You're Still the One

“Oh God.” I groaned while retching into the toilet for the second time this morning. I felt like shit. I was sweating and I felt like my stomach was going to come up through my throat. This had been my morning ritual for the past week. I'd wake up, throw up, try and eat, and throw up again. I had lied when I told Billie we were 'safe' for another month, I was actually a week late when I told him that, now that one week had turned into two. I laid my head on arm, which was draped over the toilet bowl, trying to catch my breath. This can't be fucking happening. All the signs pointed towards pregnancy, but I couldn't bring myself to believe it. I took in a deep breath and got up off the bathroom floor and walked toward our bedroom to change clothes.

Billie was lounging on the couch, looking bored with whatever he was watching on TV. When I walked in the room. He sat up a little when I walked towards him and smiled.

“Hey sexy.” He greeted. I forced a little smile and sat down on the small coffee table in front of him. Billie frowned and sat up to where our knees were touching.

“Something wrong?” He questioned while turning off the TV. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.

“I need you to go down to Safeway for me.” I stammered. Billie raised his eyebrows.

“Oh okay, what do you need?” He asked while standing up. I chewed on my lip.

“I need...I need a pregnancy test.” I stuttered out. Billie's face paled and he sank back down on the couch. He stared down at his feet, then looked back up at me.

“I thought you said we were good for this month?” He inquired. I closed my eyes.

“I lied. I was a week late and now I'm two.” I confessed. Billie sighed and ran both of his hands through his hair.

“Why did you wait this long to say something?” He whispered. I chewed on my lip again.

“I don't know, scared I guess.” I said quietly. Billie nodded and stood back up.

“I'll be back, okay?” He whispered while leaning over to kiss my head.

I nodded and looked down at the floor. I barely even heard the front door close, I felt numb. How could we have been so stupid? We were so naive to think something like this couldn't happen. I sat there thinking about all the times we should have used protection and didn't. We had been so careless and now we might be responsible for another human's life.

~***~

Ten minutes passed and I was laying on our couch when I heard Billie come through the front door. He walked towards me with a plastic bag in his hand.

“Here.” He said while sitting the bag down on the table.I sat up and reached for the bag, looked inside and closed it.

“Guess it's time.” I whispered. I took a deep breath and stood up. I turned to walk towards our room and stopped. I bit my lip and turned back around.

“Billie, will you...” I paused. Billie walked towards me and grabbed my hand. “I'm right here, baby.” He reassured me. I nodded and walked towards the bathroom with Billie behind me.\

~***~
We sat there in silence on the side of the bathtub waiting for the three minutes to pass. My right leg was shaking out of nerves and I felt Billie rest his hand on my knee.

“Babe, stop it.” He commanded quietly.I groaned and put my face in my hands.

“How much longer?” I mumbled. Billie sighed.

“About a minute.” I closed my eyes.

“This is torture.” I whined. Billie ran his hand up and down my back.

“You okay?” He asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know.” I answered. Billie stopped moving his hand and moved my head to look at him.

“Hey, it's going to be okay.” He promised. I was about to try and smile when the timer beeped. I looked at the counter where the test laid, but didn't move. I stood up slowly and picked it up. I closed my eyes and sighed.

“You do it.” I whispered while putting the test in Billie's hand. He nodded and picked up the empty box off the floor and flipped it over.

“Okay, um, one pink line means negative, two means positive.” He read aloud. I nodded and waited for him to look. He held it up in front of him and squinted, then looked back down at the box. He was silent for a moment. The longest moment of my life.

“It's positive.” He whispered while moving his eyes from the box to me. I swallowed hard and inhaled slowly. Billie stood up and wrapped his arms around me.

“Are you okay?” He asked.I pulled away and nodded.

“I'm okay, just shocked I guess.” I said while sitting back down. I chuckled lightly.

“You'd think I'd be in tears right now but, I'm actually kinda...relieved.” I confessed looking up at him. Billie sat down beside me and kissed my cheek.

“I can't believe we're having a baby.” He whispered.

I laid my head against his shoulder. "I know, it seems surreal." I admitted.

“When do you think it happened?" He asked quietly. I exhaled and rubbed my hands over my thighs.

“If I had to guess, probably the night we moved in. That's the last time we didn’t use anything.” I explained to him. Billie whistled.

“Shit. I guess I didn't pull out as much as I should have, huh?” He asked. I rolled my eyes.

"I guess not considering you rarely did it anyway." I murmured while standing up and opening the bathroom door, motioning for him to follow. I walked towards our bed and laid down.

“We can do this, Jules.” He said while laying down next to me.

“I'm scared, Billie.” I whispered. “You’re about to go on tour.” I trailed off. Billie scooted closer.

“I'm still going to be here, baby. Fuck the tour. I'll stay here if that's what you want.” He stated. I smiled.

“Billie, you can't just stay here. Green Day is your life, and it's my life too. I couldn't ask that of you.” I said as I reached down and grabbed his hand.

"What if I miss something?" He mumbled. I grinned and kissed his knuckles.

"I'll be there with you as long as I can." I promised. Billie leaned forward and kissed me.

"Wanna know something?" I asked quietly. Billie nodded.

“We're going to be a family." I whispered. I watched as a smile crept to his face.

"We already are." He said while pressing his hand against my stomach.