Even the Sun Sets in Paradise

“Would you leave me alone?!” Layton cried as I followed him up the stairs and along the hall.
“No! Layton you can’t just walk away from everything!”
“Why the fuck not?”
“Because it doesn’t work like that. I didn’t plan for this baby; it’s the last thing I need right now. But I don’t have a choice. If I can’t escape from it, neither can you!” I felt tears of anger well in my eyes, but I just about managed to fight them back.
“What the hell am I supposed to do Jenna?! You won’t fucking talk to me. Whatever I do, it’s never good enough. Just because you’re fucking perfect, doesn’t mean we all are. Everything was fine until you got here, tell me, why did you actually move here? Why can’t you fucking go back to wherever the hell you came from?” I couldn’t listen to him anymore. Every word he spoke felt like a stab in the back. This was all my worst fears coming to life. I knew it wouldn’t be long until people started asking questions, but this was too much. My head was already all over the place because of the baby, but this just made everything a hundred times worse. It completely confirmed my fears that I didn’t really belong anywhere. No matter where I went, no one honestly cared about me. No one would ever show me the love I was yearning for. George had told me for so long how worthless and pathetic and unlovable I was, and just as I was finally starting to think he was wrong, Layton said that and sent me straight back to where I was before.
Forcing myself to move, I turned and ran to my room.
“Shit, Jenna!” Layton called after me. I heard him follow me up the second flight of stairs to my room.
“Jenna I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any of that.” He did. Why else would he say it?
“Please listen to me.” I was done listening to him.
“Fuck off, okay?!” I screamed, as he pushed his way into my room.
“Jenna I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean any of that!” he cried, stepping towards me and grabbing my wrists. I pulled my arms free, pounding my fists against his chest.
“Do you even know me Layton? Do you actually know anything about me?!” I yelled. He opened his mouth to speak, but was completely lost for words.
“The reason I moved here is because I have no one else! My father abandoned me when I was a baby. My mother met this new guy when I was six,” I started.
“Jenna, you don’t have to explain,” he muttered feebly. But I did. I had to explain myself to him.
“He was called George. He was an alcoholic and a drug addict. For nine years, he hit me and he yelled at me and he reminded me of every mistake I’d ever made. When I was eleven, he started to sexually abuse me,” I choked over the words, “My mum saw everything, but she didn’t care; she loved him and not me. George had turned her into someone I didn’t even recognise. She started smoking and drinking heavily and became hooked on drugs. A few months ago, everything got too much – I couldn’t do it anymore. I slit my wrists and I took an overdose. I honestly thought it would work…but it didn’t. I woke up in the hospital, praying that no one had found the note I left. But they did. My secret wasn’t a secret anymore. The police knew, social services knew…everybody knew. George got arrested and then there was the trial. There was evidence of the sexual abuse…but there was no evidence for the rest. My mum was the only witness and in court, she took his side, not mine. She denied everything, telling the court I was a liar. George got convicted for the sexual abuse, but not the rest of it. Once George was in prison, my mother disowned me, and Julie was the only person I had left,” I cried, tears streaming down my cheeks, “I was raped.” My heart skipped a beat as I realised what I had just said. I was raped. For the first time in my life, I’d managed to say those words. My legs went weak, and Layton quickly stepped forward, pulling me into his arms. I looked up and saw tears in his eyes and an overwhelming feeling came over me. I’d never seen him cry before.
“Jenna I’m so sorry,” he choked, his arms still wrapped tightly around me.
“It’s fine,” I muttered, and I wasn’t lying. I’d never been able to say that to anyone before, and I felt like I’d got a huge weight off my chest. Somehow everything had changed now. Something inside me clicked, and I suddenly felt like things would be a lot better between Layton and I now.
“Are you cold?” he asked, noticing me shivering. I nodded, and he released me from his arms, pulling back the bed covers and helping me in.
“Layton?” I asked nervously.
“Yeah?”
“Will you lie with me?” He looked nervous, but he nodded.
“Sure,” he smiled, cautiously lying down next to me. I wrapped my arm gently across his stomach, resting my head on his chest, and he wrapped his arm round my shoulder, pulling me closer. His warmth, along with the beating of his heart comforted me.
“Jenna I feel terrible. Like I don’t even know what to say,” he sighed.
“Seriously it’s fine; you had no idea.”
“You know that stuff I said a minute ago?”
“I know; you didn’t mean it.”
“Well there was one thing I meant,” he admitted.
“What’s that?” I asked, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“I do think you’re perfect.” I smiled, feeling butterflies in my stomach, because no one had ever said anything like that to me before.
“I’m far from perfect.”
“I find that hard to believe,” he said, “I think you’re an incredible person. I’d never be able to admit something like that. That’s really brave of you.”
“I’ve never told anyone before. Like of course people know because of the trial and stuff, but I’ve never actually been able to tell someone face to face before. Thank you for not judging me.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” he exclaimed, a single crease in his forehead, “Who else knows?”
“Obviously Julie, Dave and Ellis…and Mel found out a few days ago. Please don’t tell anyone.”
“Of course I’m not going to tell anyone,” he promised.
We lay in silence for a few minutes, my heart rate finally returning to normal, as I managed to clear my head.
“Aubrey,” I said quietly, tracing patterns on his chest.
“What?”
“I like the name Aubrey for a girl.”
“Do you know what I like? I like Donté for a boy.”
“That sounds chavvy, what about Lilly?”
“No, it’s too common.”
“Okay, how about Sydney?” We spent the next half an hour arguing over baby names and discussing the next scan and whether the baby would be a boy or a girl, before finally drifting off to sleep.