 minutes.

He knew and the realization hit me hard that I left her again. My knee started bouncing before tears left the corner of my eyes.

“I’m sorry man..”

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Andy found where Chris lives and he almost flipped on him. He’s been trying to get me to feel better but nothing worked. I felt numb and empty. This urge to call her but I cant, we’re not together anymore..

I had to deal with Andy cussing me out and saying how much I deserved to get beat. How I’m an asshole, stupid.

You’re with her and I don’t stand a chance.”

That’s that only thing that roams my head. Why, I don’t know but I shouldn’t had got drunk. Kiss him. Touch him. I wouldn’t be here feeling this empty. Now I don’t have Bre nor friends.

I was forced to go to school because Chris cant stand seeing me lay there on his couch half dead.

As soon as I enter the school, eyes were all on me. Great, it’s like elementary all over again. I ignored them and made my way to my locker to get books and folders. I drop my pencil so I bend down to get it all until someone push me on the ground and slam my locker.

“It’s Purdy boy! What a joy to see you!” A group of cocky guys and this tall built boy who surely looks like he plays football stood over me. He’s from my first block class who sat behind Andy and them. I didn’t say anything other than pick myself off the floor only to be pushed back down.

“I wont be moving if I were you. We’ll get that gay kid to come beat your ass with us” Him and his friend did this rough ‘manly’ laugh.. “We’ll make this quick.” He whispered before this sharp pain shot me in the groin.

It was kick after kick and the worst part is that no one stopped them, not even the teachers who are hiding in their rooms.

I felt my hair get pulled so they could slam my face into the locker once.

“Hey! Leave him the fuck alone!” I familiar voice boomed down the hall.

“Oh shit,” the tall football student said. “It’s one of Andrew’s friends.” They let go of my hair and darted off.

I lean my body against the wall of lockers as painful moan left my lips. My body ached. Ever since I came to this school, I’ve been constantly getting hit on, physically.

“Ashley? You okay? Breathe, man.” The voice said to me. It took me a few seconds it was Jake. I never really talked to Jake, he was always so quiet around others.

I tried to catch my breath the bell ringing scared me, causing me to freak out even more.

I got on my feet and shoved him out the way to go to my class. I literally had to drag 78 percent of my weight to class. I cant go home because my grandparent would be piss. Chris is at school so I have no choice but to stay here.

I enter the classroom and my heart stopped when I saw Andy staring at me with worried eyes. I ignored him. I walked pass their table and sat in the far back of the class alone. Everyone would whisper and point or look in my direction.

The only eyes I saw that actually care were Andy’s. I don’t understand why. After all I did to him, he has no reason to feel sorry about me. I don’t even feel sorry for myself.

The block was over and students left the room. I’m going to ask if I could stay in here a while longer. I had my ear buds in but had it pause of a while. I sat in my sit with my head facing the window as I thought about everything. I then heard CC and Andy whispering up front.

“Come on ‘Drew. Leave him alone.”

“C, someone hurt him. Jake just told me that the kids in this class who sits behind us basically beat him in the hall. I want to check on him.”

“He called you a whore Andy…”

“And you once called me a faggot but we’re still friends huh?”

“Andy look, what happen at that party with the whole you under him in bed meant nothing to him. Get over yourself.”

I heard footsteps and when I glance up, it was CC who left. Andy stared at me and I let my eyes connect with his. He made this indecisive face before he left the room.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I couldn’t stay in the classroom all day, I didn’t even bother to go to lunch or my other class. I sat in the media center to write in my notebook.

Not big on writing lyrics but I try sometimes. I’m somewhat good at it. I need something to keep my mind off Bre, Andy, and this pain from this morning attack.

It’s been shit for me here. Away from home about 2 months and counting and I already has lost my girl and my friends.

I heard the chair across from me being pulling. I didn’t bother to look up. It’s possibly just another group of kids about to torch me.

“Hey,” a deep husky voice spoke. I slowly poke my eyes up to see that one kid with the blue eyes.

The one I kissed in that bed, drunk and was about to have sex with.

I didn’t say anything.

“Can we talk, Ash?”