Our Faith Will Silence the Doubt

It's not the right thing to do. I shouldn't. It wouldn't be right. It'll fuck with his mind. He has a girlfriend and from the looks of it we're his only friends here right now. I'm not going to ruin that because of a stupid crush.

At least I think it's a crush. He's only been here for two days, but I feel like I know him. I've became better friends with him than I have with people I've known all of my life.

I sighed loudly and Ashley tapped on the table, getting my attention.

"You sure it was nothing?" He asked.

I faked a smile.

"Yeah. It's nothing, and I don't want to waste your time with my problems."

He put his hand on mine and I tensed.

"I'm your friend now Andy. We've only know each other for two days, but you can come to me."

"Thanks Ash."

He smiled lightly. His hand still rested on mine and my face grew hot. Please stop Ashley, you're making it worse.

I looked up to see the guys whispering and looking over. I looked at them with pleading eyes and they got the hint.

"So Ashley, got your first bad sub today. There happens to be a lot of them. Did you play your iPod?" CC said which caused Ashley to move his hand and look over at him.

I sighed of relief. As much as CC teased, he was still there when I needed him.

"Yeah, I played it. You guys were gone."

CC nodded they went back to normal conversation.

"This class is so boring!" CC shouted.

"I don't know, but class is almost over anyway." Jake said.

"Yeah. Thank fuck." I said leaning down and digging into my bag.

I got out one of my notebooks and started to write on the page.

You always want the one that you can't have cause love isn't always fair.

You were the best romance I never had. Cause love isn't always fair.

I sighed and tapped my pen on the page.

"Watcha writing?" Ashley asked me while peeking over, and trying to see over my hand.

I shut the notebook calmly, so he wouldn't question me about it.

"Nothing. Just notes."

"Notes? The sub hasn't made us do anything. C'mon you can show me."

"No I can't."

"Yes you can."

"No I can't."

"Yes you can!"

"Games fun love birds, but stop. It's annoying." CC said

"Love birds?" Me and Ashley asked at the same time.

"Just kidding as always. You're just acting like one of those cheesy couples on TV."

Jake nearly fell on the ground laughing and Christian tried to keep a straight face.

We both looked at them with a mix of awkwardness, anger, and confusion.

"Sorry guys." He shrugged.

I shook my head and started tapping my fingers on the desk.

"Andy?"

"Hmm?" I answered without looking up.

"Did I do something?"

"What do you mean?"

"After I looked up from my phone you just started getting gloomy. I haven't seen this side of you."

"Well you've only known me for a day or two. Nothing serious. Stop asking."

"Sorry."

I just left out a gust of air. Great. Now he thinks I'm mad at him. I needed help. CC and Jake are horrible with relationships, but Jeremy is a romancer.

Andy: Hey man you got a second?

Jeremy: in class but I can talk to you before lunch

Andy: okay. Thanks.

Jeremy: Sure buddy.

As soon as I put my phone up the bell rang. We all headed to lunch. Ashley, CC, and Jake went into the cafeteria, but Jeremy stopped me at the door.

"You wanted to talk about something?"

"Yeah. So...to put it plainly, I like Ashley."

"Oh that? I know, is there something else you wanted to tell me?"

"You knew?"

"Well duh. Everyone besides Ashley knows it and he'll get a clue soon."

I just looked stumped for a second.

"That's not what I wanted to talk about. Well it is, but it isn't."

"I know Andrew. You want to tell him but he had a girlfriend and all that crap. My advice is to try and move on. It's not right."

"Yeah. I was thinking the same thing. Looks like that's not happening."

"Sorry bro."

"Yeah. Now he thinks I'm am at him, but I'm not. I'm just a hopeless romantic."

He chuckled at me and shook his head.

"You'll be alright Biersack."

"I know Jer. I know."

He patted me on my back before we walked in and took our seats. Ashley smiled at me and I returned it. He patted the seat next to him and I gladly sat beside him.

"I want to apologize for acting bitchy. I don't know what was wrong with me." I said.

"I told you that you were on your period." CC said while rolling his eyes.

"Whatever Christian."

The day continued as normal. School had ended. Christian and I were on our way to my house. Ashley had to go help his grandparents at their store today so he couldn't come over.

Jake and Jinxx decided to pass too so it was just me and CC again.

We were sitting in my room when my dad walked in.

"Hey boys."

"Hey dad."

"Yo Mr. B."

"Christian, I wanted to talk to you about that drum set. I found one that's really cheap and you should ask your parents to call about it."

"They're not getting it for me. I've told every one this a thousand times."

"You never know."

He just smiled and walked away.

"Why can't me parents be cool like yours."

"Like he said. You never know."

We spent the night talking about random shit. No matter how hard I tried my mind always seemed to bring up Ashley. I looked up at Christian and examined his face. He always wore a bit of eyeliner. Maybe I could ask him for some.

"Hey C?"

"Yup?"

"Do you think I'd look okay with a little eye liner."

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Do you have yours on you?"

"Yup always."

"Can I use some."

"Do you know how to do it?"

"Dude I was the biggest fan of Kiss. If I can put on makeup like Gene then I can put on a tad of eyeliner."

He pulled it from his pocket and threw it to me.

I got up and went to the bathroom I stood in the mirror and applied the makeup. I stood there debating whether I liked it or not.

I went back to my room and stood in front of CC.

"What?" He asked.

I signed and thew my hands in the air.

"Here." I said while handing him back the eyeliner.

I sat on my bed thinking about what I could do to get Ash to notice me. The eyeliner thing obviously isn't going to work. CC didn't even notice and Ashley probably won't either.

CC was staring a hole into me.

"Why are you eye fucking me? Is there something on my face?"

"Have your eyes always been blue?"

I laughed.

"I guess. I mean they might change colors or something, but they've always been this color."

"Hmm wonder what it is?"

"Well you did just give me eyeliner."

"Maybe that's what it is. Makes your eyes pop."

"So Ashley might notice it?"

"Is that what this is about?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You just asked if Ashley would notice it."

"No I didn't."

"Yeah you did."

"Christian I did n–"

"Whatever Andrew. Look. I'm asking you to stop before you get your heart broken."

"It's not even that serious CC."

"You're making it seem that way."

"Well it isn't that way."

"Whatever bro. Look, I'm going home, but keep in mind that Ashley is private territory. It'd make you a home wrecker to mess up their relationship."

I wouldn't be a home wrecker. Would I? I mean you can't stop a person from falling for someone else. Because boy was I trying. I'm falling for a guy that I met two days ago who has a girlfriend and who doesn't even have an interest in guys.

Way to go Andrew. You've gotten yourself into another another situation.