The Only One

KELLIN’S POV

Vic was out of sight within a few seconds. What the hell was his deal? I had a feeling I knew, but I didn’t want to believe it was real.

I took off after Vic, running as fast as my legs would carry me. It took me what felt like 4 hours to finally reach his bus. How far had we walked? I stepped up in the bus and was greeted by an eerie silence. Mike, Tony, and Jaime were no longer there. They had probably gone over to hang out on my bus. I looked around for Vic, checking his bunk first. He wasn’t in it. Next I decided to check the bathroom. If he was going to do anything again, it would most likely be there.

The bathroom door was slightly ajar. I pushed the door open, and I think I literally heard my heart shatter at the sight in front of me. Vic was sitting on the floor with his hoodie a crumpled heap beside him. He was just staring at his hands, which were holding a shiny little razor blade. He was moving it around his fingers, like he was debating whether or not to put it to use. He never looked up at me, which told me he was so lost in his own mind, he hadn’t even heard me come in.

“Vic?” I said, hoping he would acknowledge my presence. Still nothing. I looked at his hands again. He now had the blade wrapped tightly in his hand. I let my eyes wander up to his arms, which were littered in scars and semi-fresh cuts. My throat tightened and my eyes blurred at the sight. I blinked a few times, taking in the sight, and my tears spilled over. I dropped to the floor in front of Vic and he finally looked up at me, looking shocked that I was there. “Why are you crying?” he asked me. I didn’t respond though. I took his hand in mine and unfolded it, revealing the blade. I took it out of his hand and layed it down on the floor beside our legs. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him close to me. He started crying really hard, to the point where sobs were escaping his chest. I pulled him even closer to me and he wrapped his arms around me, grabbing fistfuls of my shirt.

“Shh, Vic, calm down, it’s okay,” I whispered, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “No, it’s not! Y-you think I’m crazy! I’m sorry,” he said between sobs. “What? Vic, you’re not crazy. C’mon,” I said, scooping him onto my lap. I stood up with him still in my arms and carried him to the couch. I plopped down with him. He curled into my chest and continued to cry. We sat there for around fifteen minutes, him sobbing loudly, and me letting tears slip down my face silently.

He finally calmed down and looked up at me. My heart broke all over again. He looked so vulnerable and broken. His face was stained from the tears and his eyes were puffy and red. His hair was stuck to his cheeks and under his nose. He also looked really embarrassed at what had just happened. He had definitely not wanted me to know about his arms.

I pushed the hair off his face and brought my lips to his face, kissing away the few tears that were still falling down his face. I kissed all over his face, finally making my way to his lips, which I kissed over and over and over. When I broke away after a few minutes, he sniffled. “Vic, you listen to me, you’re not crazy. You’re perfect. Don’t ever tell yourself you’re crazy. Do you understand me?” I said to him, looking him straight in the eyes. He didn’t respond. I kissed him a few more times and looked him over, my eyes locking on his arms. There were so many scars. Thankfully none of them were fresh. Quite a few of them weren’t too old though.

He noticed me starring at his arms and folded them to his chest. I shook my head and pulled them away from him. I put them up to my mouth, ghosting my lips over his arms, before kissing every last one of his scars, even the ones that were from years ago. A few of tears fell down my face and onto his arm. I kissed all the up his shoulder, up his neck, to his jawline, and finally to his lips. I wanted to kiss every inch of his body. He deserved nothing less.

—

We sat there for a really long time in silence. I would occasionally kiss him in various places. He stayed in my lap until my legs fell asleep and I had to move him over beside me on the couch. He curled into my side and rested his head on my chest.

I figured he was probably exhausted from crying and all his emotions and didn’t want to tell me everything that was going on, so I just let him sit there in silence. I would get the information about everything later, but for now, I was just there to comfort him and not probe him for info.

We sat there for a good while longer and I noticed Vic’s breathing was evening out and his body was noticeably heavier against mine. I looked down and saw a sleeping Vic, his eyes still puffy and his mouth slightly open. I smiled at the boy beside me. How could someone so damn beautiful be so broken?

I scooped him up in my arms again and carried him to his bunk. I layed him down closest to the wall and scooted in beside him, pulling the covers over both of us. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he snuggled closer to me. I kissed his forehead then rested my chin on top of his head. I layed there for around an hour with a sleeping Vic. His body was so warm and the sound of his breathing calmed me. I soon found myself drifting off to sleep.

~~

I woke up and rolled over, reaching beside me. I expected Vic to be there but the spot he had been previously was cold and empty. I was really confused as to where he was. Everything looked really hazy and dim. My head felt clouded with a million thoughts, like some kind of black fog had seeped into my brain. I got up out of the bunk and every light was out except the bathroom light. The bathroom door was cracked a bit, sending a yellow line of light across my face. The light was unusually bright. Something felt really weird, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I heard a mixture of sobbing and moaning coming from the bathroom. I walked closer to it, but every step I took, the bathroom seemed to get further away from me. I got frustrated and started running, the bathroom still growing smaller in the distance.

Finally after around what felt like an hour or so of running, I reached the bathroom. The noise had become louder since I was closer, and I recognized it as Vic’s voice producing the sounds. What could he be doing in there? I tried pushing the door open, but it felt as if it weighed hundreds of pounds. I planted my feet in the ground and pushed with all my strength.

When the door finally opened, I saw a black shadow like thing sitting on the ground. Vic was sitting on top of it naked, bouncing up and down. Sure enough he was a moaning mess, but there were also tears streaming down his face. His arms were dripping with blood from cuts. He was having sex with this thing. He looked at me for a split second before throwing his head back with his eyes closed, moaning very loudly.

I couldn’t even process what was happening. My body started hurting. I felt like I was going to be sick. I tried screaming but no sound came out. The more I tried to scream, the louder Vic’s moans became. I tried to run too, but my feet were stuck to the ground. Vic finally looked at me, and when he did, his eyes were black and he said, “You can’t fix me,” while bouncing up and down faster.

~~

My eyes flew open. I was sobbing and sweating and every part of my body hurt. I felt as if I was about to puke. Vic was still laying beside, which calmed me for a brief second, before flashes of the dream entered my head. I jumped up and ran to the toilette, emptying the contents of my stomach.