You're Still the One

A week had past since the horrendous dinner. I felt sick just thinking about it. Dad tried to play off what he had said was an accident and said that it could have happened to anybody. Accident my ass. What he did was stupid, and definitely not an accident. To say that I was pissed was an understatement. I don't think I have ever been so humiliated in my life, my dad brought every single one of my insecurities to life in one fell swoop. Now I knew that my parent's must be on a mission from God, to punish me for whatever wrong I had done.This morning I had been complaining to my mother about how my car was still in the school parking lot. To my surprise, Ollie happen to be over just as I started complaining. We're repainting our guest room this week, and she and my mom were going over paint samples when she spoke up.

“Julie, you know Billie could fix your car for you.” She smiled warmly. I knew that she was genuinely being nice, and I loved Ollie like she was my own mother, but at this moment I wanted to slit her throat. The last thing I wanted was for Billie to do anything for me. I smiled weakly and replied,

“No, that's okay, I'll take it to a shop.” Ollie took a sip of her coffee.

“Oh no, I insist. That will cost you much more money than it should and Billie can do it for free. Billie's always been good with his hands ya know.” I blushed at her last comment. If she only knew how well I knew that she wouldn't be boasting about it. I started to decline her offer once again when mom stood up and asked if I could help her in the kitchen. Shit. Mom wanting you to “help” her in the kitchen never meant you were actually going to, I nodded and followed behind her. When we got into the kitchen and had made sure Ollie was out of hearing range she began to speak.

“Julie, she's just being nice.” I rolled my eyes.

“I know that, but Mom the last thing I want is for Billie to do anything for me.” She gave me a weak smile. Like I was a wounded puppy.

“Jules, I know that he hurt you and I understand that you feel uncomfortable around him, but you've got to move on. I've watched you get colder and colder since he left.” She placed her hand on my shoulder. “He's not the only boy you're ever going to love.” Those words cut through me like a knife and I suddenly felt like crying again. What everybody didn't seem to understand is that I didn't want to love anybody else. Sid had tried to set me up on a few dates here and there, but none of them made me feel like Billie did. Billie made me feel complete. Now I always felt like a part of me was missing.

~ *** ~

I finally had to agree to let Billie fix my car, after mom threatened that she'd have dad fix it with him. Not a chance in hell was that going to happen. We had it towed so it sat in front of our garage. I would have been happier if it stayed at the school, at least then I wouldn't have to “see” him doing this for me. Mom and Ollie were in the guest room painting, and thankfully dad had to work. The last thing I need is dad putting his foot in his mouth again. Billie started working around noon, just as the hottest part of the day was beginning. I actually felt bad for him. It was blistering hot and he was doing this for me with no pay. Mom practically had to threaten to ground me if I didn't take him something to drink. When I walked outside, all I could see was his torso from underneath the car hood. With every step I took I became more nervous. I hadn't seen Billie since the dinner fiasco and wasn't really sure how to react. I felt so stupid for being nervous around someone that at one time knew everything about me. Billie glanced at me from underneath the hood, and emerged just as I got to the passenger door. He looked up at me and I watched a bead of sweat drip off his nose. I wordlessly handed him the water. He took it from me eagerly. I watched him sit down on the little bench we had in front of my mother's flower bed. When he finished the water, he placed the cup next his foot and pulled a cigarette from his pocket. I was about to go back inside when he called out,

“I knew it was you, ya know.” I turned back around so that I was looking into his eyes.

“Knew what?” I questioned. He smirked while lighting his cigarette.

“I knew it was you coming out here. When you walk, sometimes you shuffle your feet.” He said with the cigarette between his lips. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at my feet.

“Everybody does that.” I said softly. I could feel him staring at me once again.

“Maybe, but you still do it.” He said while continuing to smoke as he stood up from the bench and went back under the hood. “ Ya know, when we were younger it use to annoy the piss outta me, but then I started to use to my advantage.” I smiled a little and sat down on the bench.

“Oh really? How?” He chuckled a little while stubbing out the remainder of his cigarette and replied,

“How do you think I won all those games of hide and seek? I always heard you coming.” He laughed. God I had missed that laugh. It sounded so familiar and normal. I hadn't heard it in so long I had almost forgotten what it sounds like. Billie's laugh was something I thought I could never forget. We continued talking for a while, we were laughing about the time we ate a whole bag of Halloween candy and threw up all over our neighbor, we nicknamed, “The Grouch.” I felt like we had gone back in time. As if the last eight months never happened. That all came to a screeching halt when Billie asked, “Babe, could you hand me that wrench?” I stopped laughing and froze. Billie hadn't called me “babe” since the night we broke up. It was sort of his pet name for me. Billie closed his eyes as if he was hoping he hadn't really said it, opened them and looked at me. He rubbed the back of his neck and attempted a smile. “Sorry, uh, slip of the tongue I guess.” I was immediately brought back to reality with my pet name being used. I felt very uncomfortable and slowly stood up, taking his empty glass with me. I muttered, “Thanks for fixing my car” and went back inside, not taking another glance at him.